Disclaimer: I do not own Blindspot. More like it's the other way around… I've come to realize that THEY own ME. :)
He was right when he said that this place was peaceful, she thought, looking at the snow covered landscape outside the car. There wasn't a manmade structure in sight, and she imagined that in warmer weather, the place was beautiful in a whole other way. When she looked at him beside her, it seemed like he was somewhere else, probably remembering the previous time he'd been there… Or had there been more than once when he'd been here since he'd buried her a few months before? Of course, she didn't know that much about his life since she'd come back to the FBI, but given the length of the drive and the fact that Kurt was rarely ever not working, it seemed unlikely that he'd been there too many times. Either way, it didn't really matter, she supposed.
This time, Jane spoke first. "Do you want to…?" she began, looking at him with concern. Yes, he'd been more at peace since he'd had the chance to "talk" to Taylor, but this still wouldn't be easy for him.
"Yeah," he whispered, not moving.
"Do you want me to wait here? I don't mind," she assured him. She didn't know how far of a walk it was going to be, and she preferred not to stay there alone, but if that was what he wanted, she would do it, no questions asked.
"Absolutely not," he replied, looking up at her in surprise. "Actually, it's… a relief that I don't have to be here alone. And honestly, I can't think of anyone else that I'd rather have here with me."
His words tugged at her heart in a way that she hadn't expected. There was nothing she could do to fix this for him, of course, but if it helped him that she was there, then all the better. Being there was one thing she could do… but only if he was sure that that was what he wanted.
The pained look on his face, which he tried to force into something that resembled a smile, matched the look on her face as well. He squeezed her hand again and then, looking down towards her feet, his face clouded over, as if something had just occurred to him.
"Maybe you should stay here," he reconsidered slowly. "The snow here's going to be pretty deep, and your boots… well, we've already proven a few times that they're not exactly meant for deep snow."
Jane shook her head stubbornly. "No," she argued immediately. "If you want me there, I'm going with you. I'll be fine. It's not as though you were planning to stay for a long time, right? In this weather, and with the drive ahead of us?"
He shook his head slowly. Not having thought about it in more detail than going to Taylor's grave, he supposed that she was right about that much… Still, he didn't like her knowingly putting herself at risk of frostbite like that, since they already knew her boots would end up filled with snow.
"I have spare socks that I can change into when we get back. And we have heat in the car, and a full tank of gas, and there's no blizzard happening… It'll be fine," she insisted.
"Frostbite is nothing to play around with," he contended. The thought of knowingly putting her in danger when there was a choice to do otherwise made him very uncomfortable. This wasn't life or death. He wanted her to be there with him, but if he asked this of her, that was just him being selfish. He could do it alone… he just didn't want to.
"Or, you know, I can just hop on your back and you can carry me up the hill…" she told him, rolling her eyes at the ridiculousness of the idea.
Kurt, however, stopped and looked up at her. It sounded crazy, sure, but sounding crazy had never been a reason to discount an idea in the past, if it was doable and accomplished their goal in a way that involved no more than an acceptable risk.
She saw the look on his face, and her mouth opened in surprise. "I was kidding, Kurt… Hey… You're not going to carry me on your back up the hill, in the snow…"
"Why? You don't think I can?" he asked, smiling ever so slightly. "That sounds like a challenge."
"No, I…" Realizing that she had just convinced him to go through with her crazy suggestion, which hadn't actually been a serious suggestion at all, she sighed in defeat. He was impossible.
"I'm not talking you out of it, am I? No matter what I say?" she asked, knowing exactly what he was going to say.
"Nope," he said, a hint of a grin on his face.
"You know this is crazy, right?" she asked him in one last attempt to change his mind.
"Yep," he replied, not bothered in the least. "That's never stopped us before." Her head bobbed from side to side, thinking back on various examples of exactly that. He had a point.
"Here, put on the rest of your gear," he reminded her, pulling their hats, scarves and gloves out of the bag he'd placed on the back seat and handing her the a set. "No more going out in the snow half dressed." Their eyes met, and for a few seconds they both flashed back to Jane, barely dressed for cool weather, much less the blizzard in which he'd found her in his backyard. She looked down, embarrassed, and he squeezed her hand. "Come on, just put it on, Jane," he coaxed her, letting go of her hand so he could do the same.
Laying the bright pink flowers, that she had been holding against her, carefully in her lap, she slowly put on the hat, scarf and gloves, the memory of that night, of standing numbly in the cold where Kurt had found her, fading only gradually from before her eyes.
When he'd assured that she had, he took the key out of the ignition and opened his door, the cold wind immediately making both of them shiver. "Stay right there for a second," he said, stepping out into the snow that was not as deep as he'd expected. Then again, they were just barely off the road, and this section had probably been driven on, packing the snow down, at some point before being snowed on again. He had no allusions about being so lucky about the rest of the short walk up the hill, and he stuck to his plan.
Once on the passenger side of the car, he opened Jane's door for her and couldn't help but smile when she looked up at him, getting out and looking down at the snow around their feet in surprise. "It's not that deep," she said. "I'll be fine in this."
"It's going to be deeper on the hill, away from the road," he maintained. "And it will be a lot harder to get you up on my back over there… here we have the advantage of the car."
She'd thought he might change his mind, but no, he was sticking to the plan to carry her on his back. This is just… weird, she thought.
"Step up on there," he said, pointing to the bottom of the door frame, "It'll give you a little advantage." She did as she was told, and suddenly she was standing in front of him, her face slightly above his.
"So this is what it's like to be taller than you," she said in amusement, leaning down towards him and stopping when their faces were an inch or so apart. Smiling at her, he leaned forward to give her a quick kiss on the lips, then leaned back and looked at her thoughtfully.
"It's your first piggy back ride, isn't it?" he asked. After all, it wasn't exactly something you ever did as an adult.
"That's what it's called? Why, yes it is," she replied with a smile. "So… what do I…?" She honestly didn't have a clue how they were going to do this.
"I turn around, and then you just sort of climb onto my back," he told her. Seeing her look at him skeptically, he just smiled. "You'll see," he told her, turning around and taking a step back, so that he was standing almost right up against her.
"So now…?" she asked certainly, putting her hand on his shoulders.
Bending his knees to bring himself even lower, he said, "Hold on around my shoulders, and just pull your legs up on either side of my back. Kids do this all the time, I swear. It's perfectly fine."
It's probably a little different when kids do it, she thought, biting her lip and slowly trying to follow the steps he'd just given her, feeling extremely self-conscious.
She wound her arms around the front of his neck, leaning forward against him and feeling herself suddenly up in the air, bending her knees so that she could push them against his sides as he lifted her up. It was a strange sensation, that much was for sure, but she quickly realized that the best thing about this arrangement was that she was able to – no, that she had to – hold onto him as tightly as possible.
I could get used to this, as weird as it is, she thought. He turned around to pick up the flowers from the dashboard, where she'd set them carefully, moving slowly not because she was heavy, but because he didn't want her head to accidentally bump against anything. After closing the car door, ensuring that it was locked, he turned his face to hers, which was just over his shoulder, their cold cheeks brushing together ever so slightly.
"You okay?" he asked.
"Are you okay?" she asked in return. "I'm not the one carrying a person on my back."
He chuckled at her, and the fact that she found it to be such a big deal. "I'm fine," he replied. "You're suspiciously light. Obviously, I need to work on getting you to eat more." Her eating habits were a sensitive subject, though with him it was less so than with anyone else. Still, the mention of them brought her back to the frustration of the lasting effects of her CIA imprisonment. She knew that he was only expressing concern for her well-being, and she loved him for it, even more so when he leaned over to kiss her on the cheek.
"Can you hold onto these, and not fall?" he asked, holding up the flowers as high as he was able. It would be better if he could hold onto her legs behind her knees, just in case.
"I think so…" she replied. Reaching down, she took them from him carefully, returning her arms to the circle she had made around his neck. It wasn't strictly necessary, but it was a nice excuse to hold on tightly to him.
"Okay, let's give this a try," he said, turning to walk slowly up the hill that sloped up gently in front of them. Neither of them spoke as they made their way through snow that, as Kurt had said it would be, was far deeper than it had been where they'd parked. It was definitely deeper than her boots, and he was glad that he'd insisted on giving her a piggy back ride.
It only took a few minutes before they were there, just over the crest of the hill and overlooking a valley. She could see a modest headstone, half buried in the snow, only the name 'Taylor Shaw' visible. He came to a stop just in front of it, and then, standing as carefully as he could, he braced himself with his left foot while using his right to push snow out of the way to create a small area in which he could put Jane down and not have her boots immediately be deep in the snow.
Once he was satisfied with the small circle he'd made, he turned and carefully lowered her into it, then using his right foot to expand the cleared area several feet to the left, across the space in front of the headstone. Bending down, she watched as he brushed the snow carefully from in front of the marker, so that more text was visible – the dates of her birth and death. Well, technically the second date was the day she'd disappeared. Since he couldn't know exactly when she'd died, Kurt had had the stone made using the date that he had lost her.
Looking down at it, the feeling of loss hit him all over again, and he had to take a slow, deep breath to remain composed. Turning slightly to Jane, he saw the flash of pink as she held the bouquet of flowers, which Sarah had so thoughtfully bought for the occasion, out to him. He took them, unwrapping the paper from around the bunch but leaving the thick, white ribbon that was wrapped around them inside it. He was so absorbed in where he was, he barely even noticed when Jane reached out and took the paper from him. Kneeling down slowly, he felt the tears in his eyes quickly appearing out of nowhere, as he was overwhelmed once again by a wave of grief.
He laid the flowers down in front of the headstone, the pink petals a striking contrast against both the white of the snow and the gray of the marble. It seemed fitting that the flowers seemed to inject life into such a somber landscape – not unlike how Taylor had injected light and happiness into his world for those few years that she had been there.
Just as he was getting lost in his thoughts, which were swirling faster and faster, threatening to overtake him, he felt Jane's hand on his right shoulder, bringing him back to the present time. Glancing up over his shoulder to where she stood, slightly behind him on his right, he saw the sad smile on her face, and he reached his left hand across his chest, bringing it to rest on top of hers. Looking back down at Taylor's name, etched in stone for eternity, he felt a hollow ache in his chest.
And then, as if she was standing somewhere nearby, he heard the words in his head once again.
I don't want you to remember me and be sad. Not anymore.
You've already put yourself through so much… And you never deserved any of it. But it's going to be okay…
You did not fail me. You need to stop telling yourself that…
It's time to let it all go.
His head dropped to his chest, and what little composure he'd had left was suddenly gone. Though he'd told himself he was ready to be there, he realized only too late that it would have been impossible to be truly ready. He'd been there when they'd buried her, a few months ago, with Sarah, but it hadn't been the same. He'd been in shock, he'd been angry… he hadn't been ready to feel it. But now, and especially after the past few days, he felt it – all of it.
All of a sudden he found himself on his knees in the snow, doubled over, feeling the pain in his chest overwhelming him. He gasped for breath, choked sobs escaping him unevenly and his tears only just moving quickly enough down his cheeks to avoid freezing on his skin.
Jane watched in dismay, feeling completely helpless. It was all understandable, and yet, it was so hard to watch this man who was usually the pillar of strength, who she cared so much about, in so much pain. She crouched down beside him, putting her left hand gently on his right shoulder and squeezing just hard enough that he knew that she was there.
He didn't respond, but she remained there, moving her hand across his shoulders, back and forth. After a few minutes he seemed to catch his breath, quieting down but remaining on the ground. "Kurt," she whispered. There was still no response. She knew that he was in there somewhere, and that his reaction was understandable, but she was still worried.
Keeping her hand on his shoulder, she looked up at the headstone in front of her. Her feelings were complicated, of course. Once again, she wished that she could have gone back in time and stopped Bill Weller, all the while knowing very well that if she could have, she wouldn't be there. It was a war in her head that there was simply no winning. The idea that she couldn't go back and undo it made her angry, and yet the thought of what her own reality would have been if she could have stopped him from killing Taylor made her sad for herself.
Feeling him shift beside her, she looked up at him. His eyes were rimmed with red and his face was drawn. Basically, he looked every bit as miserable as he probably felt.
"You're going to freeze," she told him softly, looking down at his knees, which had been digging into the snow at their feet for more than a few minutes now.
Honestly, he hadn't noticed the cold, but looking down at his knees now, he suddenly realized just how cold his legs were from the knees down. Jane's hand left his shoulder, her hand tracing down his right arm softly until it reached his right hand. She wasn't strong enough to pull him up if he didn't want to stand, of course, but when she stood up, tugging at his hand to urge him upward, she felt him shift reluctantly, slowly pulling himself to his feet. As soon as he did, she threaded her arm around his waist, holding on tight, and looking up at him with concern.
There was nothing she could do, and she knew it. Despite what he had said before about wanting her to be there, she felt guilty just for being there – after all, she was there because Taylor wasn't.
It's not that simple and you know it, she reminded herself. Besides, if you weren't here, it wouldn't mean that Taylor would be, it would just mean that Kurt was here alone. Taylor did not die because of you. Looking up at him, she felt a protective instinct kick in. She couldn't imagine letting him be there alone… He'd already been through so much, and all she wanted was to somehow make it better. She just wished that she knew what to say, what to do.
Kurt stared down at the pink flowers for what felt like a long time, just focusing on the sharp contrast between the pink of the petals and the white of the snow. He felt Jane's arm around him, but he couldn't bring himself to react. It was all he could do to keep himself upright just then. Slowly, however, the crushing feeling in his chest began to subside and he managed to lift his arm up around Jane's shoulders, leaning against her with more force than he usually would have.
Jane shifted, feeling his arm around her shoulders as he leaned against her. It was unusual, because it seemed to her like he was the one who was usually holding her up, and it felt good that she could return the favor this time. Her head dropped against his shoulder, and seconds later, his head fell slowly until it rested against hers.
They stood there long enough that she felt him begin to shiver, and she hoped that she could convince him that it was time to go.
"Kurt, you're freezing," she whispered, feeling him nod his head against hers, but otherwise not moving. "Are you ready to go?" she asked hesitantly. "I don't want to rush you, but…"
He looked down at her, smiling tiredly. "I know," he whispered, turning his head to lean his face into her hair, holding his face there for a few seconds before leaning back. "I'm ready," he told her quietly.
She started to take a step, but he caught her arm before she had a chance. "Hey, what are you doing?" he asked her in surprise.
"Going back to the car?" Jane replied uncertainly. "You just said you were ready to go."
"Jane, the snow's really deep here, remember?" He asked her seriously.
It suddenly dawned on her what he was talking about, and she shook her head. "Kurt, you're exhausted. I can walk, it's fine—"
"Nope, not happening. You can climb on my back, or I'll just carry you in front of me, like I did when I found you out in my backyard." They both stood and stared at each other for a few seconds, arms crossed over their respective chests, neither willing to relent.
She couldn't believe what she was hearing. This was ridiculous. He'd just had an emotional breakdown, and now he wanted to carry her down the hill through the snow? As much as she wanted to just go along with him because she knew how emotionally worn out he was, she couldn't help but think that he wasn't thinking clearly. Looking at him with a glare that was harder than she'd intended, she didn't even realize she was shaking her head. To her surprise, suddenly he was smiling at her.
He knew she didn't understand why he was smiling at her, and with such intensity – he watched her face change slowly from a scowl to confusion.
"What?" she barked finally, unable to stop herself from asking. "Why are you smiling at me? I'm, like, the worst person in the world. You just broke down at Taylor's grave and now I'm not only giving you a hard time, I'm actually angry at you."
Shaking his head, he simply couldn't stop smiling at her. "You remind me of her," he said softly. "So stubborn, so strong… and I know you're only mad because of how much you care, by the way."
She'd felt badly about the way she was acting, and now she felt worse. Her head dropped so that she was staring at the snow by her feet, and her face tightened. Why are you being so nice to me when I'm being so horrible to you? she wanted to scream.
"Come on," he said simply, "humor me. Please? Besides, you know that saving people is kind of my thing. I can't help it… " Then, realizing who he was talking to, he quickly added, "I know you don't need saving. You can do it all on your own. But if you don't have to, then… Why?"
When she finally looked up, slowly, he winked at her, and a quick laugh slipped out of her against her will. Her face clouded back over in mock annoyance, but she really couldn't help herself. She simply couldn't be mad at him for this.
"Because you don't have to, you know," he continued. "I like to help you just as much as you like to help me," he finished quietly, turning to face her and putting his hands on her shoulders. Finally, she looked up at him again.
"Okay, fine," she sighed. "Just… one second." Kurt nodded and then watched as Jane turned and crouched down in front of the gravestone, closing her eyes.
Taylor, I'm sorry, she thought, trying to unravel all of the things she wanted to say. I'm sorry for what happened to you. I'm sorry that I… tried to take advantage of Kurt's memory of you… well, I mean, it wasn't me, but… I apologize on behalf of Remi, even though she wouldn't be sorry. If it's any consolation, your memory made Kurt into a wonderful man, and I promise to look out for him. I guess that's all I can do. We'll come back here again, that much I'm sure of.
Unable to think of anything else, she pushed herself back up and stood beside Kurt, who was now facing Taylor's gravestone once again, staring at the pink flowers. His right hand found her left without taking his eyes off of Taylor's name, and he squeezed it. Just the fact that she felt like she had something to say to Taylor, who she'd never met, said a lot about her, and it only made him love her more.
Still holding onto Jane's hand, he took a step forward with his left foot and placed his left hand on top of the smooth stone, closing his eyes. Behind his eyelids, he saw flashes of Taylor, as he had back at the house, appearing and disappearing in milliseconds until finally, he saw her imagine floating before his eyes, looking like she had in that last vision, or whatever it had been, when he'd talked to her.
"You're going to be okay, Kurt," she told him, and he couldn't help but smile. He'd been saying that to Jane for as long as he'd known her, after all.
Opening his eyes again and stepping back, he turned back to Jane. "So which one's it going to be?" he asked her.
Rolling her eyes at him, she just shrugged. "Alright then, I'm choosing," he said, and without any further hesitation, he scooped her up in one fluid motion, once again with one arm under her knees and one arm around her back. When she found herself in his arms so quickly, all she could do was look at him in surprise.
"Pretty smooth, huh?" he asked, grinning at her.
"I'll say," she replied, leaning her head against his chest. She had to admit, she did not hate being this close to him.
With that, he started walking slowly back towards the car, backtracking through the single trail of footprints that he had left on the way there. It was slow going once again, but they made it without mishap. He balanced against the car, managing not to drop her as he got the keys out of her pocket, then unlocked the doors and opened hers. Only then did he set her down, slowly, and if she didn't know better, she would have said he did so reluctantly. Suddenly, standing on the ground, even directly in front of him, she felt very far away from him.
"Thanks," she said simply, smiling as she climbed back into the car, and he walked back around to the driver's side. In seconds he had the car started and the heat going again. It was only then that he realized for the second time how cold he was – the legs of his jeans were still wet from the snow, and they'd almost frozen in the cold air.
"You're shivering," she said with concern, but he shook his head dismissively.
"I'm fine," he replied, which only earned him a skeptical look from her. "No, really. The heat's on, my pants will dry, and we're on our way home. It's fine." Looking up at the sky, he said, "See? No clouds. Mother Nature and I have an agreement about today. She said we'd had enough bad weather on this trip, and that we were going to have smooth sailing on the way back."
"You say bad weather as if it was a bad thing," Jane said innocently, then watched as a smile crept slowly across his face.
"Oh, it definitely wasn't all bad," he replied with a grin, shifting into Reverse and turning around so they could get back on the road.
"Thank you for letting me do this with you," Jane said hesitantly, looking back out in the direction of Taylor's grave. She couldn't help but think back to the day that he'd told her. His voice had been full of bitterness, even hatred, directed at her.
"I exhumed her body in secret and buried her. Somewhere peaceful. My team knows. Sarah knows. Taylor's family is gone now. And so is her killer. So I don't see what good the truth will do anyone else."
She still remembered how deeply the words had cut through her – my team knows. She remembered how much it had hurt to know that she wasn't part of his team. As much as it had hurt that day, it felt equally strong now, but in a good way, somehow... even though that didn't really make sense.
Still, as she sat and remembered his face when he'd told her about burying Taylor, she had to look over at him to reassure herself that he didn't still have that look on his face, the one that he'd had that day. It had been the look that had held her back from him with only his eyes, that had told her just how much he didn't trust her, how much she'd hurt him.
When he looked back at her now, however, there was only kindness, and she relaxed against her chair.
"Thank you for being here with me," he told her sincerely. It was hard to imagine how it would have felt if he'd been there alone… at the gravesite, or that whole weekend, really. Luckily, he didn't have to know for sure.
Reaching up to play with the radio in an attempt to find something to listen to – they were pretty far out, after all – she settled on a mid-tempo song that, not surprisingly, she didn't recognize, turning the volume down slightly, so that it was just background noise. She wanted to ask him if he was still planning to go into the office when they got back into the city – which, according to her calculations, was going to be between 4:00 and 5:00 pm – and yet she simultaneously didn't want to ask him, for several reasons.
First, she didn't want the trip to end, and talking about work would be admitting that it was really and truly over. Secondly, she had a feeling that his answer was yes, he was going into the office, and she just didn't want to hear him say it. Most people would assume that, since it was the end of the day, that going into work wasn't worth it. Kurt, of course, would have no such thought. After taking several days off, she wondered if he'd go in and work all night.
And so she sat quietly and stared out the window. She wanted to talk to him, but she couldn't think of anything to talk about besides the exact subject she was trying to avoid.
Jane was quiet, he'd noticed, and he decided that she was probably nervous about how things would go back at home, after everything that had happened between them in the past four days. He was just as quiet, the events of that weekend swirling together in his head.
They were about halfway home when Jane reached back behind his seat and pulled out the bag of food that Sarah had packed for them. The first thing Jane pulled out were some rather gourmet looking sandwiches – ham and cheese with mayonnaise, lettuce, tomato and avocado on thick, soft wheat rolls. "Wow," Kurt said in wonder after finishing the first bite, "Once again, I never thought I'd see the day when I was impressed with Sarah's culinary skills."
"It's probably best that she's not here to hear you say that," Jane remarked with a smile. She didn't disagree however.
After they ate, they fell back into silence – not an awkward one, but the silence of two people who each had a lot on their minds. The radio played softly in the background, as Jane stared out the window and tried to will herself not to think. It was exhausting, and she wished she could just sleep the rest of the way home. While she had fallen asleep in Kurt's car on several other occasions in the time she'd known him, this time sleep refused to come.
He'd glanced over at her and seen her staring out the window more times than he could count, so when they were about an hour from home – well, from Manhattan, anyway – and he heard her shift in her chair, he felt an unexpected sigh of relief escape him when he saw that she had turned toward him. Looking back at the road, he had the sensation that she was continuing to watch him, and when he glanced back again and saw that her eyes still on him, he couldn't help but smile at her.
"You okay?" he asked her. It was the first thing either of them had said in what felt like a long time. Even when they'd passed the stretch of highway where they'd been stranded a few days before, Kurt had decided not to point it out.
Nodding slowly, as if she was still trying to decide, she finally said, simply, "Yeah." Then a second later, she looked at him and asked, "You?"
The expression on his face wasn't quite a smile, but it wasn't a frown, either. Like her, he seemed to think about it before answering, taking a few seconds before nodding. "Yeah. Contrary to what it might have seemed like this morning…" He had finally thought back to what had happened by Taylor's grave, and even though Jane had been the only other person there, he felt self-conscious about having broken down.
She reached across the console then, her hand landing on the arm of his jacket just above his elbow, squeezing slightly. After a moment's silence, she said, "The only thing it seemed like was that she was important to you." Grateful for the excuse to stare straight ahead, he kept his eyes on the road, nodding slightly, feeling the tension in his face increase as he struggled to keep his composure.
Even though he knew that she didn't think any less of him, her words were comforting nonetheless. His right hand slid off of the steering wheel, down toward the console between them, and her hand immediately moved in response, sliding down his arm until it reached his hand. Their fingers interlocked, and in response, he felt like he could breathe a little easier. However it worked, this effect she had on him was like her superpower.
Their hands rested on the console between them, and Jane couldn't help but feel like he was frustratingly far away, and that the ride had taken far more than the just over three and a half hours that they'd driven so far. Of course, that could have had something to do with the fact that, besides the hours when Kurt had stayed up and played video games with Sawyer, she hadn't spent nearly this much time this far away from him since they'd arrived in Clearfield on Saturday evening.
Seventy-two hours ago. That was all it had been.
When she felt him squeeze her hand, she realized that she'd been lost in her thoughts once again, even though she was turned toward him in her seat.
"Do you want me to drop you off at your place?" he asked hesitantly. Not because he wanted to, but… well, she lived there, and it seemed like the logical place for her to go…
"Are you going to the office?" she asked, avoiding the question.
Nodding, he glanced at her and replied, "Yeah, at least for a little while. See what's come up over the weekend, if anything." Her head bobbed slightly in acknowledgement, and he noticed that she'd avoided his question. "Does that mean you'd rather go to the office with me? Because I'm not sure how much there is to do there, or how long I'll be…"
Looking in his direction, but not at him, she shrugged. "I know… and that's fine. I'm just… not ready to go back to my safe house." If she had her way, of course, she'd avoid it for as long as possible. It was going to be especially hard to readjust to being there after the weekend that she'd had.
She wasn't exactly saying what was on her mind, but to Kurt it was crystal clear. There were two things at work here. Not only was she worried about being back in New York and what that would mean for them, but there was also the issue – he was fairly sure, anyway – of the deafening silence of her safe house.
"Hey, I'm not going to complain about having you around," he said with a grin, attempting levity. Glancing at him with a nervous smile, she felt relief at the thought that she had put off going "home" – not that that was a word she'd use for it – a little longer. After that they drove in comfortable silence, arriving at the office just when people who worked more conventional hours were getting ready to go home, just before 5:00pm.
Once he'd parked in the garage, they got out of the car and stretched, walking around from their respective sides and meeting in the middle, once again drawn towards each other as if by magnetic force. Before they could give it any thought, his arm was around her shoulders, and hers was around his lower back. Just like that, they made their way slowly to the elevator just inside the building. As soon as the metal doors closed in front of them, Kurt turned and put both of his arms around her, a gesture that she echoed, and for the thirty seconds for so that it took to get to their floor, they stood just like that, holding on to each other.
Just before the elevator dinged and the doors opened, he leaned back just enough to kiss her forehead, then stepped back the rest of the way.
No matter that he'd done it quite a few times already, the kiss he planted on her forehead made her stomach flip flop excitedly. It was one more reassurance that even though they were back home, nothing had changed.
In those final seconds of privacy, both of them dropped their arms reluctantly from around the other and, after one last glance into each other's eyes, they turned to face the elevator doors as they opened, wondering what level of chaos they would find.