A/N: lololol I go back and re-read what I wrote sometimes and I wonder to myself: WHY DO YOU PEOPLE STILL READ WHAT I WRITE? Sometimes I catch some AWFUL spelling, or badly-written sentences and I CRINGE.

I AM SO SORRY.

love,

-TWiM

Chapter 36 - Mamma Mia!

Quinn can honestly say that the only thing she's missed about Lima is the people. While in New York, she could only think how this reminded her of Santana and that reminded her of Brit. She thought about Devin when she and Rachel visited a coffee shop that Rachel believes makes the best coffee ever.

Being home means she can see these people she missed dearly.

She could even say she missed her mother. She hates admitting it, even if it's to herself, but when she gets to Lima that evening and drives in front of her old home, she's surprised and a little disappointed that it still looks empty.

Well, regardless of where her mother is, she's happy she gets to hang out with her friends. She's texted them to ask if they'd be willing to meet for dinner and they all agreed, including Sam who's visiting again for the break. He's overstaying since his classes returned yesterday, but he assured Quinn that his mom asked him to move his flight to the next morning.

When Quinn arrives at the Italian restaurant in town, -Breadstix - she sees Sam first. He's already there, dressed in jeans and a maroon shirt with a baseball cap on backwards. He stands, grinning from ear to ear and opens his arms wide to hug her. "Oh, Q," he says, "I missed you."

She laughs against his chest, "I missed you, Sam. Where's Devin? How's school?"

Sam laughs heartily and doesn't even seem offended she wondered about Devin first. "She's coming straight from work. But you know, I had a talk with my father about dropping out..." He mentions. It's the first time they hang out in a while but Quinn clearly remembers that he wasn't completely sure about following his father's footsteps and going to med school. Not that he couldn't - Sam is a bright guy, but his heart just isn't in it. His true passion is music.

Quinn steps away to sit on the waiting bench next to him, "really?" She asks and unwillingly grimaces, hoping his father took it well. "What'd your dad say?"

He sighs and lifts the cap just enough so he can run a hand through his hair, "eh, said that he doesn't think it's wise but they support me anyway." He shrugs.

Quinn beams, "Sam! That's great! You can focus on your music. Isn't that what you wanted?" Her heart soars for her friend because she knows for a fact that doing something you hate forever weighs you down. Her father never wanted to be an accountant but that's what his father was before him, so that's what he did too. He was miserable.

"Yeah," he smiles sheepishly. "I just want to be able to provide for my family eventually, you know? My dad's right. I need a backup plan, at least, if it doesn't work out."

Quinn's proud of him anyway for even bringing it up with Dr. Evans. She's about to tell him that when Santana and Brit come in, hand-in-hand, both giggling into each other. Her attention diverts from Sam as she watches the two get closer. As she's standing to greet them, she tells Sam, "I'm sure it'll work out for you, Sam."

Brit notices her before Santana does. She waves excitedly. They haven't seen her in a long time - like, a week, and Brit's just so happy to see her. "Quinn!" She practically yells, pulling Santana by the hand to get to their friend faster.

When she's within grabbing distance, she does just that and pulls Quinn into a three-way hug. "Oh, Quinn! It hasn't been the same here without you."

Santana agrees as she steps back, "you were missed." Then she turns her gaze on Sam. "Is this the guy?"

He stands, wiping the palms lf his hands on his jeans and then extending both at Santana. He grabs her right hand with his two hands and shakes it, "it's a pleasure. I'm Sam Evans."

"Heard about you," she says, simply, and sits down where he had been sitting. He follows her movements with a confused look and then turns to Brit. She ignores his hand, still stretched out, and hugs him.

"Devin's always talking about you! You're cuter in real life!" Brit gives him a bright smile and throws herself on Santana's lap, who quickly wraps her arms around Brit's waist so she doesn't fall off.

"She's right," they hear off to the side and all turn to see Devin coming in through the doors. "I'm always talking about you." With an eye roll, she makes her way to Sam and wraps her arms around his neck. He gives her a sweet kiss on the lips and she says, "hi."

He responds with a breathless, "hi," of his own.

Devin finally turns from him and toward Quinn, practically attacking her in a suffocating hug. "How. Was. New. York! Tell me all about it!"

"It was amazing," Quinn tells her, while trying to breathe through the strangle-hug and the laughter she can't control. "Rachel's friends are really great and the city is wonderful."

After Devin says hello to Santana and Britt, Santana asks, "Where's Beth, Q?"

They stand in a circle, near the hostess' podium. When Sam arrived at the restaurant, he put his name down for a table of five and he hopes they'll be calling them in soon. His fingers wrap themselves around Devin's and she leans into his bicep, holding his arm with her free hand. They listen intently to Quinn; they, too, want to know where Beth is.

"The trip really wore her down, so she's with Hiram tonight. He has off and Leroy's at the restaurant."

"That's nice of him to babysit her for you," Devin comments.

"They're the best," Quinn affirms, nodding. "They're so nice to Beth, they treat her as if she were their own daughter."

Quinn feels her phone vibrate in the back pocket of the pants she's wearing so she reaches for it as Santana makes a comment about how the Berry men are pretty epic. She smiles at the picture Rachel sent her of post-rehearsal Rachel sweaty but smiling like she's having the time of her life. She can tell that Rachel took this picture earlier that day because the sun is still setting in the corner of the picture. The sunlight is bright, blinding Rachel of one eye. As a reply, she snaps a picture of the five of them right before the hostess calls out Sam's name. She texts and walks at the same time.

Rachel's reply doesn't take long either: "tell them all I said hello, please.:)"

When Quinn tells her friends what the message says, they all talk over each other excited to speak to Rachel. Because she can't really hear a thing they're saying, she texts back, "They all say hi back. How was the rest of your day today?"

"Oh, you know - I worked my ass off at the gym in the morning after you left, then I had to go back to rehearsals for the play but that's coming along well. I'm really excited about it!"

Santana sits next to Quinn, successfully squeezing her in between the two couples in the middle of the booth. It's one long seat and she's stuck in the middle; it seems as if they had planned this. "You should get off your phone and be with us," Santana comments. "You've already spent a week with your girlfriend so could you pay some attention to me, please?"

Quinn laughs, and sticks her tongue out at Santana but she knows that she's right. "Yeah, I know. I just miss her, is all." She opens the text message again to reply and say good bye: "Sounds like you're enjoying it. Hey, babe, I gotta go but I'll call you before I go to bed, 'kay? Miss you."

In New York, Rachel is sitting at a coffee shop near 5th, worrying her bottom lip. What Quinn doesn't know won't hurt her, right? She replies, "miss you more! Have fun with them."

Her conversation with Quinn didn't seem to alarm her girlfriend at all, which is what she was hoping for. Although she has an idea that Quinn would actually be proud of her if she knew what she was doing right now, but she figured it's best if Quinn only knows of the aftermath. And only if it's a good one. This way, she can rest assured Quinn won't be stressing about her during her time out with friends.

She had texted a picture of herself hoping to initiate a conversation with Quinn, expecting it to distract her from her commitment but she had forgotten that Quinn was out with friends. Maybe, she considers, she should have taken Blaine's offer and allowed him to come with her, even if he would sit at a different table just to keep an eye.

Honestly, Rachel doesn't even know what she's doing here. She doesn't really believe Shelby will show, but for the sake of Quinn, she hopes she does. She says Quinn's sake because she doesn't want Quinn to be heartbroken for her. And she knows that if she ever had to tell Quinn Shelby didn't show for a meeting they set up, Quinn would be really upset.

That phone call was a little awkward. Shelby didn't really believe it was Rachel when she picked up. After Rachel explained to her that she knew Quinn had called the previous day, then Shelby relented. They agreed to meet at this location at exactly 8, and it's already 7:57 and no signs of Shelby.

She's probably not coming, Rachel tries to tell herself. She's probably chickened out and she'll get a text at 8:04 saying she's really sorry but she doesn't think she can make it. The warm mug in her hands now seep heat into her palms - she likes the feeling because it's already pretty cold outside. She's sitting by the window, looking out at passerbys.

It's 7:59 pm when she has to do a double take because she sees the tall woman she knows to be her birth mother. She looks distraught, wrapped in a coat and red scarf, hair fluttering against the breeze. She's crossing the street, walking in front a taxi that has to come to an abrupt stop. Her long legs cut through the air in front of her, bringing her closer and closer still to Rachel, whose gaze is fixated on the woman.

Rachel's eyes follow her until she's opening the door. Suddenly she feels insecure and stupid, her eyes focus on the coffee, and - fuck, why did she agree on coming tonight? She exhales once, silently, only to regain control of her head.

She can feel Shelby's already found her and is staring at her. What does she do now? She can't stand and run away now, it's too late. She reaches for her coffee again, trying to gain some sense of control. As she's taking a sip, her eyes roam up and make contact with Shelby's. They look just like her own; as if she was staring into a mirror and not another person.

It feels heavy, already, and they've barely said a word to each other. Rachel gulps down the beverage and licks her lips, standing quickly now that they've acknowledged each other's presence. "Hi," she hears herself say.

Again, that feeling of vulnerability surges within her and she feels like she's going to throw up. It doesn't help that Shelby only looks at her for a while, and Rachel's so sure she came here to tell Rachel to leave her alone - "Rachel," Shelby interrupts her thoughts. "Oh, Rachel. You look so grownup." Shelby's eyes sparkle with unshed tears. "Hello," she says, shaky. She seems to be just as insecure about this meeting as Rachel and that gives her enough confidence to not freak out so much.

"Would you like to sit down, Shelby?" Rachel says, hoping that using her name will put some emotional distance between them (it doesn't help).

Shelby removes her coat and scarf and pulls the chair in front of Rachel's, sitting opposite her with the window to her left. "You can call me 'mom,' Rachel," she says, trying to convey a smile.

"I don't want to," Rachel says too quick, too honest, too harsh.

Shelby's eyes close at the affirmation, as if that'll prevent her from hearing them. "Okay," she says slowly. "I -" With a sigh she tries again, "I'm not sure what this is about, Rachel. You called me about meeting up and talking but I feel like you're not really happy I showed up."

Rachel smiles sadly, forcefully. She can't be honest about how happy she is, because that means admitting she had expectations and stuff like that. So she says instead, "I can get you something to drink. Would you like a coffee?" She's already standing and Shelby looks confused for a second. Rachel points to the menu behind them, "they have awesome coffee here."

"Oh," her mother mumbles. "Um, I think I'll just have green tea tonight, thanks."

Rachel nods, and excuses herself to stand in line and order. Hopefully this gives her time to control her emotions. She's never felt this unsure about something in her life.

When she reaches for the money in her pocket, she realizes her hands are shaking. The person behind the counter stares at her hand and asks if she's alright. She lies about feeling cold but she's shaking too hard and the person doesn't seem to have believed her.

"A green tea," Rachel says as she sets the cup in front of her mother. Shelby looks up from her phone, what seems to have kept her distracted as she was waiting.

Rachel needs to take control over the conversation and she needs to do it now. She needs to get over her insecurities and tell Shelby once and for all what she's done in her life and what she wants out of her. "Look, Shelby. The reason why I invited you here tonight is because... well," at the thought of Quinn, she can't help but smile. "...Because of my girlfriend, Quinn. She called you, yesterday?"

"Oh, that's right. Charming girl," Shelby smiles, too. Shelby recalls the call she got from the unknown number. She picked up expecting to be another young ingenue hoping to land her as their agent but she was surprised to hear the girl introducing herself as Rachel's girlfriend. The girl then proceeded to, really, call her out on being the absent mother she's been and then urged her to fix it. "She did call, yes."

"Well, yeah. I'm here because she asked me. I'm here because she told me I should be happy. She believes having you in my life would make me happy."

"Do you believe that, too, Rachel?" Shelby asks her and takes the first sip of her tea.

Rachel thinks about it. "I think I need closure. I need to know right now whether or not you want to be in my life, because if you say 'no' one last time, I'll never talk to you again. Or think about you. I also won't hold it against you."

Shelby visibly gulps and admits, "I wasn't expecting that."

Rachel stays quiet, sipping on her hot coffee.

"I think..." Shelby begins, signs of her age showing in the wrinkles forming around her eyes. "I think that I was dumb when I was younger, Rachel. I don't deserve your forgiveness, or you, at all. But if you're willing and open to give me a second chance, I will never let you go again. I promise." She smiles, hoping that she was convincing enough for Rachel to accept her again. If there's something Shelby's regrets in her life was letting Rachel go twice. "I can see you've turned into a wonderful young woman, no thanks to me. Your fathers have done a marvelous job. I - you know I only called on holidays because I didn't want to be invasive but I would love it if you and I could spend some more time together."

It's not like Rachel can help it when her lips start to part into a smile, "really?"

Shelby looks uncomfortable for a moment, "um, well, yes, Rachel, really. But you do remember I have another daughter, right? Your half-sister, I suppose."

Suddenly Rachel can't breathe. She forgot about that "little detail" of Shelby's life. By getting closer with her biological mom, she is not only gaining a mother, she's also gaining a sister. It's a weird adjustment to make. "Oh, right," she says quietly, looking at the people walking outside in the dark street.

"Rachel, I really don't want the fact that I have another daughter get in -"

"No," Rachel is quick to reassure her. "I don't mind..." She chuckles, "just... it's kind of awkward for me, but I'll get over it. I do love kids. How old is she now?"

Her mother looks elated for the first time since she's arrived. "She's turning seven in January."

"That's amazing," Rachel muses. It's been that long since she's been out of high school?

Shelby looks excited to finally be talking about something she enjoys. She pulls out her wallet from her oversized bag on the chair next to hers an fishes a picture from within it. Rachel immediately knows she's going to show her a picture of her adopted daughter (who is more Shelby's daughter than Rachel is).

"This... is Kelsey," Shelby says and places the picture on the table, using her fingers to turn it upside down for Rachel. "She's - I mean, everything to me."

On the picture, the young girl is smiling brightly at the camera, right hand over her eyes because the sun is shining too hard. She has curly brown hair tied into a ponytail. Her eyes seem to be of a light blue or maybe even green, but Rachel isn't sure. She has a tan complexion, which Rachel doesn't know if she should attribute it to her ethnicity - of which Rachel isn't sure, - or the fact she looks like she spends all summer outdoors in the sun. In fact, in the picture Kelsey is wearing a blue jersey and holding a soccer ball with her left.

Rachel is unexpectedly proud of being her half-sister. She feels a strong attachment to her already. "She's beautiful, Shelby."

"Isn't she? Oh, Rachel. I've made many mistakes when it came to you in the past, but adopting her was not one of those mistakes. I wish you wouldn't resent her because of my choices."

"Definitely not," Rachel lies. She doesn't totally resent her. Kelsey is six, she has no fault at all in what happened. Jealous might be a better word.

Shelby gives her a look, Rachel's face hiding behind the cup of joe. "Okay, if you say so. Well, she's heard all about you. I would love it if you and I, and sometimes Kelsey, could hang out together." Rachel nods- this she can do. "I have two tickets for the New York Philharmonic Orchestra next week, would you go with me?"

Shelby has a real hopeful smile hanging on her lips, and Rachel can't find it in herself to say no, especially when this is something she's wanted for her whole life. "Of course, I would love to. Thanks for inviting me."

"No, Rachel. Thank you for calling me." Shelby looks down at her watch and looks apologetic. Rachel knows she's about to leave. "I'm sorry, I wish I could stay but I have to go pick up Kelsey at 9 from dance class."

"Not a problem, I'm just glad you made it."

When Shelby stands, Rachel finds herself standing along. She doesn't know what she's hoping for, but the moment Shelby pulls her in for a hug tells her that this is exactly it. She had no idea that a hug could feel this intense within her; she feels a thunderstorm or emotions swirl inside her heart. But instead of letting go, she presses tighter. Her throat feels dry like she wants to cry, but she wills herself not to and actually lets go of Shelby.

"We'll keep in touch this time," Shelby promises and touches her index finger to Rachel's nose. She doesn't feel 22 at the moment; she feels like a child standing in front of her mommy. She wonders how her fathers will react when she tells them about this.

Rachel nods, not trusting her voice to speak at this time and watches as Shelby turns and leaves her the same way she came down the dark street.

It's around midnight in New York when she gets a text from Quinn, "just got home from dinner. Your dads and Beth say hello.:)"

She texts back, "can I call you?" and instead of Quinn ever replying, the phone rings.

"Hello?" Quinn says, sounding concerned.

"Hi," Rachel says, laying in bed with the lights off and tears silently rolling down her cheek.

Quinn's ears pick up the sadness in Rachel's voice and asks, "Rachel, are you crying?"

"No?"

"You're lying," Quinn points out without doubt. "Why? What's wrong?"

Rachel sighs and lets her body mold even more to the comforter of her bed. "I met up with Shelby earlier."

"You did what?!" Quinn asks, surprised. Calming herself down she breathes out, "honey, why are you crying? Did she tell you she doesn't want to be a part of your life or something?" Guilty instantly crashes into Quinn and she doesn't even judge Rachel for not telling her that's what she was doing that day.

Instead of the affirmative Quinn was waiting to hear, Rachel tells her, "no... not exactly." Even more confused than before, Quinn pulls off her shoes before sitting on Rachel's bed. Instead of her own room - what used to be the guest room, - she likes to hang out in Rachel's room sometimes. It's Rachel's room so it lessens the excruciating feeling she has of missing her. "She actually told me she regrets not ever being in my life. She - um, she thanked me for giving her another chance. She invited me to go to a concert with her."

At this Quinn smiles, softly, and questions, "so why are you crying, Rach? Why are you so sad?"

The question is what pushes Rachel over the edge and makes her cry harder, sobbing. Quinn gently shushes her but doesn't push her for anymore information. She knows what's like to need to cry, and having someone on the other side just listening is helpful. Finally, Rachel tries to explain herself, "I - I don't even fucking know-" sob. "I - I, I think I'm confused and I feel so alone now that you're gone."

The admission makes Quinn's heart both skip a beat and crush. "Oh, baby. I miss you too."

Rachel's embarrassed at her reaction. It's a good thing that they're only on the phone because Quinn can't see her red cheeks. She's never felt so exposed and weak before to Quinn. "I don't - know, I don't know how safe it is for me to trust her so easily." Rachel continues, "Besides she has another daughter, too. She's six, Quinn. Her name's Kelsey and she's so cute." Rachel rolls her eyes at herself, drying the tears that won't stop escaping her eyes. "I feel dumb in wanting this so much."

"Hey," Quinn says with a quiet, confident tone. "You shouldn't feel dumb. You, of all people, know how much I wish I could fix things with my mother. It's normal for people to want that connection, Rachel. You're never dumb."

"But -"

"No buts." Quinn's tone is final and it makes Rachel stop trying to argue. "You might want to thread lightly around Shelby because of her history, but don't deny yourself this relationship because you're afraid. We all feel afraid. I would know - so, please, trust me."

"I trust you," Rachel tells her immediately. She then adds, "I just really wished I didn't trust her."