Chapter Thirty- Six

Willow sighed and rolled over onto her side, her eyes glancing at the clock which read eight am. The night had been restless, at best. Each time she found herself closing her eyes all she could see were the images of her dead lover and her ex-boyfriend, both images enough to keep her from sleep. But what bothered her the most was that she couldn't figure out where these feelings were coming from, why, all of a sudden, after all the years that had passed was this finally bubbling to the surface?

She flopped her arms on top of the duvet and looked around the room that she had yet to really decorate. She wasn't really going to do anything to it for a while, at least, not until she was sure that they would be staying here and with everything that had already happened since their arrival, she couldn't help but wonder if they would even still be there by the end of the week. Still, looking around, she couldn't help but feel out of place, not only because it was a new environment but also because she felt that she somehow didn't belong. Part of her wanted Angel and Buffy to have time to themselves, to continue to rekindle the love that they had for each other, and she felt that by being there she was intruding on that time, but she knew she had to be, she was the only one who could cast the necessary spells if something went wrong. She had no other option.

Pushing the cover off her body, she slowly forced herself from the warmth that her body had created, and stood up before walking towards the window. As she looked down she could see the stores opening, well, not opening yet but employee's were beginning to prepare for the day, a few people sat at the restaurants enjoying their breakfasts, but for the most part, the street was quiet. She quickly changed her clothes, throwing on a pair of jeans and a simple black shirt before pulling her jacket over her slender shoulders, hoping that walking on the quiet road would steady her emotions, or at least let her think about them, sort though them and figure out why things were changing at such a rapid pace.

The rest of the occupants of the apartment were still tucked away in their rooms and she was thankful for that. She really didn't want to talk to anyone, she just wanted to be alone. As she stepped out the door she noticed that there was a chill in the air, causing her to absentmindedly pull the jacket closer to her body, trying hard to find the warmth that didn't seem to come. She felt dead, cold and dead, as though some parasite had taken over her and kill everything deep within her. She found herself turning right down the street, remembering that she had seen a coffee shop somewhere around there, hoping that the hot beverage might find a way to warm her insides.

"I guess that's it. Won't be long now." She said softly, she was distracted but he was there, and somehow, it made it a little more bearable.

"You nervous?" She could her the concern in his voice, the voice that she loved more than anything else in the world and it was comforting, though it still didn't ease all her tension, though she wished it would.

"Only in a… terrified way."

"We'll make it through this." She wanted to believe him, and though he seemed sure, she wasn't sure if he was only trying to be strong for her.

"Are you sure?"

"I sound pretty sure, don't I?" Sometimes his cryptic words irritated her, but right now, in that moment, it was comforting.

"Yeah."

"Then I must be sure."

"Is that just a comforting way of not answering the question?" She watched as he lifted his shoulders slightly, as though he wanted to shrug but he stopped himself, unsure as to if he wanted to give himself away. But he did, with that simple gesture, he did. She wanted to be near him, and she found that they moved closer together, just letting their lips graze for a moment. She felt his hand on the side of her head, stroking her, trying to make her comfortable and she kissed him harder, deeper, not wanting to break the moment that they were having, not wanting to leave his embrace.

"How long till graduation?" She asked softly, her eyes meeting his own.

"A little while."

Maybe it was Angel's presence that was stirring this all up. She had been fine until he came along. It just seemed that it was bring everything from the past back to the surface. Back in those days it had been the four of them, each one giving their partner the strength that they needed to make it though the terrors that faced them in high school. Well, that might not exactly be true, Angelus had obviously been one of those unfortunate evils, but looking back on it all, she wasn't sure Angelus would have ever touched a hair on Buffy's head. At least, in the sense that she wasn't sure that he would ever have killed her, though she hated to admit it, to give it a name, but even the demon had loved her.

She walked into the Pete's Coffee that she had stumbled upon, her eyes glancing toward the menu as she studied it. Decisions like this weren't usually mind-blowing but yet, she felt that if she ordered the wrong thing, that everything would come crumbling apart and she didn't know where these feelings were coming from, how had she gone from being so happy only a few days ago to being so lonely, so depressed, so terrified of what the future was going to bring?

"Nonfat Vanilla Latte." She said softly, handing over her ATM card and watching as the young girl behind the counter swiped it through the machine before handing it back to her. She tucked it neatly in her purse and walked towards the other side, waiting for her drink. Her eyes drifted around the small café, for the early hours she was surprised to see how many people there were there, mainly couples, though there were a few students with their books out, presumably doing their weekend homework. Her eyes darted quickly to the couple in the corner and she sighed. They were stunning to look at, though not in the conventional way, almost as though they didn't fit in, but it was that notion that made them beautiful to look at.

The girl was young, twenty, twenty-one at the oldest; her hair was long and dark, raggy almost, as though she had dared to jump out of bed and not bother to brush her hair. She wore tattered dark jeans, though she couldn't tell, she assumed that they were tight but she was sitting which made it impossible to know. Her shirt was exquisite, hippy chic almost and she figured that it was probably much more costly than it looked. She studied her features, her small, upturned nose, her thin lips that smiled at the boy who held her hand.

Her eyes then glanced to the man and she noted that he was a little older than her, though probably not by much, a year or two at most. He was slightly more kempt than her, his pitch black hair gelled neatly into spikes, his jeans neither tattered nor new, but they appeared well worn. And she looked at his face, the way he looked at her, the way he couldn't take his eyes off of her. Though the shop was bustling as the time ticked on, nothing disturbed them, it was as though they existed in a world all their own.

"Nonfat Vanilla Latte!" The barista shouted, almost startling her, but she turned her eyes from the couple and instead grabbed the cup that was sitting there, all alone. Was the world taunting her? Telling her that she was destined to be there, alone in the world while she watched those around her move on, fall in love, while she stayed there, stuck in the rut that she had dug for herself.

She found her legs carrying her out the door and back down the street, still not having found any more clarity than she had before she had left the apartment. She brought the cup to her lips and sipped from it, feeling the heat as it travelled down her throat, savoring the warmth that it brought.

"When you're ready to stop lying to yourself… Then you'll find the happiness that has always been waiting for you just around the corner."

She wasn't sure what Tara had meant, what her dream had meant. True, she knew what it was trying to tell her, and she couldn't deny that she still had strong feelings for Oz, but at the same time she didn't expect him to even think about her anymore, it had been so many years. But what had she meant when she said that happiness was waiting just around the corner? She found an empty bench and sat down, still holding the hot drink in her hands as she closed her eyes and leaned her head back, wishing that she could just block everything out, thinking about it was only creating a headache and it was the last thing that she wanted, the last thing that she needed.

She found herself in the dark room once again before a bright flash of light took her to a park. She looked down and saw the bright green grass below her feet and she sat down. Her eyes scanned her surroundings and she saw Tara, sitting under a tree, her slender frame leaning against the dark trunk, giving a stunning contrast against the white dress that she was wearing. Willow wanted to go over, she wanted to walk over and sit with her but she shied away from it and instead kept her eyes on her, watching as she stood up and began to walk closer to her before she was sitting down, their knees almost touching.

"I was waiting for you." She said softly, watching as Willow pulled a few blades of grass and ran them between her fingers.

"I know…" She whispered back, not daring to look into her eyes. "I just wasn't sure I was ready for this."

"Why are you running from everything? That's not the Willow I know… The Willow I knew."

"I'm not the same person anymore. I haven't been in a long time."

"Why?"

"Because when you lose someone you love, they take a piece of you with them."

"Will…"

"Between what you and Oz took from me… I'm not sure I'll ever be whole again." She sighed, tugging a few more blades of grass, tying them into knots. "I don't have any more to give."

"Maybe you don't have to give anymore of yourself away…"

" Why are you speaking in riddles again?"

"I'm just saying…"

"Why would he still be waiting for me Tara?"

"Because I think he knows, just as I know you know deep down, that the two of you are supposed to be together in the end…"

"I'm not so sure about that. No one waits around for nine years."

"Angel waited for Buffy, and she waited for him. Look at them now."

"No one says it's going to last."

"I never said that… But don't you owe yourself the chance to know?" Willow didn't respond, she only looked up, letting their eyes meet for the first time. She realized in that moment that her cheeks were wet and she was crying.

"Sorry miss…" She heard someone say to her as she felt a hand on her shoulder. "Miss?"

Her eyes fluttered open and she looked at the man who was standing there in front of her. She felt her cheeks blush as she realized that she had fallen asleep there in public.

"I'm sorry I just didn't want to see you lose your things." He gestured to her purse that was sitting there beside her. She had forgotten that it was even there.

"Thank you… I didn't get much sleep last night and I think it's catching up to me now."

"Your welcome." He smiled warmly down at her. "Take care."

She watched as he walked away slowly. Her eyes staring at his back, and wondering how it had been so easy to fall asleep there on that bench but in her own bed she couldn't seem to find sleep. She stood up, taking her purse into her hand and tossing her empty coffee cup into the trash bin before heading back to the apartment, wanting only to crawl between the sheets and find sleep once again.

Meanwhile…

Connor woke to the sunlight on his face and as he slowly acclimated to his surroundings he felt Dawn against his side. He felt his heart beat rapidly in his chest as he turned to see her head resting near his shoulder. Though he had always found her attractive, he had never had the chance to really wake up with her that near to him. The night before he had slept in Liam's room after Angel and Buffy had brought him to their bedroom. He felt her leg brush against his and he closed his eyes, breathing deep to try and figure out what his body was doing to him.

He heard one of the bedroom doors open and he sat up, pulling his legs over the edge of the bed and standing up. Watching as Angel emerged from the room, wearing the same boxers and shirt that he had put on when he went to get Liam that night. He watched as he walked to the kitchen and he followed him in there, startling him as he turned the coffee machine on.

"I'm sorry." Connor said softly, not wanting to wake Dawn.

"It's okay." Angel shrugged. "Guess I know how Buffy feels when I pull that stuff on her. She always claims she can't hear me…"

"How is she?" Angel could hear the concern in his voice and it warmed his heart. He was so thrilled that his sons were so close, and he was thankful that Buffy had tracked him down.

"She's okay… I think she's still pretty shaken up over it all but I finally got her to fall asleep, though it wasn't until about three in the morning that she finally did."

"Are you going to be able to find out what the dream meant?"

Angel sighed, his eyes gazing downward. "Probably not. I was thinking about calling Giles, to tell him… She always went to him with her dreams… Or me. When I had been around but I don't know anymore. I don't know who is doing this… And since I'm not graced with dreams like she is… I'm pretty much in the dark."

"Nothing is going to happen to him." Connor stated, a touch of anger in his voice.

"I wish I could be so certain."

"I won't let it happen. WE won't let it happen." He said firmly, ignoring the smell of the coffee that was filling the small kitchen.

"What won't happen?" They heard a little voice interrupt them and they both turned to see Liam standing there, one hand clutching the teddy bear that he always seemed to carry with him around the house and the other hand rubbing his eyes.

"Nothing you need to worry about Lee." Angel said softly, ruffling his hair as he came closer, stopping near his feet. "Where's mommy?"

"Still seeping." He grinned and Angel could see the mischief that twinkled in his hazel eyes, causing him to smile down at his son. "I tried to wake her up but she wouldn't."

"She's tired. Are you hungry?" Liam nodded his head and watched as Angel smiled. "Okay, go wake up your Aunt Dawn and you can watch cartoons while I make pancakes okay?" Liam didn't even respond, and a few minutes later they heard Dawn groan and the bed squeak. Connor looked around the corner and laughed as he watched Liam jumping on the pull out.

"You rascal! I'm tired!"

"Daddy said to come over here and wake you up so I could watch cartoons while he makes pancakes." He hadn't even noticed the slip of the name, that for the first time since Angel had walked into his life that he had finally called him dad. Though Angel, who was still in the kitchen did not hear it either but it didn't slip from Dawns ears and she smiled, looked up, her eyes meeting Connor's who starred at his brother, his mouth open with surprise, not having expected the endearment.

Meanwhile…

"Willow?" Xander asked as he walked through the family room. He had already been to her room but he had found that it was empty and though he knew she could take care of herself, he couldn't help but feel slightly worried. Worried that maybe the spell had gone wrong, that maybe it had affected her adversely.

He turned as he heard the door open and watched as she walked in.

"Where have you been?" He asked, their eyes making contact. He could tell that something was wrong, that she wasn't herself, that she was thinking hard about something and he was afraid that she wouldn't open up to him.

"I couldn't sleep so I went out walking… But I'm exhausted now so I think I'm going to try and get a little bit more rest."

"Willow, is everything okay?" He asked, as she started to walk past him. She stopped and turned to face him.

"No… But I don't want to talk about it right now."

"Not even to me?" He was hurt slightly, they never kept secrets from each other.

"I'm just not ready yet…" She said, touching his arm lightly. "I will when I've sorted it out more in my own head."

"Promise?"

"I promise." She said before walking into her room, leaving Xander standing there, all alone.

A/N:

Hey guys! I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to update but I've been swamped! And it didn't help that I took a drive to Seattle with my friend on Sunday instead of doing work which only added to my work load. So please forgive me for how long it's taken me to update! Anyways, I'll keep this short and sweet. I wanted to, as always, thank you all for reading and to thank everyone who had taken the time to leave their comments! I love them! I promise to get another chapter out sooner this time! I hope that you liked this chapter... I realize that the mystery around Pike is still there... It will remain there for a while. And Willow is getting closer to her revelation and OMG did Liam call Angel daddy?! Anyways, please continue to send me your thoughts!