AN: Thank you for your reviews :) Sometimes messing with your characters is a lot of fun, this time not so much. FYI, small rant at the bottom.

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds. Catherine Jareau is mine, along with all the other characters you do not recognize.

Chapter 33: Out of Sight, Out of Mind

To die, to sleep -

To sleep, perchance to dream - ay, there's the rub,

For in this sleep of death what dreams may come...

- Hamlet (Act III, scene I), William Shakespeare

Spencer Reid

September 10, 2011

5:15 am

I rearrange Catherine's sleeping form, curled into my arms, while being especially careful not to wake her up. This is necessary because I need to carry her bag as well as my satchel then I sigh and stand up from the couch. Why didn't I ask for someone else to carry the bag before they left? I walk slowly out of the office, leaving the door open, and down the hall. Everyone has already descended, presumably to the parking lot, by the time I arrive at the elevator. I sigh again when I catch sight of Derek Morgan standing by the elevator. I notice that the down button is already lit. "Morgan," I greet the older man cautiously.

Derek looks up and smiles when he sees Catherine fast asleep in my arms. He nods, "Reid. Do you want me to carry her for you pretty boy?" Derek offers kindly and holds out his arms.

I turn slightly before I can stop myself and shake my head, "No it's alright. I've got her."

A whirl of colour, quickly identified as Penelope Garcia, purse hanging open off one arm and jacket undone storms around the corner. "Derek Morgan, you were supposed to wait f-" she stops and coos, "Oh how cute! Our genius carrying my cupcake!"

I try and fail not to blush. "Shush, you'll wake her!" I say worriedly and look down at Catherine, who is thankfully still asleep.

"Reid. Spencer-" Derek says with an unreadable look on his face.

"Yes?" I reply cautiously.

Derek restarts, "I-"

Penelope interrupts him determinedly, "We."

Derek looks at her and nods; "Yes we. We would like you to know that we approve." He nods at Catherine, sleeping peacefully in my arms.

"Not that you necessarily need our approval," Penelope adds hurriedly.

I gaze awkwardly at Derek and Penelope for a few seconds before replying, "Thank you, both of you. Emily implied it but no one else has said anything specific yet." I look down at the ground for a split second, "I don't know, Hotch-"

"What about me?" Aaron asks, carefully placing one foot in front of the other.

Dave sways slightly when he stops walking so he places on hand on the wall to steady himself.

Derek glares at Aaron and doesn't greet either man.

Penelope whispers, "Hi," and gives a little wave.

Aaron ignores Derek and nods in Penelope's direction.

Dave hiccoughs.

Penelope and I share an uncomfortable look over Catherine's head.

The elevator dings and a few seconds later the doors open.

I step in first and move to the corner, pretending I'm at home with Catherine not at work watching the impending explosion between Hotch and Morgan.

Dave and Aaron follow me into the elevator and stand in the opposite corner.

Penelope takes a single step forward before Derek puts out his arm to stop her.

"Derek what are you doing?" She exclaims. "We need to get in the elevator so we can go home! I want to sleep in my own bed not in on my babies!"

"We can take the stairs down," Derek says firmly.

"Not in these heals I won't!" Garcia responds resolutely, gesturing emphatically at her ridiculously high-heeled pink torture devices, I mean shoes.

"Then we will take the next elevator," Derek replies.

Penelope puts her hands on her hips, "Derek Morgan, stop being such an ass! Right now I do not care what is going on between the two of you. We are getting in this elevator and riding it downstairs with our family. Then you are going to drive me home and I am going to sleep. I don't care what you do after that."

"Penelope!" he objects.

"March mister," she says pointing at the elevator door Dave is holding open.

Derek sighs and enters the elevator.

Penelope follows a second later.

There is an awkward silence in the elevator and no one will look at anyone else. I watch Catherine and wish I were asleep so I didn't have to be mentally aware of what is going on. After what seems like and extraordinarily long time, there is a ding and the elevator doors open.

Derek bolts, the instant the doors are open enough to do so.

Penelope sighs. "Good night everyone," she says and goes off in search of her fleeing chocolate Adonis.

"Good night," I call after her.

Dave and Aaron exit the elevator next, holding the door for me.

"I'm not driving. You're not driving. Where's the taxi?" slurs a still swaying Dave.

Aaron points to the yellow cab waiting just outside the entrance, "There it is!"

"Oh thank God," Dave mutters as he stumbles his way over.

Aaron, slightly steadier on his feet walks closely behind his friend.

I watch amusedly as my moderately intoxicated bosses help each other into the cab and it takes off. I wonder if Hotch is going to bother going home tonight since Jack isn't there.

I walk calmly out of the BAU building, nodding politely to the smiling guards. Once I enter the parking lot I can see Emily, Abby and JJ's heads sticking up a few rows away from where I parked my car.

Catherine Jareau

5:22 am

"Catherine," Spencer calls my name.

I hear his voice perfectly well, but I cannot get my own to respond in kind.

I feel Spencer's lips kiss the top of my head. "Catherine you need to wake up and walk. I can't get my keys out," he says a little louder.

My head feels fuzzy. Keys? Why does Spence need keys?

Spencer is running his fingers through my hair, "Catherine wake up sweetheart. I can't drive home without them."

Home? Why does Spence want to go home? Aren't we already at home? The chilly air seeping in through my clothes tells me we're outside. I shiver. Why are we outside? "'m awake," I mumble still half asleep.

"Catherine you have to let go of me," Spencer tries again.

But I'm not holding you Spence. Oh, wait, he's carrying me. Wow, lack of sleep really has fried my brain.

Spencer continues talking, "It's time for you to go home with Emily and for me to get into my car."

What? Did I just hear him right? "Don't lie!" I say venomously. "Emily's dead just like you've been saying for the last seven months." I try to stem the tears threatening to overflow, "Come home with me Spence. Please don't make me stay there alone again!" I'm not proud enough not to beg.

"Catherine," Spencer sighs, "Emily is alive."

Becoming more awake by the second I shake my head, my entire body quivering, "Don't lie Spencer, it's not nice."

Spencer unwraps my arms from his neck and places me gently on the ground. He lifts my chin so that I am forced to look him in his chocolate brown eyes. He says very confidently, "Emily Prentiss is alive."

I start to shake my head again and find that I am unable to stop. It can't be true. This must be a dream. I pinch myself but don't wake up. I try it again and again and again.

Spencer steadies my head and stops me from pinching myself. He wipes away tears I wasn't aware I was crying off my cheeks with his thumbs. "We're going to try this again. I'll give you the speech I was ready to give you earlier today all right?" he says very gently.

I shake my head no.

"Catherine," he frowns, "What is the last thing you remember before you fell asleep?"

I scowl, "I was at the library then I went home and I was grading the latest stack of incomprehensible freshman mumbo jumbo. Why on earth did I agree to TA for that class Spencer?"

He smiles, "The pay was decent."

I snort, "It's not nearly good enough. I tell them over and over again to-"

Spencer interrupts me, "Catherine."

I look up at him, "Yes Spencer?"

"Are you absolutely positive that grading is the last thing you remember?" He asks nervously, "It's past five in the morning on the tenth. Can you think of nothing that has happened over the last several hours?"

I grimace and wrack my brain, "I think I got a phone call from Will."

He sighs, "Yes you did. Do you remember how you got here?"

I look around. Where is here? Oh okay, I'm in the BAU parking lot. Why am I here? Nothing comes to mind. I shake my head and whisper, "No."

Spencer puts his hand on my shoulder, "Do you want me to tell you?"

I nod silently, becoming more anxious with every passing second.

"Abby drove you," he says searching my face for any sign of recognition.

Abby, the name sparks a memory. "She looks just like Emily," I whisper shakily.

Spencer winces, "Yes they do look strikingly similar."

I shiver as another memory surfaces; "She scared me when she broke in to the condo."

"She broke in?" Spencer asks incredulously.

"But I didn't have a panic attack," I add frowning.

He squeezes my hand, "That's really good Catherine. I'm proud of you."

I look up at him suspiciously, trying to see if he's being insincere. He isn't. I should have known better, this is Spencer. He doesn't do insincere.

"Abby drove you to the BAU," Spencer continues before sighing, "And when you arrived here you knew Emily was alive, you said Abby had told you."

"She's not alive," I protest. "Please Spencer, stop lying. You're going to make me cry again. I'm trying to move on, I swear! I promise I listened to Ashley. Please stop!" I beg, trembling in fear.

Spencer wraps his arms around me and I give into my tears. "It's okay Catherine, I've got you," he murmurs into my hair.

That phrase sounds hauntingly familiar but I am unable to place it.

"Will called you so that you could watch Henry and a little girl named Maura. You read to her while Henry slept. And we, the team, saved a young boy tonight. His name is Declan. Does any of this sound familiar to you?" he asks worry colouring his voice.

I shake my head.

Spencer stands up, looks around for a second and waves his hand in the air. "She's coming," he says steadily.

"Who's coming?" I ask unable to see over the SUV parked next to us, "Jenny?"

He sighs, "No."

I frown, "Then who?"

"You need proof and my word if obviously not good enough," he says sounding hurt. "So I am providing you with proper tangible evidence."

I frown.

Then Emily walks around the back of the black SUV.

My heart is suddenly in my throat. I stop breathing and my legs feel numb. She's alive! My memories from the past few hours come rushing back. I wrap my arms around Spencer's waist, hiding my face in his chest, "I'm sorry I didn't believe you. I'm so sorry Spence! You've never lied to me before, I don't know why I would think you would now."

"Well it is rather unbelievable," he manages to croak out.

"What's going on?" Emily asks worriedly.

"Catherine is exceedingly tired and she didn't remember-" Spencer cuts himself off.

Tears still streaming down my face I turn my head away from Spencer and look up at Emily. It's still a little hard to believe she's really here.

Emily finishes Spencer's sentence pain filling her voice, "She didn't remember I was alive."

"I'm sorry Emmy," I whisper. I want so desperately to go over and hug her but I also don't want to let go of Spencer.

Spencer makes the choice for me: He unwraps his arms from around me and mine from him. Then he gives me a little push in Emily's direction.

I cross the short distance and in a flash I'm wrapped tightly in Emily's arms.

"Oh Crierwy," She exhales, "I'm sorry you had to go through that again."

"I was so sure-" I stop myself from continuing.

"I know honey. I know," Emily whispers soothingly.

Spencer fidgets.

Emily looks up at him, "I'm going back to my car Catherine," She says, "Maura and Declan are waiting so I'll see you there in a few minutes okay?"

I nod and walk back to Spencer as Emily disappears around the same SUV.

Spencer fiddles with the strap of his bag. "It's late, I need to go home, " he says sounding a little uneasy.

"You mean home with me," I respond absolutely certain that my statement is true.

"No," he replies calmly.

"Spence," I whisper, my eyes wide, betrayal rising in my chest. In seven years Spencer has hardly ever said no to me, just as I have hardly ever said no to him. If you never ask for anything unreasonable, there is rarely ever a good reason for a rejection.

Spencer grabs my arm before I can step back, "You need to spend time with Emily. You two have so much to work out and talk about."

"But-" I protest.

Spencer puts a finger on my lips, "I will be there first thing when you wake up, if you need me."
I sigh. I always need you Spence.

Spencer releases my arm and says quietly, "I'm not blind Catherine. You and Emily share something special, you both depend on each other."

I open my mouth, unsure how to deny the truth. I want to tell him; I depend on you too, but I can't get my vocal chords to work. Never mind my lips or tongue to move. Is he worried?

Spencer silences my thoughts with a look, "I'm not worried or jealous. She's going to help you come to terms with what has happened and you will need to be there to make sure she goes to and stays asleep."

I duck my head, sigh, and nod in comprehension.

"Hey look at me," Spencer lifts my chin and bends down so we're face to face.

Still slightly nervous I don't bother trying to resist him.

Spencer looks into my eyes, "I love you," he says tenderly but confidently.

I can feel my lips curling into a smile, without thinking I take a single step to close the gap between up and kiss him. "I love you too Spence," I whisper, happiness colouring my voice.

Spencer's eyes light up. He straightens and wraps his arms around me, "I will see you later today."

"Promise?" I mumble into his chest.

He kisses the crown of my head, "I promise."

I yawn widely, "You still have your key right?"

He nods, "Yes I do. Shall I call first?"

I nod, "It would probably be best. Emily mentioned earlier that Declan and Maura would be coming home with us." My desire to say 'you should be too' goes unsaid.

Spencer yawns and unwraps his arms from around me.

I know that I should do the same but I don't.

Spencer gives a slight cough.

I bite my lip and mumble, "I really am sorry I didn't believe you before Spence…" about Emily goes unsaid. There is no need; he understands what I'm attempting to apologize, yet again, for.

He shrugs, "It's okay."

"No it's not!" I protest heatedly.

Spencer runs his fingers through my hair, "Yes. It really is okay Catherine. I should have noticed that you weren't aware. That you didn't remember…"

I start, "I-"

Cutting me off he ponders aloud, "Will forgive and forget work this time?"

I frown, "Will it?"

He nods decisively, "Yes."

I sigh in relief and let him go.

"Good night Catherine," Spencer says lowly.

"Why does good night sound like good bye?" I muse out loud.

Spencer raises an eyebrow, "What exactly would you like me to say instead?"

I purse my lips and think for a minute, "See you soon?"

He smiles indulgently, "I will see you soon Catherine."

"See you soon Spence," I say smiling up at him.

Spencer unlocks his car and folds himself into the driver's seat.

I have never been able to comprehend why such a tall man would want to drive such a small car. It's much better suited to my small stature than his towering one. I wave as he drives away. Then I step out around the back of the SUV and search for Emily or Jenny's hair. Damn all these extraordinarily tall vehicles and while I'm at it, damn my vertically challenged body. Why couldn't I have been tall like Jenny?

(Speaking of Love)

O anything of nothing first created!

O heavy lightness, serious vanity,

Misshapen chaos of well-seeming forms!

Feather of lead, bright smoke, cold fire, sick health,

Still-waking sleep, that is not what it is!

- Romeo and Juliet (Act I, scene I), William Shakespeare

AN2: Thank you for reading please review :)

AN3: So I was going to tell you about my booklist for the upcoming semester but that can wait till next week. This 'rant' is entitled, How My Mum Saved My Day: I'm having an EDS (Ehlers Danlos Syndrome) flare up, so my week has been pretty much a wash as far as productivity is concerned. It's a good thing this chapter was 99% finished last week of it wouldn't have been posted. In fact, the highlight of my week was being able to put on a t-shirt for the first time in what feels like forever, (I've been wearing tank-tops for a year because of my shoulder).

I've been craving tons of food I can't eat because of my allergies so today my mum went online looking for a garlic, nut, gluten and dairy free pesto recipe and found one! Okay, now comes the rant: Normally I wouldn't consider eating cool-whip because coconut whipped topping tastes much better but my stomach decided it wanted that and it should have been much easier to find than chocolate that I can eat so imagine my surprise when my mum takes down the can, reads the ingredients, turns to me and says "They've added milk." Now, who the hell decided it would be a good idea to put milk back in cool-whip? It's a frickin' spray-can (or tub) filled with chemicals! It has no nutritional value what so ever! There were several years in a row when I could eat it because there was no dairy, it was easier to buy it than make a topping. So this ruined made my already crappy day worse. So my mum drove me to two other stores (including one she hates going to) and managed not to laugh as I stumbled around like a drunk person (my ankles were rolling non-stop and I refused to use my wheelchair) to find nutritional yeast (which tastes like cheese!) and something similar to cool-whip for my raspberries. We ended up using what we usually do, coconut whipped cream, which my mum made because there was no I way I'd be able to.

Okay thanks for reading (if you did), and please let me know if you happen to find a dairy free, gluten free, egg free, nut free recipe for whipped topping :)