Chapter 33- Motives

A/N: yay- the Orli's here with another chappie! ..:does an encore presentation of the 'Meg and Erik back together Happy Dance:..

And now, I have some messages for some of you! so everyone else can just skip down to the chapter, if that floats your boat!

sbkar- i forgot to mention this in my last note, but thank you so much for your positive review. It came right after i received some less-than happy comments, so it made me smile! I was so happy that someone else understood where i was coming from with that, so that kind of made my day! and I am glad that you like it; please keep reading and send me your constructive criticism!

Vegman529- lol you make me laugh, my friend. While I don't think murdering anyone is necessary, thanks for the offer:P Tell you what, if I'm ever feeling particularly pissed, me and my rocket launcher will give you and your rocket launcher a call! (lol)

Lady Yuy- thanks for your review, and i don't believe that you flamed me at all! I think that yours was actually one of the nicer reviews that I got. So keep reading and keep reviewing, k!

Eilianu- thanks so much! your review made me get this big smile on my face. i'm so gald you like it, and you like this chappie too!

To all else who joined me in my little happy dance, your reviews made me crack up! and reviews keep me going! So click the blue button people!

Meg woke up hours later, shaken from a nightmare.

She looked around the room, wide-eyed and afraid. She was back in her bedroom in Erik's house; as if she had fallen asleep a few weeks before and was just now waking up from the horrible nightmare that she had lived through on the streets. She wanted to pinch herself, to make sure that she wasn't hallucinating. But there was Erik, sitting beside her, looking at her with his intense green eyes, hidden behind his half-mask.

"What happened?" she asked dazedly.

"Don't worry about what happened," he said. "You're safe now, Meg."

"Did I- the alley- oh god," she said suddenly. "Where did you find me?" she asked, petrified as her mind replayed the previous night in the alley. She didn't think she would be able to stand it if Erik had seen her being... used.

"Nothing happened," he said.

Meg exhaled in relief.

Erik let himself stare at her, long and hard. Her face looked drawn and tired. She looked older, as though the month or so since they'd escaped had really caused her to age ten years.

"Meg," he said. "I'm so sorry..."

"Shhh," she whispered. "Don't talk like it was your fault."

Erik swallowed. "Why did you do that to yourself, Meg?" he asked.

"What?" she asked fearfully. He couldn't know. . . how would he have found out?

"Selling yourself."

Meg squeezed her eyes shut. He knew. He knew everything. "You weren't supposed to see," she whispered. "Please," she begged him. "Let's not talk about this now. I can't do it... not now."

"Meg-"

"Please!" she said sharply, voice shaking out of pain and anguish. "Let me be alone for awhile," she said. She saw Erik's face fall, and regretted her words. She hadn't meant them to be as harsh as they had sounded, she had just needed time alone, time to think, time to sort all of her emotions out.

He stood up. "Fine," he said, sounding tired and defeated. "If you need anything, you know where to find me."

And without another word, he swept out of her room.

Silent tears began to run down Meg's cheeks as soon as the door clicked shut. What have I done? she asked herself, memories all coming back to her at once. How did I let it come to this?

She closed her eyes again. It hurt so badly- the pain of knowing that things were damaged so badly now that she couldn't change them; that she would have to live with the consequences.

If only I could go back, Meg thought. If only I could go back and change things.

She felt as though she had stabbed a friend in the back, and that friend was herself. Why had she been so stupid? She asked herself. Had there really been no other way? Could she not have swallowed her pride- her foolish, stupid pride? If she had, things wouldn't be so complicated now.

What did Erik think of her?

The thought of him knowing made it all hurt ten times worse.

She loved him. . . and yet she had gone and given herself away to other men. He probably would think her as nothing more than a whore now- damaged goods.

She had to tell him.

She had to tell him now.

If she didn't, she doubted she would ever have the courage to do it. She slid out of bed, feeling broken and desperate, much like she had been in the alley.

She walked noiselessly into the main room.

Erik was sitting at the organ, looking just as lost and confused as she was. Meg's heart began to pound- this was it: would he forgive her?

He glanced up and their eyes locked.

An unexplainable emotion seemed to be radiating from each of them as they faced one another, more uncertain than they had ever been before.

Everything had changed, Erik thought, everything and nothing at the same time.

Neither of them spoke for the longest time.

It seemed as though everything else in the world had fallen away, leaving only he and Meg. This was the defining moment, he thought. This was the point of no returning- the point where all lies and all deception were put aside and they were standing before each other stripped of their defenses, and stained with their own sins. Meg's eyes found themselves welling up with tears.

"Why, Meg?" he asked.

Meg bowed her head. "I had nowhere else to go. . . I had nothing left to my name," she said, almost inaudibly.

"Nothing?" he asked. "You had your dignity, at least," he said. He looked as though searching for the right words. "Why did you. . . how could you even think of doing-"

Meg was pale, and her voice shook, but she didn't cry. "I had nowhere to go," she said again. "I didn't know what to do. . . I was living on the streets. . . I had no money, and I had to steal to survive. And it was all because you turned me away!" she hissed, suddenly malicious.

"Don't accuse me!" Erik said.

"Why not!" Meg exploded. "You forced me into that life! You forced me to leave! I wanted to stay here, with you. But no, Erik. You abandoned me to live that life!"

The words cut to Erik's heart, but what cut him worse was the sinking knowledge that they were true.
Meg was right. This was all his doing.

His mental resistance began to break down. He couldn't stand knowing that had he not been such an idiot, Meg wouldn't have sold herself.

"But you weren't the only one who suffered, damn it!" He heard himself say loudly, more loudly than he had intended. Meg saw him suddenly look as though he hadn't meant to say it.

"What do you mean?" she asked quietly.

"I mean," he said, anger, passion and sorrow all smoldering inside of him. "I mean that once you left, I couldn't stop thinking about you. You were in my head, in my songs. . . tormenting me like the vixen that you are! You tortured me with your memory, Meg, and it was torture of the worst kind!"

"It was hard on me too, Erik!" she said angrily. "To know that you had pushed me away, but that you were still there! You were all I could think of- you. . . you haunted my dreams! I couldn't get you out of my head, especially when. . . when every other man's face turned into yours! How every time. . . I wished it were you-" Meg stopped abruptly, taking on the same look Erik had had a moment ago; the look of admitting something that was supposed to have been kept silent.

"What did you say?" he whispered, taking a step closer, eyes disbelieving.

Meg stepped back. "You heard me," she said, looking uncomfortable. "You speak of torture. So do I. The torture of knowing that I could wish all I wanted, but it wouldn't bring you back." A sob was wrenched from her suddenly, and her words failed.

A wave of compassion and forgiveness rushed over Erik suddenly. He stepped forward and gathered Meg into his arms. "I'm sorry," he whispered over and over as she cried. As he held Meg's thin, vulnerable body, Erik felt as though a great weight had been lifted. Everything they had done, while it could never be erased, was in the past now.

Meg cried for the better part of an hour, before finally letting go of Erik and stepping away, eyes looking red and swollen. There was another awkward moment of uncertainty, before Meg said, "I meant what I said," she said shakily. "But I just- I just don't know if I can. . ." she trailed off, courage failing. She wanted to tell him that she loved him, but after everything that had happened, she found herself afraid still. Especially after her experience on the streets. Over the past few weeks, Meg had began to wonder whether love really existed or not. "I messed up so badly. . . the feelings are just too much to handle, and I-"

Erik put a finger to his lips and shook his head. "Don't worry," he said. "You need to rest." The words felt like a death sentence; a small part of him wanted to shake Meg until she told him everything- everything she felt about him. But he knew he couldn't make her- not when she was this distressed.

Meg nodded, and he dropped his hand. There was a fleeting moment of disappointment, but then his hand found hers, and he led her back to her bedroom. "You need to rest," he repeated.

Meg climbed into bed. Erik stood beside her, not wanting to leave, but afraid she wouldn't want him to stay.

"What happens now, Erik?" she asked suddenly.

"You will stay here," he said in a firm but gentle voice.

"Should I believe you this time?" she asked wearily.

"Yes." He bent down on his knees so that he was at her eye-level. "They're going to re-open the Opera," he said softly.

Meg's face seemed to light up. "That's wonderful!" she said.

"You'll be able to have a job," he said. "I'll see to it that you become a great dancer, Meg."

Her expression of joy faded a little. "You won't kill anyone, will you?" she asked timidly. "Please don't take anyone's life for my sake, Erik. Please promise me that."

"Very well," Erik said, standing up again. With one last look at her, he left Meg alone, to drift off to a finally peaceful sleep.

A/N: ...:gets out Kleenex tissues:... anyone else need a tissue? that was pretty sobby. okay... little boring, little fluffy, but hey. I needed a go-between. Suggestions on what should happen next? Like when they should finally just say 'I love you' for crying out loud? Seriously, speak to me, cause i kind of know where I'm going, but the rest of my plotline could really use some fine tuning. also- lemme know if you think i should just keep writing like the crazed maniac that i am, or if i should just tie it up with a nice little ending sometime in the near future. I would like to continue, but i want to hear your thoughts. so review, por favor!

also: this is kind of a random thing, but i'm working on an original fiction story at the moment, and am in desperate need of a guy's name. the character type is dark and mysterious and altogether a bit creepy (kind of phantom-esque). . . so does anyone have any good guy names they could lend me? just wondering. i know, i'm weird. :)