Chapter 36—Moving on
A/N: I know that it has been a long time since I have updated this story, and for that I apologize. I have been extremely busy, coupled with writers block has not helped. As always your reviews are welcomed and appreciated. SO here goes….
Jeremy knew that he had a lot of decisions to make, and yet he still felt like he was in a holding pattern; a holding pattern of his own creation. It had been six months since he had tried to commit suicide, and was still trying to overcome many of his feelings of awkwardness and self confidence issues. However, he had learned to take it one day at a time. He had been able to repair the hurt feelings that he had caused his mother and Stephanie.
In six months, he had started to cope with the fact that he would never see again, nor would he ever walk without a significant limp. His knee would never be any better than it was at the moment. Dr. Bartley and Steve, the physical therapist thought that after all that Jeremy's knee had been through (the initial injury, the numerous surgeries, the infections, and everything else), that Jeremy was luck to walk with the limp.
The upside was that Jeremy was no longer in the period of self hatred and self destruction; he felt that he could live a successful life even without his vision, and his ability to walk normally. He was now twenty one, and he had changed a lot in the year and half since he enlisted in the Army. A year and half ago, Jeremy was a hostile kid that thought he was an adult, but did not understand that he was still a kid, that had a lot of growing up to do. Then he was a kid that though the world would give him everything that he needed, without much effort. He had grown up to realize, that world would not give him anything that he did not work for; he knew that he was lucky that he had a group of people who supported and loved him, despite his abilities and disabilities. And yet six months ago, he almost let that slip way when he tried to commit suicide. He regretted what he did, but his mother and Stephanie still supported him. Jeremy had grown up.
Frank was still in Iraq, which was not easy for him, as he wanted to be home with his family, but the mission that he was commanding did not allow for that, even though General Holden had made the efforts to get him home. He had tried to imagine was his wife and son had gone through, and again he was not there for them.
"Good morning, Jeremy," Denise said as Jeremy walked into the kitchen.
"Morning, Mom." Jeremy in his usual morning grogginess.
"You look tired, did you not sleep well last night?" Denise asked concerned that the pain in Jeremy's had kept him up. It had been decided that Jeremy was no longer allowed to a prescription for pain killers. It had been Jeremy's decision after his attempted suicide to not have the prescription. It was often very tough on Jeremy when the pain in his knee got so bad that it affected his sleep, but it was a conscious choice that he thought that he had to make.
"No, I did not sleep well last night." Jeremy yawned. Jeremy was well aware that the prescription painkillers would help his situation, but he did not want to take the meds for fear that he might in some weak moment try to over dose again. Denise respected his decision, but was still concerned that the pain was going to affect Jeremy.
Denise had seen many patients that lived with perpetual pain. And that pain often eroded the patients' demeanor and personality to the point of depression and despair. The memory of walking into Jeremy's room six months ago, to see him almost die was still an extremely vivid memory. Depression was a very real thing, and she did not want to see Jeremy suffer any more than he had to with the despair and loneliness.
"Why? Did you not sleep well?" Denise questioned knowing full well the answer, but she was hoping that they could revisit the conversation about the meds.
"Well, Stephanie and I talked on the phone for awhile, and she was upset, because her mother called her last night, out of the blue, and said that she wanted to see Stephanie again. And you know how well that would go. And I had a lot on my mind, I was thinking about Dad. Also, I was thinking about taking on a mentoring type roll with other wounded soldiers, kind of like a poster child of what not to do. And I know you are waiting for this answer… my knee hurt." Jeremy said with a sigh. He had been expecting the conversation that was about to transpire.
"WOW… poor Stephanie, when is her mother coming to visit?" Denise asked worrying about Stephanie.
"Stephanie was not sure. Her mom called and said that she wanted to talk, and she wanted to know what would work within Steph's schedule." Jeremy continued happy that he thought might have dodged the dreaded conversation.
"Tell me more about the mentoring project? I did not know that you were even thinking about anything like that?" Denise was very surprised at Jeremy's willingness to become a part of anything like that.
"It is something that Stephanie mentioned to me in passing about couple of weeks ago. At the time I blew her off. But she mentioned again last night and gave me more of the details. I am not entirely sure that I am capable of being the poster child of how not to re-act to a life changing injury. But I think I need to do something to… um…" Jeremy was not sure as to how to finish.
"Perhaps… you mean… give back?" Denise said putting words in Jeremy's mouth.
"Yeah… I guess." Jeremy replied.
"Well I am proud of you, and your Dad would be too." Denise said with a smile.
"I have not fully committed to the program. I wish Dad was here." Jeremy admitted.
"Me too. I have not heard from him in almost a week, I hope that he is ok." Denise said quietly. Jeremy carefully walked over to his mother and opened his arms to give her a hug. He often forgot how hard things were for his mother. She had been through a lot too, and he lost sight of that too.
Denise walked into to his embrace. She was amazed how grown up her son had become. The hug ended, and Denise just looked at her son, and started to say,