Cheers for all of your recent reviews. This chapter contains a flashback (Bold Italic) as always. Enjoy!
Chapter 36: Don't You Remember
Arizona,
I know you hate me, and you have every right to, but I have been trying to contact you now for the past three months. Having been unsuccessful so far, I am now writing to you, which I promise, will be my final attempt. I know you don't want me around, and that is perfectly understandable, but if you could just call me, and give me five minutes of your time, I will be forever grateful.
Things have been tough without you, and if I could ever take back the hurt I have caused you, I would, ten times over. I miss you more than you could ever know, and more than even care, but I hope that somewhere, anywhere, in the back of your mind, you miss me too. I don't deserve your time, and I don't deserve your forgiveness, but if you could just hear me out, it would mean the world to me, and more.
I chose to stop contacting you a few weeks back because I figured you were moving on, but I can't. I cannot live my life knowing you are out there, somewhere, without me. Especially not until you have heard the full story, the one which I tried to explain to you the night you answered my call. If you have moved on and found someone else, then I will leave you be. People may have meddled in our relationship, but I would never do that to you. I want you to be happy, and I want you to live an amazing life, and if you truly have found that with someone else, then I only have myself to blame. You Arizona Robbins, are the most amazing woman ever to have walked into my life, and the thought of never seeing you again, or looking into those perfect baby blues, is slowly killing me inside. I know that the longer time goes on without you seeing me, you will get over me, and if that has already happened, if you are already over me and our relationship, then I am truly sorry for writing you this letter and bringing up the past.
My tour is ending in five days, and I hope to hear from you before then. I want to come home to Seattle, and to you, but if I hear nothing from you, I will take that as my cue to leave you alone for good. Please call me. I have so much that I need to say about that night.
Please watch the DVD enclosed. If it will be the last time that you ever hear from me, then I need you to know how I feel. I need you to know that I want to make this work, and I need you to know that you are the only person I will ever need. The music, and the money? None of it matters. The only thing that matters right now is that I know I tried, and that you know that I will always love you. No matter how many years we spend apart, I will never love anyone again. You stole my heart the night you walked into that Seattle bar, and the one thing I know for sure, is that I will never give it to anyone else again.
It's been three months, Arizona, and I need to hear your voice. I need you to tell me what to do, and I need you. I know you said I'm nothing to you anymore, but I want to be something again.
I Love You,
Calliope Xx
Glancing up from the tear stained paper beneath her, Arizona sighed. She had received Callie's letter over a week ago, and no matter how much her heart broke for the other woman and their failed relationship, she couldn't pick up the phone, and she couldn't contact her. The DVD that she sent, was sat on the counter, untouched, and every time she thought about playing it, she stopped herself. She didn't want to be reminded of the face who broke her heart, and she didn't want to be reminded of the beautiful voice that serenaded her most nights. Every time she thought about her ex, she could only see the disgust, and the embarrassment in brown eyes, and right now, that was the one thing stopping her from calling Callie.
Since leaving San Fransisco the day after she handed Callie her engagement ring back, Arizona had thrown herself into her work. It had been the one constant in her life, and it had always been there when she needed to offload. Since returning, a little over three months ago, the blondes work had shown what she was truly capable of when she wasn't distracted by love. Having been promoted to editor of the magazine, she now spent six days a week working, and was barely ever home. Not being home meant not having to miss her ex fiancé. She would be lying if she said she hadn't found it difficult, but she couldn't bring herself to even contemplate talking to Callie, let alone seeing her. The blonde had slowly began to build her walls back up, and right now, she was in no mood for anyone, including the brunette, to try breaking them down. It wasn't what she needed, so she would concentrate on her work, and her photography, and eventually, her life would begin to even itself back out again.
She had avoided all types of social media, and hadn't picked up a magazine since leaving San Fransisco. Her friends had tried to slip Callie's success into their conversations, but the blonde would quickly shoot them down. She didn't want to know about how well she was doing, and she didn't want to know if her and her assistant were together. It was no longer her business, so she chose not to know.
Sipping on her coffee, she began switching her gaze between the letter her ex had written her, and the DVD she had sent with it. The past two days had been harder than most because she knew there was something on that disc meant specifically for her. It was different to hearing Callie's music play on the radio while she was preparing her breakfast, and it was different to the numerous texts and calls she had received begging to hear her voice. Whatever was recorded on that disc, was personal, and it had been thought out with a lot of care.
Sliding her hand along the counter, she picked up the DVD and stared at it for a little while. Her interest getting the better of her, she removed herself from the kitchen stool and placed it in the player. Sitting back on the couch, she gave herself a few minutes before hitting the play button.
Her breath becoming shallow, she held back tears as she watched the beautiful face of her ex fiancé appear on her tv screen. She looked tired, and she looked worn. Unsure of whether it was her guilt eating away at her, or the fact that she had been touring for almost six months, Arizona tried hard not to allow her sympathy for the brunette to take over the fact that she still couldn't bare to look at her.
The DVD showed nothing more than Callie sitting on a stool with her guitar. The room she was in, darkened, and the recording in black and white, Arizona focused in on the soft light bouncing off of the brunettes face, slightly lighting her dark brown eyes.
Hearing the sound of her guitar begin to sound out throughout the open plan space, the blonde closed her eyes and focused on her breathing. What came next, was the most beautiful sound she had ever heard, and had missed for three months.
When will I see you again?
You left with no goodbye,
Not a single word was said,
No final kiss to seal any sins,
I had no idea of the state we were in,
I know I have a fickle heart and a bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and heaviness in my head,
But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more
Pulling her knees up to her chest, Arizona took in the words from the woman on her TV screen. She knew Callie had a way with words, but these words were different. These words directly questioned the blonde through the screen, and she found herself almost wanting to pick up the phone and answer them.
When was the last time you thought of me?
Or have you completely erased me from your memory?
I often think about where I went wrong,
The more I do, the less I know,
But I know I have a fickle heart and a bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,
But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,
Gave you the space so you could breathe,
I kept my distance so you would be free,
And hoped that you'd find the missing piece,
To bring you back to me,
Why don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember you used to love me
When will I see you again?
Holding onto her body, Arizona broke down. The months of keeping Callie off of her mind had all rolled into one huge emotion, and now, her body was reacting, and allowing her to grieve for their relationship. She did miss her, more than she thought imaginable, and she thought about her all the time. Did she remember her? Of course she did, she couldn't get her off of her mind, and every smell or sensation reminded her of Calliope Torres in one way or another. Closing her eyes, she tried to steady herself. The first thing she thought of was the night she got back to her hotel room and Callie tried to make contact.
Stepping inside her hotel room, Arizona threw her luggage into the middle of the room and climbed into the bed. It was cold, and it was unfamiliar, but right now, it was all she had. No longer did she have an amazingly beautiful fiancé who wanted to give her the world and more. No longer did she have the most amazing nights filled with love making and repeated 'I love you's'. No longer did she have anything. She was alone, and it felt awful. Sure, the couple had fought in the past and split up, but it was always salvageable. It always felt like they could get back to their happy place, but this time, this time was different. Callie had betrayed the blondes trust in the worst way imaginable and there was no way of coming back from this.
Arizona couldn't bare to think about her ex. The only thoughts in her head were those of her assistant writhing beneath the brunette, and it turned her stomach. How could she do this? How could she cheat? Arizona was coming up with nothing. She had no reasoning for it, and she had never in a million years thought that her fiancé, her one true love, would hurt her in this way. Hearing her cell buzz in her pocket, she pulled it out.
We need to talk. Callie Xx
Tears falling, Arizona had nothing left inside of her. She knew that Callie would try to win her round, but it wasn't like the other times. It wasn't as simple as kissing and making up. Dialling her ex fiancés number, Arizona waited for the call to connect.
"I have nothing else to say to you, Callie. Please don't contact me again."
"Arizona, please hear me out. Claire has just been here and she told me everything."
"Oh, I've been gone what? thirty minutes and she is already in your hotel room?
"It's not like that, baby."
Wincing at the term of endearment, Arizona scoffed. "Don't Callie. Don't call me that. I told you, I don't want to know, and I no longer care about what you do or don't have to say. My care, and my love for you stopped the minute you slept with another woman."
"But I didn't, that's the thi-" Callie's words where cut off as she heard the line go dead. She had so much she wanted to say to Arizona, and so many things to work out, but she needed her to know that nothing happened.
Throwing her cell phone to the floor, Arizona pulled the cover up over her body and hoped that sleep would soon take over. Her life had crumbled around her, and right now, she didn't know what to do. Tomorrow, she would book a flight home, and some time in the near future, she would begin rebuilding her life. A life without Callie, and a life without the most amazing love she had ever known.
Pulling herself from her thoughts, the blonde checked the time. It was nearing five in the afternoon, and she needed a drinking buddy. Hitting the message tab on her cell, she sent off a quick message.
Hey, you fancy hitting one of the local bars tonight? You know, with you being new around here? - Arizona.
Hey, sure. That would be awesome. What time? - Dana
Say 7pm? Are you familiar with Joes bar? - Arizona.
7 sounds great. Yeah, I passed Joes yesterday. Catch you then - Dana.
Tonight would be her first night off in over four weeks, so she decided it would be better to be out of the house, than sit in it and think about her failed past life. Heading down the hallway, the blonde stepped into the bathroom and began her preparations for the night ahead. It would be good to catch up with Meredith, and finally hold a conversation with her new photographer….outside of the workplace. Dana seemed like a nice girl, and although Arizona had only spoken to her on a couple of occasions, she decided it would be nice to make her feel a little more welcome. She was the editor now, and she wanted her staff to be happy to be around her.
Making her way down the street, Callie pulled her jacket around her tight. The evening chill was setting in, and although she enjoyed the feeling of the breeze in the air, she was tired and she just wanted to get inside. She didn't have time to reminisce with herself about the Seattle whether, and she didn't have time to stroll down the street.
It had become harder for her to go out in public alone, with people often stopping her for pictures, so now, she found herself hurrying along with the hope that no one caught sight of her.
Stepping inside, she heard the familiar jingle of the bell above the door. Closing her eyes briefly at the memory, she moved further inside and crossed the distance to the bar.
"You've got some nerve showing up in here don't you think?" The dirty blonde gave Callie a look of disgust.
"I haven't come here to argue, Meredith." the brunette sighed.
"What have you come here for then? A new piece to take back to your hotel because you are lonely? There's no other reason for you to be here." Meredith laughed as she walked away.
"I've come here for a drink." Callie spoke barely above a whisper, and to herself. "Can I get a rum and coke, please?"
"Guess so." the dirty blonde shrugged. "I hope you're not here for what I think you're here for?"
"What's that?" the brunette furrowed her brow.
"Arizona!"
"She has made it perfectly clear that she doesn't want to see me Meredith. I'm just here to have a drink."
"So why couldn't you go to another bar. Why are you even in Seattle?" the dirty blonde questioned. "I mean, you have no reason to be here anymore."
"I don't have anywhere to be. I have no home." Callie sighed. "So I may as well be here, where I'm familiar with things."
"You broke her you know, Callie. You broke my best friend, so I'm sorry, but I can't be your friend right now."
"I know, and I wouldn't expect you to be. Maybe one day we can be friends. All of us." Callie shrugged as she left the bar and took a seat far away from anyone else. The empty space where her piano used to sit, nearby.
It was strange being back at Joe's. It was the place where she had proposed to Arizona, and now many months later, she was sat here….single. She had no reason to be angry at her ex, and even though she had tried for months to get her to listen, she knew it was her own fault, and she only had herself to blame. Walking into the bar, she fully expected a hostile reception from her exes best friend, and right now, she felt like she shouldn't be here. Taking out her iPod, she popped her earphones in, and sat back, sipping on her drink.
Unaware of the bell above the door jingling once again, Callie closed her eyes and thought back to the times her and Arizona were happy.
Making her way through the growing crowd of people, Arizona stepped up to the bar. Her best friends eyes widening when she caught sight of her, the blonde furrowed her brow. "Jeez, Mer, you could look a little happier to see me."
"What? No, I am happy to see you. I just um, I didn't expect you to come by." the dirty blonde gave an awkward smile. "How are you?"
"Terrible. That dvd she sent me? I watched it." Arizona sighed as she propped her chin up in the palm of her hand. "It was beautiful, and heartbreaking."
"Oh."
"Oh? That's all you have to say? You are supposed to be helping me through this, Mer." the blonde rolled her eyes.
"I am, it's just, um-" cut off by another woman approaching the bar, Meredith had a confused look on her face.
"Hi, Arizona. Sorry I'm late."
"Hey, it's no problem. I've only just arrived myself. Meredith, this is Dana. Dana, this is my best friend Meredith."
"Nice to meet you, Dana." Meredith threw her friend a wink. "So, what brings you two here tonight?"
"Just thought I'd show the newbie around. Have a few drinks." Arizona shrugged. "Care to join us when you finish up behind there?"
"Um, obviously. I'll bring the shots over soon. What can I get you for now?"
"White wine for me, and Dana?"
"Oh, I'll have a Jack and coke please." the redhead smiled.
"No problem. Take a seat and I'll bring them right over." Meredith eyed her friend as she moved away from the bar. "Not that way! Sit over the other side."
"Um, okay?" blue eyes narrowed. "What's going on, Mer?"
"N-Nothing." her friends shook her head. "Just a bit dull over that side."
"Yeah, sure it is." the blonde raised an eyebrow and made her way to an empty table.
A couple of minutes later, Meredith returned with their drinks, and promised to join them once her shift had ended. Eying Callie as she made her way back to the bar, the dirty blonde could see that she wasn't aware of her exes presence. Oh thank God. Maybe she will leave soon.
"So, what do you think of the office so far?" Arizona sat back in her chair and took a sip of her wine.
"It's great. I mean, it's so much easier being here with David working just around the corner. I thought I would have to stay back in Boston but you saved my life, and probably my marriage."
"Yeah, Miranda said you had asked for a transfer. I'm happy I could help. Your portfolio is awesome, and I'm sure you will be a great asset to the team." The blonde smiled.
"Thanks. I've heard great things about you, and I want to know what kind of assignments you've been lucky enough to take on, but first, would you mind if I just use the bathroom?" the redhead questioned.
"Not at all. That will give me a little longer to think about my favourites."
A couple of minutes later, Arizona's new colleague returned, with a starstruck look on her face. "Um, either I'm seeing things, or that is Callie freaking Torres."
"Wait, what?" Arizona furrowed her brow and focused on the shadow over the other side of the bar. "It can't be."
"Um, pretty sure it is. Oh my god, do you think she would mind if I asked her to sign something for me? Do you have her album? It's amazing. A little sad, but amazing."
"I'm sorry, what?" the blonde couldn't hear what was going on around her. Her eyes focusing and confirming her friends suspicions, Arizona panicked. "I, um, could you just give me a minute please?"
"Sure." Dana smiled.
Rushing over to the bar, Arizona gave Meredith a 'help me' look and pulled her into the corner. "Why the hell didn't you tell me she was here?"
"I couldn't. I tried, but the words just wouldn't come out. I didn't want to say anything while you were with your date."
"What? Dana is not my date. She just started at the office, and she's straight, and married, before you go off on that one." Arizona rolled her eyes. "I can't be here. Not while she is sitting across the room. Meredith I haven't seen her in three months. I can't be here."
"So I'll ask her to leave. You deserve a night off. You've been working your ass off, so if anyone is leaving, it's her." Meredith stated.
"No, you can't ask her to leave. Then she will know I'm here. Oh god. I, um, go and make small talk with Dana."
"Where are you going?"
"To the bathroom. She is bound to spot me, Mer. I need a couple of minutes to die!"
"Wow, that's a little extreme don't you think?" the dirty blonde laughed. "Just ignore her. I think she gets it now."
"Gets what?"
"That you are over her. I spoke to her before." Meredith shrugged.
"Who said I was over her?"
"Wait, you're not?"
"No, I'm not." blue eyes dropped their gaze to the floor. "I'll never be over Calliope Torres, but I'm not about to take her back either."
"So what are you going to do?"
"Nothing. I'm going to continue living my life, or at least trying to, and she is going to do as she pleases." Arizona stated as she moved away from her friend. "Keep Dana company, I'll be back soon."
Weaving her way through the crowd, Arizona kept her head down. She couldn't let Callie see her right now, she wasn't prepared. Glancing out of the corner of her eye, she found the table her ex had been occupying, empty. Oh thank God, she's gone.
Breathing a sigh of relief, the blonde picked up her pace and made her way into the bathroom. Frozen in her spot, she found a certain brunette looking back at herself in the mirror. Silence fell over the couple, and their surroundings disappeared.
Unable to turn around, Callie continued to look at Arizona through the reflective glass in front of her. Her heart beating out of her chest, she closed her eyes, and hoped that this encounter wouldn't be like the last.
"Sorry, I didn't know you were in here. I'll, um, I'll come back." the blonde stated as she turned to leave.
"No, I'll leave. I'm sorry, I-I shouldn't be here." Callie turned around to face her ex, and her heart broke all over again. Shaking her head, a single tear fell. "I'm sorry."
The brunettes perfume sending her dizzy, Arizona turned around and blocked the doorway. "Then why are you here?"
Hearing the softer tone of her exes voice, Callie lifted her gaze from the floor and met baby blue. "I don't know."
"You don't know much do you?" the blonde scoffed.
"Why didn't you call me?" Callie's voice almost childlike.
"Why did you sleep with another woman?" Arizona spat. She didn't mean to be so harsh, but she had been caught of guard, and she wasn't sure how to approach the situation.
"I-I didn't." Brown eyes dropped their gaze back to the floor. "That's why I've been trying to call you."
"What are you talking about, Callie?" the blonde rolled her eyes. "Please don't lie to me. Not after all this time. I just want the truth."
"It is the truth. I didn't sleep with her. Nothing happened." Callie shrugged. She was tired, and she didn't have much fight left in her.
"Sure it didn't. What happened? Did she decide she just wanted a one night stand and now you are lonely?"
"Look, I've finally told you what really happened, and you still insist on putting me down. I know you don't love me anymore, and that's okay, because I've come to terms with how fucking stupid I've been." the brunette moved towards the door and snaked her arm behind Arizona's back, reaching for the handle. "I told you my letter would be the last of my contact, and I will stick by my word. You've moved on, and I'm happy for you."
Turning back before she left Arizona for the final time, brown eyes locked onto blue. "I mean, who wants to be in a relationship with a whore anyway?"
Watching her ex leave, tears fell from blue eyes. Placing her hand over her mouth, she let out a sob. Oh god, I never meant to call her that. Not only had the brunette caught her off guard by being here, but she was no longer going to fight for their relationship. It wasn't what Arizona had ever had in mind, but seeing Callie left her feeling different. What does she mean nothing happened? The blonde was struggling to understand what her ex had said only moments before. Struggling, but interested. Contemplating following after Callie, she stopped herself. I can't. It's not my place to chase after her anymore. Leaning back against the sink unit, Arizona wrapped her arms around herself, the smell of Callie's familiar perfume still hanging in the air.
Stepping out of the shower, Callie felt a sense of peace. Having seen her ex for the first time in three months, she knew that Arizona no longer had any feelings for her, and although it hurt deeply, it gave the brunette a little closure. She wouldn't spend her days wondering if Arizona thought about her, and she wouldn't spend her nights curled up in bed crying. She could now try to move forward, and no longer wonder….what if?
Pulling on some underwear, and an oversized shirt, the brunette crawled into bed and hit the power button on the TV. She hated spending the night in bed alone. She hated everything that reminded her of her old life. Hearing her cell buzz, she reached over and hit the call button.
"Hello?"
"Hey, how's my superstar?"
"Hi, Darryl. I'm alright. You?"
"Great. Your sales have hit 10million, Cal."
"Wow, that's good."
"You could be a little more enthusiastic, Torres. You've worked your ass off for this."
"Yeah, I guess I have. Just not feeling it right now."
"Ah, your girl still playing hard to get?"
"She's not my girl, Darryl."
"Sorry, I just figured your two would be back together by now."
"Yeah, no such luck. So, what's new?"
"Well, tickets for your next tour go on sale in a couple of weeks. You have about eight weeks off before we have to get going again."
"Okay? Where are we headed this time?"
"Europe, Torres."
"Jeez, that's going to be an experience. Guess I should prepare, huh?"
"Yeah, you definitely should. Maybe this tour will be good for you. Take your mind off of everything back home."
"What home? I don't have a home. I'm living in a freaking hotel."
"So go buy one. You have a tonne of money sitting in your account. Treat yourself. Maybe a new car too?"
"Goodnight, Darryl. I'm hanging up now."
"Night, Cal. You take care."
Placing her cell back down, Callie snuggled down and checked out the room service menu. Eying a few things she'd missed since being away, she called down and ordered herself a whole selection of foods. Flicking through the channels, she found a movie, and settled down.
Twenty minutes later, she heard a light knocking on her hotel door. Satisfied that her shirt was covering enough of her body, she removed herself from her bed, and crossed the short distance to the door. Unlocking it, and opening it, she furrowed her brow.
"Arizona?"
Thanks for reading, guys. I look forward to reading your reviews.
Song was 'Don't You Remember' by Adele.
I've noticed a few reviews asking 'Why they can't just be happy?'. They can, but honestly, who would read a story that consisted of pure fluff and no drama? I know I wouldn't. If this was to be a happily ever after from day one kind of fic, then it would have ended around 20 chapter ago.
Let's be honest guys, we love a load of drama. It's what keeps people reading.