Wow, what a response. We are thrilled with how you guys embraced last chapter. We thought for sure things would go a much different direction. Thank you go all those who left reviews and welcome to the new readers!
The song for this chapter is "Better than Me" by Hinder www#youtube#com/watch?v=TEXBmw2jBcA and here is the pictease: sfairportlimo#net/images/slider-img2#jpg
Big thanks to LJ Summers and AshesAshes for your magical fairy dust on this chapter.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter Thirty-Three: Panic
I awoke from my half-state of sleep early, figuring it was a decent hour; the sun was rising and I could hear the twitter of birds in the trees outside, indicating the world was beginning to stir. I'd lain in bed most of the night thinking about what the morning would bring. I knew I needed to have a conversation with Edward, but every way I tried to run the scenario in my head was worse than the last. I needed to be brave enough, strong enough to face Edward and just lay things out on the line for him. I couldn't keep shutting him out and expect him to stay.
The sheets were soft against my skin, and I could feel Edward's warm body wrapped around me like always. For a brief moment, I wanted to let his comfort envelop me but that felt wrong as the memories from the night before returned. Guilt and confusion crashed into me like a freight train. Edward shifted behind me as I drew a breath in sharply and stiffened as he nestled in closer.
"You came to bed," he said in a quiet, raspy voice, stroking my upper arm. I closed my eyes, feeling exhausted and worn thin. The panic I'd felt the night before still simmered under the surface, as did the tears. "How did you sleep?"
"Fine," I lied, the word sticking in my throat.
He trailed his fingertips down my arm and across my side, gently fluttering along my hip and to my leg. One hand cupped my breast and the other softly slipped between my legs, lightly brushing along my inner thighs. His touch was gentle, coaxing and yet, I felt nothing but tension. "Edward, I—"
"Shh," he whispered cutting me off. "Forget about what happened last night. You don't have to explain anything right now. What matters is that you came back and are here with me now."
Again, his fingers started to wander and I lashed out, needing him to stop. "Don't touch me," I blurted out. "I can't, Edward!" I sat up, and turned away from him, intent on getting out of bed. Just as my feet were about to hit the floor, I stopped and bowed my head, my fingers trembling as they clutched the fabric of the covers. "Please," I said softly.
Immediately recoiling, he said, "I'm sorry," sounding horrified. "I was trying to . . . I-I never meant to do anything you didn't want me to do. Bella, I'm sorry."
I felt him reach out toward me but I couldn't make myself relax and go back to him. Instead, I gripped the sheets tighter, willing the tears not to fall. "I know." My voice was tense and strained with the effort not to cry. "I just—I'd like to get back to the city."
Dropping the hand that was extended toward me, he sighed and sat up "Bella . . . ."
"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I just really need to get back. I have things I need to do."
As the lies began to build, the guilt I felt in my stomach began to churn. I felt like I was going to be sick. Edward gently ran his palm along my upper arm, causing my throat to ache as I swallowed to suppress the tears. He was silent for a long time and I felt the soft inhale and exhale of his breath as the bed shifted ever so slightly. When he finally responded, it was with a muffled curse. He moved to get out of bed and reached to put on a pair of pants. I glanced over my shoulder when he didn't say anything more, and found him staring at me through the mirror across the room facing the bed. He ran a hand through his hair and nodded once, never turning his eyes away from me. When he finally spoke again, his voice came out quiet and deflated. "Why don't you take a shower and I'll pull something together for breakfast."
I didn't respond, simply nodded and watched as he shook his head slightly before walking out of the room.
I stood up, letting the sheet fall back onto the bed and grabbed clothes from the suitcase. I went in the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind me and the sob I'd been struggling to hold in broke loose. I dropped my clothes and wrapped my arms around myself as I sank down to my knees, burying my head in my lap.
I struggled to breathe as my chest heaved and my shoulders shook uncontrollably. Lifting my head, I stared at myself in the mirror, no longer recognizing the woman who was staring back at me. What was wrong with me? The look on Edward's face as he turned away from me in the bedroom completely broke the remaining pieces of my mending heart. I was trying to spare him pain by ending things before he got hurt and instead, I'd managed to make it worse. Every choice I made was the wrong one.
I felt the bile in my stomach rise and I lunged forward to the toilet, just in time throw up. Flushing it, I stood up on shaky legs and turned on the shower, not caring what temperature I'd set it to. Needing to rid my mouth of the taste of sickness, I brushed my teeth and stepped in.
I washed quickly, tossed my hair up in a messy bun, and threw on some basic makeup, figuring I'd keep my sunglasses on for the ride home. It was a cowardly move, but I couldn't stand to look Edward in the eyes just yet. With every minute that ticked by, I felt worse.
I walked out of the bathroom, and could see Edward sitting in a chair on the private patio through the window. A frown furrowed his brow and he was absently tugging at his hair while slowly drumming his fingers on his thigh. He appeared deep in thought and didn't even turn his head when I walked outside. I sat at the chair not far from his, looking down at the table covered in food. Edward had put out coffee, fruit, and bagels with cream cheese but food was the last thing on my mind.
"You should eat," he said without turning to look at me. His face was still blank and his voice sounded oddly flat. "If that doesn't work for you, let me know and I'll get something else."
"It's fine. Thank you," I added quickly.
Reaching for a cup, I poured coffee from the carafe. I took a small bowl of fruit, in an attempt to make peace with Edward, but every bite I swallowed tasted like mush to my queasy stomach.
I ate in silence while Edward continued to stare into the distance. Once I was done with the fruit, I set the plate aside and reached to pull my phone out of my back pocket. I hadn't used it since we'd arrived and I figured I should turn it back on. I fiddled with it for a moment then set it down on the table between us while it loaded and I waited for the messages to sync. Clutching my coffee mug in my hands, I clung to the warmth, feeling it heat my frozen hands. My phone beeped several times as the various alerts went off, each sounding like a siren in the otherwise-silent air between Edward and me. I picked up my phone, checking my work email first and sighed at the number that had accumulated. Edward turned and looked at me, his face drawn, his eyes tired and sad.
"You really should eat something more than just fruit. We have a long drive back to the city with traffic," Edward said.
"I'm not terribly hungry, but I'll take a bagel in the car with me."
"No, you should eat now," he lightly scolded. "It won't—never mind. Is there anything else I can get you? I wasn't sure what you wanted."
I shook my head. "This was great, thank you."
He sighed heavily and stood up, reaching for the plate with the bagels. "Once you're finished we'll head out." With that, he walked back into the house, avoiding eye contact with me the entire time.
I set my phone down and took a heavy breath. I expected to hear the sliding-glass door close after Edward but it didn't. Instead, I heard him set the plate down on a nearby table and he spoke.
"Bella, we can't keep doing this. Before you and I get back to the city, we need to talk. I'm trying so hard . . . Of all things you should know I would never force myself on you."
"Edward, I—"
"No, let me finish," he interrupted. I closed my mouth and stood up to face him. "What happened last night—I can understand how that would have been a little overwhelming. But you know I'm not trying to push you."
"Edward, I know and I'm sorry. . . ."
"Yeah, I know. You're sorry—and I believe you. I've heard you say those words more than I can count. I know you're head's a mess and it's taking you time to get over Riley, but when are you going to open your eyes and see what's in front of you? When are you going to see that life is passing you by while you pine over a man who doesn't care about you anymore?"
His words cut into me like a knife, sinking straight to my heart. I drew in a sharp breath and my eyes filled with tears. "Edward, you know nothing about Riley or my relationship with him," I said in a slow, measured tone.
"That's my point!" he suddenly shouted, causing me to flinch. "You won't let me. I've spent the past five months trying to be understanding and patient while you sort through things in your mind, but I've got to say, I'm tired of watching you take one step forward and then two steps back."
"Well I'm sorry it's been so difficult for you, Edward." My anger was starting to build. "Might I remind you, I've never asked you for anything. I didn't even want to see you again after that first night, in case you forgot."
Hurt flashed across his face as my words hit him. Immediately, I felt remorse but it was the truth. "You're right. I took a chance, hoping you'd come around and that the person I saw in you would eventually decide to start living again. All I ever wanted was to be there for you. I wanted to help put you back together again but now I'm starting to ask myself, why?" There was bitterness in his voice I'd never heard before.
"I never asked you to do that! God, I didn't ask you for anything!" I said, my voice rising along with my anger.
"And I should have listened but I didn't. Turns out, I was wrong. You're never going to move on because you don't want to." His words hit home, making me cringe. My phone rang, cutting the tension that hung heavily in the air between us.
"I've been more patient and understanding than most guys would have been and yet, you still shut me out. I brought you here, hoping that you could just be with me and leave everything behind back in the city. And we were; the last two days, you were so free and beautiful. Didn't that mean anything to you? How can one conversation with total strangers change so much between us?" The hurt in his eyes returned, replacing the anger that had taken over his features. "I should have known this would be a mistake to bring you here," he said, his voice growing softer. Edward nodded to my phone and continued. "You might as well answer it; it might be something important."
He said the words flatly but the meaning behind them was clear. I knew what he meant by it. He was inferring he wasn't important and that he didn't matter to me. "Edward, I—"
He cut me off again, "No, I'm tired of hearing excuses and the 'I'll try to do better' speech. Trying to make a relationship work with you was a mistake. I should have known better."
We were both silent for a long moment before he continued. "If you can't set that phone down and make us a priority, I guess I'll have my answer as to where I stand in your life. I've asked for so little up until now, but I've reached my limit."
Edward and I stared at each other as my phone continued to ring. He broke eye contact, looked briefly at the phone in my hand, then back at my face. His gaze was stoic, as if he was almost daring me to answer it. My fingers itched to look at the caller ID, anything to break the tension.
His voice was biting when he spoke. "This was never the way I intended to tell you, but damn it, Bella, I love you. If you can't choose me just once, I can't keep doing this."
Edward's words left me reeling. He was in love with me? I didn't know what to say.
Seconds passed, each one feeling longer than the one before as my mind raced. As if on autopilot, I looked at my phone again, seeing Charlie's name on the display. I wrinkled my brow, questioning why he would be calling. Surely, when Edward made arrangements, he'd told Charlie we'd be back later that night. He wouldn't have called unless it was an emergency. I looked at Edward again, watching as he sighed and ever so slightly nodded his head as I raised the phone to my ear to answer. His jaw tightened and I saw him square his shoulders.
My voice rough with suppressed emotion, I answered the phone. "Dad?" I couldn't imagine what he was calling about but I could feel something wasn't right. As soon as I said the word, Edward turned to go in the house, not even bothering to close the door behind him.
"Bella, I'm sorry to ring so early. Did I wake you?" Charlie asked, slight urgency in his voice.
"No, is everything okay?"
He cleared his throat. "Bella, there's been an accident . . . Riley was hit by a car late last night while he was out on a run."
My fingers went numb as my grip slipped on my phone, sending it crashing to the cement floor. My knees went weak; I reached for the chair beside me for support as I scrambled to pick up my phone. The blood flowing through my veins seemed to turn ice cold and, though I could hear Charlie talking as I pressed the speaker back to my ear, I couldn't make out his words as a picture of Riley flashed before my eyes.
"Tell me he's okay," I barely croaked out.
"He was taken to MedStar in Georgetown. Amanda called us last night on her way to catch a flight to D.C. She said she tried to call you but only got your voicemail, so your mother told her we'd take care of things." He must have heard me hyperventilating because he quickly added, "Bella, just breathe." My heart was racing and my chest constricted as I fought to catch my breath. Hearing his words caused me to breathe deep, expelling it slowly through my nose. "I know you're out of the city, so I want you to just keep calm until we hear anything further."
"I'm leaving," I said automatically. "We'd already planned to leave shortly and I'll be on my way soon." As soon as the words left my mouth, I turned to go into the house to finish gathering my things.
"Bella, don't end your weekend with Edward over this. Just come back by the house when you get back and we'll get an update from Amanda. She's supposed to call later this morning once she gets an update," Charlie said reassuringly.
Edward's name in the conversation made me realize where I was and that I had no car. I was at his mercy to get home. "Shit," I muttered under my breath. "Just call me when you hear from Amanda, okay?"
"Okay," he agreed. "Don't worry, Bella. I'm sure Riley's in good hands."
"Thanks for calling, Dad," I said softly. Still dazed and reeling from the news, I hung up the phone and went in search of Edward. We had so much we needed to talk about, but I desperately needed to get back to the city.
I called out his name as I went back inside through the bedroom, but it was empty, and his suitcase was missing. I went through the house, finally finding him beside the front door, writing a note. He didn't even look up as I stepped closer to him. Once he finished, he dropped the pen and fished the keys to the house out of his pocket and placed them on top of the letter.
"Edward, I know we need to talk," I said, wiping the tears off my cheeks. "But I—"
"No. No more. You made your choice, Bella. I'm done." His voice was flat and final, and I hardly recognized him with the cold expression he wore. He grabbed his suitcase and yanked open the front door, stepping outside.
"Edward, wait, please," I pleaded with him. "Let me get the rest of my things together. . . ."
He didn't look at me again, merely yanked the door shut behind him with a slam that echoed through the house. I chased after him, realizing he was pissed and wanted to distance himself but I needed a ride back to the city. If he left, I was stranded. As soon as he reached the car, he tossed his things in the back seat and moved around to the driver's side.
"Edward, you can't leave me here!" I cried, trying to catch up.
Pain briefly shot through his face as he looked at me one last time before climbing in. Just as the door closed, I heard him mutter, "Find your own way home."
With that, he started the car, threw it in reverse, and peeled out.
A cloud of dust rose up and hung in the air as I stood there staring after him.
I stifled back tears and turned to go in the house, frantically thumbing through the numbers in my phone to find my father's driver, Eleazar. I dialed him, mentally begging him to pick up.
I heaved a sigh of relief when he answered on the second ring. "Miss Swan," he said warmly. "It's good to hear from you."
"Eli," I hastened. "I need you, Eli."
Worry laced his voice as he answered, "Of course, what do you need?"
I briefly filled him in on the fact that I was in Napa and needed a ride back to the city as fast as possible. I turned to check the house number and wracked my brain trying to remember the name of the street we were on. I finally got it for him after rushing back inside and finding it on the paperwork by the house phone.
"I'm on my way, Miss Swan, you just hang tight." I could hear the muffled sounds of him getting in his car.
"Thanks," I managed before I disconnected the call and stumbled into the living room. I dropped onto the couch, trembling as I cried. Through blurry eyes, I brought up the missed messages from earlier this weekend. There was a cheerful text from Ness on Friday morning about having a great weekend with Edward, and one from Riley from later on Friday because he hadn't heard from me when he called on my birthday. It only made me sob harder. There were several voice-mails from Renee, and finally the one from Amanda.
Tears coursed down my cheeks as I heard her familiar voice. It had been almost a year since I'd talked to her and even through the panic and tears I recognized my friend.
"Bella?" she said shakily. "I need you to call me as soon as you get this. I just got a call and I'm on my way to D.C. Bella . . . Riley's been in an accident, he was hit by a car while he was out running tonight. He was taken to MedStar Hospital in Georgetown and is unconscious." Her voice broke. "God, Bella, I'm so scared. Our parents are out of the country right now and can't get back for a few more days. I'm freaking out. Please call me."
The phone slipped from my suddenly-numb fingers onto the couch and I lowered my head to my knees. I cried for a long time, reeling from Edward's declaration and abrupt departure and the news about Riley. Unconscious? My heart stuttered at the thought. What if he was in a coma? What if he was brain dead? What if he died?
I had no idea how long it had been before I finally raised my head and forced myself to get up. I tried to reach Amanda back but her phone went straight to voicemail. I left her a hasty message telling her I'd be there as soon as possible and to call me immediately.
Moving on automatic pilot, I hastily threw stuff in my suitcase, my heart clenching when I realized Edward's blue shirt was still hanging in the closet beside my dress. I clutched it in my hand for a moment, regret for the way things had ended coursing through me. I stifled a sob and shoved Edward's shirt into the suitcase along with my dress. I made a quick sweep of the place, gathering up my toiletries from the bathroom and double-checking that we'd gotten everything.
I was just finishing when I heard a brisk knock on the front door. I ran to it and threw myself into Eleazar's arms the moment I saw him. His embrace was warm and comforting and I let myself sink into his familiar embrace.
"Miss Swan . . . ." he said as I let go of him. His face was etched with worry.
"Will you take me to the airport, Eli?" I asked. "I have to get to D.C. Riley's been hurt." My voice broke and he wrapped an arm around me and grabbed my suitcase.
"Of course. Your father already filled me in on what's going on. I called him right after you called me for a ride. I was worried something was wrong and he told me about Mr. Biers. I'll get you there as fast as possible," he assured me. "I hope Mr. Biers will be all right."
"Me, too."
I locked the door, leaving the keys on the table where Edward had left them and we walked out to the car. Beth should have an extra set and, if there were problems with check-out, they could be dealt with later.
Eli helped me into the car and stowed my suitcase in the trunk. I buckled up, curling my legs underneath me. Eli was as good as his word, and we headed back to San Francisco. The battery on my phone was low so I dug through my shoulder bag to find a charger. I looked up the number to SFO and dialed to book a flight. Anxiously going through the endless automated menus, I finally reached a person.
Trying to remain calm and polite when I felt frantic, I managed to book the first flight to D.C. I could find. I had to get there as fast as possible. Once the ticket had been bought, I hung up, staring at my phone as I willed it to ring. Amanda or my father, even my mother, I didn't care who called me, I just needed an update on Riley.
No one called as the miles flew by and my anxiety increased. A thought occurred to me, and I looked up the patient information number for MedStar in Georgetown. I called and asked for Riley Biers's room, trying to tamp down the panic in my voice.
"Are you family, ma'am?" the polite female voice asked.
"I'm his fiancé," I lied.
I caught Eli's surprised look in the rearview mirror and I shrugged helplessly at him. I knew that I'd never get information about Riley otherwise.
"I'll transfer you to the nurse's station," she replied.
I waited for what felt like endless minutes as I was transferred and a crisp voice answered, "Intensive Care Unit, how can I help you?"
"This is Bella Swan calling about Riley Biers's status. I'm his fiancé."
There was a pause and she slowly said, "I don't see a fiancé listed in his file. I'm sorry, I'm afraid I can't answer any of your questions without his immediate family's approval."
"Is his sister, Amanda, available?" I said tightly. "I can't seem to reach her on her cell phone."
"One moment."
I forced myself to take slow, deep breaths as I waited for her to check, but my heart plummeted when she returned with disappointing news. "I'm sorry, she isn't here right now. Try calling back again later."
The phone call ended with a final sounding click and I stifled my frustration. I glanced up and recognized the familiar sights of the area surrounding the airport. Pulling myself together, I cleaned up my face and straightened my clothes, stuffing my phone and charger back in my bag.
I waited as Eli pulled up to the drop-off area and opened my door. He got my suitcase out for me and hugged me tightly as he said goodbye. "You just call me when you need a ride home, okay?"
"Okay," I agreed. "Thank you so much for coming to get me, Eli. You're a lifesaver."
"Any time, Miss Swan."
I gave him one final hug and wheeled my suitcase into the terminal, scanning the signs for the right ticket counter as I walked. Everything passed in a blur as I got my ticket, checked in, and went through security.
Waiting by the gate for the boarding announcement felt endless. I found my knee anxiously jiggling and I tried to force myself to remain still. I found an outlet along the wall and plugged my phone in to charge again. It was barely still alive and I knew it wouldn't make it all the way to D.C. before my battery gave out. I continued to wait, desperately hoping someone would call with an update but still, it remained silent. I tried not to let my mind drift to Edward, or to the worst-case scenarios regarding Riley.
It wasn't until I was finally seated on the plane and it taxied down the runway that I felt the knot in my chest ease a little. I was headed to D.C. and I'd finally be able to find out if Riley was all right.
Dun, dun, dun! So tell us, is Bella wrong for making the choice she did or is Edward out of line? Give us your thoughts and we'll see you next time.
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