It Was Only Time

Chapter 36 – I Saw Him At The Browns'

Brian...

Later that afternoon back in his room at the Omni, Brian kept thinking about Justin – the evens of the previous night and that morning replaying in his mind. He had two meetings with clients around lunch time and for he first time in his professional life Brian couldn't honestly remember what happened at either one. He was on autopilot the whole time, but he must have done alright, since the clients left the meetings satisfied. He decided to let Cynthia follow up with both parties and make discrete inquiries as to what the hell was said and agreed upon. At the moment none of that seemed to matter. Right now all Brian could think about was Justin's reaction to his confession and his refusal to give him a chance. Again, for the first time in his life he was completely uncertain where to go from here. He needed advice, or at the very least, a sympathetic ear. There was only one person that fit the bill – Lindsay.

"Hey, Linds..."

"Brian, Gus is next door at a friends..."

"That's OK. I'll talk to him tomorrow. I actually called to talk to you. Linds, listen, are you listening?"

"Yes, I'm listening. You sound...weird. What's wrong?"

"I saw him Lindsay. I saw him at the Browns'! I felt like I was punched in the gut when he walked into the room."

"Brian, you not making much sense. Whom did you see at Leo Browns'?"

"Justin. I saw Justin..."

"Oh. My. God!" she said dramatically.

"You can say that again. "

"What in the world was he doing in your clients house?"

"Long story involving Leo's daughter May, who is a force to be reckoned with and that's saying something coming from me. She reminds me of a young version of Deb, as scary as that is."

"Brian, I really don't care about May or anyone else for that matter right now. Focus, Brian, and tell me about Justin. You haven't seen him in four years – how did he look to you?"

"Incredible. He's never looked better...or more distant...cold, even..."

"Distant? Cold? Justin? I can't believe that. I've always imagined your reunion to be something out of a chick flick. You know, the two of you running into each others arms in slow motion..."

"Thanks for that disturbing image, Linds. You are a great help!" Brian quipped sarcastically.

"Sorry, couldn't help it." She replied with a laugh, "But, seriously though, what happened?"

"We spent the night together..."

"Please, Brian, tell me something I don't know! If the two of you didn't screw each others brains out at the very first opportunity then it would've been newsworthy."

"We weren't screwing!" He shouted vehemently, then sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Nevermind. I told him I loved him, but he didn't believe me. I asked him to come to Pittsburgh with me, he refused. He thinks that we are different people now...well, at least he is and he doesn't believe for a second that I've changed too. He thinks last night was a mistake. He couldn't get rid of me fast enough this morning, practically threw me out of his room. That's the first time that's ever happened to me. For the first time in my fucking life I have no idea what the fuck to do and it's an incredibly uncomfortable feeling. In fact, it fucking sucks!"

"Brian, did you actually call me for advice?" Lindsay asked incredulously.

"Yeah, I guess I did. Will wonders never cease, huh? Maybe I should do what he wants and just let him be."

"Don't be an idiot, Brian! You two are miserable without each other, just admit it! These last four years...well, I am not going to go there - what's done is done. Nothing any of us can do to change the past. You can, however, do something about the present and the future..." Suddenly, he was on speaker phone and Mel's irritated voice filled his ears.

"Brian, get your head out of your ass and for once take our advice. I can't believe I am saying this, but you deserve to be just as happy as anyone, and it's been obvious to me for quite some time that the only person who has ever, or will ever, make you even remotely happy is Justin. He fell for you when he was 17 and pursued you relentlessly for close to five years. Now it seems that it's your turn to pursue him, if you have the balls to do it. Again I can't believe I am saying this, but you are probably the smartest son of a bitch I've ever met, so you'll figure it out. Bottom line is the two of you need to get your shit together, get back together or move the fuck on, because we are all tired of your respective soap operas! Stop pining after each other from afar, like romance novel heroines, and figure something out and stop wasting everyone's time, including yours. Life is short, for God's sake! Grow the fuck up, Brian, and go after what and who makes you happy already!" Just as suddenly the speaker was off and he heard Lindsay's aggravated sigh.

"Sorry about that, Brian. Mel shouldn't have been quite that harsh with you, but I actually kind of agree with her. The question is, do you love him still? Do you want forever with him? Or rather, are you willing to promise him forever? Because he deserves nothing less."

"Yes." Brian, slightly shell-shocked by Mel and Lindsay's verbal onslaught, replied without thinking.

"Then fight for him! The only advice I'll give you is not to give up this time. Don't give up on him, on yourself and on each other."

"That's actually decent advice, Linds, thanks."

"I'll ignore the condescending tone and take the thanks in the spirit in which I'm sure it was intended. So, what's your plan of "attack"?"

"As it happens, I have an invite to Justin's show tonight at the gallery. If things go well, I might just have to send May some flowers or give her arts foundation a heavy discount on an ad campaign. And, for the record Lindsay, I have never "pined" in the past, nor will I ever do so in the future. Just because I have certain feelings for Justin and have somewhat missed him and occasionally thought of him over the last few years, doesn't mean I've been...now I can't believe I am about to repeat that phrase..."acting like a romance novel heroine"! So, tell your darling husband Melanie to fucking fuck off!"

"Uhm...Sure, Brian, of course I will..." Lindsay replied in the most patronizing tone she could muster, while barely suppressing her laughter. "And, for the record Brian, I'd go with the flowers, if you really want to thank May. You may need to save your money for the wedding..." She finally gave in to her giggles and after saying "Good lu-uck!" in a sing-song voice, hung up.

Justin...

When they got out of the shower, Justin told Brian that he didn't have a lot of time and was needed at the gallery, so he ushered Brian out of his hotel room as quickly as he could. Unfortunately, him being in a hurry was a bold faced lie - Justin, in fact, had several hours to kill before he was due at the gallery. To make matters worse, for the first time since his art career took off, Justin had no interest whatsoever in the pre-show prep work or the opening itself. He technically did not need to be there, especially since the bulk of the set up was finished the evening before, but he usually enjoyed the process of getting a gallery ready for a new exhibit. This time he seriously considered letting them handle the remaining work themselves, but since he has already promised he'd be there, he felt that he couldn't flake out at the last minute. As for the gallery opening itself, he was always there on opening night for every single one of his previous art shows and he wasn't about to miss this one, regardless of what his feelings were about it at the moment.

As for his feelings, they were a mess. He was a mess...again. It seemed that one night in Brian's company negated all the growing up he did in the last four years since moving to New York - in a few short hours everything changed and he felt like a lovesick teenager all over again. As much as he tried not to think about the night before and about what Brian said to him in the morning, he couldn't help but dwell on everything that transpired since he stepped foot into Leo Brown's living room. The "lovesick teenage" part of him was elated at finally hearing those three little words come out of Brian Kinney's mouth, while his present self refused to believe them. He hasn't felt this confused and conflicted in years, and desperate for another perspective he called Daphne.

"Daph," Justin said without preamble "I saw him last night. I saw him at Leo Browns'."

"Jus, two things – who, what or where is a Leo Browns' and whom exactly did you see last night?" she asked in complete confusion.

"Leo Brown owns Brown Athletics, he's a client of Brian's. As to whom I saw last night, it was Brian. " Justin briefly recounted the story of how he ended up being invited into his home. "He's in Chicago on business and Leo invited him to dinner. I walk into he living room and there he was..."

"Oh, to be a fly on the wall during that momentous event! You haven't seen him in ages, how did he look?"

"Amazing. He looked so good I wanted to swallow him whole. God, I pretty much did..."

"Justin, you didn't!" Daphne cried out, outraged, "Please tell me you didn't fuck him in someone's house?"

"Come on, Daph, give me some credit!' He replied, completely insulted. "I am not 17 anymore, I do have a modicum of self-control. I am talking about later at the hotel...Shit! I wasn't going to tell you that..."

"Too late, Justin, way too late. Spill! What happened?"

"I ended up driving him to his hotel...don't ask why. Anyway, he called from the lobby of my hotel around midnight and came up to my room. I opened the door and after one look at him I basically turned into a throbbing gland with no reason or accountability. We pretty much fell on each other and I can't even explain to you what happened next. I...we...it was like a compulsion, beyond need. Feeling him, tasting him, touching him – it wasn't enough. It's like I had to absorb him, consume him, breathe him in. It was insane, I was insane...God, we both were." Justin fell silent for a minute, thinking about that wild ride. Then he suddenly realized that Daphne was silent.

"Daph, are you still there? You are not saying anything."

"Uhm...still here...barely...your description was a little too good, Justin, that sounded kinda hot."

Justin laughed, "How long has Andrew been on assignment now?"

"Three long weeks, damn it! So, your sexy times are not exactly helping my deprived libido. One more week and I'll give my husband a night he'll never forget! Anyway, back to your story, what happened after? Did he do a Brian Kinney and leave?"

"No, he stayed the night. We made love, I mean we fucked about half a dozen times throughout the night and again in the morning. Then he told me he loved me and asked me to come to Pittsburgh with him."

"He what?" Daphne's shriek was loud enough to make Justin jump and momentarily drop his phone. "He told you he loved you? Brian Kinney actually said those words? Out loud?"

"Yeah, he did..." Justin proceeded to tell Daphne about that morning's conversation. He talked non-stop for about 15 minutes, Daphne listening quietly with her customary patience. "I don't know what to do, Daph. A part of me whats to drop everything, go to Pittsburgh with him, hear him out and believe every word he says. But the rational, "grown up" part of me thinks that none of that is real, that it would be a huge mistake. I've let him go, so..."

"Really? I've known you for far too long, Justin, so you can't fool me and you shouldn't fool yourself. You've never let him go, not completely. Yeah, you broke up with him before you moved to New York, but somehow, your relationship never got...I don't know...closure. That's why things with Jacob didn't work out, why you haven't had a serious relationship since. I am not going to tell you what to do, you'll need to figure it out for yourself and do what feels right to you. But maybe you need to near him out, clear the air between the two of you once and for all."

"I don't know, Daph. Even if what he said is true and he does love me, I'm not the same person I was four years ago. He doesn't know me anymore. He, on the other hand..."

"He isn't the same either, Justin, trust me. The bombing at Babylon, you leaving, Lindsay moving Gus to Canada – all of that's had an effect on him. He's changed, believe me. You haven't seen him in four years, I have. You've been avoiding anything Brian related for a long time, so you can't really say that you know him anymore than he knows you. Listen, I've always liked Brian. When things were good between you, as rare as that was, he made you happier than anyone else in the world. You did the same for him. I would be ecstatic if you and Brian worked things out and got back together, but only if it made you truly happy in the long run. You are my best friend in the entire world and I just want you to be as happy as I am with Andrew, whether it is with Brian or with someone else."

"Thanks, Daph, that means a lot to me. So, what do I do?"

"I wasn't going to give you advice, but what the hell...Don't be a Brian Kinney of old, Justin. Meaning, don't shut him out or push him away. However he has changed, one thing about him will always remain the same – Brian Kinney doesn't say what he doesn't mean. So, let him say what he needs to say to you and take it as truth. Whether or not you can accept it, accept him and whatever it is that he wants from you this time is an entirely different matter."

"You are too smart for your own good. What would I do without you, Daphne?"

"Wallow in self-pity and misery, friendless and alone?" She laughed, "I am just kidding. So, are you going to call him?"

"No need. He said he'd be at the gallery opening tonight. He's never been to any of my shows before, not since Pittsburgh. We'll see what happens then."

"Good luck and call me tomorrow, let me know what happens, OK? Love you."

"OK. Thanks, Daph. I love you. Bye!" Justin hung up feeling a lot better; he invariably did after talking to her. He still hasn't come to a decision about going to Pittsburgh with Brian, but he did decide to talk to him again and put whatever it was still between them to rest, once and for all.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Showtime and CowLip.

A/N: Sorry for the long delay between posts. Changes at work prevented me from working on this for quite a while and as you can see, not exactly stellar work. I tried to edit it more, make it less dialogue heavy, but I pretty much gave up – if I don't post it now, I don't know when I will. All reviews, criticisms (especially the constructive kind), and opinions are very welcome indeed. Please read and review, and a huge thank you to those who are following my story.