Apologies for this slightly rubbish chapter but I couldn't go marching straight into the middle of December (which is where the next chapter will start from) because it read as though something was missing. Anyway, please review to let me know your thoughts!

Jasmine had moved back home to be with Jonny, Jac and Ava the morning following her great wedding dress shopping escape. As the weeks went by a definite decline could be seen in Jasmines health. Her energy levels would quickly wane and she spent increasing amounts of the day sleeping. Sacha, with the help of Mo, had convinced Jasmine to take up the use of wheelchair on outings pointing out she would have more strength to wedding plan and play with Ava if she conserved some energy.

Jac had become increasingly reliant on her friends and grandfather to help out with caring for both Ava and Jasmine, herself and Elliot Hope being determined to keep the current Hertzig trials going. Whilst Ava could be happily put into the hospital day care facilities when both Jac and Jonny were working the main problem had been Jasmine. Jac wasn't keen on the idea of leaving Jasmine on her own for more than a couple hours and although Jasmine would never have admitted it out loud neither was she. Her painful collapse had frightened her and she'd realised how vulnerable she actually was. Thus Sacha and Mo and taken to keeping her company during the day when Jac was working and Granddad George needed a break.

As November was rapidly reaching its end Sacha, Mo and Jasmine had decided to spend the day Christmas shopping. 'We're doing well' Mo commented as Jasmine crossed a few items off her shopping list.

'I just need to get Ava's present and then I'm done' Jasmine declared happily. 'Jonny wants to get the bits and pieces for her Santa's stocking so that is one less thing to worry about.'

'Thank goodness he's limited to a stocking' Mo mused as she pushed Jasmine's wheelchair along to where they were going to meet up with Sacha. 'He could very easily get carried away.'

'I keep hearing Jac trying to rein his Christmas spirit in' Jasmine chuckled 'I don't think she's winning.'

'Nah he knows to go slow and gentle with Jac. You have to sow the seeds of an idea and patiently wait for it to grow with your sister'.

'They make a good team don't they?' Jasmine pondered. 'They are really different personalities but they just seem to work.'

'They've learnt how to cope with each other's differences I guess, and they do have a lot of life experiences in common they just don't make them obvious to the outside world.'

'Right then, who's up for lunch?' Sacha cheerfully asked as the two woman made it to the rendezvous point.

'Are you going to tell us what you were up to?' Mo asked him as she planted a kiss on his cheek.

'Not a chance' Sacha laughed as he kissed Mo back.

'I really love you' Jonny whispered to Jac as he held her in his arms in Darwin's on call room after another carefully planned 'lunch break delight'.

'Just as well I'm marrying you then' Jac mumbled as she snuggled into Jonny's bare chest. He smoothed her long hair knowing it would likely ease her into a sleep. He planned to sneak out once she was in deep slumber and let her sleep for as long as possible knowing she wasn't likely to be needed unless Professor Hope had an emergency in theatre. Jac hadn't been sleeping well and when she had been able to sleep Jonny knew she'd been plagued by nightmares she wouldn't admit to. 'Don't let me sleep for long' she mumbled allowing herself to completely relax.

'I won't' Jonny lied to her watching her as she allowed sleep to overcome her. He waited a few minutes and then eased his body out from under her. Luckily Jac didn't wake and her sleeping form merely snuggled into the pillows made warm from Jonny's body heat. Jonny held his breath as he dressed himself as silently as possible. He neatly folded Jac's garments and put her watch and stethoscope down on the bedside cabinet. Without these items strewn about the floor it would look more like Jac had decided to have an innocent afternoon nap. He watched her sleeping for another minute, hardly able to believe this beautiful woman belonged to him, before he silently exited the room.

'Is there something on your mind Jasmine?' Sacha asked the young woman as she played half heartedly with her food.

'No. I'm fine' Jasmine lied as she smiled.

'That would almost be convincing if we hadn't seen Jac use that exact same line a million and one times' Mo smiled kindly. 'You do know you can tell us anything right?'

'It's just I keeping thinking, how long have I got left, will I make it to Jac's wedding, to Christmas or to new year? Jasmine ticked off the events on her fingers as she spoke. 'I guessing it's highly unlikely I'll see Ava turn four in June. And then I start thinking about what it will be like at the end. Do you think it hurts to die?'

'It's a question no one can answer really. I guess it depends on how you die' Sacha stopped his answer as he felt the pressure of Mo's heel digging into his foot.

'You know you can have pain medication right up until the end' Mo tried to reassure the young woman 'you can be kept as comfortable as possible.'

'Yes I know. But that will only be if I'm in hospital. What if what happened a month ago happens again and this time I don't survive it and end up dying in agony on my own.' Tears began to fall down Jasmines cheeks as she spoke aloud her fears.

'Oh sweetheart' Mo spoke compassionately as she handed Jasmine a tissue. 'Have you spoken about this with Jac or Granddad George?' Mo watched as Jasmine shook her head. 'I promise you, you won't be on your own. There'll be someone with you every day from now on.'

'Have you ever been tempted to help a suffering patient die?' Jasmine asked as wiped away her tears.

'I can honestly say no' Sacha spoke with confidence 'because we can do so much to ease the suffering most passing's are peaceful.'

'You're not asking us to help you…? Mo let the question remain unfinished.

Jasmine couldn't help but laugh at the horrified look on Mo's face 'No of course not. It wouldn't be right for me to ask that of anyone let alone a doctor. Besides, despite my fear of the uncertainty, it surely should be God's will or whatever?'

'Have you thought about a DNR?' Sacha asked, earning himself another dig in the foot from Mo's heal.

'I have but I'm not ready to sign that dotted line just yet.' Upon hearing these words Sacha shot Mo a superior look.

'Promise me you'll discuss it with Jac when you are ready?' Sacha spoke seriously. 'It makes things easier at the end if everyone knows your wishes.'

'Ok' Jasmine smiled weakly 'I promise'.

'Right then, I'll just nip to the little boys room and then shall we make a move?' Sacha asked as the two woman nodded their approval.

'You didn't answer my question' Jasmine spoke softly to Mo as Sacha walked out of ear shot. 'Have you ever wished you could help someone to die peacefully?'

'You promise to never tell another living soul?' Mo spoke gravely. Jasmine nodded her head. 'Yes. I was once asked by a family member and yes I was tempted but no I didn't. As ashamed as I still feel, I couldn't risk my career'.

'Perhaps you need to see it as by saying no you were able to continue as a doctor and allow so many people to live' Jasmine spoke kindly.

'I guess you're right' Mo smiled sadly. 'It's just not an easy thing to live with.'

'Right I think we need to cheer up' Jasmine spoke 'I think we've been far too morbid for a Christmas shopping expedition.'

'Agreed' Mo laughed.

'Jonny have you seen Jac?' Elliot Hope asked the nurse as he set down his patient files on the nurse's station.

'Yes, she's sleeping in the on call room' Jonny spoke quietly so none of the other staff members would hear them 'she's been suffering from nightmares since the whole Joseph incident.'

'Right, ok that's fine' Elliot smiled reassuringly at Jonny 'we can go over the latest Hertzig…' his words were cut off by a series of shrieks coming from the on call room. Jonny ran as fast as he could to get to Jac, wrenching open the door as he got to the room.

'Jac!' he yelled loudly over her continued cries 'you need to wake up Jac, you're dreaming that's all.' He gathered her up into his arms as she fully came to.

'Jonny?' she cried as she opened her eyes.

'I'm here' Jonny soothed his fiancée 'I'm here'

'You'd left me!' Jac cried with distress 'and you didn't leave the light on!'

'I know I'm sorry, I'm such an idiot I should have remembered the light.' He held Jac tightly until her sobs lessened.

'I'm sorry' Jac mumbled, embarrassment now over taking her fear.

'What for?' Jonny smoothed her hair 'Everyone has bad dreams once in a while. Are they the usual ones?' he decided to ask her knowing that she could hardly deny the existence of the nightmares after this scene.

She nodded her head 'they're so vivid sometimes it's hard to know what is and isn't real.'

'This is real' Jonny kissed her cheek 'and this is real' he took hold of her hand and placed it on his chest over his heart so she could feel his steady pulse.