We do not own Hawaii Five-0 or any characters. No copyright infringement intended.

Notes: IC's turn to apologize for the delay! Started a new job this week and RL is hectic. Then there were power failures, problematic computers and time zones to contend with ... we hope you continue to enjoy this story.

H5O* H5O* H5O* H5O* H5O

"I kissed him back," Danny admitted softly. As the sun disappeared into the horizon, the two of them lounged in Steve's Adirondack chairs, relaxing to the sound of the waves on the beach. Danny picked at the label of his longboard – the first he'd had since leaving the hospital. Steve didn't say a word, just waited his friend out the same way he had many times over the past few days. As expected, his friend continued in almost a whisper.

"With his hand on my dick and his tongue in my mouth, I kissed him back ... like I meant it. And I'm wondering ... sometimes ... just maybe, if I did. At least, part of me seemed to want to. But he knew just how to touch ... exactly what to do ... and it worked."

"He gave you no choice," Steve said. He looked to the ocean, unable to look directly at Danny until the conversation simply stopped. He was sick to his stomach by Danny's ongoing turmoil and the intermittent one-sided conversations that were more like confessions. He wanted to argue and then punch the nearest thing in frustration as he watched Danny resort to that overly quiet place once again. He took a deep breath, digging his nails into the arm of the Adirondack to relieve his own stress as he attempted to keep the mood light. His friend needed that – a safe place to let it all out. Steve wanted to give him that – hell, he owed him that much … if he hadn't allowed McCann to lure Danny …

The clink of the bottle on Danny's teeth as he took a long draft pulled Steve from his reverie.

"You were heavily drugged and he used Grace to control you ... to hurt you ... to keep you in line and to get what he wanted."

"What did he want though?" Danny murmured softly. The question at the heart of the matter never changed; but neither did Steve's resolute response. The painful why me was a constant which no one could successfully battle. The persistent reminder that Danny's choice had been revoked lacked similar import.

As the familiar but ugly dance continued, it was now Danny's turn to look away, lost in thought as he stared into the dark. Completely void of emotion as he came full circle again.

"And why me, huh? Why the hell did he want me?"

It was as Steve had first assumed; Danny remembered more than he'd originally let on. And despite some vast improvements in Danny's overall outlook, he even wondered if the therapist even really knew or understood the soul deep pain and how it lingered. True, that much of Danny's memory was splintered and realistically fraught with a great deal of error, but he did remember things – almost all of which Steve ached for him to forget.

"He would have been in for a hell of a surprise," Steve whispered. "If he'd lived that is."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Danny instantly objected. "There's so much that I don't remember. And yet, so much that I do ... it's not fair."

"No, it isn't," Steve lamely replied, at a loss as to help. It wasn't and might never be all right again, proven by the stricken and exasperated look aimed his way. "It's okay."

"Is that all you got for me?" Danny blurted quietly. "It's … okay?"

"But it is okay, Danny," Steve insisted, suddenly unable to stop his mouth. "It doesn't matter either. You weren't ever going to need - or use - those memories anyway."

Danny's jaw dropped open, the hinge rotating left and then right before closing with an almost audible snap. He winced at the motion since it still hurt his neck so badly. "And is that nugget of incredibly stupid wisdom, also your surprise?"

"No," Steve whispered, his mood and tone changing on a dime. "No. That is entirely different."

"Oh," Danny replied softly. "Different." He was still stunned as he rolled what Steve had said last around on his tongue and then mentally chewed through each word. He was barely listening now because the concept was entirely intriguing. After being so possessed by an obsessive need to know, now he was considering the exact opposite. Why did he need to remember if he'd never need - or use - such terrible memories?

"As for the first thing, McCann would have been surprised," Steve repeated, a fond smile teasing his lips as he read the exhaustion in his friend's eyes. "Don't you want to know why? Aren't you just the least bit interested?"

"No. Maybe," Danny quietly admitted. On the fringes of that exhaustion were the threat of frightful dreams and vague demons. Those things were why Steve refused to leave Danny alone and very much reason for his friend's continued reluctance to eat or sleep. Therefore in a remarkable change of course, Steve was about to intentionally push Danny's buttons and by doing so, he hoped for a laugh. He prayed that if he succeeded, Danny would try to get some rest instead of fighting his body's needs.

"No. But you're going to tell me anyway, aren't you?" Danny sighed tiredly, his eyes closing in surrender to Steve's ongoing need to prove some senseless point or another. He'd been trying to make him feel better for the bulk of the day, but he simply hadn't been in the mood. He was stuck inside his head - still trying to stay resolutely immersed in his misery - but his partner was refusing to let him be.

"Because, everyone knows we're already married, Danno," Steve smirked, his fingers absently toying with the blonde mess of hair which was in a bad state of affairs. Another clue in the whole muddle of reasons he knew his partner was definitely not okay … yet; Danny had sorely neglected his penchant to care for his hair. He looked unkempt, rumpled and constantly fatigued.

If Danny would look in a mirror - really look - he'd just about have another fit at the unkempt knots and waves. Thinking of that - no, knowing that as fact - only substantiated Steve's own point to himself and he laughed softly before he even vocalized his next statement. Danny still hadn't batted his hand away as he intentionally finger-combed the lank blonde strands, which was a huge step.

"After all, they say it all the time. Hell, they said it before we even knew it. So it must be true, right? Face it partner, we're an old married couple and because of that, McCann never had a chance with you."

Though the comment related to McCann, in a big way, this was an entirely new subject and Danny stared up at him, his eyes as crinkled as the deep lines across his forehead. His mouth gaped open before he shook his head in mock incredulity. He coughed against the tickle of a spontaneous laugh.

"In fact, I can prove it to you. I know what you're thinking right this very second," Steve said. He held his finger up, forestalling any additional gripes from his friend. "You're thinking that it's not my fault that bastard got to you because I had no choice. You're going to say that you trust me to always have your back, Danno. Well, I tell you what … I failed you this time. When it mattered the most, I failed you and he was able to do … what he did."

Danny's mouth flapped soundlessly before it closed with an audible snap. His face colored and he found himself looking away once more; this time almost horrified. Steve was entirely correct.

"What happened isn't your fault," Danny muttered unhappily. "And no, Steven, you definitely had no choice because that bastard almost killed you - twice. Twice!"

"So, then if you believe all of that … then it's not your fault either," Steve softly insisted, pleased with himself for finally trapping Danny inside a perfectly spun web of words.

"And, my friend, you don't need those memories. Not a single one of them, and who would know that better than me? Since, after all, we are … let's say … committed to each other."

Steve grinned wildly at that, folding his arms in absolute pleasure when Danny actually smirked despite himself. He could have easily guessed the next words, too, and his grin turned into a huge smile.

"You need to be committed, Steven – to a mental institution or better yet, a zoo … you're an animal," Danny chuffed out, the cough sticking in his throat as he fought the dry, broken chuckle that made his throat ache but for a moment. The smile that finally appeared didn't quite reach his eyes, but managed to lighten the brooding gloom that lingered there.

"Besides, I wouldn't marry you if I got paid to do it," Danny objected.

"Same here, but I think it happened when neither one of us was looking," Steve shrugged, seemingly content with the concept. "So, there it is; it's already a done deal."

"Are you saying that I'm stuck with you?" Danny snarked back. "Forever?"

"And I'm stuck with you," Steve said, rolling his eyes towards the heavens. "For better or for worse."

"Well, that's just great," Danny griped, a muffled chuckle breaking free as Steve climbed to his feet.

Steve laughed out right and then planted an overly loud, chaste kiss on his friend's forehead.

However, Danny was still rolling around the intelligence of the words as his voice fell. What did he need those memories for anyway? With a soft snort, he swallowed hard at the beseeching look in Steve's eyes. A look which begged him to find some peace.

"Yeah, worse," Danny swallowed hard. Tears came forward for an entirely new reason and they caught in his throat. He shook his head to and swiped at his cheeks as Steve sank to his knees next to him, shushing him while gathering him tightly into his arms. It wasn't all right. Not even close, but it was going to get better.

"Seriously?" Steve chuckled softly. "This is worse, Danno?"

"Yup," Danny's voice cracked at the lie. He was better and this was indeed so much better. But Danny fought to reconcile himself to never knowing more than he did at that very moment. He tried hard as he wrapped his arms around Steve's waist and his voice raggedly cracked around tears which became laughter.

"Definitely worse … this is definitely worse."

~ to be continued ~