Yay! I'm so happy that folks are still enjoying reading this as much as I am enjoying writing, even if it tears up my soul like tiny little claws. This has been one of the most enjoyable summer writing projects I've undertaken. I'm almost sad to go back to school and end it, but alas, the world of psychology calls me.
Songs: Perfect by P!nk, Heartbreak Heard Around the World by Jacob Latimore
"How many times is she going to listen to this bloody song?" Ruby yelled in irritation at the kitchen ceiling and covered her ears as she joined the other two women.
Regina raised an eyebrow and sipped tea as a response. Belle removed a cotton ball from an ear and handed her frustrated lover a cup of coffee. They all received a rude awakening around 30 minutes ago when Emma began blaring music just after four in the morning. Annabel and Alex apparently slept like rocks, but she and Belle moved them to the living room anyway, to save their hearing if nothing else. Ruby's valiant attempt to go back to sleep obviously sunk like a rock.
"Leave her alone, Sweetheart," Belle urged gently and handed her a cookie to go with her coffee. "How many late nights did Emma stay awake and listen to us when they lived in Salem? I'm not sure she actually slept the first four nights after Regina's surgery, not until Regina woke up enough to speak. No wonder she was wound up enough to jump Amelia in her office. Who wouldn't be?" Belle tucked her head beneath her lover's chin as she babbled. Her broken left arm rested on the dip of her back and the other hand played with the hem of Ruby's tank top at her hip.
Ruby's irritation deflated under the gentle reprimand. She was right. She was always right, and the more her stubborn wolf brain figured that out, the less frustrating and difficult her life became. Emma had held all of them together at one point. The closest she'd ever come to a true break down came in the form of refusing to speak after she'd been shot, but Regina's love confession pulled her out of that, covered up the pain before she went through it properly. Her memories disappeared before she accepted and grieved for the loss of Regina's love and whatever happened to her in Neverland, which they still didn't completely know. She saved Regina's life and protected them all from Zelena, and now she needed to follow her whims and fancies until she felt better.
"I'm just happy that she's finally taking a shower," Regina supplied her thoughts to the conversation and tipped the last of her tea into her mouth.
"Seriously?" Ruby deadpanned. "She couldn't take a shower quietly? Why now? Why not in the morning or at an appropriate hour at night?" Her exhausted irritation flared again. Belle's hand slipped inside the flimsy black tank top and rubbed her bare belly.
Regina ignored the outburst and continued, "I felt the bed move, but I thought Annabel woke up. Next thing I hear is that horrid female rock star blaring in my ear. The lyrics are growing on me, I admit." She slipped off the stool and ignited the burner beneath the kettle, now dented from its collision with the broken cabinet across the kitchen.
"I was thinking the same thing," Belle agreed sleepily. "Maybe she thinks we all need to hear them because they indubitably apply to all of us right now." Ruby felt her weight grow heavier with each passing second. Belle was going back to sleep while standing and leaning against her. The song started over, and Belle whispered the lyrics against her collarbone.
"Made a wrong turn once or twice. Dug my way out, blood and fire. Bad decisions. That's alright. Welcome to my silly life." She trailed off, and Regina surprised all of them, even herself, when she picked up the words. It had been at least the tenth time the song repeated; she probably could have sung the entire thing by that point.
"Mistreated. Misplaced. Misunderstood. Mis-no-way-it's-all-good. It didn't slow me down. Mistaken. Always second guessing. Underestimated. Look, I'm still around." She shrugged as the chorus surrounded the now silent trio. Regina opened a packet of green tea and added a small dash of cream and honey, wishing it was caffeinated.
Ruby bit into her cookie and rubbed Belle's back pensively. One short, guttural bark of laughter from the wolf made the other two jump. "I'll be damned." They fell silent and listened with new ears
The kettle whistled. Regina filled her cup with a heavy sigh as the song started over. "She doesn't want to go to Captain's funeral today," she tossed out casually and reclaimed her perch across the island.
Belle lifted her head, eyes almost refusing her command to open. "Are you certain you want to give Captain the Queen's Royal Guard Burial?"
Regina hummed and stared into her tea. "No, but it's what she wanted. She was very proud to be my soldier." She sniffed and swiped quickly at her suddenly wet face. The music stopped suddenly, and they all paused a moment to enjoy the now blissfully quiet house.
"Thank you, Emma," Ruby whispered, voicing their collective opinion, and rubbed a hand over her face.
Regina grinned at her loyal wolf for a brief moment and then pushed forward with the previous vein of conversation. They were all up for the rest of the night anyway. With a heavy sigh, her gaze returned to her tea. "Snow has promised to guide my aim, though I may use a fireball instead of an arrow. I'm not particularly skilled with a bow."
She glanced up at her friends, floundering for a solid decision. "That's more fitting, isn't it?" The warrior's death rocked the entire town, but Regina felt the blow particularly hard when Captain's 16-year-old niece under her care stepped forward with the details of Captain's wishes. No one even knew of her existence, at least not in relation to the quiet warrior they'd come to love and respect greatly.
Katy was a stoic, fierce girl who barely blinked a tear away when she'd appeared at Regina's doorstep and informed them of her aunt's desire to receive the highest honor a soldier in The Queen's Army possibly could, the ceremonial burning at The Queen's hand. After much coercion, the girl agreed to stay with Snow and David until more permanent arrangements were sorted. With a proudly high head and Captain's sword strapped to her back, Katy walked herself over to the apartment and even called when she arrived without prompting. She may have been raised by a warrior but she had obviously been loved and now had no one.
"I think she'd prefer it," a raspy voice called from the door. Emma approached Regina slowly, allowing her the opportunity to study her eyes and demeanor. Regina smiled up at the bright green eyes rimmed red with the remnants of tears. Emma was exhausted and emotional and hurting, but her mind remained firmly grounded.
"I think you're right," Regina agreed, keeping the conversation away from the fact that they were all awake and slightly grumpy right now because Emma felt the need to blare music at an ungodly hour.
Belle, however, jumped on the unexpected opportunity. "Do you plan on staying up?" Regina narrowed her eyes, glanced at Emma, and nodded with a modicum of confusion.
"May Alex stay down here with you in the event of another nightmare?"
Ah. Regina studied Ruby's rigid muscles, the flaring of yellow in her eyes, Belle's conspicuously absent hand that rested on Ruby's stomach a few moments ago. The moon became full in three days, and they'd had a toddler in their bed for the past four nights. A smirk tugged at her lips as she said, "Have fun." A tingle of Earth Magic tickled the back of her neck, and then she and Emma were alone in the kitchen.
"Do you think the leather bonds are here or at the library?" Emma ask neutrally, eyes quirked towards the ceiling, a mischievous softness in her face.
Regina laughed, a deep throaty infectious sound that slid up Emma's spine and settled into a warm tingle in her chest. She propped wet blonde hair on a hand and watched the other woman's eyes twinkle. Regina chuckled one last time and snagged the plate of cookies, sliding them in front of Emma. The blonde's nostrils flared as the tantalizing scent wafted up from the small disks of pure bliss.
Regina smiled and studied Emma over her tea cup as she bit into a cookie and groaned in pleasure. Food always won Emma over when she wasn't incredibly stressed or upset. She reflected Emma's pose and propped her head on her hand. A smile spread on her cheeks when Emma snagged up another cookie. Blush followed when she noticed Emma's wet hair soaking into her white tank top, confirming that she wore no bra.
"I think we have a pack of bacon in the freezer. Want me to make breakfast?" Regina blurted, distracting herself from the urge to take Emma in the kitchen. She only wanted to make her feel good, all the time. No wonder she'd coerced Emma into sex at the drop of a hat, no matter their location before the whole Pan fiasco. Not able to receive any of her own for another three weeks, she ached to give Emma pleasure constantly. Between Ruby and Belle, the house was destined for implosion when Addison released her.
"You don't mind?" Emma asked and fidgeted self-consciously. Her stomach growled and rumbled, telling her to shut up and gorge it with nommy, salted pork strips.
Regina shook her head once against her hand. "I like cooking for you." Her hand brushed Emma's bare thigh, fingertips sliding beneath Ruby's red basketball shorts she'd thieved as all of her clothes remain in Boston. Emma jerked, nearly toppling from the stool, and caught herself with stumbling backwards steps. Regina glanced over her shoulder and crossed to the freezer without comment.
Deplorable grease sticks retrieved, she carefully kept her back to Emma as she moved to the sink and turned hot water onto the frozen meat. Brown eyes watched the water splash and bounce. Steam rose within a minute, and Regina smiled when a different type of heat pressed against her back. Emma had to be only half an inch from her. She smirked.
"Miss Swan, we've had our fists inside each other. You needn't be shy. You may touch me whenever you please." Her tone remained light, almost disinterested, but her heart pounded in anticipation. She forced deep, even breaths through her nose and waited.
After at least a full minute, hesitant hands touched her waist. Regina had filled out again, fuller than the tiny amount of weight she'd gained in Salem. It was expected as she'd given birth 23 days ago, but the affect on Emma's body was completely unexpected. The bottom of her belly clenched, sending a flush into her chest. Regina was a woman, the woman, her woman, the mother of her children. Though she probably would, Emma never wanted her to lose the weight.
"Are you going to kiss me or pant against my neck all morning?" Regina poked as she turned in the hands on her waist. Emma came alive as swollen breasts suddenly filled her vision where the back of a teal silk nightshirt had previously been. Regina had apparently unbuttoned her shirt while she zoned out, revealing that she'd worn no bra to bed that night.
Green eyes jerked to brown. "I don't want to hurt you," she blurted and dropped her hands to her thighs in clenched fists. Regina grinned. She had Emma on the run and looked forward to the reward of chasing her down again.
She covered Emma's shaking hands with her own and guided them to her bare waist. If she were honest, her figure gave her pause, a moment of hesitation each time she'd been naked in front of Emma since giving birth. Emma's flushed chest and elevated breathing, however, stripped them away once again. Cool hands slid reverently over the full softness of her stomach, flushing Regina's own chest.
"Regina," she whispered and pulled her eyes from the tantalizing skin, bared for her viewing and touching pleasure. The woman attached to the name raised an eyebrow in question. "I want to kiss you."
Regina leaned forward until their lips were only an inch apart and said definitively, "Then kiss me." A puff of honey-scented breath heated her lips, and Emma snapped.
One hand pulled on Regina's hip and the other found purchase in black, shoulder-length tresses. A hint of honey and green tea slid over Emma's tongue when she possessed her lover's mouth completely. A gentle moan vibrated against her tongue, and she wasn't sure which of them caused the sensation.
Warm hands slipped beneath the hem of the tank top, over taut and defined ab muscles and rested atop hardened nipples. When Regina squeezed her breasts lightly, Emma jerked away violently and held her weight with white-knuckled hands on the counter behind her brazen lover. Her forehead dropped to the valley between Regina's abundant breasts as she panted and struggled for control.
Regina rubbed her tense back with one hand and scratched at the hairline on the nape of her neck with the other. Emma shivered with a tiny gasp, and Regina thought briefly that she might have been crying. "My eyes are changing colors. I can feel them," Emma explained and raised her head slowly.
Regina touched her face and pulled their lips together with gentle but persistent pressure on Emma's neck. It was brief and tender and loving. Emma relaxed into her bodily and reclaimed her curvaceous waist in the name of Emma Swan's addicted hands once more. Regina smiled into the kiss, and Emma pulled back enough to meet her eyes. Bright green stared back at her once more.
"You like the weight, don't you?" Regina asked rather than addressing the minor freak out and loss of control.
Emma's gaze dropped bashfully as she mumbled, "Is that weird?" Regina pressed a kiss to her forehead.
"You make me feel beautiful, Emma," she confessed against the heated skin. "You always have, even when we wanted to tear out each other's throats those first few months you were in Storybrooke. How do you think I discovered you like the Plum Purple lipstick?" She chuckled.
Emma groaned into her chest, "I really like that color. It makes me straight up stupid for you." Strong arms encircled a bare waist, and a warm, wet head pressed into neck and chest. "Is this okay? Just… just hugging?" Emma asked, slightly self-conscious.
Regina readjusted her cheek against the crown of her head and hummed contentedly. "It's perfect. Whatever you want is perfectly acceptable, Emma. If you want to hug me or hold my hand or hold me at night, I want you to know that I want those things, too. You don't have to ask. If you want more, well, I'm fairly observant. Just give me the go ahead, and I'll take care of you."
Regina's voice rumbled in the chest against her ear, and Emma's eyes slipped shut. Even without her memories, Regina's voice invaded her dreams. "You made sure that I didn't miss her," she whispered nonsensically. Regina's brow furrowed, and she craned her neck to study Emma's profile on her chest.
"Annabel. When you were pregnant with her, I mean. I felt her move. I made love to you with her in there. I did things like shave your legs and escort you everywhere in the snow. I saw her on the ultrasound. I heard her heartbeat. I wanted to be there every second, but," she raised her head and met Regina's glowing caramel gaze, "you didn't let me miss her. Thank you for that. I'm sorry that I was such an ass. I missed so much that I could have been here for."
Regina silenced her with three fingertips on her lips. "You didn't know, Darling. The amount matters not. You have those memories, and I'm blessed to have shared them with you, no matter how briefly. Pondering on what you missed will only drive you insane. Focus on what you do have. You were here when it mattered, Emma." Regina pulled her into a hug, face pressing into a damp neck.
"I died, Emma," she confessed, fear gripping her heart at the vulnerability in her voice. "I died. It didn't bother me before, but now the shock has passed and the drugs aren't dulling my mind. It never bothered me, the thought of dying, but there are people in my life who love me, who need me. It terrifies me." Emma pressed a kiss to her forehead and tightened her grip.
"I died in Neverland," came the quiet confession that made shocked and grieved brown eyes raise to stormy green.
Emma shrugged, "Pan's right hand revived me. My heart was useless to them dead, I guess. That machine used to extract magic. He turned it up all the way, turned it on and walked away. My heart gave out physically before it released any magic into the crystal."
Green flickered to violet and back again. Emma sucked a deep, steadying breath before continuing, "I still wouldn't take my heart out for him, not knowing you were on that godforsaken island." The voice was deadened, dissociated from the pain and the incredible mindfuck Pan put her through.
Regina nuzzled her forehead into Emma's neck. She knew Emma needed a response to the revelation, but the savior also needed to feel empowered at the moment, without the magic. "We can help each other through it, then. Have those particular nightmares begun? I've been having one where I've died, but no one has noticed. Ruby, Belle, everyone, they simply continue with their lives, raise Henry and Annabel. I'm there and watching everything unfold, but they don't see me or even notice that I'm gone." Regina shuddered, and Emma tightened her grip again.
"I can definitively say without a shred of doubt that I will never forget you, Regina Mills." The levity of her tone broke the tension, and Regina pulled back and wiped her tears with a tiny smile on her face.
She smacked Emma's chest lightly with the back of her hand. "Don't be a smart ass. I'll skin you," Regina threatened with a raised eyebrow.
Emma grinned. "You're sexy when you're pretending to be angry." Despite the swell of love and familiarity in the easy banter, Regina held the expression and crossed her arms over her chest. "Can bacon be my last meal?"
Regina rolled her eyes spun towards the sink again. She moved to the stove, tossed the bacon on the counter and buttoned her shirt. Emma whined like a puppy, and Regina huffed in amused irritation. "Miss Swan, as much as I love you, I will never love you enough to fry bacon while shirtless."
Emma retreated to the stool she'd vacated and shoved a whole cookie into her mouth. Regina grunted, ignoring the resulting cough of gagging when Emma tried to chew, and sliced into the pack of grease sticks that Emma and Ruby slobbered over and begged for each morning. How those two ate as much and poorly as they did and never gained a pound infuriated Belle and Regina to no end.
A thump upstairs followed by a faint, "Ruby Lucas!" pulled chuckles from both women.
Annabel chose that moment to mew into the monitor on the counter. Emma smiled genuinely at the sound and left the kitchen without direction. It only grew at the scene that awaited her in the living room. Between Emma coming downstairs and now, Alex had moved from the sofa with her stuffed wolf and blanket and joined Annabel on the cushioned blanket on the floor. Her tiny hand held the infant's, the little wolf choked in the crook of her other elbow. The kitten that terrorized Ruby daily curled around Alex's hair.
She tiptoed to the small table in the foyer and snagged the camera, pleased to find Regina still kept it there. After snapping several photos, she gingerly untangled the toddler from Annabel who surely started protesting the lack of food soon and woke her tiny friend and returned to the kitchen. She rock-bounced the girl and handed the camera to Regina to view.
"The only thing missing is Henry," Regina murmured, an unreadable expression on her face. It took Emma a moment to realize several conflicting emotions passed through her lover's dark eyes. Joy, contentment, that unexplainable "awww" when children do adorable things, but also grief and fear and helplessness.
Annabel mewed and flung her arm about, mouth already moving in a sucking motion in search of her mother's nipple. Emma handed her over to Regina who sat on the stool nearest the stove with her back carefully turned towards the popping grease. She grunted as the greedy infant latched onto her sensitive nipple and then relaxed into the deep pull of affection and baffling amazement.
Emma and the heady scent of bacon and the early hour all faded to the background. "You make it all worth it," Regina told the tiny girl and offered a thumb to the hand searching for a hold. She knew she'd said the words at least a dozen times now, but she felt inspired to utter them every single time Annabel's weight rested in her arms.
Emma flipped the bacon and allowed Regina a moment with their daughter. She'd not bonded with her as much as everyone else. First she recovered from surgery and then Emma jumped off the reservation. It was Regina's turn to simply enjoy the inexplicable comfort and terror of holding a baby in her arms, her baby that she carried for eight months. The terror occurred the moment one realized with all the subtlety of a club in the gut that this tiny little human relied solely on the adults in her life in order to live and thrive and survive.
She flipped the bacon and waited patiently. When Regina met her gaze with shimmering brown eyes and a throbbing vein in her forehead, Emma wrapped her arms around her partner, supporting the weight in her arms. Regina sighed as the aching pressure released. Annabel only weighed six pounds, but Regina hadn't quite regain her full strength from the pregnancy and disastrous birth.
She pressed a kiss into Regina's neck and then rested her chin on her shoulder as she watched the girl eat. She hummed, content for the first time in weeks. With the two most important girls in her life in her arms, Emma felt invincible and content. A moment of panic gripped her heart as she let go of the anger for that brief, perfect moment.
Regina felt the tension snap tight and pulled her back with a gentle, "Emma, you're okay." Emma nodded and squeezed her eyes shut tightly as she forced air into her lungs.
"Go flip your bacon before it burns," Regina urged gently, distracting her from the overwhelming anxiety in her chest. Regina assessed the situation perfectly. Like drug triggers, emotion triggers sent her into panic attacks instead of minor withdrawal episodes.
She obeyed Regina's directive, grateful for the distraction. After her heart returned to a normal rate and her hands shook from spent adrenaline, she glanced at her partner. Regina remained focused on their daughter, obviously giving Emma space to find her footing on the shifting sand beneath her. Her back and shoulders, however, coiled tightly with tension.
"I want to go see Amelia," Emma said quietly and leaned on the island to meet Regina's eyes. Regina hummed and nodded.
"She's been asking for you. She's completely refused medication. Eva and Dr. Grey gave her a couple nerve blockers, which to my understanding go directly into the surrounding nerves and numb the area, but they only last about 24 hours. Addison, Lauren, Belle, and Snow have been sitting with her. Eva wants to, but Amelia has as much grief as the rest of us. Ruby has gone a few times when no one else was available." Regina babbled for lack of anything else to say. Emma clearly ignored what just happened, leaving her scrambling for conversation.
Emma nodded, relieved that Amelia hadn't been left to suffer alone. "I should be there. Has she had surgery yet?"
Regina hummed. "She's had two, but Dr. Grey thinks she may need a third. She has sensation in her legs, but she's not able to move them yet. Ruby offered to make Rumpelstiltskin heal her, but she adamantly refuses unless the possibility of losing function in her legs becomes imminent."
Emma touched Regina's shoulder compassionately. Despite their rocky parting all those years ago, the potions mistress retained a special place in Regina's heart. She loved her, still. Regina tried to smile, offered a grimace, and turned her eyes back to Annabel.
"I'll take Annabel and go sit with her during Captain's funeral if that's okay. I promise not to disappear again," she added quickly.
Regina clicked her tongue against her teeth. "I trust you with our daughter, Emma. This house is not your prison. I've had the unfortunate experience of spousal imprisonment, and I shall never enact such a heinous barrier around our home."
Properly expressed and understood, Regina nodded once and continued, "That said, the air is far too cold for Annabel to be outside that long. If you want to be with Amelia, I'll drop you off before I go to the pier. Is that agreeable?" Regina raised her eyes without moving her head from the bowed position.
Emma's brow furrowed at the sincerity in Regina's words. She meant every single one. After everything she'd done, - hitting her and kidnapping their daughter and forcing Amelia to take her too deep into the darkness - Regina offered understanding and compassion instead of judgment and ire. It solidified Emma's determination to remain grounded and with her family.
"Do you forgive her?" She asked quite unexpectedly.
Regina sighed and paused so long that Emma thought she'd deny an answer. Then, "I never blamed her," broke the silence.
"After she trapped you in a fear scape thingy for weeks?" Emma searched for understanding. She'd been The Evil Queen at the time. She thrived on anger and blame and vengeance, yet she'd never felt any of those things towards Amelia from Regina's heart.
Regina sighed again and clutched her daughter just a little bit tighter. "Not all fears are external, Darling. I believed my soul destined for damnation. I banished Amelia because the fear scape forced me to realize that I loved her, that I could have loved her more deeply. She might have saved my soul if I allowed myself to feel those things completely. My fear and anger were stronger than my love, but I wasn't willing to take the chance so I removed the threat."
Silence encased them once more as they each mulled on the confession. Regina spoke first, "It took 28 years and the love of the heart of The Truest Believer to save my soul, Emma. The fact that you've begun that journey in less than a month speaks to your resilience and the redemption of my heart. There isn't only evil there anymore. It may not feel like it now, but be patient and let our love guide you home."
They locked eyes, allowing those words to settle around them. Regina was so Regina but different. She still had sass and a temper and a no-nonsense way of speaking, but she was softer, more compassionate, more open and giving with her emotions and experiences. Annabel detached from her breast for the second time, indicating her completely full belly and effectively disrupting the moment. Regina grinned and shook her head before kissing the girl's forehead and handing her to Emma.
"I'll make your eggs and save your bacon before it's charcoal," Regina barbed at her lack of finesse in the kitchen.
Emma rolled her eyes and hefted the tiny weight onto her shoulder, using a clean kitchen towel to protect her shoulder from any spit up messes. Regina watched mother and daughter for a moment before cracking three eggs into a bowl and whisking them expertly. Emma smiled excitedly when she dumped the slimy viscous liquid into the bacon grease.
Regina raised an eyebrow as if to dare her to comment. Emma bit her lip and presented her back to the other woman. No way was she ruining scrambled eggs made in bacon fat with her big mouth.