I swear to God as I live and breath I will finish this fic! This is a matter of principal by now! Lol, I hope you're still enjoying this.

Chapter 36

"You know Sen, generally speaking, when a traumatised person starts to get better, you don't say anything that could send them back!"

Senkrad flinched under his sister's sharp tone. "I didn't mean to let it slip, I was just trying to make him realise that his forgetting us wasn't his fault."

"Oh well, clearly that backfired a bit!" Lissiel turned her gaze to Shran who was still curled up in a ball, face pressed into his knees. He hadn't moved in twenty minutes, no matter what anyone said.

"Should we get Commander Tucker?" asked Thon, hovering to the side.

"Perhaps, he might be able to shake Thy'lek out of this." huffed Lissiel tossing a lock of her blonde hair out of her face.

"I'll go get him." said Thon, straightening up and turning around.

"No."

They all jumped as Shran spoke, shifted and then lifted his head up to stare at them. He had a look in his eyes that made them all nervous. It was a look none of them wanted to see again.

"I'm all right." Shran got to his feet, and he turned to Tholos, "Set a course for Andoria."

Tholos' eyes widened and he blinked hard. It was as if time had reversed. He was staring at Shran before he disappeared, before he'd started making peace between worlds, before the rage inside him had begun to cool.

"Why?"

"I want to talk to Tarah."

"Will you talk, or will you kill her?" asked Lissiel without missing a beat.

"I'll just have to see what happens, won't I?" sneered Shran.

"No, you will not go anywhere near her. I forbid it!" Lissiel pointed one dagger-like finger at him. Her dark eyes were narrowed in a fierce expression. Shran's lip curled in a contemptuous glare.

"You forbid it? You have no control over me. I'll see her if I choose."

"No! I won't let you go after her to get revenge."

"Who says that's what I'll be doing?"

"You just did!"

"No I didn't, I just said I didn't know what would happen when I see her. I need to talk to her."

"Why? You know what she did, how can you even think of going near her?"

"Because I know why she did it and I want to see her." snapped Shran.

There was a long silence and the others all looked between the siblings, waiting for someone to say something.

"You… you… you know?" Lissiel's voice was little more than a whisper as she stared at her brother, her brown eyes wide. Shran swallowed and looked at the ground, clenching and unclenching his hands.

"Yes. I know."

"But… how do you know?"

"I just do. I know why she did it. And I need to see her."

"I don't want you anywhere near her."

"I know Lis. But it's not your decision, and while I may not be back together completely, I am still an adult. I can make my own decisions."

"I disagree."

Shran's head snapped up and the anger flared up in his antennas again, making them rear back. "What?"

"I don't think you're capable of making reasonable decisions at the moment. You've been through too much and you're still recovering and we have no idea how that katra thing is going to affect you. You might be more like the brother I loved to drag out of bed and knock against the floor, but you're still not well enough to be making such extreme decisions."

"I want to see someone, not go and take over a ship Lissiel!"

"No. I've dealt with enough cases like this-"

"When has a case like this ever happened?" demanded Shran, throwing his hands outward. "When has any other Andorian been healed after five years of torture by a Vulcan carrying a spare copy of their soul around? When has anyone ever been fixed by being rebooted like a machine?"

"You're not a machine Thy'lek!"

"Then what am I?" Shran demanded, shoving his face at his sister's, glaring up at her. "What am I, Lissiel, because honestly, I don't know anymore."

"You are Thy'lek Shran, you are my brother, and Sen's brother, and San and Sak's. You're the blood brother of Tholos, Thon, and Keval. You're the friend of Pink-Skins and Vulcans much to my annoyance. You're a pain in my ass, you're a clever leader, you're a selfless man and you're going to find yourself in a world of pain if you don't get out of my face!" Lissiel shoved him hard, pushing him away. Senkrad had to wonder about the intelligence of that.

"And if that's the case, if I am all those things then the only thing left to do is what I want because if you want me to be any of those things I have to talk to the woman who took it all away!" shouted Shran, his voice catching and he winced, rubbing at his throat.

Lissiel was almost quivering, but she managed –through sheer genetic ability Senkrad was sure- to pull off the sarcastic barb, "I'm sure there was logic in there somewhere."

"I need to talk to her. I need to fix what's been done. The only way to do that is to talk to Tarah."

"Talk about what exactly? The good old days? The way she betrayed you? The fact that you've both got experience of no freedom now?"

"No. I'm going to tell her the one thing she never wants to hear. I'm going to break her… then maybe I can help her."

Another moment of silence, in which Lissiel seemed to loose all ability to speak, her cheeks navy with fury, then Tholos spoke,

"Setting aside the repellent idea of doing that woman any sort of good, just what are you going to say to her that will break her?"

Shran sighed, tilting his head up to the ceiling and then he let it tip towards the five men. An ironic smile stretched his lips.

"I'm going to tell her… I forgive her."

"Trip?"

"Hey T'Pol." Trip managed a weak smile at the woman with whom he shared a bond with.

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired… but at least I'm grounded."

"That is good."

"Yeah."

"Are you hungry?"

"Maybe a bit."

"I can get you some food."

"No… just sit with me for a while. Please."

"Of course."

T'Pol sat beside Trip, clasping her hands on her knees. They sat in silence for a time, then Trip murmured,

"When are we going to go back to Earth?"

"Soon. Starfleet is hosting a celebration for the successful destruction of the mine."

"Sounds like something they'll expect me to be at."

"They understand if you do not wish to be there, although they did hint that having you and Shran present would improve the moral of it."

"Yeah, Shran especially. He had a big hand in helping the Coalition form."

"This is very true, but your contribution is not to be ignored. You ensured Enterprise was able to fulfil every requirement. You made sure the quarters and environment was suitable for all species, and you made your… fascination with them clear. That is as important."

"Mmm." Trip sighed, pulling a blanket over his shoulders. "Thanks."

"You are welcome."

"I don't really wanna go home. The idea of facing everyone, facing my family, after all this… it'll be hard. They'll all know what happened…"

"If Shran can get through it, you can as well. It was your strength that protected him."

"He was there for five years. I was there just under a month! There's a hell of a difference."

"Perhaps. But do not doubt your own strength."

T'Pol reached a hand out and brushed her first two fingers over Trip's. Trip jumped at the sparks that flew up his arm.

"That the bond?"

"Yes. This is the customary way Vulcan mates express affection. It is similar to a human kiss."

Trip stared down at their hands, hers resting atop his. With a curious expression, he twitched his fingers against hers, sending more sparks up through his body. T'Pol's reaction told him she was also affected by it. Trip lifted his hand and held out his first two fingers. He'd occasionally seen Vulcan's do this, and it had always looked oddly intimate. Now he was beginning to see why.

Their fingers caressed and passed over each other, then Trip's moved down to T'Pol's palm, stroking the soft skin. The shivers intensified with each touch.

T'Pol's eyes were wide, "Trip…"

"What are we T'Pol?" Trip's voice was soft, rough, as he looked her straight in the eyes. T'Pol's back stiffened and she drew in a deep breath.

"We are mates. The bond between us grows stronger the more we are together. We are… lovers."

"Doesn't a bond mean that we're married?"

"Would you prefer that we were not?"

"No… no, it's just… we're married." Trip swallowed, still stroking her palm.

"Yes."

"Do you want kids? 'Cause I do. So… I need to know if you…"

"I wish for children as well. Not right now, but in the near future, yes, I wish for children."

"Good… then I guess… that's all I need to know. Unless… you'd rather not be bonded."

T'Pol's eyes bore into Trip's with a fierce intensity that her face did not show. "I cannot think of whom I would prefer more than you to be bonded with."

Trip grinned, "So… what're you sayin'?"

"I am saying… that I cherish you. More than anyone else I've ever met."

Trip chuckled, "I love you too."

Their hands pressed against each other and Trip leaned in, moving slowly, deliberately drawing it out. T'Pol reached up and cupped his jaw as she pressed her mouth to his. Trip chuckled and kissed her back with equal fervour. They only pulled away when the familiar sensation of going to warp made the ship give a brief shiver.

"Where're we going?"

"I do not know." T'Pol got to her feet and walked over to the comm. "T'Pol to Captain Tholos."

"Tholos here."

"We have jumped to warp. I would like to know where we are going."

Tholos sighed, "We're heading to Andoria."

"Should we not be making for earth first?"

"No, we're only going for a short time and then we'll bring you back to Earth."

"Why are we heading to Andoria first?"

Tholos sighed again, louder this time, "Why don't you ask Thy'lek? This is his call, not mine."

Trip was on his feet at once. "Where is he?"

"His brother's quarters."

"Thanks." Trip walked out the door. T'Pol followed, wondering what Trip was going to do.

"Why would you forgive her?" Trip's voice was loud and angry in the confines of Senkrad's quarters. Shran stared up at him with a mild expression, having been playing a board game of some sort with his brother on the floor. Keval had been watching them, trying to look bored.

"I have my reasons." Shran's voice was controlled, unflinching.

"Shran, how in God's name can you forgive the woman who condemned you to… to what happened? Hell, I can't forgive her!"

"I'm not asking you to. But like I told you before Trip, the anger will catch you in a vicious cycle. Don't make the same mistake I did."

"But still… why are you going near her."

"I'm going to forgive her, face to face. I need to. If I want to get past this whole thing… I need to do this."

"You're a stronger man than me Shran."

Shran's lips and antennas curled a little, "We're both strong Trip. We just have to accept that we will get through this. It won't break us down. We won't let it. That's rather scary isn't it? That we will see this through."

"Yeah… it is a bit."

"If you want, you can come with me when I go to see her."

"I… maybe." Trip was surprised at his own response.

"Just think on it. It won't be easy."

"No… it really won't." But there was something appealing about doing it. Why?

Shran yawned and turned back to his game, moving a piece and smirking as Senkrad swore. Trip found himself grinning and sitting beside his friend,

"So… how'd you play?"

The others watched with slight amazement as Shran taught Trip the game. It was as if neither had ever been gone. Only Trip's scrubby hair and Shran's gaunt features betrayed their normality. It was… nice.

Her cell had always been that little bit too warm, making the regulation sheet for her bed completely unnecessary, and unwanted. The white walls, floor and roof had begun to blend together, so sometimes she felt she was in a shell of white, with no corners, and no way out.

Her hair had been hacked again, keeping it within regulation length. The strands were coarse and rough under her fingers. Not that she cared. She'd never been a woman for fondling her hair into elegant styles, befitting a lordly lady. She'd known too that people were attracted to her rougher manner. Shran had been. That's why she'd been given the job of First Lieutenant on the Kumari. He'd appreciated her aggressive ways, her bloodlust. If he hadn't been her commanding officer… they would have had some fun at least.

She'd admired him, practically worshipped him when she'd first met him. He'd been strong, passionate, dedicated to their people, a true leader for Andorians. The things he'd told her had set her blood alight with the need to spill green blood. He'd promised her he would not stop until the Vulcans were all dead, until Andoria was safe.

The protection and glory of Andoria, that was all that mattered. It was the reason so many people had been proud to die in battle. It was the reason children and parents were sacrificed. And Shran had forsaken all of that! He'd bowed to the Vulcans, negotiated with them. Those foul, green-blooded, self-serving, traitorous demons! He'd given in to them, abandoned all he'd ever told her, all he'd ever believed in, in the blink of an eyes. And for what? Because he was tired? Because he was weak!

She'd tried to reason with him, but he'd ignored her at every turn, insisting he knew what he was doing. He'd known nothing!

The man she'd admired, followed, would have died for, was suddenly revealed to her as a coward, a weakling. And yet, when she'd tried to save their people from certain destruction through his actions, she was punished, and locked up in this cell for the rest of her life. What did they expect her to do? How could she have followed the orders of a traitor? How could he have expected that of her? And then, the Tellerites had been brought into it. Oh that had been too much. He needed to be stopped. And she had stopped him. She'd gotten rid of him. But it was too late by then, everything was snowballing.

A Vulcan on an Andorian ship… the idea turned her stomach. A Tellerite waddling across the glorious diamond fields of Andoria… oh it was too much to bear. They would ruin her planet, they would tear it apart and steal all its beauty, murder her people. And all because of that man.

That man… who used to sit with her late at night in the mess, discussing family bothers, telling jokes or stories. That man… who'd seen her potential as a solider and took hold of it, moulded her into what she was now. That man… who had loved her. He had. She knew it. He loved all his crew… all his men. How many times had he saved her life? How many times had he pulled her from under fire? How many times had she returned the favour?

That man… whom she'd loved. That man… she'd condemned to a life of torture and misery.

But now that was over. He was alive and he was coming here to see her. A guard had gleefully told her so. He was coming to tell her the one thing she did not want to hear, she knew it.

The sheet was heavy, strong, thick. Perfect.

She didn't want to hear the words he would say. She didn't want to see his face after all this time, because she knew, she just knew, that he would forgive her. And she didn't want his forgiveness. What she'd done, had been right… but that didn't change the fact that she loved him. He was her Commander, her leader… her hero. And she'd sold him out to the very people she hated as much as the Vulcans.

Reaching out she lifted one of the socks she'd worn that day. Drawing the sheet over her head, she took a deep breath, and then balled the sock up, before pushing it into her mouth. Almost at once she choked. But she kept pressing, doing her best to remain calm. All she allowed herself to think, as the darkness crept over her vision, was that it would have been so much easier to hang herself, but there were no pipes in her room.

Let me know what you think, I promise we are on the home stretch now.

Night's Darkness