I know I haven't updated in awhile, and that's because I've been working on a new fic! I have two chapters up currently, and it's titled "Seven". It's a Puck centric fic based on the seven deadly sins and seven heavenly virtues. I would love for you to check it out and drop by a review! Also, I plan on having "A Quinn Christmas Special" drabblefest here, so look for that on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. (: Anyways, on to this drabble! Set in the pilot. Quinn recites her nightly prayer.

Mercy

Name of the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit.

Dear God,

Thank you for providing me with such a wonderful family. I am grateful for my father, my mother, and my older sister... even though she was totally rude to me today. She is seriously way too sensitive about her clothes. It was just a stupid skirt, and it's not like I tore it into shreds or anything. Besides, it made her butt look like the size of Jupiter. I was doing her a favor, really.

Anyways.

I am thankful for my friends. Santana, especially, because it was so funny when she made that stutterer girl almost cry in third period today. I mean, no one in their right mind has blue streaked hair – it was completely necessary for Santana to tell her that. I guess she could have said it nicely or whatever, but... I mean. It was funny.

Thank you for my position as Cheerio captain, Celibacy Club president, and Honor Roll student. I mean, I deserve it, but I'm still thankful. It's the Christian thing to do.

I am also thankful for my cute, fantastic, and popular boyfriend Finn Hudson. God, I know you totally did this on purpose, and I'm so grateful for that. Cheer captain and quarterback? Given. It's like we're the Adam and Eve of McKinley, except I'm not stupid and wouldn't eat forbidden fruit. Like, that was just a dumb move on Eve's part. So really, Finn and I are like Adam and Eve version 2. Oh, speaking of dumb moves, can you just, I don't know, grant Finn a bit more... intellectual intuition? You're God. Like, just sprinkle some brain powder on him while he's asleep. Like, he's hot and all, but it's really hard carrying a conversation with him when all he wants to do is throw eggs at people. It was charismatic at first, but now it's just frustrating.

Speaking of frustrating, you know who I am not thankful for? Rachel Berry. I know you don't care if I say I hate her because she's Jewish, but it's not even the Jewish thing. She's so, like... Okay. First, she's ugly. Second, she's disgusting. Third, she's like the leftover part of an amputated arm you keep scratching off, but it just won't go away. Plus, I have pretty clear evidence that she's a transvestite. I plan on making fliers about this. Students at McKinley have a right to know this. It's not like I'm even doing a mean thing. She's totally throwing herself on Finn, like, all the time, but she's a transvestite. I know you understand, God.

Well, I guess that's my prayer for tonight. Oh, by the way, can you make Noah Puckerman stop staring at my butt like it's a piece of meat? Though I am entertained by his slushie-throwing skills, the whole "my hand was just accidentally near your ass" excuse is getting old. Thanks God. You're the best. I hope tomorrow will be just as good, and don't worry. I'm so on top of that flier thing.

Amen.

Basically, bitch!Quinn is always fun. Thanks for reading, and I would love some feedback if you have the time!