Chapter 35
Logan had learned about the five stages of grief.
He'd always thought himself to be the type who wouldn't be in denial, the first stage, when something bad happened. He would just accept it.
But that was before he heard those paramedics announce the time of Kendall's death. That was before his best friend let out his last breath.
"No!" He heard himself screaming. "You've got it wrong, he can't be dead! He's only 18, he's still a kid!"
He had grabbed one of the paramedics and shook him hard. "Try again! You-you can't give up! He's not dead!" He had shouted. His breathing quickened.
James wasn't there to pull him back, because the taller boy himself was currently yelling to himself. "No, no, no! Kendall, you can't be dead! You promised you'd be alright!" He sobbed.
And Carlos just stood there, shaking his head back and forth with tears streaming down his cheeks. He didn't say a word, was shell-shocked into silence. He stood there, knees shaking, watching his two best friends sob and scream over his one dead best friend.
Kendall was dead. But none of his remaining three best friends were willing to accept that.
They couldn't accept that.
Kendall Knight, 18 years old, born in St. Paul, Minnesota, was now dead. The boy who had been hockey captain for 2 straight years in high school, the boy who had gotten them famous, the boy who had kept them going and had always, always, been there for them… was gone.
Gone, and this time, he was really never coming back.
Kendall Knight, who had loved hockey to the bottom of his heart. He had put his whole soul into hockey. It had been half his life.
But hockey had been his downfall. Hockey had killed him.
At least Kendall had died knowing it was because of his one favorite thing in the world. Excluding his family and friends, of course.
Kendall Knight had a bright future ahead of him. He was famous, known all around the world, and he had a position as center on the Minnesota Wilds practically written out right in front of him.
Gone. All of it. Gone.
But most of all, he had a loving mother and baby sister, and three loyal and caring best friends, who would have stuck with him through thick and thin.
They had been through the thin, and they were going through the thick. But Kendall wouldn't be there to help them this time. He would never be back.
Kendall Knight had left his loved ones to grieve on their own. He had left them. And he was never going to come back.
And it was an understatement to say that Jennifer Knight, Katie Knight, James Diamond, Logan Mitchell, and Carlos Garcia were going to miss him.
And they would never stop missing him.
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It had been a month since Kendall's death.
Carlos tugged on his black suit uncomfortably. He didn't have a suit, never had an occasion to wear it. So Logan let him borrow his, but since Logan was taller than him, it was a little loose.
But it was okay, because today was Kendall's funeral.
Carlos would have never imagined that he would be standing in front of Kendall's coffin, with Kendall's dead body inside of it, when he was only 17, not even a legal adult yet. He had always imagined funerals happening when he was super old, like 60 or something.
But here he was, staring down at Kendall's still body. Kendall was dressed in the suit he had worn for Prom at the Palm Woods School. Carlos still remembered that day; he wished he could go back in time.
Go back in time and tell Kendall that he loved him. Carlos didn't know Kendall would die; he hadn't told him that he loved him enough times. Carlos wished he could just go back for one day, and tell Kendall how much he loved him.
Kendall had always been their leader. Carlos remembered when he was little; Kendall would always be the one telling them to calm down, to stop crying, to stop worrying, because everything would be okay.
But where was Kendall now? When Carlos worried, when he cried, Kendall wouldn't be there anymore to calm him down.
Carlos bent down on his knees and stared at Kendall's peaceful face. He just wished Kendall was sleeping, that if he shook him, he would wake up.
But Carlos reached down and shook Kendall's shoulder, but he didn't wake up. He didn't even move.
And he would never be able to move again.
Carlos sniffled and stood back up, tears welling up in his eyes. He thought maybe he'd already run out of tears, seeing that he had cried so much the last month.
The paramedics had announced Kendall dead that day, and the next few days could be described in one word that started with a h that Carlos didn't want to think.
James pulled his hair out, literally. He cried and screamed all night long and never even thought about what it did to his hair.
He had kept Carlos up every single night, and with his freaking out, Carlos followed along. He would sit there on his bed next to James and cry and sob and whimper and beg for Kendall to come back.
But it didn't work.
And Logan had a real panic attack. He was breathing so quick that he actually had to go to the hospital and get tubes and stuff in his mouth. Carlos was so scared that Logan would die, too, but he didn't.
So why had Kendall?
Mrs. Knight and Katie were a wreck. They didn't talk to anyone (not that the boys would have been able to comfort them) for a whole week, and didn't eat for the majority of that week. Mrs. Knight lost 10 pounds, and Katie lost 8. And Katie was already bone thin. So things were bad.
Katie wailed every night about having nightmares, or she cried and said she wanted Kendall back. But didn't everyone want Kendall back?
Carlos let out a small whimper. "I-I miss you, Kendall." He got out softly, letting out a pained sob. Suddenly, he felt an arm wrap around his small shoulders.
"Hey, it's alright, buddy." James. James, who had been a complete disaster just weeks ago, had now recovered. Of course, he still hurt badly over Kendall's death, but he was getting sleep and trying to protect the people he loved.
Even though he couldn't protect Kendall.
Carlos ran his too-long sleeve over his red eyes. "I-I'm sorry for crying." He whispered timidly.
James shook his head. "Hey, it's alright to cry. I still cry every day, Carlos. It's alright to miss him."
Logan walked in and joined their semi-hug without further thought. "I don't know how I can live without him, guys." Logan admitted, tears in his eyes.
"I know, Logie, but we have to. We still have each other, and our families." James pointed out.
Logan smiled. "I never thought you were such the optimist, James." He cracked a tiny smile, but it was a genuine smile nonetheless.
They stood there like that for a long while, Logan and James and Carlos and Kendall. Finally, Logan cleared his throat. "We have to get ready for the funeral. You guys ready?"
James nodded firmly. "Yeah. Kendall deserves this."
Carlos nodded, agreeing with the taller boy. "We'll make sure no one every forgets Kendall."
Logan smiled again, bigger this time. "Yeah we will, buddy. Come on, boys, let's rock this thing."
line line line
Logan took a deep breath. His hands were shaking and his heart pumped fast.
The boys had voted him to be their funeral speech representative. Actually, it was more like he had voted himself into doing it. James and Carlos just weren't the type of people to give a speech.
Especially not one about their best friend.
Before, Kendall was the ideal person to go to to write a speech. He was the ideal speaker, and Logan thought he may even have a chance to be President if he tried.
But now Kendall was gone, and Logan just hoped his speech was good enough. He wanted to make Kendall proud. He had spent weeks writing it, and he wanted it to be perfect. Kendall deserved that.
He cleared his throat. The audience, about 200 people, peered up at him. So many people knew Kendall. There were his hockey team and classmates from Minnesota, his coach, his family, his friends from Minnesota and the Palm Woods, the Rocque Records people, the people from his old job as a clerk at the supermarket back in Minnesota, and other fans who loved him and would continue to love him.
"Welcome, everyone, to the funeral of Kendall Donald Knight." Logan said.
He didn't speak for a while; people stared up at him expectantly. "My name is Logan Mitchell. My friends James and Carlos and I are Kendall's best friends."
"James and Carlos met Kendall in kindergarten; I met him in 3rd grade, when I moved here from Texas. Kendall immediately struck me as a charismatic leader. He was eager to welcome me to Minnesota, and he made sure I felt welcome."
"Throughout our whole lives since then, Kendall, James, Carlos, and I have stuck together. We've helped each other through thick and thin. Kendall encouraged me to ask my first girl to Homecoming Freshman year. I was so scared, but Kendall told me something that has stuck with me today and will never leave me."
Logan scanned the crowd. Everyone was watching him. But for once, he didn't feel nervous. He was proud of what he was saying. He was honoring Kendall. "He told me that this was a 'once in a lifetime opportunity'. He told me to go for it."
"And I did. I asked her out, and she said yes. Many of you know my three best friends and me as the boy band Big Time Rush. It was when we were about 15 and 16 when we drove James here to audition."
Logan smiled. "After our producer, Gustavo, told James he had no talent, Kendall jumped up and mocked him with his singing. And Gustavo liked it. So he offered Kendall a solo record deal."
"Now, all you folks out there would have not hesitated to accept that record deal. After all, it is an once in a lifetimes opportunity."
Logan shook his head. "But not Kendall. He valued his friends, us, more than any amount of fame he could have received. So he offered Gustavo a deal. Take his three best friends with him or he wouldn't accept the record deal."
"And of course, Gustavo Rocque agreed, and that is how Big Time Rush began. Kendall believed in us, he knew we could do great things if we tried… and we did."
Logan stopped. He looked down at his audience. Everyone had tears in their eyes. He continued. "The day Kendall Knight was diagnosed with mental retardation was the worst day of my life."
Logan sniffled. Tears welled up in his eyes. But he didn't care. Kendall deserved his tears. He deserved his grief. "Throughout Kendall's whole life, Kendall had always been selfless, generous. He always put others in front of himself."
Logan took a deep breath. "He was selfless to the last day of his short life."
"Ladies and gentlemen, the doctors told us that Kendall knew he was going to die. He knew he needed help, but yet he did not seek it. He sent all of us away from the apartment that day and died."
No one spoke; it felt like no one was breathing, either. "And why would he do such a thing? Because Kendall Knight was aware that he was different. He knew he needed extra care, and he hated burdening his loved ones."
Logan felt a tear slip out of his eye. "He died because he truly believed doing so would be to the best of our benefits. His family and his friends' benefits."
"And so I am here today, everyone, not just to honor an amazing and selfless person, but also to encourage those today to be like Kendall Knight."
"Step out of your way for others, even those you may not know. Show kindness and care to strangers. You never knew when you may make someone's day just with one simple kind action."
Logan gulped and stacked his note cards in one big pile. "Ladies and gentlemen, today we are here to honor and remember Kendall Donald Knight. Our beloved son, big brother, best friend, student, teammate, classmate, worker, recording artist."
He felt his hands shaking. But he was going to finish. "But most of all, Kendall Knight was the most selfless person in the entire world."
"Thank you, everyone. Kendall Knight will be in our hearts forever."
Logan stepped down from the podium. James and Carlos gave him a teary smile.
Logan let out his sobs. They were loud and painful, but no one heard them.
His sobs were drowned out by the loud applause for Kendall Knight.
A/N- Wow. His funeral. Yes, folks, Kendall Knight is really dead. Well, in this story he is.
I'm sorry. This was planned from the very beginning. And I hope this chapter didn't seem too rushed, but there's going to be one chapter left after this one. I'm pretty sure. This story is almost over! *sobs*
Anyways, if you guys are depressed about this chapter (which I tried to make heartbreaking), then go check out my story "With A Little Luck". Kendall's alive in that one and it's about when they were all little kids.
And P.S. Do you guys watch TeenNickTop10? Well, if you do, VOTE FOR BIG TIME RUSH "WE ARE" for the video countdown. We need to get them to number 1, NOT One Direction!
Peace, Love, and Kendall Knight,
Anonymous Skrtle