Insufferably Owned

Amanda is updating this chapter, because I'm totally stuck camping all weekend long. I'll be updating from Leakycon (The Leaky Cauldron's Harry Potter conference) in Boston next weekend! I can't wait! I'll see you all next week.

Hey everyone this is Amanda. I have a story to tell. Brad asked me to update this for him cause of his camping trip. He's so dedicated and what not. Well, I forgot. Yep, meant to do it before this party that I was going to, and didn't. So I hope you'll all read and review this like rabid animals, 'cause I'm on my friend's computer in the middle of a party.
Oh, and Brad's story is the greatest shit around. And he's better than you. And enjoy. :)
P.S. You should read MY fanfic. (Link in Brad's author page) You'll love it. Brad does. And we all know how cool he is. Kay bye! Love you Brad!

In which a certain insufferable know-it-all is finally silenced.

Harry Potter was sitting in his potions class. He was obnoxiously bored, and so he doodled absent-mindedly on his parchment while Snape droned on about something or other. If he had been paying a little more attention, he would have known that something extraordinary was afoot.

Oh yes, dear readers, something extraordinary indeed. Unknown to Mr. Potter, Professor Severus Snape was growing progressively more annoyed when no one in his classes could answer his questions but one Hermione Granger.

Hermione Granger. Mudlood, filth, bushy-haired menace, New Jersey resident… Call her what you will, she was still the best in their year.

But Severus Snape didn't care about the best. She was a mudblood. Ignoring the awkwardness of his own half-blood status, Snape was bent on trapping this creature in a web and then systematically embarrassing her in front of her peers.

He really didn't have anything better to do with his time.

He began asking the class increasingly difficult questions. Severus Snape was not about to be outwitted by some Muggleborn!

But, without fail, Granger answered every fucking one of them. Severus Snape was not amused.

He was sick of asking about potions. Clearly this wasn't getting him anywhere. Crazy bitch had memorized the whole textbook and the NEWT levels, too. He started throwing out questions about Muggle physics, elementary particles, quantum mechanics; things a person with any sort of livelihood should be in the dark about.

But without fail, she answered them all. Snape's questions finally grew more and more wild until he finally barked:

"MISS GRANGER! What is the average airspeed velocity of a Swallow?"

Hermione began to stutter. She rapidly turned pink, and began to exhale in shallow breaths. Before Snape could enjoy the sight too much, however, Seamus Finnigan stood straight up in his chair and yelled back "African or European?!" The class was momentarily distracted from the floundering Mrs. Granger, who was on the verge of nervous tears.

"Shut up, Finnigan! 50 points from Gryffindor!"

Snape snapped his head back to leer at Granger some more. Weasley and Potter were certainly doing their best to console her.

"LADDEN OR UNLADDEN?! THERE ARE COCONUTS INVOLVED SOMETIMES!"

Again, the class turned to Seamus, who was once more standing, not getting the answers he so craved.

"FIVE HUNDRED POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR. If you say another word Finnigan I promise you that you'll wish you'd never been accepted into this miserable school."

Seamus promptly sat down without a word. The entire class turned around to face the back.

Hermione Granger was unable to answer the question.

Fin.

Monty Python joke, I know. But it's such a Snape move that I thought it was perfect for his character. Let me know what you think!