The Saddest Song

Author's Note: WOW, you guys blew me away with those reviews for the last chapter. Thanks so much, it really meant a lot to know I wrote those scenes well. I hope you like this one as well.

Chapter 36: A Little Faith

- 'When the world gets dark & you can no longer see, just let my love throw a spark & have a little faith in me…'-

The world was a blur when she awoke that morning, three days later in his strong arms. He was asleep, but subconsciously he pulled her closer to him, giving her a feeling of want and need, like things would eventually be okay, though it seemed so far away.

"Luke," she whispered against his ear, he opened his eyes to find her against him.

"Hmm?" he moaned tiredly, pulling her a little closer to him.

"What about your girlfriend? Don't you have to go home?" it hurt her to say those words again. He had a life and someone waiting for him at home, she no longer did, and she was alone again.

"I don't have to go if you don't want me to," his words were meant to be sweet and helpful, she knew that. Yet, she couldn't help what boiled up inside of her.

"Yes you do! I won't be the other woman again, Lucas!"

"Peyton…you were never the other woman…" he was so sincere and genuine that it scared her and hurt her at the same time.

"Luke…" his phone rang before she got a chance to continue what she wanted to say to him. But it wasn't her phone, it was his.

"I have to take this," he looked at her with remorse, but she urged him to answer. He stood away from her, taking the call to the connecting bathroom. She knew he needed the privacy but he was talking so loudly she couldn't help but overhear.

- 'And when the tears you cry are all you can believe, just give these loving arms a try and have a little faith in me' –

He was talking so loud she heard every word of the one ended conversation. And only a few minutes in it became totally apparent who he was talking to, and the pain in her heart began to swell again. She had finally gotten used to having him around and letting him take care of her, she had somehow become dependent on that boy.

"Look, Stef, she needs me right now…"

"I know you need me too, and I'll be home in a few more days, her boyfriend of two and a half years just died. You can't expect me to say 'hey hope you'll be okay' and just walk out. Plus, she's just not in the mood to be taking care of Kylie right now, so she needs some help."

"Yes, I know she has friends here but they all have their own lives … I didn't mean it that way, I have a life with you too. It's just I've known her since I was fifteen, I mean we had a kid together and she needs me. I'm not leaving her."

It was true…she had totally and completely forgotten they had met when they were fifteen and not that night she saw him in her car near the park. She so often looked back on that moment in the road as the fateful moment that the connection became so apparent. But they had met before that, doing a history project early sophomore year. And it all became so clear.

The knock on the door got louder as she ran down the stairs to greet the boy she was forced to complete the project with. Her initial plan had been to bitch him out, let him know she wanted no part of having to work with him. But when she opened the door, he stood with his hair spiked up with some gel and a box of donuts in his hand.

"Hey…I hope you don't mind the donuts, my mom had some extra from her café and like forced them on me. I guess she felt bad because I had to walk and it was raining when I left."

So that wasn't gel in his hair, it was the rain that had soaked him. She smiled involuntarily at how nice he was being and took the donuts from his hands.

"Well, tell your mom thanks," she walked off toward the kitchen with the box, placing them on the table.

She had tried unsuccessfully to be a total bitch, but three hours later she found them sitting at her kitchen table with the donuts and a quart of milk between them, laughing hysterically at his impression of their old, stuck-up principal.

"You're good at that!" she laughed again, taking another bite out of her donut.

"Yeah, well…my…Haley asks me to do it a lot, she always gets a kick out of it, so I've perfected it," he winked at her, looking down at his plate and picking at a few crumbs.

"Are you with her?" she knew it was being a little nosey, but he had inserted a my before her name.

"No! No, no…she's my best friend, that's kinda why I put the my before her name and stopped," he shook his head, laughing nervously. "I just wasn't sure if you knew who she was, so I just said her name anyway."

"I know who she is…we sat at the same table in fifth grade, Sarah and Marie sat with us too…and they were annoying so Haley and I used to talk and have snack in the morning together since we weren't allowed to move our chairs. I don't think Brooke liked it too much, but she was cool," she shrugged nonchalantly, playing off how much she had enjoyed the girl's company and was disappointed that year when the tables were moved.

She didn't dare tell Lucas she had hung out with his best friend once, and she was quite sure from his reaction to her story that Haley had never said anything to him. The girl had even slept over one night that year, she wasn't sure why they never continued that friendship. It had been a fun night full of girly movies and boy-talk. Brooke had gone out of town and apparently Lucas had to help his Uncle with some things. And it hadn't been awkward the way either of them had expected, they'd both had a blast. As Peyton got nostalgic Lucas cleared his throat.

"Sorry…I was just thinking about something. So, how about a conversation start, Lucas. How many kids you planning to have," she had never been so forward with people, that was usually Brooke's job, and that question was absurd. She mentally cursed herself for asking him something so stupidly random. But to her surprised he laughed it off and contemplated his answer.

"Hmm, I'm thinking like three…definitely not two, they'd get sick of each other and four is just too many. Maybe two girls and a boy because I don't want the boys teaming up and being assholes to their sister. Ya know?" he was worried she would laugh at his answer but instead she smiled at him, shaking her head.

"My thoughts exactly," they both laughed at how much in common they seemed to have, Lucas had another question.

"How old do you wanna be when you get married?"

"I dunno…I guess like 22 or something around there. And then have the kids before I'm like 26. I wanna be a kinda young mom, but not like 16 or anything, that's way too young. I don't know what I'd do if I got pregnant next year, that would be nuts," she shook her head, taking another huge bite from her donut.

"It would be, I couldn't imagine having to be a dad next year…"

"But the dad doesn't really have to do as much as the mom does. I mean we get all the responsibility. Plus, I mean, a dad can just walk out if he wanted to, he doesn't really have to stick around, you know?" it was then that he suddenly got very somber and quiet, she took this in thinking she had done something very wrong. "I'm sorry, did I say something?"

"No, it's not your fault. It's just…I mean…I just, my dad did that to my mom…"

"Wow, Lucas, I'm sorry. I forgot about that…the whole thing with Nathan."

"Well, no, it's really not your fault. I mean neither of us really acknowledge that thing and no one mentions it that much, so you wouldn't really remember. It's just…I don't know how anyone could do that to their kid. You gotta be a real jerk to walk out on the girl you got pregnant and your kid…I mean it's your kid. How could you just leave like that?"

The irony of the conversation shocked the hell out of her now that she could remember bits and pieces of it. How they had talked about everything that they had gone through together, it was definitely like some creepy fate thing.

"Stef, I promise, you're the one I'm coming home too. I'm just here to help, I'm not here to be with her, I don't love her, you know that," well that stung.

She felt the tears that were burning at the back of her eyes, what a dick. Immediately she stood, heading toward the door she heard the door to the bathroom open and his heavy work boots on her floor.

"Peyton…"

She took off running, opened the apartment door and kept going.

- 'Have a little faith in me, have a little faith in me, have a little faith in me, have a little faith in me' –

He knew where she was going, he didn't need any help with that. He had known her so long, and gotten so close to her that he didn't need anyone to tell him where she would run to. He could have just as easily taken her car, but he chose to talk the walk to the Rivercourt, where he knew he would find her on the swings. The Rivercourt was where they first started talking again, where this whole ordeal began again.

He approached the court to find her exactly where he knew she would be. And when she looked up to see him coming to her, she knew there was no escaping this, they had some serious issues they needed to work through, on top of how depressed and out of control she felt.

"Look…I –"

"No, no. That was good, I think it was really good for me to hear, Lucas. It was kind of reality, maybe I'm not tied down anymore, but you are, and I won't be that girl again. I won't. You've moved on, you've gotten responsible and she needs you now, so you need to accept it. And so do I…we're over, we've been over and there's no changing that. You and me ended the day you drove away three years ago and I can't be this girl that you fall back on all the time, I'm not your consolation prize for growing up."

"I never said that, Peyton. What if I don't love Stef the way you didn't love Adam?" he questioned her, looking reasonably hurt.

"God, I hate it when you do that, you use my time with Adam against me. I did love Adam very much, but in a totally different way. You were my first love, you know that and you always have…there's always going to be a part of me that belongs to you, but let's face facts here…we're twenty years old, I think it's time to get over the fairtytale, you left and I've been trying to move on and every time I've got it figured out you show up and screw me over. I can't live like this, I can't and I won't, Lucas."

"I'm not trying to make this a fairtytale, but we're not over. You know that, you saw that in your living room that day…you can't deny what was there," he pushed harder, willing her to trust him again with her heart which she refused to do.

"Lucas, just because we can make out doesn't mean we're destined soul mates. I've wasted too much time thinking maybe like fate or something ridiculous like that would bring us back together. But I can't keep doing it, it's not allowing me to move on, to have a life…"

"So what're you saying?" he looked so visibly hurt by her words that she yearned to take them back.

"I'm saying you've gotta go. You need to go, and you can't keep coming back. We'll figure something out with Kylie if you wanna see her like once a month and I'll have someone help with transportation so we have minimal contact. It's for the best right now, Luke…" she watched his face drop at her words.

"Peyton, I don't think I can do that. We've always been in contact, you're one of the people I'm closest to, I don't think I can't not talk to you."

"You're gonna have to, please," her voice began to crack as she continued to sit in the swing. She needed to push him away to help herself.

"I just don't –"

"No! You have to!"

"I can't do that Peyton! I need you in my life, I can't lose you like this!"

"Well, it's over, Lucas. Don't you get that! And I can't keep doing this because it hurts, it really hurts to be here with you! Doing this to you is killing me, okay, do you understand that? But it hurts too much to be around you anymore like this…"

"Don't do this."

"I can't not do it, Luke…please stop making me feel worse about my decision," he was down on his knees, level with her now, slowly wiping at the few tears that fell. "Luke…stop…" her voice had dropped to a whisper as he touched her now.

"Come with me," he said softly, leading her back to the apartment located only about two blocks away.

- 'When your secret heart, cannot speak so easily, come here darlin' from a whisper start to have a little faith in me' –

They entered the quiet apartment, Jake and Brooke had been keeping Kylie for the past few days leaving Peyton some quiet time. As they walked in, Lucas turned to look at her, a small smile playing on his lips.

"What did you bring us back here for?"

"This…" he took the picture of them from a high shelf, showing it to her. "That's still there, Peyton. It always will be, you know that," he watched her take in the image of them on the Rivercourt, the picture she hadn't been able to force herself to rip when she started smashing things in the apartment years ago.

"It can't be…" she drifted off, no more logical thinking could come to her as he took the picture from her, backing her up against another wall. "These walls are getting me in a lot of trouble," she mumbled, her voice full of an emotion she couldn't distinguish.

"I'll leave tomorrow if you want, I promise…but…" he inched closer to her, taking her wrists above her head, intertwining his hands with hers up against the white wall.

"But what?"

"Just gimme tonight…it's been too long without you," he whispered in her ear, and before her mind could react she had found his mouth, melting into him quicker than she had any previous time. The moan he heard gave him the initiative to continue, pulling her shirt up over her head as she swiftly helped him shed his own.

"Just tonight," she mumbled against his mouth, smiling as his finger tips grazed her skin, tickling her slightly. It took only minutes before they were both in under garments, and in one fluent motion he had her in his arms and on the couch. And before she could even think her skin was against his own, the sweat mingling with desire. "Lucas…condom."

- 'And when your back's against the wall, just turn around and you will see, I will catch, I will catch your fall baby, just have a little faith in me' -

He nodded, pulling one from his wallet that he carried along and preparing himself for a night that would send both of their worlds crashing into the same hole they had just come from. His kisses became urgent as they both let logic go and their emotions take them where they ended up for just one night.

"God, I missed this," she said quietly, while he trailed kisses along her neck and over her collarbone. She ran her fingers roughly through his hair, letting her hands roam along his toned arms. He smiled at her comment, bringing his mouth to hers again, very gently taking his time unifying them once more. Neither knew exactly what tomorrow would bring, and maybe it was just a chance to ease her pain, but either way, despite her best protests – they were exactly where they needed to be at that moment.