Sorry for the incredibly long wait! As I said before, I had some school stuff that really overtook my life for a while and may for the next couple of weeks. So that's been my real focus. But this chapter is longer than the last (I know, hard to believe) and I think since my brain's been so fried from college that my editing was a little messy this time around. If so, lemme know. It may be a while before I really get to look at it and go through it fully. But as usual, I own nothing but Charlotte.
When I got back, Phil gave me a nod and with his badassness, that was a major compliment to my abilities. Fury only commended me somewhat but hey, it was still a compliment. When I got back inside the apartment, Natasha and Bruce were there. Natasha had taken it upon herself to buy me a replacement bomber jacket and a new pair of combat boots. I literally almost started crying. I didn't know if it was the meds or what but that was just incredibly sweet.
Taking a shower was probably the hardest thing I'd had to do yet and I didn't doubt that it may be the hardest thing I had to do on a regular basis. Standing for that long didn't sound like a good idea and water hitting the wound? I didn't think that sounded full proof either. But I had Thor help me by turning on the water and undoing the bandages first. Seeing what my leg actually looked like made me feel like hurling.
It just looked raw, like I'd never had skin there in the first place. It didn't help that the salve that was on it smelled like actual medicine. But I'd get used to it, I was certain. When I got in the shower, I had to grip the shower curtain pole not to fall down. I made a bunch of noises that weren't pleasant as I felt the water run the expanse of my leg. "God," I moaned. The water gave some relief to the burning sensation but it really didn't matter much, not compared to everything else.
I got out fast, after no longer than a five minute shower and got dried off. I wrapped the towel around me and walked out, having to rebandage my leg before anything else. I couldn't put the salve on myself so Steve helped me with that. I felt like telling all of the Avengers how much I loved them for this.
After that, I just felt like passing out in bed which is exactly what I did after popping a couple of those pills. Sleeping was fine due to the fact that some of these pills practically knocked me unconscious but when I woke up, I felt miserable again. I tried to give myself a mental pep-talk before moving to get out of bed.
How exactly were we going to contact Loki? Tony seemed fairly confident that he would just show up on his own. Apparently, he'd wanted to apologize to me on the rooftop when I was passed out. That was rather nice of him. No, stop, don't think like this. I sympathize with Loki too much anyway. At least now that was going to come in handy.
What if he touched me though? What if he convinced me to do something? And somehow, they all had faith in me that I wouldn't screw this up. Why? Because I'm a researcher? Because I'm good at understanding people? That means nothing in the way Loki, absolutely nothing. He has a huge wall up when it comes to stuff like that. All of the things I know about him, I don't know from him. I know them from police reports and Thor. The only honest thing he ever told me was that he and Thor were on bad terms and that he was a Jotunn.
I pressed the back of my right hand to my forehead. He would show up, they would let me talk to him on my own, and maybe I would actually have some luck and convince him to back down. Although, I had a pretty bad feeling about this guy he was working with. Why agree to team up with someone who wants to run the world, unless you somehow had that same goal?
"You up?" I heard a voice say. I moved my hand and saw Clint standing in the threshold between our rooms.
"I reckon I am now," I responded. "I was just thinking about Loki and the plan."
"Hey, even if it doesn't work, at least we tried it," he said, sitting on the opposite side of my bed. "You never know until you try, right?"
"I dunno, Clint. I'm just confused about it. I'm finally over stuff with him and now I have to retcon that just to see if maybe something will work. Sorry if I'm being a little hesitant."
"You've been through a lot lately, Charlotte. It's not that we don't know that. But you have to understand that you're the only option for this. Who's to say he won't start a bitch fight with Thor?"
"Who's to say he won't start one with me? He gets angry pretty quickly."
"That's not what you're really worried about anyway."
"You're right. I don't want him to flip this on me and somehow, talk me into wanting to help him. Because I don't want to help him do this. Like I said, I think there may have been a time where I could've gotten through to him but it was in that beta period between us living together and him finding an army. Hell, maybe that overlapped. Whatever it is, he made the choice to do this without me in mind."
"What if you could talk him down though, Charlotte? Have you thought of that? What if Loki actually gets what you're saying to him and he decides to change? What would you and Thor do?"
"I imagine Thor would be ecstatic and would wanna take him home," I responded. I know I sounded sad at the idea because Clint made a face. I didn't want Thor to go back to Asgard. I was too close with him now. To a certain extent, I didn't really want Loki to go back either.
"But what would you do? Hypothetically, of course, let's say this works. You tell him there's life outside of being a villain and he chooses that path. He's going to assume you'll lead him down it, don't you think?" I kind of smiled at the idea.
"I suppose that I would. Loki wouldn't have anyone other than me and Thor. Maybe he's never really had anyone other than the two of us. If it would mean progress for him, I'd be more than happy to do it."
"Well, what do you think that entails?"
"Are you trying to trick me into saying that I wanna be with him?"
"It's not a trick. I'm just honestly asking. You have to wonder."
"I've thought about it a lot before. Oh, what would've happened if he hadn't turned so quickly once Thor came back? Oh, what would've happened if Thor hadn't returned? I don't honestly think about that one seriously because Thor is a great person and one of my only friends but it was the catalyst. It was like an automatic switch for him. But I mean, I think about those questions only as much as I think about others. Like, what would've happened if I never met Loki? Would I be with Steve? Would I be with Thor? Would I know Thor? Would I be unhappy? Would I love my job? But you know, hindsight is 20/20 so I can make up these scenarios in my head as much as I would like but none of them are coming true." I knew that had sounded as rambling out loud as it had in my head. Everything just falls out of my mouth.
Clint moved to lay on the bed and prop himself up beside me. "Tell me what you would do. Do you love him, Charlotte?" No one had ever phrased it like that before. In fact, no one had ever asked for my real opinion on Loki before. He was manipulative and a liar and a sneak but he was funny and his voice was a 10 and he seemed to feel so much more than anyone else I'd ever met (not that he'd ever let you know he felt anything other than apathy).
"Why do you care about that, Clint?"
"Because no one's asked you and I think it should've been asked on the first day."
"I've never really thought about it before. At least, not in words that serious."
"What if he told you he loved you?" I didn't know what game Clint was trying to play but he was certainly getting a reaction out of me. My emotions were always plain, it was why I could never be a spy. "You'd be happy." He didn't ask it as a question. It was a statement; a very true statement. I would be very happy. In fact, I would question everything if he decided to stop taking over the world and told me he loved me.
"But he doesn't, Clint. He's infatuated with me because I helped him adjust here."
"Yes, he does. The stuff Loki has done for you isn't typical of infatuation."
"Why are you trying to pull this out of me?"
"Because if you admit it to yourself, you can start trying to deal with it."
"I don't wanna deal with it. I want to forget about it because I was making pretty great progress until Steve told me." Steve. Oh God, I couldn't do that to Steve. Didn't Clint understand that? I sank into my pillows further. My emotions were going to murder me.
"Steve felt guilty about it. We all did. But I think he told you then because he thinks you're settling and he doesn't want you to do that."
"But that's not true!"
"Yeah, we know that but you can't blame him for thinking it. He saw you all the time beating yourself up over what happened." I gulped. "And you know long he's wanted to be with you. From like his first couple of months working here." I bit my lower lip.
"You're trying to torture me."
"I'm trying to give you advice and make you help yourself. I know you don't need to hear me say it but Steve is miles above Loki. He is ten times the man that 'god' will ever be. Just think about it, Charlotte. What kind of life could you possibly have with Loki? It wouldn't all be playing house and laughing at each other. He won't age and you will. Don't say that he could take you back to Asgard. After everything that's happened here, Thor has even said it's a slim chance they'll let Loki back. A life with him can't possibly be what you want. But Steve, God, Steve adores you and he would never put you in danger. He would never use you or hide things like Loki does. He would give you everything." I opened my mouth slowly but no words came out. I didn't know what to say. I'd never even thought about most of those things. "Steve told you because he wants you to be happy. Loki just wants you."
I brought both of my hands up to cover my face but took them away just as fast. "I love them. I love both of them. I'm a liability. Just let them take me to jail. I'm going to get them both killed or they're going to kill each other. God, I hate this."
"Look, neither of them are idiots. Neither are you. I didn't say it to upset you. I said it to make you think."
"I wish I was still unconscious right now."
"Charlotte, you can't hide from this forever. You need to start dealing with it and come up with a plan for when you're talking to Loki. You can't make progress with him unless you're being honest."
"I know, I just- I don't want to do this. I don't want to deal with it. Talking to him will only dredge up emotions and weird feelings and he'll try to manipulate me. He knows how much I care for him. That's why all of this has been happening. Loki knows there are buttons on me and the next fight you have, he will try to kill Steve. He's going to do that whether I talk him down or not."
"There's so much you can say to him to stop something like that before it happens. Tell him that Thor forgives him and that his family was sad when he fell into the abyss or whatever. I don't care. You know him better than the rest of us do."
"This was one shitty pep-talk, Clint. Now just let me go back to bed after you help me redress my leg." He shook his head over at me.
"I'm not going to let you hide in here. Everyone wants to see you. It'll be good for you. We can have a group meeting and this will all get better from there." I made a face at him as Clint got up and moved to my side, ready to pull me out of bed if there was no other choice. "Seriously, you'll feel better for it. Besides, they've started showing TV footage of us!" I rolled my eyes. Clint and Tony were probably basking in that.
"Fine, I guess I can go downstairs and have the group meeting." Clint moved to help me sit up and I winced as my leg bent slightly when I moved out from under the covers. "Is it actually okay for us to be talking about that in here though? I thought we had to escape their cameras."
"Natasha told me this morning that Loki ruined their equipment, one of the only things they haven't been able to fix. They can't even see up here now. I mean, we've still got Jarvis but we can say whatever we want around Jarvis."
"At least Loki did something that'll pay off for us." Clint bent down and started unraveling the bandage on my leg. He was rougher with it than Steve had been. I looked away once the wound was really exposed and I handed him the salve from behind my back. I couldn't take looking at it.
"I said for Tony to let Loki do it. He just didn't listen to me. Hell, maybe he's right and it would've made us look weak or maybe he was just doing it to torture the guy. But I say you let him heal you. You're miserable and Loki will offer when you see him." I nodded.
"Thank you." Clint started rubbing the salve on and I breathed out as some of the fire in my leg cooled off.
"I know I just said some shitty things about him but it is pretty clear that he cares for you. I don't even know that he would be doing this kind of thing for Thor."
"Well, when Thor gets injured, it heals more quickly. Whose side are you on, Clint? I thought you were on Steve's."
"I am but I guess after everything you'd said about him earlier and everything he's been doing for you, I'm starting to feel bad for him."
"He's really sympathetic. I'm sure that if ya'll hear what we talk about, you'll find him even more so." Clint nodded, rolling a new bandage around my leg and securing it. "It might be doable; getting him to stop this madness. I mean, the more I think about it, it actually is worth a shot."
"I told you. Come on, let's go see them and talk about it." Clint helped me up and I started walking with him slowly. When I finally got to the hallway, Thor greeted us and handed me three poptarts, each one a different flavor.
"I know you do not eat much since you are so tiny but I did not know what flavor is your preferred," Thor said. I started smiling at him.
"I'm starving actually so I want all three," I responded. Thor was grinning like he was some sort of puppy.
"I would have you see what is on the… on the…"
"The television?" I asked. Thor only nodded. "Are you on it?"
"They just started the coverage," said Clint. We began to walk forward and I began to take the stairs slowly, every time a pain shot up my leg. I groaned. "Just let Thor carry you. Thor!"
"No, that's-" I started but was cut off as Thor scooped me up and carried down the rest of the stairs while keeping my left leg straight.
"You just got carried down a flight of stairs by a prince!" said Clint. I snorted.
"Thanks, Thor," I said, beginning to gnaw on one of the poptarts. Jane had said he had a preference for them. I think he had been hoarding some in his room, worried one of us might take them.
I looked around at everyone. Tony was antagonizing Bruce. We were back to that, I suppose. Natasha was sitting beside Steve on one of the couches. "How are you feeling?" asked Natasha. I waved my hand a little, so-so.
"Well, get ready for this!" said Tony. "We're gonna be on TV."
"I can't believe they actually got video footage of us," said Bruce.
"They really got video footage of us?" asked Steve. "That's incredible considering the circumstances."
"I'm wondering how they managed it too," I said. "Especially without getting killed."
"I think a couple of them did," said Clint. "They've been trying to promote it all morning, saying people got shots of us with cellphones and stuff and they've just found cameras everywhere."
"People who do stuff like that are idiots in my book," I responded. "'Oh, look, there's tons of aliens out here with laser beams that could disintegrate me but I'm just gonna stand here like a moron and try to get a video of my death.' Seriously, what the hell is wrong with people?"
"At least they didn't volunteer to dress like a target and actually attempt to get hit by stuff," said Tony. I stuck my tongue out.
"Oh, here it is!" said Clint. I could tell Natasha and Bruce weren't excited about it. Thor clearly didn't really understand what it meant. Tony was used to it and Clint and Steve looked genuinely excited. I was neutral. I had known a superhero group would attract attention but I was wondering how they would explain someone like Thor or Steve.
I tuned out for a little while because they all began talking as the reporters showed pictures of each of them followed by a clip of a fast move. The pictures were clearly from S.H.I.E.L.D. They were the ones on their IDs. Tony's was first. Then Natasha's flashed across the screen as they referred to her as Black Widow. Then they showed Thor, showing a clip of him using Mjolnir to hit and flip a car. Then Steve, who they continually referred to as handsome, was shown narrowly missing a laser. Poor Steve was embarrassed just hearing it. They then showed the Hulk and Clint. There wasn't a good shot of Clint because he'd been on the rooftops the last time. Then my heart felt like it had stopped and everyone stopped talking.
"Oh my God," I said. My face flashed on the screen with my real name emblazoned underneath it. My picture looked like a mug shot. It was the one they'd taken the day Loki had stabbed me when my hair was still long.
They'd been making comments on everyone, calling Steve handsome, saying Thor was unusual, saying that Clint was innovative. But then they started talking about me. "And last but not least, not an actual member of the Avengers, we have the civilian hero, Charlotte Kent, who was disguised as Captain America."
"The civilian hero?" I screeched. Then my clip played. I heard myself scream and I watched in horror as my wreck played out onscreen. My helmet fell off and they'd moved in closer to showcase my face. I clapped my hand over my mouth. "Oh my God."
"Apparently, she just works with them and volunteered to go out," said one of the reporters. "Whatever the case, every one of these people is commendable. Tomorrow, at our live press conference with them, they will be taking questions. Tune in then." Then they showed a montage of other clips of us, including one of me using the shield.
"I did not sign up for a CNN press conference," said Bruce.
"I didn't sign up for any of it!" I screeched. "They told the press my real name! Why couldn't they have said a codename? Or better yet, why was I a fucking idiot and lose my helmet?" I saw Steve wince and I brought it down a notch. "Damn it, if it's the last thing I do, I'm punching Fury in his effing face because this seriously takes the effing cake! Or better yet, we all team up on him and take turns punching him until he's out cold. Which would ya'll prefer?"
"Calm down, you're a hero now," said Tony. "Press conferences are fun."
"I am not a hero, Tony. Look at me!"
"Neither am I," said Bruce. "I can't believe this."
"So you're down with the punching plan? How about you Hulk out and knock Maria out too? I really hate her."
"Look, if neither of you show up to the press conference, they're going to have a field day with it," said Tony.
"Being nationally recognized for something I had to do isn't something I asked for."
"Yes, you did. The contracts say in them for everyone to be prepared for recognition."
"I am not an Avenger, Tony. I never asked to be one! I shouldn't have to show up there. You know how I am, how am I gonna answer those questions? I was just doing my job!"
"Tell them that," said Clint. "We're the ones they're most interested in. You, me, and Natasha. We're the ones without powers and the ones they know nothing about." The Hulk had sort of been in the public eye a couple of years ago. Steve had been rightfully famous in the 1940s but that was over seventy years ago. Would they say someone had just taken up the name of "Captain America" and pretend he wasn't the original? Thor had seen some action out in New Mexico but he was nowhere near ready to be put in front of a panel of reporters who just wanted to use all of us as a meal ticket. And of course, Tony was beyond used to the public eye.
"You also didn't have your full name released to the press today. I don't want them to know who I am. I didn't do anything spectacular. I was a glorified shiny object for them to follow so that ya'll had a real shot."
"And you gave us that shot," said Steve. "Not to mention, you actually fought them."
"That doesn't mean that I'm on the same level as any one of you."
"You didn't have to go out there," said Clint, "but you did it anyway. Everyone will love hearing that. New York loves a civilian hero." I grimaced.
"I can't believe it's tomorrow. I don't have the time to brief Thor on how to act during an interview without tipping them off."
"Chances are, they won't let him speak much anyway," said Clint. I exchanged a look with Thor. He just wasn't prepared to even be there, let alone to talk to these people.
"Damn it, I am just mad."
"Look, we'll get you a codename," said Tony. "It'll be totally fine. Calm down. It's not a big deal. You talk to Loki, he'll change his mind, we do several press conferences, and they'll forget about you. It's common sense." Before I had the chance to speak, Natasha cut me off, changing the subject.
"Speaking of Loki, what's the plan there?" she asked. I shrugged. They were all looking at me like I would have some brilliant idea on something to say. I didn't. In fact, I had no idea what to do about it.
"Well, first I need to know stuff that happened while I was out," I said. "Bruce, what the hell happened with you? Tony said Loki had tried to convince you to turn on us." Bruce shrugged, obviously wanting to forget about it. I took a seat on one of the couches, finally calming down.
"Indeed, he did," said Bruce. "He just played on my emotions and all of the doubts I had about being in the Avengers. I really don't even understand how he knew some of those things. I mean no offense to any of you when I say this but I was almost completely convinced to do what he told me. He understood what my fears were concerning hurting any of you. But he faltered when he tried to tell me that all of you thought of me as some brute to be used at your disposal. I know that's not true so of course, it set me off."
"I understand it," I responded. "Is that all he wanted from you? Just for you to leave us?" Bruce nodded and I tilted my head back, staring at the tall ceiling.
"I really think that's the only thing," said Tony.
"He talked to me when we fought," said Natasha. Everyone turned and looked at her, wondering why she hadn't mentioned this sooner. "It was really nothing. He said I was a good foil for him. I suppose I see why. But he does clearly intend on killing all of us. He knocked me out with a blast from that spear. Maybe he thought I was dead."
"Yeah, okay, now I'm really convinced that we need to be nice," said Clint. "Charlotte, sing his praises, make out with him, I don't care what you do, just please talk him down."
"I didn't think he was actually picking us off one by one," I said, in shock. I remembered hearing Fury say to stick with our partners because we weren't safe alone when he admitted that he'd lost Natasha and Bruce in the fight. I didn't think that was actually Loki's goal.
"Don't include yourself in that," said Tony. I glared over.
"I don't think he can be talked down," said Natasha, "no matter what the rest of you think. I think we need to kill him." Thor stepped forward.
"Loki is beyond reason but he is my brother," he said, speaking for the first time to the rest of them.
"Thor," I began, "what if we do it together? What if you and I talk to him?" Thor only shook his head at me.
"Loki should not see me now."
"He's right," said Steve. "You're the only one he's guaranteed not to hurt." I put my fingers on the bridge of my nose, like that would somehow make me have the right thing to say. Of course, it didn't. I dropped my hand.
I just openly stared at Steve and sat there blankly. "Fine, whatever, I'll struggle through it," I said. "But we don't know where he's gonna be."
"That's not gonna be a problem," said Tony. "He'll come to see you, no doubt about that. Once he realizes you're up and about, he'll be here." I nodded. Tony was right about that.
"My only request is that when I do this, I'm allowed to do it on my own terms. I wanna be alone with him. I don't want ya'll breathing down my neck trying to tell me what to say. That only makes it worse. And whatever I say, I want you to take it with a grain of salt. He's only gonna respond to certain things and I know what they might be. I know you're gonna watch even if I tell you not to and whatever, that's beyond fine. I just don't wanna hear you." They all seemed to understand where I was coming from which I very much appreciated.
"I'll get stuff from Jarvis. We could all get out of here tonight." They all nodded in agreement so I shrugged.
"I don't think that's enough time for me but whatever, I can work with it."
"You're a federal agent and half a day isn't enough time for you?" asked Clint.
"The guy broke up with me by saying, 'Maybe someone like me could love someone like you' which is basically saying that he's a god and I'm a puny human and then he stabbed me! What do you want from me? That I be eager?"
"The sooner you do it and get it over with, the happier you'll be."
"And the sooner we can know whether we need to start launching missiles at him," said Tony. "And you do realize that he'll probably try to sweet talk you with that obnoxious Shakespearian voice he has?" I choked on a piece of my third poptart and started laughing.
"Are you sure you didn't date him?" asked Clint. Tony made a face.
"I'm just saying that he tries to be charming when it's just sleazy."
"AKA he's you," I said. Clint doubled over and Steve tried not to laugh.
Eventually, we all broke off into doing our own things which meant me sitting on the couch for most of the day. My hair was getting scruffy from my home haircut job so I asked Natasha to do something to it so that I would look good for the inevitable press conference tomorrow. She gave me side bangs and made my hair frame my face better. She did a much better job than I had but still, at least I hadn't been looking like an idiot for the past couple of months.
I thought about asking Steve what Loki had said to him when I was unconscious but I figured it might actually be something worth bringing up with Loki himself. Actually, maybe that would make him angry. If I set him off, there was literally no telling. Maybe I need to give some serious consideration to what Clint had told me this morning.
I painted my nails while the guys went downstairs for a while. Bruce went to his lab, I was sure. Thor and Steve were bonding, which I was too happy about. Clint and Natasha were training and I think Tony was repairing a couple of things on his suit. So I was stuck alone to come up with a plan. Sadly though, no matter what I kept telling myself, I had genuinely no plan at all. Against all of my own wishes, I would have to just say what I feel. He deserved a little honesty, in all actuality. Loki had been being kind to me when he didn't have to. I owed him.
As my nails finished drying, painted a dark green which I found ironic after the fact, I got a text from Tony.
Tony Stark: Leaving from here now. I'll keep an eye on you with Jarvis. Press the security button if you feel threatened. Btw, be smart. He's off the deep end.
I responded with a quick, "Ok," and threw my phone down on the cushion beside me where it had been sitting all day. Obviously, I would press the security button. That's the entire reason it was here. Just because it was Loki doesn't mean I would hesitate on pressing that. And yeah, I also knew that I should watch my step with Loki. I pushed myself up off the couch and strode into the kitchen slowly. Walking without Clint to support me was actually genuinely terrible. My leg began doing that shaky movement that happened when I'd stood on it for too long and the heat in it only increased.
I gripped the counter to the island in the kitchen and paused for a moment before moving to the cabinets and quickly grabbing a glass. I groaned because my shoulder was still sore. "Jarvis, where does Tony keep his secret stash of alcohol?" I called out. I always felt silly when anyone spoke to Jarvis aside from Tony.
"In his bedroom," Jarvis responded. I rolled my eyes. Going upstairs would be a dangerous feat for someone in my condition.
"I guess I'll stick to soda." I opened the refrigerator and the cold assaulted me since I was still wearing those gym shorts and now a cami tank top. I had been wearing my company jacket with the S.H.I.E.L.D. logo on the back but for whatever reason, the apartment had been more than warm enough to go without it. I felt like thanking corporate for that decision because it meant that I had seen most of the guys shirtless today.
As I bent forward to look for a drink and a snack, the lights in the apartment snapped off. I stood back up suddenly and dropped the glass I'd been holding. The lights flashed back on as the door to the fridge closed. I slowly turned once I realized that the cold I'd experienced earlier hadn't dissipated, that it was thick in the air. My eyes focused on the island and the helmet that was now sitting on it. My breath caught in my throat.
Son of a bitch, Tony had been right.
Loki wasn't showing himself but I knew he was there. It was his helmet sitting there and the cold in the room was almost overpowering. How had I never noticed that before? I moved forward and gripped the island again, moaning at the pain that came from moving so fast. The helmet was beautiful and golden, ten times what I had thought it was in those pictures out west. Of course that was something Loki took when he was in here.
Looking at it alone was so tempting that I reached forward and touched it. The metal was incredible and it sent a wave through me much like Mjolnir had but where Mjolnir made me feel warm and welcome, this felt icy and dark… almost evil. I couldn't imagine what his staff felt like. I let go immediately and pushed it away from me. I turned my eyes to one of Jarvis' covert cameras. I take it back, I hoped they were seeing this.
I turned my head back and noticed the glass I'd dropped was now on the counter and I breathed out. I closed my eyes tightly and when I opened them, there he was. My mouth hung open wider than it usually did. It felt like I hadn't seen him in so long when it had only been days since I'd interrogated him. Loki was clad in a black and gold metallic outfit with an emerald green cape hanging from his shoulders. I'd never realized that he and Thor's outfits were polar opposites. It was as if they were trying to make themselves look like foils to each other. His skin looked like light was reflecting off of it and his fingers were tightening around his spear.
I straightened up when I saw him look me over, my left hand tightened on the counter of the island. "Your hair is different. I like it." I nodded slowly. Of course, it wouldn't be a normal time unless he mentioned my hair. "What did you want? I will get it for you," he said quickly. "Go sit down."
"I don't need anything. I don't. I was just practicing walking," I responded. He made a face at me and I only shook my head. My eyes focused on another of Jarvis' cameras. Fire shot through my leg and I winced, unwillingly.
"Can I look at it?" At this point, he wasn't really looking me in the eyes. He was staring down at my leg. I started shaking my head.
"It's gross, you wouldn't wanna see that. I mean, I don't wanna see it either so let's just forget it happened." I could almost hear Tony applauding me in my head. I wouldn't accept his charity.
"I did not realize it was you at all. I am so sorry about it. It was not my intention. I would never have touched you." The words were so earnest and frankly, I think he really believed we were alone.
"That's not your fault. That was kinda the whole point; for your henchmen to follow me. What are they anyway?" I was hoping to pull out some information too during this conversation.
"I believe they are called Chitauri. The tesseract helps me with them." I slowly nodded. The word, "Chitauri" meant nothing to me.
"And your new pal helps you with them too, doesn't he?" Loki pressed his lips together, shutting up. "Sorry, I don't mean to be prying. You don't have to tell me anything."
"You received new information a few days ago, did you not? What they had been hiding from you?" He looked to be smirking and I didn't find it funny at all. But I nodded in response, trying to look at something that wasn't one of the covert cameras.
Loki let his staff lean against the counter of the island, it's blue light dimming since it wasn't in his hands and I felt a wave of power float down to me, where I was still gripping the counter. I immediately let go. It had the same dark energy I felt from his helmet. I immediately knew that I didn't want to be a part of it. "Why did they decide to finally let you know?" he asked. I could've sworn that he almost sounded excited about it.
"Uh, as I understand it, they thought I was doing something for them that I wouldn't normally do if I knew the truth about you. And that's not what it is. I hope they know that." My eyes were looking at a camera now, one in a crevice behind Loki. I had made it seem like I was speaking about all of the Avengers when I was only talking to the one who'd told me. Clint had gotten all sorts of things in my head this morning.
"Who told you?"
"Are you telling me you don't know?" I shifted my weight to my right side fast and moved to grab the counter beside the fridge. Loki extended an arm to help me and I jerked back. "I'm fine." He let his arm drop. I just didn't want him to touch me. I'd lose it if we had physical contact with each other. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be rude. I just need to learn to move on my own. I can't baby it." Loki nodded. It was partially true.
"You are in pain, let me see it." His voice sounded begging so I gave in and nodded, moving to start unbandaging my leg.
"I mean, it's disgusting and the medicine for it smells terrible but if you wanna subject yourself to that, who am I to stop you? You are a prince, after all." He made a face that I couldn't tell was amused or not, maybe even flattered that I remembered it. Then he bent to his knees in front of me and began undoing the bandage himself. He was the gentlest person who'd done it for me. I'm sure the shock was on my face clearly as I made a face at one of the cameras. Gosh, why had Tony even told us where they were? Now that's all I could think about.
My heart started pounding and I put both of my hands on the counter behind me to stop them from shaking. I sucked in my breath when my wound was finally partially exposed. His cold fingers were pressing into the inside of my thigh as he saw it too. He paused for a second and I breathed out hurriedly. I knew it was going to gross him out. He's so prim and proper and he could heal faster than I could. He was more than likely disgusted.
I flinched as he touched the inside of my leg again so he immediately pulled away. "I'm sorry! It's not you. It's just- My leg- My leg feels like it's on fire all the time now. It's just the way the injury is. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you or anything. I'm sorry." Loki only shook his head at me. I supposed it was a good sign as he went back to slowly unraveling my bandage. Damn, Clint really made me a mummy this morning.
I caught a glimpse of the place on my inner thigh where I'd pulled out a shard of glass and bit my lip. My whole leg ached but for some reason, that was always the worst. "You did that," said Loki, touching right below the same deep cut I'd been looking at. "I saw you." And so had everyone watching CNN earlier. Tomorrow I was going to have to ask why they had chosen that particular clip of me.
"I don't remember doing it but for some reason, that's the worst part of my leg. I mean, the outside is just fileted but this cut knicked an artery or something."
"I can heal you," he said. I bit my lip. I really wanted him to but maybe Tony was right. If I gave in, how would that make the rest of them look?
"I can't accept that. I need to do it on my own. It'll heal on it's own." I felt like I was stumbling over all of my words today with him.
He stood up and looked down at me, my leg now totally exposed. "If that is what you truly desire." I closed my eyes in distress. No, that's not what I truly desired. What I truly desired was for me to have never been injured at all. "Do you need me to rebandage it? Where are your things?" I shook my head fervently.
"It probably ought to breathe a while anyway and besides, doing something like that for me would be a little lowly for you." He smiled at that.
"It is indeed in pretty bad condition. I really am sorry for what happened."
"You don't need to be. I knew the risk when I went out. It's got nothing to do with you. I'm glad it was a good disguise." I really was, considering Steve had given me his shield.
"Why were you even out there? Why would they risk you getting hurt?" I could practically hear the rest of them screaming in my head to get down to business but if he was here, I wanted to have a real conversation with him.
"My bosses suggested it and obviously had thought about it longer than I originally realized since they were more than prepared for me. But I agreed so it is my fault and it's got nothing to do with the Avengers. They were completely against it but it helped them so I'm glad I did it." Loki opened his mouth to respond but I started speaking again. "Before you ask, I agreed because they said they would take away my criminal record which is something that terrible people on Midgard have. They could put me in prison. The only reason I have one is because I helped you." Loki backed away from me slowly and I was suddenly afraid he might disappear. "I don't mean to make you mad but it is the reason I fought with them."
He grabbed his staff and started twisting it in his hand, almost like he was irritated. "Are you quite sure they did that for you? Were I where you stand, I would not be so confident." I'm sure a flash of confusion flickered across my face because he recognized it. "You cannot trust them. I would have thought by now that you knew that."
"Are you saying they tricked me?" I asked quietly. His emerald eyes looked like they were being honest for once. I leaned back against the counter. "How do you know that? How could you possibly know something like that?"
"I do apologize for the part I played in their hurting you but you never meant much to them at all. I fear they sent you into battle because you are expendable."
"That's not true. That is a bald-faced lie, Loki. I have worked with these people for years! You're the reason they hate me. You are. The only reason they began threatening me was because I was sympathetic to you. Oh, if Thor does it, it's fine because he's the god of thunder! But me, oh they couldn't have that so they handcuffed me and made an example of me because you escaped their clutches! I have defended you from the beginning so please do not start that bullshit with me. Just don't. I don't want you playing games with my head anymore. I am seriously tired of it. So you tell me straight, did they swipe my record or not?" Loki made a serious face and I knew he was about to tell me the truth.
"No, they did not." I made my hands cover my face so I kept myself from losing it. "I know you say that you hold hatred for me but I would never do the things these mortals have done to you." I let my hands drop from covering my face. I'm sure my already large eyes were just growing larger. These mortals? Since when was I not included in that disdainful group to Loki?
"I don't hate you, Loki, not at all. I just- I want to save you while there's still something left to save. You're so hurt and I understand that and I am so sorry for everything you've been through but you are projecting your life onto my problems. I trust these 'mortals' because they've done right by me, whatever is happening downstairs in their file rooms. I can forgive them for that. They're scared of you and they're scared of what could happen if I keep in touch with you. They are being smart." Loki had a hurt expression on his face and I just wanted to apologize to him, even when I'd done nothing wrong.
"I know I am responsible for your fate but these… Avengers kept so many things from you when they are supposedly your allies."
"They are my allies, Loki. They had no choice. They couldn't tell me anything and I'm glad they didn't."
"Surely, you do not mean that," he said. "Are you not the least bit angry? Enraged, even? You were lied to."
"You've lied to me too and I haven't really had the chance to sit around and get mad about it. They told me everything. They owned up to it. That's all I asked."
"Did they reveal everything to you? Are you sure they were not biased?" Loki looked questioning and maybe a little manic, like he was confused on why I hadn't fawned over him yet.
"They made me think you cared for me. I thought you knew what happened. Don't you spy on us all the time?" He smirked in response.
"Indeed, I know certain things but not why they told you. Do you believe them? Do you believe I care for you?" Reluctantly, I nodded. I really hoped that he did care for me; otherwise I was beginning to look like an idiot. But he clearly did. The way he'd looked at me the entire time was as though I was his only care in the world and he truly felt pained for hurting me. Now he seemed wonderfully happy. "What does it mean for you?" I saw Loki begin to edge closer to me and I kept my back against the counter.
I shook my head at him. "I can't do anything with you. You know that." His face began to show shades of different emotions, even ones that I couldn't fully decipher. My decision was causing him to snap under pressure. "There are bigger things happening here than what's going on between me and you." Loki turned away from me.
"You and I are a great deal alike, Charlotte." The chill in his voice unnerved me and I completely froze. "The only difference being that others actually adore you." Oh no, I'd put the final nail in his coffin. The last thing he needed was another rejection. That's what started this in the first place.
"Is that what this is? Is that what this stems from? You think you can't be loved? You got told late in life that you were adopted but Loki, please that is madness. I loved you and you know Thor loves you." He grimaced at my first mention of Thor. "What about your family? They grieved you when you fell from the Bifrost."
"What proof have you they did?" he asked indignantly but his expression told me that he genuinely wanted to believe what I'd told him. I wanted to believe it too.
"What proof do you have that they didn't? Thor has said more than once how much he wants to forgive you and have you forgive him. It's not too late to make things right. Listen to me, you are loved by your family and you are incredibly talented. I'm sorry no one told you that enough. You deserved to hear it." He looked at me intensely, like he wasn't quite sure he did deserve it. "What did they do to you in Asgard? I just don't get it." I must've been staring at him earnestly because he looked away and fiddled with that spear again. He'd been doing it ever since I mentioned his family. In fact, the light on the end of it was pulsing more vibrantly than I'd ever seen it, like it knew how damaged Loki was.
"They are not my family, Charlotte, and they never were. They lied to me and treated Thor infinitely better and I never knew why. I figured it out on my own and had to confront my father. He had always treated me differently and so did my friends." I clenched my lips together. Was I getting through to him? Was he actually talking to me? "They ignored me for Thor. He was the rightful heir and I suppose they knew that. I suppose they did not trust my tricks. They were right in that." Oh lord, I was talking to a practical child, a thousand year old child. He propped that staff up beside me. Again the light on it seemed to dim and now it seemed to be focusing it's energy on reaching me. That spear burned with what I could only describe as dark magic. It wanted me to touch it.
"Look, Loki, you're hurt and you never got the chance to deal with this healthily because they never told you. And maybe I don't know your family but I believe deep down they didn't tell you because they never wanted you to feel different." Loki's eyes welled with tears and I reached for his hand, clutching it with my own. "You are Odin's and Frigga's son. You are Thor's brother in all the ways that count. They love you so much but you will ruin your chances with them if you continue down this path and I don't want that to happen for you. I want you to be happy." I was actually infuriated with Odin. If he'd said the right thing at some point, it could've reigned Loki in.
"I do not care for them anymore." He moved to put his hands to my face. I looked up at Loki. His cold ran through my body, alleviating some of the burning sensation in my leg by a mere touch.
"You can't kill innocent people," I responded, moving my hand to grab his forearm. "That's not gonna make you feel better. Maybe you were always jealous of Thor but lemme tell you something. You knew from the start only one of you could ascend to the throne but both of you were born to be kings." His eyes seemed to light up at my words, clearing of tears and I knew I'd hit it. Thor wasn't the right button to press; his being a prince was. Obviously, he was still hurt over Thor but I could deal with that later. "Kings show mercy, Loki. That's a great skill to have. Show Earth mercy. Stop killing these people." He began smiling and dropped his hands from my face, placing his hand around that spear again.
"Charlotte, humans need a new ruler. I could teach them all a lesson. You were all made to be ruled." I breathed out. Dammit, all of the progress I'd just made was gone.
"No," I said, shaking my head. "Do I look like I'm gonna go down without a fight?"
"Come with me." My already large eyes widened and I stared over at one of the cameras. "When I kill them all, I want you to be safe."
"Oh my God," I breathed out, turning to face the counter. But he didn't give me time to be reluctant. He bent towards me, his chest pressing into my back, his mouth near my right ear. As he curled a piece of hair behind my ear, he placed his other arm on the side of me, completely blocking me in.
"Think about it, Charlotte. Think of all they have done to you," he breathed and I closed my eyes at his voice. Everything he said was seductive. "They have suppressed you, they have locked you away, they have taken your job, they have lied to you for months because I am the one you should trust. I have your best interest at heart. You are talented. I could give you everything you would need, indeed everything you could ever dream of. I can show you things you would think impossible." I didn't doubt him but I shook my head and tried to move away from him. I couldn't take hearing his voice in my ear.
"You're insane if you think for one minute that I'll leave with you when you say you're gonna kill them," I said. "You can't do that." I know I sounded like I was begging but I was beyond desperate.
"I can and I will. I will butcher them. You know I am telling the truth." I tried to back away from him and he moved his arm, letting me.
"I know you care for me but so do they. I love them, Loki. I love them. Please don't do this. They're only trying to do what's right. I love them." Loki seemed to snap and become terribly angry. "You deserve so much more than this. I can help you. Tell me where the cube is, the tesseract, whatever. We can talk to your partner. You don't have to do this."
"Yes, I do." He moved his spear in his hand and I flinched, praying he wasn't going to use it on me.
"What happens if you fail? Do you think Asgard will take you? Do you think anyone here would? I adore you, Loki, and you know deep down that Thor does. None of this changed anything for him. We have been on your side from day one. Please let us help you. I want to help you."
"You cannot help me. And tell Thor not to waste his precious time. I have to do this. If you will not join me, I suggest you stay out of my way." The pain in my leg was almost overpowering at this point but I wouldn't dare give in to it.
"Look, not all people are light or dark. You and I are in-between. You don't have to lean to the dark. All of this animosity you've experienced can be used for good. You and Thor could return to Asgard and then you would know how much they all care for you."
"I told you, I do not care for them anymore."
"Then what in the hell do you care for? Are you trying to get yourself killed down here? If you keep doing this, that's what will happen and nothing I can say will save you from them. I've tried." I think my voice cracked because he looked like he was pitying me.
"I am beyond your saving, Charlotte." I bit my lower lip and shook my head at him. He wasn't simply talking about me trying to save his life; he meant he had been off the deep end with this for a while and there was nothing I could do to stop him. Unfortunately, I believed that to be true. "You are foolish to not take my offer."
"Don't you understand why I have to say no?" His eyes seemed to cloud over and I swear, I think he was about to cry again. "I told you, this isn't about me and you. You're threatening war for my entire planet, you stole a cube that has unimaginable power that you could never hope to control, and you're killing for fun. What kind of person would I be if I abandoned my friends for someone who's doing that?"
"You know nothing about the tesseract," he responded, as if that was the only thing he'd gathered from the conversation.
"Oh, Loki, yes, I do. I know much more about it than a lot of people do." My mind flashed to the several times I'd pored over Steve's file, reading up on the cube. I remembered going through what we knew about Thor and Loki before Thor returned. I knew what that thing did to people and it was clear that it was beginning to manipulate Loki. "It makes you think terrible, terrible things and it wants to make you believe it can give you everything. It's power will destroy you. Give it to me. That's what's making you act like this." The light on the end of his spear looked like it was going to give off a shock wave and I came to a stark realization. He had at least some part of the tesseract incased at the end of his staff. When he was talking, he only sounded full of rage and insane when he was holding it. It turned his hurt and anger into mania. Only a spark of him came through when he was holding it and that spark had to do with me and Thor. We were the right buttons to press.
"Why give it to you? Why hand it over to you and the Avengers? It has unlimited power and for what? A warm light for all mankind to share?" He sounded seductive and insulting at the same time. "And then to be reminded what real power is. You are foolish, Charlotte, unbelievably so." I shook my head.
"Your partner has it right now, doesn't he? Who is he?" Loki let go of his staff, letting it lean against the counter again and I felt immense relief. "I'm no threat to you."
"Thanos," he responded, walking slowly and tracing the edges of the island with his fingers. "He is an incredible ally but he does want the tesseract." My heart skipped a beat at hearing the guy's name. It was odd, it didn't really ring a bell, and Loki seemed intimidated by him. I had known immediately that this guy must have the same world domineering plans that Loki had. Loki just believed that he was the rightful ruler, the one with the right to everything the cube could offer them.
"You don't like him, then?"
"He has proven useful." With the army, I assumed. "But no, I am not taken with him." I already wasn't taken with him either. I decided not to press for more information on the guy.
"Is that why you won't stop this? You have some kind of deal with him?" He paused in his pacing to look me in the eyes.
"I will stop this if you come with me."
"You don't mean that," I said, narrowing my eyes. But Loki had that astonishingly sad look on his face, like he'd been brokenhearted all his life (and I suppose in a way he had been). Every time he wasn't clutching that staff for dear life, he seemed on the verge of tears. "What if I think about it?" I clasped my shaking hands together. He walked towards me then and put his hands to my face again. I tried not to shiver. "If you really mean that, can I think about it?"
"Yes," he responded. I closed my eyes forcefully and tried to keep down my dinner. What the hell was I doing?
"I can help you, Loki. I really can. I really want to. You're so much better than this."
"Why?" he breathed, making me look up at him. "You are the only person who cared for me when you did not have to. Why did you ever do that? Why do you believe you could help me now?"
"I see good in you." Under the circumstances, it was genuinely the only thing I could think of and it was probably what was the most honest answer. Well, Clint had told me to be honest and that was what I was doing. At least this conversation had given me and them a whole lot of answers. "You're heartbroken and I completely understand why." Again he seemed to become incredibly sad and I brought my hands to touch his face as he made his hands drop to my shoulders. "I just need the time to think about what to do. My life here is…" I dropped my hands and looked away from him, trying to desperately gather words. "It's just a difficult decision." Loki's fingers pressed into my bare skin and I felt a shock of cold go through me.
"Why? Because of him?" I looked back up at Loki in a daze, my mouth hanging open.
"What?" I practically whispered, my hands starting to have practical tremors running through them. When my breath quickened, I knew he felt it because he backed away from me.
"Do not play coy with me."
"I'm not. I won't. I-I just-"
"I suppose I see what you see in him now. He has some predisposition to be abnormally good and kind." I placed my hand on the counter to hold myself up while my other hand went to trying to smooth out my shirt, as if it needed it. "It is infuriating what he is willing to do for you." I closed my eyes and breathed out.
"Did you talk to Steve while I was unconscious?" I thought I was going to be sick and Loki seemed to grimace when I actually said Steve's name.
"We had an agreement of sorts. He let me see you on the grounds that I did not wreak havoc. I believe he did most of the talking. I was not one for responding to him."
"He is kind," I responded. It was the only response I could have to something like that. I tried to keep my lips closed from that point on as Loki walked back towards me. It seemed like he couldn't keep still. It was as though if he touched me for too long, he'd get agitated with himself.
"I grow tired," said Loki. I nodded. I felt like I was going to throw up. "But you should think long and hard about it. I somewhat fear you are my link to normalcy on this planet." Or to sanity, I thought. "I never dreamed I would feel for you at first but it was astonishingly natural for me. You are so… different." I nodded again, fire beginning to burn deeply in my leg.
"I didn't really think you'd feel for me either. It's pretty weird. But thank you." My nerves were almost shattered. What was I doing?
He bent closer to me, our faces mere millimeters apart, as he pulled me into him. I wrapped my arms around him and pressed myself as close to him as I could. God, this was torture. How did the Avengers expect me to do this without gaining feelings again? Especially these intense feelings of pity? Loki bent into me and I didn't care how cold his skin and even his armor were. That's when I noticed that he moved his hand from my lower back to the top of my left leg and automatically, a wave of something completely doused the heat in my wound. I made a noise and dropped my hands from him.
Before I saw my leg, I noticed the tiny scar on one of my fingers had vanished. Then when I looked down I saw that my leg had already begun to look healthier. When I looked over at Loki, he looked incredibly proud and almost cheerful. He was by far the happiest he'd been the entire time. "Why did you do that?" I said, moving my leg and attempting to see the back of it. He'd obviously given me a stronger dose of magic than the first time because the deep cut on the inside of my thigh was gone. I sucked in my breath and noticed the cut on the backside of my knee was gone too.
"Bend it," Loki said encouragingly. I skittishly tried to and I'm sure my face showed shock plainly because Loki was smiling an actual genuine smile. I almost started crying, I was so happy.
"Thank you," I said, not being able to hide a smile.
"You will need to be up to par for the next time I see you," he responded. His voice had an almost singsong cheer to it. I hadn't heard that since the last time he'd been pushing a buggy in the grocery store in New Mexico.
"Why is that?" An envelope was suddenly on the counter and I walked (without any trouble) to open it. It was an invitation to some sort of gala. I remembered it the minute I saw the writing. Pepper had organized some gala for some of Tony's compatriots. Now all of us were invited. "I forgot about this. It's in three days."
"I plan on being there," he said. I kept reading over the script of the invitation. "We promised to dance together once."
"Yeah, I remember that but I hate to break it to you, I can't dance. You know me, I'm so clumsy and… no one's ever taught me how to dance properly." Besides, if I remembered correctly, Steve was the one with a thing about dancing. His file had a myriad of personal details, one of the few that really did.
"Thor can teach you." I felt like I was bashfully smiling.
"Okay, I'll try to find something to wear and all of us will be there. Just promise me you're gonna play nice." Loki raised his eyebrows.
"Of course and I expect you to have an answer." I nodded, trying to hide my bitter anxiousness. "And if you need persuasion," he said. I didn't have time to think before he'd bent closer to me and pressed his lips against mine, moving one of his hands to entangle in my hair and the other to pull me closer to him. As I started to give in and respond to the uncharacteristically simple, but poignant, kiss, he pulled away and vanished. There was no trace of him. The helmet and the staff were gone without him having grabbed them. I was still frozen to the spot in the kitchen, my fingers touching my lips, when I heard the door to the elevator open, revealing the Avengers.
What the hell had I gotten myself into?