Night came again before she was ready. Sleep was no longer a refuge, not when her own mind wasn't letting her rest lately. The things it showed her...she didn't really want to think that way. Did she?
She was calm again as she stared up at the light-speckled ceiling. The stars were already dimming, it had been dark too long and they were losing their strength. As she listened to Aki's even breaths, the soft, occasional shift of the bed as he slept peacefully, she let that quiet temper her mind, let her thoughts skate on the surface of emotion.
I'm sick of fighting this. Why am I fighting this? If I let myself think about it, maybe the image will lose its strength...
When we keep pushing a thought away, the harder it is for us to ignore.
A deep breath, and then another, she purposefully folded her hands over her stomach, then slowly closed her eyes.
I'm going to think about this, and let that thought take me where it may. If I face it, then it will lose its power...
I hope...came the weak after-thought.
So she lay still for a long moment, and nothing happened.
How...
Okay...guess I'll have to start.
...
She took herself back three nights. Placed herself down beside him at the futon. Taking another deep breath, she reformed the image in her mind.
First, she drew his face, the sleep-tousled gold hair, the smooth curve of cheek and graceful curl of eyelash. The teeth marring his bottom lip, swelling and darkening it with blood as soft, needy sounds escaped him.
She traced slowly down his neck, his bare shoulders, so slender and strong. The curious hollows and lines of his chest, defined in that perfect balance of muscle and boyish softness.
Aki...he really is beautiful...
Why hadn't she noticed this before?
Okay, now the image was shifting. Slowly, as if to test her resolve. His eyes were open and he was looking at her. He reached up a hand and slid it along her cheek. Fingers curved around her throat, but she rested calmly, in perfect trust as they weaved through the baby fine hair at her nape.
Gentle, insistent, he pressed down, guiding her closer, until she hovered over him in an almost perfect imitation of last night.
So close, breath to breath, they paused and she stared, feeling her heart thumping faster in her chest. How had she not noticed...?
She felt so light, like she was a balloon that would just float away if it wasn't for that hand on her neck, keeping her tethered.
'Aya,' a sleepy feeling came over her at the sound of his voice, it slowed her heart to something deep and heavy. It weighed her eyelids down without her notice.
Years of hearing his voice-had she actually ever heard it before? Did it really sound like that?
She was the one that leaned that last inch forward, took that last step over the line. Parting her lips softly, she closed them over his, breathing, testing. Sliding between and over his. He moaned against her mouth, just a small sound, but it shuddered though her body as his fingers moved in her hair.
She initiated, but he led. Caressing his thumb behind her ear, then over her jaw, he parted his lips beneath hers and changed the dance. His tongue slid into her mouth, brushing over her front teeth, and she shuddered again, making some noise in her throat that she didn't understand.
But he did, he answered it with his own, and deepened the kiss further, tasting her, learning her. Enticing her. His tongue curled around hers then slid down, then again. She hesitantly followed, having never kissed like this before, and not fully understanding what to do.
His lips moved again, embracing hers, sucking gently and rubbing teeth. When he finally pulled back for a breath, the kiss didn't stop. He drew his tongue along hers, swirling, rubbing. Then he licked her teeth, her lips, leaving glistening saliva to cool and lace over her lips.
There were tears in her eyes when she opened them, a hazy surprise. She hadn't known kissing could be like that. That it could be so...
Sensuous...emotional...pleasurable. She had always imagined it as lip and tongue and movement. And that was all.
But there were nuances, details. Possibilities that made it so...captivating.
So...repeatable.
At the guiding of his hand on her neck, she crawled slowly into the futon, laying down on her side to keep eye-contact while he shifted to face her as well.
Sheets rustled, toes brushed. She rested her cheek against his pillow and breathed deep of his familiar calming scent. Her eyes half-open, she still stared into his.
He smiled gently at her, turning his face slightly into the pillow and warming her face with a content sigh. She shuddered again, and his fingers tightened in her hair. Not pulling, but petting. Touching, caressing against warm skin. It seemed a reaction that he wasn't even aware of.
It enticed her forward. With a timid downturn of her eyes she found his lips again, bringing her own hand up to twine through his hair, and press soft palm against smooth cheek.
Again, the kiss became something new, something she hadn't expected. With a more ragged breath, he played with her lips, using teeth and tongue to illicit a tiny sound from her throat. She found her hand sliding back into his hair, curling into a tight fist to hold him close. Found the feel of his teeth draw her body inexplicably closer, pressing her covered breasts into his bare chest as his hand slid from her hair, and down her back, pulling into him in its path. He tilted and angled the kiss, becoming aggressive, only to fall right back into sweetness. Advancing to retreat.
She was breathing hard when he drew back. Dazed and shocked to find herself pressed close against him, her leg wound tight around his hip and his hand under her shirt, hot fingers splayed across the small of her back.
"Aya," and he smoothed his hand down, drawing her in as his hips slowly pushed forward.
She gasped, she couldn't not, as she felt heat and hardness against her centre, pressing gently, slowly, again and again. Her leg tightened around him, her toes instinctively curling and dragging up and down his calf.
"Aki," she breathed, "Aki..." and his hand slipped further down, pulling her in tighter, closer. Her thighs spasmed as cloth-shrouded hardness pushed between them, growing damp as a throb squeezed through her lower stomach.
With a breathless sigh she sprawled over on her back, and he followed, keeping pressed tight against her as he fit perfectly between her legs.
Oh, she mouthed as the new position changed something, deepening the angle of his push against her centre.
Her hair spread in sleepy tangles over his pillow, his face a familiar shadow in the dimness, and the intense darkness of his eyes stabbed down her middle, leaving an aching heat instead of pain.
His hands combed through her hair, sweetly tangling it through his fingers as he slowly made a graceful push with his hips, again...
And again...
And again...
She felt her feet press flat against the futon, pressing her hips up to deepen and prolong the contact. Her thighs cradled his hips, holding close and wanting to squeeze harder and harder around him.
He kissed her again, and she followed eagerly, winding her arm around his neck and opening her mouth without prompt under his. Mimicking his previous motions, she slid her tongue into his mouth, but he pulled back, winding his tongue around hers and enticing hers to curl around his. With a hazy moan, he swirled his tongue around hers, in a wet, strange kiss. Then he gently closed his lips over her tongue and sucked, drawing it further from her mouth and into his. Pulling back again, he licked up her tongue, flicking the tip right across the end of hers, causing a hard shudder to shake her whole body.
She was panting now, squirming. She lunged up when he pulled back for a breath, and she licked across his mouth, his jaw. She felt half-wild, wanting to sink her teeth into him, or feel his hands on her arms, holding her down while she thrashed. She wound her arm tighter around his neck and pulled him back down to her, kissing his jaw, his cheek, dragging her teeth over the lobe of his ear.
He shuddered, his hips suddenly thrusting harder against her, and her legs jolted, raising seemingly on their own to wrap tight around him.
"Oh!" This time she couldn't keep silent as she felt the new angle open her legs more to him, felt the heat and hardness of him even through two layers of clothes.
His lips were on her neck, his breath. And she turned her face into his, kissing his cheek, breathing in the familiar scent of his hair. Then she turned her head down and kissed his jaw, his shoulder. Her hands slid slowly, blindly over his back, tracing the curve of his spine, and finding that smooth dip that had so fascinated her earlier. The muscles were so tense here, the skin so silken soft. Flattening her hands, she slowly slid them down, following the shallow curve of his back and slipping them just past the waistband of his shorts.
She closed her eyes and panted, tasting electricity zinging through her blood at the feel of his body pumping in that strangely familiar rhythm against her own. The push and sway of his hips, the rubbing of damp cloth against damp cloth, hardness against softness.
She needed more. Wanted more. She pushed her hands further down under his shorts and cupped them both around him, squeezing as she thrust up. He cried out, his spine suddenly bowing as she felt the soft flesh under her nails tremble. He threw his head back, pushing up with his arms as he rose above her, his hips pressed as tightly to her as they could be.
So tight that she felt that hard, hot part of him jerking, felt the dampness spreading, seeping into her own shorts.
He groaned, his head falling forward limply as the base of his spine tightened and relaxed under her hands, as he began to shake, his chest heaving.
She stared up at him in wonder, and surprise, and possessiveness...
She wanted to feel as he did...to cry and shake...and...not be in control...
She wanted...she wanted...
An image flashed across her mind, of naked, entangled limbs. Of pale flesh and gold hair, and darkness cradling them as they committed this intimate sin...
TBC...