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Chapter 31
He turned to face her, and felt almost overwhelmed, the fact that she had married him hitting him all over again. "We'll get a flight out in two days. I've got plans for us tomorrow." He wrapped his arms loosely around her middle.
"What are we doing?" she cocked her head at an angle to glance up at him. She couldn't hide the tenseness of her body at the mention of the other woman. No matter what, Dani was an important part of his life. And it did not seem like Dani wanted to share.
"Taking a trip into the desert."
"Why are we doing that?" She couldn't imagine what they would find in the barren landscape.
"Because I know what one of your favorite movies is."
Jude stared at her new husband in surprise, not that he knew one of her favorite movies was Eddie and the Cruisers II, but that he knew which part of the movie intrigued her the most.
It was a scene between the veteran of the music world, the main character Eddie, and the eager young guitarist Rick. Eddie tried to explain the word 'intense' when it came to music after Rick had played a flashy guitar rift with little substance. Eddie used his experience in the desert as an example to try to explain what it meant to make memorable music. In the stark landscape, he had found something worthwhile to listen to. Jim Morrison had also liked the desert, not that Jude planned on taking any mind altering drugs to experience quite like he did.
"Do you think it's true?" she asked him, having missed creating music more than she realized.
"We'll see," he said placidly, making her give him a considering look. He did that a lot these days, stared as if trying to figure her out. There was not one part of her he did not yearn to hold onto with everything he was.
She glanced up at him. "Tommy, do you think he'll let us back into the studio soon?"
"If he has the right incentive," he replied quickly, his history with their boss giving him insight. He knew how Darius thought and he wondered if there was a way to beat him at his own game, because their suspensions were Darius's way of controlling them and reminding them who was in power. Unfortunately Jude was not yet a star and even thought Tommy knew it had to be hurting G-major to lose a fulltime producer right now, Darius would take the loss to prove his point. But Jude deserved better; she deserved the chance to finish her album and be heard.
The flight back to Canada was not nearly as anticipated as the one out of the country had been, simply because they knew there were things that needed to be settled. And as if their baby sensed Jude's mood, he seemed to enjoy pressing on her bladder and causing a steady need to visit the lavatory, At least she blamed the baby and not the multiple cups of apple juice she had grown a sudden obsession with. It would have been funny to Tommy, if she hadn't also insisted on sitting in the window seat, therefore having to get past him every time she got up, in the process stepping on his toes-more than once,-and lost her balance once when there was turbulence, her hand going out to steady herself and almost crushing a very important part of his anatomy. He had never been so glad to touch land in his life.
Their time in the desert had given Jude a new perspective, but perversely enough made her want to create music even more than before. They had screamed out their frustrations and later screamed out for other reasons, alone out in the blinding sands. And finally they had listened to the quiet, wrapped around one another, so close it was unclear where one of them ended and the other began.
Jude had, per usual forgotten to charge her cell phone before the trip and had been down to the last bar at the airport on the way to Vegas. So it was the first thing she did as she unlocked the apartment, leaving her husband dragging in their small amount of luggage and larger amount of shopping.
There were twenty messages in her voicemail, some from her sister, from her father asking how everything had gone, a couple from friends and five from one unexpected person. Vincent Spiederman and she had never gotten close. They had hung out, but always with Jamie around. She only glanced up briefly when Tommy dropped their bags on the bed, before calling Spied back.
"Hey Vin, it's Jude. What happened with Jamie?" she asked immediately, not giving him a chance to say anything, but 'Yeah'. She heard him sigh and frowned, feeling defensive, reminded of their last conversation.
"He's in the hospital."
Jude sat up from the bed immediately, gripping the phone tightly, her heart pounding. "What? Why? What happened? Is he okay?" she asked a little frantically.
"Calm down. He's okay. He's banged up, has a broken arm and a couple of cracked ribs."
Jude sat down again, suddenly deflated. "What happened?" she whispered, sensing she wouldn't like the answer.
"After he saw you again, and even before-He was drinking some. He wasn't drunk all the time or anything. I figured he was just trying to deal."
Jude sucked in a breath, the information so at odds with the boy she had known practically her whole life. Jamie Andrews had never been a partier, neither of them had.
"But then he saw that magazine article and I guess he went off the deep end. He was driving the other night and hit a barrier. It could have been worse-His car was totaled Jude. He got a drunk driving charge too," Spied continued reluctantly.
"But he's okay?" She put her hand to her forehead, resting her thumb against her temple.
"Yeah Jude. I just…I'm pretty sure he wants to see you."
"Where is he?" she asked quickly, making Spied think better of her. He gave her the pertinent information and she thanked him for calling her.
When she was done with the brief conversation, she found him in the living room, her teeth gnawing at her lower lip.
His feet had been resting on the coffee table, but at the serious expression on her face, he swung them off and sat up quickly. Tommy gave her a puzzled look when she continued not to speak, even though he could see that she wanted to in her eyes.
She started with something that made him blink, wondering if he had heard her right. "Spiederman called me a bunch of times."
He raised an eyebrow at her, only wondering briefly why Spied would call her. They weren't close after all. "And?"
She told him everything Spied had said and ended with, "I think I'm gonna stop by the hospital tomorrow."
"I thought you wanted to grab Sadie and Kwest for lunch to tell them…" They weren't exactly the supportive words she had hoped for.
"I can do both. It's not like it would take that long. I just want to make sure he's alright," she said lightly, trying to diffuse the vibes of displeasure he was obviously giving off since the moment she had mentioned Jamie's name. "What, you don't think I should go?"
"I just don't think you should go running to him every time he wants you to."
Jude stared at him in mild disbelief. "You mean like how we rushed back from Vegas because Dani wanted to go out to dinner?" she shot back.
"You know why I need to see Dani," he said through gritted teeth.
They glared at one another, for the first time with a genuine edge to their mutual anger .
Jude shook her head and stared at him in incomprehension, not knowing why he was being so difficult about this, but she knew this was no way to start their marriage. She threw her arms up in the air in defeat. "Fine, I won't go," she said derisively. Why was he being so unreasonable, she didn't have the patience to understand. After the long flight they were both tired and it just didn't seem worth it to fight over this. Spied had said Jamie was okay. He didn't really need her there, she told herself.
He rolled his eyes at her. "Do what you want," he threw out with a bite to his tone.
"Tommy tell me what the problem is," she wailed in frustration.
"There's no problem," he replied in that toneless way she had hated so much when they had been fighting. "I'm going to go change." He walked away, towards the bedroom leaving her staring holes into his back.
Tommy never reemerged from the bedroom and Jude had sat on the couch for a longtime before she finally decided to get up. It wasn't like she had done something wrong. He knew Jamie had been a big part of her life; she had always been honest about that. Flickers of anger still licked at her when she thought about his unreasonableness. Jamie was in the hospital for goodness sakes! She couldn't just forget about him because they were now divorced.
She had just opened the front door when he came out again, his hand going past her to shut it. "You don't get to do that," he said in a low, hoarse voice.
"What?" she asked in confusion, staring into his pale eyes.
"You don't get to just walk out-not anymore." He raised his left hand, showing off the silver band and the black tattoo design peeking out underneath.
"Tommy…" she started, after glancing at his finger abstractedly before focusing back on his face, but he cut her off. His left hand reached to tangle in her hair, his other arm snaked around her waist to pull her closer. his mouth devoured hers before she could blink or react in any way. She made a small noise against his lips, but didn't struggle against his hold, her hands gripping his shirt tightly.
He lifted his head and rested his forehead against hers, their lips still achingly close. "Go see him tomorrow. I'm going with you though."
"Tommy, I wasn't going anywhere," she stated reassuringly. He had always tried to appear so strong, as if nothing could faze him, but it hit her all over again how insecure he could be, especially when it came to things that mattered to him.
He pulled back to stare into her eyes, skepticism heavy in his blur orbs.
"Don't you get it Quincy? You're stuck with us-I was only going downstairs to get the mail." She tried to hide the twitch of her lips, but his abashed look was too much for her and she let out a laugh.
He smiled reluctantly, having never been good at laughing at himself.
She looked up into those icy blue eyes and he could see how hers softened. "I love you," she whispered.
They walked hand in hand through the antiseptic smelling hallway, neither of them inclined to talk much. It was the first time Jude would see Jamie since the divorce and although Spied had said Jamie wanted to see her, she was doubtful of her reception.
"I'll wait for you here," Tommy said as they stopped in front of an open waiting area. He leaned down and kissed her temple before letting go of her hand.
Jude continued down towards the nurses station alone, glancing at the room numbers as she went.
"Jude," Jamie said when he saw her standing hesitantly in the doorway.
She let out a breath she had not known she was holding, not hearing the expected anger in his voice. "Hey James." She gave him a small smile as she entered the room fully. "I would have gotten you flowers, but…" she shrugged helplessly, having thought the gesture might be hypocritical.
"You know I'm allergic," he said a little smugly.
She tried not to roll her eyes, as her thoughts strayed to all the random allergies he suffered from. Some nights he had kept her up with his sneezing. "Yeah."
He gestured towards the chair beside his bed and she perched on it, her eyes wandering back to him. She studied him, taking in the cast on his arm, the bandages on his ribs and the bruises under his eyes. He was wearing his glasses again and looked exactly like who she had always known. "God Jamie, what happened?" she blurted out.
He shook his head. "I missed you Jude." And he blinked as if realizing that he was still assigning blame, trying to make her feel guilty, when she didn't deserve it. He had just started to realize how his jealousy had colored everything and it wasn't simply when other people or her music, had taken her attention from him. Now it was that she had found happiness, and he was still searching, not knowing what would be enough. It was the kind of happiness that shone from her eyes, satisfaction, contentment. She had never looked that way with him. Why of all the mother loving men did it have to be Tommy Q though? A frickin ex-boybander!
"Excuse me?" she said in an offended voice. It was instinctive to defend Tommy and no matter how much she had worried about Jamie, she wasn't going to take that from him.
Shit, had he said that out loud? He shook his head again. "Nothing, just thinking out loud. How'd we end up here Jude?" Things had been spiraling out of control since the moment he had cheated on her.
"I'm not sure Jamie. But-," she paused, "were we happy?" She genuinely wasn't sure anymore if they had been. "You were looking for it…" she trailed off, glad he had never told her who the girl was, that had replaced her at least for one night.
"I wanted to matter-to someone." Since when had he become so insecure?
"You did Jamie." Her blue eyes stared at him in surprise. "You always will. We weren't right together."
He gave a self-derisive snort. "Funny. I thought we were. You were all, that I wanted. But there was always this part of you I couldn't touch."
"Jamie…" Old guilt welled up in her and she found herself feeling helpless.
He shook his head and stared at her with those serious eyes. "I'm sorry. It's not your fault that I wanted too much. It's over now anyway." He shrugged resignedly, not wanting to stare at her beautiful face. "Thanks for coming by Jude. I would have got it if you didn't want to see me." He gave her a familiar lopsided grin.
"Anytime Jamers."
He smiled briefly at the old nickname. "Do you mean that?" It reminded him of why he had always loved her, that generous heart she had always seemed unaware of. He was lucky that she never held a grudge against anyone. Did Tommy Quincy really get how amazing she was? Because he had slipped up and forgotten.
Although there was hurt there still, on both their parts she nodded. She had never wanted to hate him. It wasn't in her to hold onto anger like that.
"I gotta admit, seeing the tabloids wasn't easy."
A twinge of guilt made her sigh. She would have hated it too if she had been in his place. "I'm sorry Jamie. I would've warned you, but I didn't know it was going to happen ."
"I'm surprised he let you come here alone," Jamie commented, recalling the few reporters that had wanted to speak to him and knowing must have been ten times worse for Jude, who's name they at least knew.
Jude had the grace to look embarrassed and she ducked her head a little, her cheeks warming. "He's in the waiting area."
"Figures," he muttered, that anger sliding through him again at the thought that someone else lay claim to the girl he once loved completely.
"What's that supposed to mean?" She hated that this, being around him, wasn't as easy as it used to be.
He shook his head. "Nothing. He seems to care about you, that's all." He met her eyes and changed the subject. "You know I got a bunch of calls from reporters after that story came out-but there was one woman who called before. I guess she must have been the one writing the article?" He wasn't sure why this would be important, but there had been something off about the whole thing.
She cleared her throat and stared at him more intently than the statement warranted. "Did she say her name?"
"Dana something…It seemed like she already knew a lot of stuff-Like it didn't look like you were going back to school."
Of course her mind would jump to one woman, but she still couldn't prove anything and she didn't think telling Tommy would make things better. "Thanks for mentioning it."
Jamie adjusted his p0sition on his bed as best as he could, hampered by the dressings and cast. He was still hurting a bit and hoped the nurse would come soon with his next dose of intravenous pain killers.
It was time to go and she knew she had to tell him before she left. She wasn't going to let him get blindsided again. "There's something I need to tell you."
"About that rock on your finger?" He had always been observant, at least about her.
She glanced down involuntarily at the sparkly stone that should have weighed her hand down, but did not and nodded, biting her lip. She hadn't even thought about removing her rings, strangely already used to the weight. "It felt like the right thing to do." How could he possibly understand, when she was still processing herself. She had never actually expected to get married more than once in her life and especially not mere minutes after divorcing her first husband at the age of barely twenty. She hadn't even been able to gamble or legally drink in Las Vegas although she had had half a glass of champagne that Tommy had ordered from room service their wedding night, she thought irreverently.
"Well the tabloids are going to love that," he said lamely, trying to make a joke out of it, even though it hurt.
"Yeah, they really are like vultures. I always kind of thought all those celebrities exaggerated how much harassment they got from the paparazzi to get more attention."
"Now you're on your way to being one of 'em," he noted without malice.
"Maybe." Jude shrugged, her career still very much up in the air, although Tommy seemed to be formulating some kind of plan. "Look I should get going. We're taking Sadie out for lunch to tell her the news. Take care of yourself." Jude stood up and grinned at him a little awkwardly, one last time. This was what closure was supposed to feel like, something a meaningless piece of paper had been unable to give her. She heard him speak again as she reached the doorway to the room.
"I'd take it all back if I could." And there was just that cloying edge of despair in his voice that made her understand how he had wound up here. What if he had confessed and she hadn't met Tommy? Would they have tried to cling to their relationship? Would she have fought harder to hold on?
She didn't say anything, just shook her head and gave him a sad smile before turning her head back to the door. She didn't have the right words for him, because she didn't think she would have wanted to even if she could, even if she did carry regrets. Because meeting Tommy Quincy was one of those epic moments that wasn't supposed to occur in real life, and knowing him had changed her in so many ways. And if Jamie hadn't done what he had, then where would they be now? Where would she be?
He stood from one of the waiting areas' plastic seats when he saw her, linking his fingers with hers quietly.
"You think we would have met later on if I was working at Fearless?" She had never thought much about destiny or fate, but she had to wonder after seeing Jamie. Even before that bar, she had almost met Tommy years ago when she had been on Instant Star. Would they have been thrown together anyway, even if she were working for a different label? It seemed likely. But would it have been different if she and Jamie had still been happy? She stared at his profile, overwhelmed by how this man got to her. Would Jamie have been an obstacle to that indefinable pull she had felt towards Tommy the moment they had met?
"Definitely." This time it was true confidence in his voice and not the regular feigned cockiness he showed to the world.
She turned her head a fraction to give him a brief, warm smile as they continued walking towards the exit.
"How'd it go?" he asked, more curious than he let show in his voice.
"Good," she said softly. "Really," she continued more firmly. Maybe she and Jamie would never be friends again, but maybe part of being an adult was realizing and accepting that people changed and relationships could grow apart. Maybe some people touched your life when you needed them most.
They stopped in front of the elevators and waited for the doors to open.
"So no more random calls to see him?" he tried to sound nonchalant.
"Were you jealous? Is that why you didn't want me to see Jamie?" she said teasingly, a smile tugging at her lips as she saw last night in a different light. The fight that had worried her, didn't seem so bad if that were true.
"Jealous?" he scoffed, a little too quickly. "Of him? No…" he said, not so convincingly, his eyes unable to meet hers. As if that pencil neck could possibly compete with him.
Jude laughed and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Too bad-I was thinking it was kind of sexy."