Kate had burst into tears once again as she sat in Greg's front room, he had listened to her she noted how he'd always been a good listener. She watched how he looked at her she knew he still had feelings for her, but she had knocked him back she had often thought If she hadn't met and fallen in love with Caroline she may have be tempted to try again with Greg.
"Do you fancy something a bit stronger to drink, you look like you need it" he smiled "sounds good to me" she would do anything to get the image out of her head. The imaginary scene she had thought up, She keep thinking of going home to see Caroline for her to tell her it was over, she couldn't fight it anymore she was straight and in love with Gavin and was leaving her. She let the dialogue of her imaginary break up play in her head over again seeing them kiss, seeing him holding her she would have done anything to forget it all.
several glasses of brandy later it was doing the trick she felt calmer her mind too foggy to recall all the details properly, as they sat and discussed the wrongs in their lives, what they had dreamed they would be now in their lives. How she had longed for a baby that never was, how her and Caroline had had plans that now would never happen. "Maybe I could help, I could" he looked sincere "I would you mentioned it along time ago and I said then I would". Kate smiled "Caroline and I said we wouldn't you know do it that way ..too complicated". The mention of her name made her heart ache all she wanted was Caroline but now how could that happen, but shed thought they were so happy.
she noticed Greg had moved closer on to the sofa she was sitting on leaning against her a little, she could hear his breathe against her ear, she could feel his warm body pressed up against her. "I can give you what you want" not Caroline she thought ... She felt his lips upon hers seeking contact for Kate to respond, she though of Caroline the anger that flashed in her mind at the image of the beautiful woman who she loved who had betrayed her. She closed her mind and let her body take over letting him take control as he kissed down her neck, she felt his scratchy stubble rough against her skin so unlike Caroline's gentle touch. Reprimanding herself of thinking of her she pulled him closer edging him on as her hands roughly fondled her breasts she let out a satisfactory groan.
she felt him pull her trousers from her legs, she didn't stop him she felt him fiddle with his belt she wanted to stop him but she lost all words. Her mind shutting down the pain of loosing Caroline too deep she couldn't let thoughts of her in. Finally she felt him enter her gently, feeling her body respond he kissed her lips but she couldn't look at him, her eyes tight shut. Caroline in her view she could see her warm smile that beautiful face smiling at her and silent tears escaped her closed eyes silently her heart breaking further. She felt him become more excited his movements faster his thrusts deeper, she felt his breathe on her neck it made her feel sick. He was gentle and kind but he wasn't Caroline, she couldn't deny the fact that although her body responded it wasn't like with Caroline her body didn't scream to an inch of her life. She didn't beg for more intimacy she didn't shiver under his simple touches, she didn't need his lips, she didn't seeks his eyes, she didn't feel her stomach flip in her imminent orgasm. She felt nothing she felt numb she felt him release himself inside her and become limp heavily above her. She felt him stay inside her the bile rising in her throat the feeling of being unclean he wasn't what she wanted it felt so wrong, she waited for him to sit up. He watched her "you ok, I didn't hurt you did I?" "No I'm fine" she ran to the bathroom and the room spun as she fell into the toilet and was violently sick. "I have to go" she spoke softly "you can stay" he offered "no I've got to go" she left watching him smile at her as she got in her car. She managed to get round the corner before she couldn't see the road for tears she lay back against her seat and cried, she couldn't stop them they continued to flow. What had she done, why had she done that. She bashed the steering wheel with her hands so angry with herself...
looking at her phone as it flashed again 17 missed calls "Caroline" the sick feeling returning how could she have done that to Caroline, no matter what she had done. She turned the ignition on she had to speak to her, she had to know where she stood. She had to hear it to believe it she had to hear the words " I don't love you" to believe this was all happening, then she would happily let the world swallow her whole.