A/N: Another Heroin Diaries inspired chapter. :D
Enjoy!!

Disclaimer: I don't own the soundtrack or the show.

Van Nuys - Sixx:A.M.

I don't want to die
Out here in the valley
Waiting for my luck to change
And I just want my dad to know
That I finally made it

Everybodygets high
Everybody gets low
Everybody gets bruised
Everybody gets sold

I don't wanna die,
Out here in the valley
You don't have to lie
I know that's what I'll do

I don't want my mom to know
That I never loved my life
And I sold my soul

Chapter 36: Van Nuys – A.K.A. Persian

Reid's head felt heavy. He felt a little sick. He didn't want to move. Tamesis had left maybe five minutes ago, but Reid had been on a low from the previous high for a lot longer than that. He was starting to hate the moments when he wasn't high. It hurt too much. Everything hurt. Not just physically, but there was a level of mental anguish involved too. When he wasn't high his brain worked at the level it always did; never letting him forget. Only now, rather than facts and statistics, it was trapping him with memories of his friends. He didn't want to see them, he certainly didn't want them to see him, not like this, but most importantly he didn't want to think about them. Thinking about them would only bring more sadness, which was the last thing he needed.

He cast his gaze around the room, slowly taking in everything he could. The candles and lamp were burning low. He knew he should get up to light more but that seemed like too much effort right now. His eyes fell to the phial on the side table. Just one hit left in there, but there was more on the way. Just looking at it made him want it. He could swear his mouth was watering. The only question was could he reach it from where he was sitting? Probably not, which meant he'd have to move and he didn't want to. There was also the matter of not having a clean syringe within reach. All the new ones were still in his clothing bag, which was across the room.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed, probably not long, but he realised minutes later that he was still staring at the phial. His lust for it sickened him and excited him at the same time. He forced his eyes closed whimpering slightly. He needed a distraction, something, anything, to keep his mind off the drugs. He didn't want to think of the team but the next person that came to mind was his father. He wanted to laugh; if it wasn't one heartbreaking memory it was another. He was beginning to wonder if he'd ever actually had a happy moment.

"Oh dad," Reid mumbled opening his eyes with a heavy sigh, "if only you could see me now." He fell silent keeping his thoughts to himself. 'If only you knew this is what I'd become, maybe you'd never have left. But you didn't know, you couldn't have known, no one could. Well, I made it to the top, I accomplished a lot, and then I crashed and burned. It's all your fault too. Really, what more could one have expected from a social outcast, who's seen and experienced more than their fair share of torment, and never had a father figure in the most crucial years of their life. Dad, what did you think would have happened?' Reid sighed again and squished his eyes shut causing a single tear to escape and trickle down his cheek.

He brushed it away angrily and used the new found energy to push himself over to the side table. He took up the phial and the previously used syringe. He frowned at the syringe before deciding that it hadn't been out long enough to start growing bacteria or become infected with anything. He knew he should sterilize it, but if he was going to do that he may as well grab a fresh one, and getting off the bed still seemed a little too much like work. He knew one thing for certain, he didn't want to be thinking about friends or family right now, and the only way to stop his brain was to take more drugs.

Trying to ignore the used state of the syringe in his hand he drew up the last dregs of the phial that he could. It was just under the 3cc mark. He wanted to close his eyes as he placed the needle against his skin but he knew if he didn't watch what he was doing he could injure himself. He took in a deep breath and bit down on his lower lip before injecting the drug deep into his veins.

The drugs slammed into his brain, attacking the pleasure sensors in a mad frenzy. Reid's eyes rolled back in his head and he let out a groan, blindly dropping the phial and syringe on the floor before curling up on his side and letting the drugs take over. It was bliss; it always was. This time however, there were still niggling thoughts trying to poke their way into his consciousness. Flashes of his mother guilting him for what he'd just done. He whimpered, trying to push the thoughts away. He knew she wasn't really there but even just imagining her seeing him like this was worse than death and eternal damnation. He didn't want her to know that this was the final path he'd chosen. He didn't want her to know that growing up he'd never loved his life. Having to take care of her all the time and still keep up with the demands of being a child genius. It was too much too soon. He hadn't been equipped to deal with it, and now what? He's practically sold his soul to the devil to escape the constant pressures of life. Yes, he knew she'd be ashamed. Even if she wasn't lucid enough to know it was her son that had sunk so low, she'd feel sadness and remorse just for the tragic tale of it all.

Another tear escaped his eyes and he pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around his head. He realised suddenly that he was going to die here. Maybe not tonight, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and strangely he was alright with that so long as no one he loved had to see him like this. He'd just die here, and one day, hopefully not too long after the fact, Tamesis would find him and call someone to take his body away. And he was alright with this.

He didn't want to die, nobody ever wants to die. At least not in such disgusting conditions. However he didn't see any other outcome. Everyone dies eventually. If he had a choice it wouldn't be here, but he was sure he wasn't being given a choice. No one got to choose when they died, it just happened. Sooner or later, probably sooner, it would be him. And chances are he'd be right here, on this stinking bed when it happened. Right where fate had put him, surrounded by filth and decay. Where he belonged.

Reid groaned cursing his overactive brain. He was meant to be enjoying this high and it so wasn't happening like that. Maybe he was building up a tolerance? That seemed likely as the 3cc's that had worked earlier didn't seem to cut it now when it came to shutting off his brain. He was tired, he wanted to enjoy these sensations and then sleep, but his brain was still in overdrive, constantly forcing images at him. Now instead of family and friends it was various flashes of him alone, dead, in various states of decay.

He choked on a sob that came out of nowhere, and streams of tears followed. He let them flow this time, opting to curl up tighter and try to hide his whole self from the world, the tears with him. He couldn't pinpoint where it all went wrong. Was it that fateful day in a corn field that had decided his fate, or had it been before that as a child? Was there ever only one deciding factor of a person's fate? He mused it was probably a combination of life events and genetics. Exactly why he'd ended up here was a question that would probably never be answered, and he wasn't sure he wanted it answered. At least not yet. That sort of information only was granted when one died and Reid was sure he still had a few good weeks left in him.

As he cried and released the emotions the thoughts he had drifted off and he was left with a peaceful emptiness. His brain had finally been blocked from sending him unwanted thoughts and he could enjoy what was left of the high and then sleep. He took a few deep breaths and stopped the tears before wiping his eyes. He stayed curled up and just focused on the weakened tingles running through him. It was better than nothing but it certainly wasn't enjoyable.

There seemed to be a breeze blowing from somewhere he couldn't pin down, but at one point it made him shiver and the sudden movement cause a jolt to gush through him. It lit him on fire, if only for a second or two, but it was enough to make him groan with need and bring a smile to his lips. He wasn't broken, not completely. He could still enjoy this given the right conditions. He forced himself to shiver again and laughed as another jolt of pleasure shot through him. He was sure he was a lost cause but that didn't mean he was going to suffer through his final days. He'd do everything in his power to enjoy whatever time he had left, and at this moment that included inducing shivering.

He rode with the limited waves of pleasure for about ten more minutes before he fell into a deep slumber. The air around him was cold but he no longer shivered from it. In his dreams this life was just a bad nightmare he hadn't woken up from. He was safe and well at home. The truth would hit him when he woke but for now he let himself enjoy the delusion that all was well in the world, or at least his world.

Everybody gets high
Everybody gets low
Everybody gets bruised
Everybody gets sold

Everybody gets dark
Everybody unfolds
Everybody gets high
Everybody gets so low

And everyone's eyes are blue
And everyone's mouth is dry
And nobody wants to die in Van Nuys, Van Nuys

Everybody gets high
Everybody gets low
Everybody gets bruised
Everybody gets slow

Well you don't know how to get back to your crawl space
Underneath the dirt and the rust and the waste
But the sun sets fast these days.

Everyone's eyes are blue
And everyone's mouth is dry
And nobody wants to die in Van Nuys, Van Nuys

A/N2: The title of this chapter is in 2 parts as you may have noticed. I said I was naming all the song inspired chapters after the song... then I realised 'Van Nuys' doesn't fit. Van Nuys is a place in California, near LA I think. It's where Nikki Sixx lived, inside his "heroin house". So, I added the Persian bit to make it relate to this chapter. Persian Apartments is Reid's "heroin house" or "Dilaudid den" in his case.

Cheers!!
Now R&R!!