Author's Note: MOM's chapter.
just a quick chap to tie things down with Paige's previous chaps, chap 27 to be exact. thanks ladyroo88 for beta, and everyone else i asked help from for this chap.

Disclaimer: i don't own degrassi.

Chapter 34

A feeling of melancholy took over Paige as she walked out of what used to be Alex's old apartment just a few months ago. The frustration of not knowing where Alex was, had put her in a state of despair she had never known before. She had just found out from Emily that not only Emily didn't know where Alex was, she didn't have any cousins, let alone in Ajax. Thoughts of guilt were storming through her head as she and Marco walked back to Spinner's car.

'Alex had lied to her about going to Ajax. She didn't have a relative in Ajax. She didn't have a place to stay and nowhere to go when she had left the uni-house. What options did Alex have? What was she talking about? The shelter, … club Zanzibar…'

She had abandoned the person she claimed to have loved more than she had loved anyone and the only time Alex had asked for her help, she had let her down.

A chill ran down her spine as she thought of places where Alex might have gone to. She tightly held on to Marco's hand as she tried to shove out all the visuals that had instantly come to her mind. She wasn't surprised that her feelings hadn't changed about that place.
'…every night that you do this, it kills me….'

"How could I do this to Alex? The thought of her working at Zanzibar was enough to make my blood boil and now I don't even know where she is. Marco, if something happened to her, I'd never be able to forgive myself. I'm the reason…"

"Paige, listen I'm worried too but we have to keep trying. So may be she didn't go Ajax but I know Alex and I think she's safe wherever she is. If she's in Toronto, we'll find her. We just have to keep looking."

"Hey Spin, somethin' wrong with your car?"
Jay had courteously asked Spinner as soon as he had seen him.

Spinner had asked Paige and Marco to stay in the car as he had pulled in front of a garage in Alex's old neighborhood. Since Spinner was still friends with Jay, he had thought that it would be better if he asked Jay where Alex was.

Hearing Jay's voice after so many months brought Paige relief along with more sadness. His association with Alex had been a cause of a few arguments between her and Alex but it was his undisputed sincerity to Alex, which had refrained Paige from letting the arguments go any further than just arguments. Paige knew Jay was more than an old friend to Alex and that if anyone knew where Alex was, it had to be him.

"uhum Jay?"
Jay, who had apparently completely ignored the car he had been working on, received a suggestive grunt from the older man sitting and having his lunch at the little desk in the far back corner.

"I won't be long Tony."
He replied and continued to walk outside with Spinner.

"It's your lucky day Spin. Today's our special employee discount rate…"

"No Jay, there's nothing wrong with my car. Paige is looking for Alex and we just though you'd know where she went…"

"Paige?" The disdain in his voice was obvious, "Is she here?"

"Yeah, and we were wondering if you knew where Alex was..."

"Spin, you shouldn't have brought her here. Tell her I can't help her with anything and tell her to leave before I lose it."

"Jay you have to help, she's really worried, we're all worried."

Just then, Paige saw an angry Jay march towards the car. Soon he was yelling at her from the other side of car.

"It's funny, you wanna know where Alex is 'cuz the last time I checked, she was with you. 'I' should be asking 'you' where she is… and 'NO' I haven't seen her since the day she told me that all you cared about was some stupid clothes. You're worst than I thought you were."

"Jay… I'm… so"

"Don't even say it. I don't care about your excuses. Go! I said just leave. "

On the sixth day of their search for Alex, they went to all other possible place they hadn't yet checked. For the last few days, they had been looking for Alex at every place that Alex had ever mentioned to them and still had no luck finding her. As painful as it was for Paige, she had even begged Vlad to tell her if he had any information about Alex. Mel didn't know anything either.

By the end of the day, they had completely run out of all options. It was as if Alex had completely disappeared from the face of the earth. Marco called off the search when it got dark and asked Spinner to drop them off at Paige's parents place.

The condo had been put up for sale and Paige had moved back to her parents house until her admission to West Ontario U was finalized. Paige's only purpose until she moved to the campus was to find Alex but with every passing day, she was losing hope.

They both walked into the living room as Paige slumped herself on the couch.

"Jay's right, I've really messed this up this time."

"Paige, Alex will come back, don't worry."

"No she won't. You don't know how stubborn Alex is, dammit why does she have to be like this?"
Paige directed her anger towards Alex.

"Paige, you need to pull yourself together, ok?
If Alex wanted to be found, we would've found her by now. You have to stop torturing yourself like this, she isn't here and there's nothing we can do. I think it's time to realistically think about this whole thing. You're moving to London soon, you should try to focus on what's to come and stop worrying about things that you can't change."

"But I can't just forget her..."

"I'm not asking you to forget her. All I'm asking is that you stop blaming yourself. If nothing else, think of your parents, what they're going through because of all this. Do you know how worried they are?"

"Just think about what I've said. I have to get going now but I'll come by tomorrow to check things with you. Okay?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Marco."

"You just take care okay?"
After receiving a long hug from Marco, Paige walked him out.

Paige was about to go to bed when her mom came into the living room.

"Oh I thought I heard the door. Did Marco and Spinner leave?"
Paige's mom asked.

"Yeah, Spinner dropped us off and Marco just left. He said he'll come by tomorrow."
Paige replied as she pulled out the dinning chair and sat on it.

"Paige. Honey, are you alright?"
Mrs. Michalchuk asked in a concerned voice as she looked at her daughter's saddened face.

"Yeah, I'm okay, just tired."

"You didn't find Alex, did you?"
Mrs. Michalchuk asked the question, the answer to which was plastered all over her daughter's face.

Since Paige's discharge from the hospital about a week ago, her parents had noticed that all she had done was passionately search for her friend Alex.

She and her husband were still not over the shock of getting the phone call from the hospital that their daughter had a nervous breakdown; and then their daughter had informed them that she had quit her job, was planning to sell the condo that she hadn't yet owned for even a month, and wanted to go back to school. Her impulsiveness had worried them immensely but Marco had reassured them. He was always with her and they were grateful to him for this. However, that still hadn't stopped them from being concerned about her. The way that she was neglecting herself and worrying for her friend was supposed to worry any parent.

"No Mom, we didn't."
Paige replied in a depressed voice.

"We looked everywhere where she could've been, we even checked out all the shelters in her neighborhood. I don't know where to look anymore."

"Paige honey, I'm sorry. You know if there's anything we can do…"

"No Mom, I think I've worried you guys enough, but I still can't believe she didn't tell anyone where she was going. How can she not tell her mom? Jay doesn't know anything either."
Paige was frustrated and angry and it was apparent to her mom.

"Paige." she said as she gathered her thoughts, "You mean a lot to us and we're worried about you. We are worried about everything you are doing. Do you know what I'm trying to say?"

"Mom, Alex means a lot to me too, she always has. She's been there whenever I needed her and the only time she asked for my help, I let her down. There isn't a single day when I'm not reminded of what I've done to her, to our friendship. Mom, if something were to happen to her, I won't ever be able to live with myself. I have to do this!"

"Honey, it's hard for us to see you like this but I want you to know that your dad and I, we will support you through anything no matter what. You know that, don't you?"

"Thanks mom, you have no idea how long I've wanted to hear that, I love you mom."
She gave her mom a hug and a kiss before she headed for bed.

"Don't be a stranger Paige. I expect you to call me at least every week, no exceptions."
Marco said as Paige's car started to move. Her admission papers had finally come through and she was moving to the campus of West Ontario U.

"Don't worry, I will."
She said as she waved her final goodbye to Marco and her parents.

TBC
pls review.