Thank you to my darling daughter who took the time to translate this chapter.

Illusions 35

The door closed behind Mother Katherine, the sound of her steps trailing off…click…And with each step my past veers away…Guy, is he alive? This Welshman…did he want to tell me what has become of him or is he Guy's messenger? ….click, click…

Rhobert had waited in the small atrium of the cloister, furnished with a table and several chairs for guests. He relished the fresh food a nun had brought and stretched his exhausted limbs for a while. It felt good after weeks of exertion.

The trip was taking its toll. Although he was still a young man, he was not used to travelling for such a long time. Thank God his mission had been successful to a great extent. Most abbots were glad to have the opportunity to save lives. The men who had chosen a remote, meagre life in the small monasteries had not done so out of desire for prestige or power as Bishop Cadarn had done but were honest men for the most part. Now, however, all Rhobert longed to do was to return home even though he had soon discovered how much he had missed the feel of a horse between his thighs instead of a donkey. Rhobert had always possessed a natural love for horses, and he had had a hard time back then when he had chosen a monk's life to leave behind his beloved stallion, even though he usually did not cling to worldly possessions. Rhobert was glad he had not been forced to make use of the dagger Guy had given him. Twice they had come across highwaymen, but his men were brave and Rhobert had delightedly discovered that he had as much control of his fists as he used to have. He could take out a man with a forceful blow without killing him. At first, some of the soldiers had secretly smiled about the young former abbot who had been made their leader; yet he had soon secured his men's respect, especially since they saw that despite his friendly manner he was by no means a gullible fool.

Rhobert was exhausted, but it would not take long until he could return home, back to Gwyneth. For a moment he closed his eyes and pictured her gentle, loving face. A throat being cleared, however, yanked him out of his reverie; mother Katherine had returned and was eying him with an understanding smile. Clearing his own throat, he rose to his feet. "Forgive me… I was just..."

„I am sure whatever you thought of was most pleasant. There is no need to apologize. Happy memories are precious." She smiled once more, but this time it did not reach her eyes. "I am sorry but you seem to have come in vain. Lady Marian asked me to tell you that the name did not ring a bell." At once she knew that Rhobert had understood. He nodded slowly. "I had hoped… but obviously, there is nothing to be done about it…" How excited he had been upon learning from the mother superior that the young Englishwoman at the Abbey was indeed named Marian of Knighton; he had pictured telling Guy about it and bringing the young woman to the Welsh Court. However, reality was different, and his dreams evidently... just dreams.

Mother Katherine put her hand on his arms and replied appeasingly, "It seems there is nothing left to do but accept it, even though you had hoped for something else. After you have finished your meal, you may spend the night in the annex for our guests. I will leave you now."

"I thank you for your effort and your kindness", Rhobert replied; the old woman once more nodded to him pleasantly and left the room. Rhobert sat back down and reached absent-mindedly for a piece of bread. Why had Lady Marian denied knowing Guy? Was she indeed the cold, treacherous woman Guy was taking her for? He had not wanted to believe it, yet now everything seemed to confirm it. For some reason obviously unconnected with Guy she had become the object of the King's disfavour.

Had it been different, she would at least have listened what he, Rhobert, had to say. Perhaps he should be glad that Guy had not travelled here; what a disappointment fate would have had in store for him!

A slight tingling on his neck suddenly told Rhobert that he was no longer alone. He looked up and into the eyes of a young woman standing by the door. She didn't look in the slightest like Guy had described her. What had been his words after he had overindulged in some good wine? Slender, but curvy and soft in all the right places… And when she smiled, the sun rose for me. This young woman, however, did not look as if she had smiled recently, let alone laughed. She was thin, too thin, and had dark circles underneath her sad eyes. There she was, simply standing there, looking at him, almost as rigid as a wax figure. She had obviously been crying. "You wanted to speak to me? "she asked in a soft, yet flat voice.

Rhobert had leapt to his feet hastily and now pointed to the second chair by the little table. "Please, have a seat."

Marian, however, shook her head. "I thank you… Please, just tell me your message. Has... Guy sent you here?"

„No... that is... It's a long story, please, do sit down."

Marian looked at him suspiciously. The young knight's face was open, with friendly green eyes, but that told her nothing about him. He seemed nervous and at some point she finally sat down.

"Guy is my friend…"

Guy was alive… and this Welshman was his friend…

Rhobert raked his fingers through his hair nervously. In his head, explaining what had happened, had been much easier. It turned out, though, that living in a monastery for several years was not the ideal kind of preparation for such a conversation.

"I found Guy lying half-dead by the wayside. Until a few months ago, I had been the abbot of a small monastery close to the border, where we nursed him back to life…"

Marian stared at him incredulously. This young knight, an abbot? That's not what people did, leaving a monastery to become knight? What was that nonsense?

Rhobert felt her suspicion return and took a deep breath. "I know this is hard to believe. I would like to tell you the whole story, and then it is up to you what you'll make of it." His voice was regaining solid ground as he told the story of how he befriended Guy and how they had travelled together to Rhys ap Gruffydd's court. "Guy has told me about you", Rhobert concluded his tale. "And when I heard that a young Englishwoman had been taken to a small abbey at the border…"

"Guy has told you about me and you still decided to come here?" Marian clasped her hands together, only to disengage them again, running her fingers over her face, over her dress. "He may have loved me once but that is over. Maybe he doesn't hate me anymore because I saved his life, but… Does he know I'm here? You said he didn't send you…"

"I told him that I suspected the young Englishwoman I had been told about was the Marian of Knighton…"

Marian looked at him, then her faced closed once more. "He doesn't want to see me," she concluded.

Rhobert shook his head.

"Then everything is said", Marian replied stiffly and rose. "I still thank you for coming. Thanks to you, I now know that he is alive and well."

"No, not everything is said… Please, don't leave yet. It is difficult to put it, but I know Guy well enough to know that, concerning the past and yourself, he is far from closure. And now that I have seen you, I am positive that you feel the same way. Guy doesn't know I'm here but I'm here as his friend. If you wish, I will take you with me to Wales."

"With you? To Wales?" Marian repeated. "I don't understand..."

"There is one more thing I have to explain to you", Rhobert went on. "For this special trip I had to get Lord Rhys's consent."

Marian turned bright red. "You have discussed this matter with your King?"

"Not in the way you think", Rhobert hurried to assure her. "I told him no more than was necessary without betraying Guy's trust." He took another deep breath. "What do you say? Would you like to come to Wales with me?"

Marian remained immobile. What should she do? To Wales, to Guy, who probably didn't want to see her, even though... if this knight was right… "I don't speak your language, and I don't know if I will ever manage", she finally said.

Rhobert's face lit up and he burst out laughing. "If that is all! I've taught a certain pupil once who had no talent for languages whatsoever, and now he's managing fine, even though I've got to admit that my ears still hurt every time he opens his mouth… You are coming?"

After a moment, Marian nodded. "However, I believe it is better if Mother Katherine does not know where I'm going. She is a good woman, but in the case someone enquires after my whereabouts, she should be able to answer with a clear conscience that she doesn't know."

She thought about it for a moment, then added: "I will leave the abbey tonight, before they close the gates. People will think I fled from you; anyway, they will not suspect that I followed you. I know the surrounding area pretty well by now; there is a cave that will serve me as shelter for the night. I will give you directions; have you got a knife?"

Rhobert stared at Marian as if a harmless little kitten had suddenly turned into a full-grown tiger. The woman he was facing now he could connect easily with the Lady Marian that Guy had described to him, with the woman that had fooled Guy as night watchman. He withdrew the dagger Guy had given to him.

Only a few minutes later, Marian left the room, leaving Rhobert staring after her open-mouthed. How different she seemed now, as if life had filled her once more. Her posture was erect and her gait determined. Yet suddenly the feeling came over him that he had made a terrible mistake. What if I was wrong where Guy's feelings for Marian are concerned? God, help me! he prayed silently, then he walked over to his quarters.

On the following morning, when he came to bid Mother Katherine goodbye, he learned that Lady Marian had secretly left the abbey. The mother superior eyed him with a smile. "I don't expect you to comment on this. Farewell, and may God be with you." She stared after the disappearing group for some time; she would pray for the sad young woman and surely, the young knight would protect her. It was obvious that he was an honest man.

It was a long time ago since she had last spent a night in the forest, and doing so now conjured up many memories. Robin, his youthful smile, Little John, Alan, Will, Djaq… She had wanted to help people and save England from Prince John's rule. Had she actually been that naive to believe that subjects mattered to a King? Black and white, how easily it had all seemed... and now she was on her way to a man who had tried to murder the King, who had been outlawed and… whom she loved. She had tried to suppress it, had called it lust, attraction, but all that had been lying to herself. What would he say when he saw her again? She was afraid, but the eternal not-knowing, the what-would-have-been-if would have been far worse. Guy, I love you… was her last thought before she fell asleep, covered by a cloak.

Riders! The guards on the towers were announcing the arrival of armed men, who were strangely enough approaching towards the castle so leisurely and openly that the guards soon realized that these were their own people. Still, one could never be cautious enough. Guy instructed to keep the arms ready. Friend or foe, one would discover soon enough, and caution was better than to fall into a trap. Hadn't Rhobert once told him about a giant wooden horse left before the gates of a city that contained enemy warriors?

But then Guy recognized who was approaching the castle. Rhobert was returning with his men. There was no mistaking his tall stature. Guy gave the order to open the gates and had a soldier notify Lord Rhys und Gwyneth.

He had missed his friend and they would have a lot to talk about, even though he knew that Rhobert would want to spend his first moments with another person.

Laughingly, Guy walked towards his friend, who was just dismounting from his horse, when he caught a figure at the end of the group out of the corners of his eyes, and froze. His eyes widened… It couldn't be true…

There was not a sound to be heard when Guy turned to his friend with steel in his eyes and the rage in his voice barely suppressed. "What is the meaning of this, Rhobert? What is she doing here?"