Chapter 36

"Do you really think that there is anything to know?" Ziva asked.

"Come on, Ziva. You know there is," Tony said. "Carew was laying there on the floor and he asked if Tim knew he was missing because of their chats. What does he mean their chats?"

"He was not in his right mind," Ziva said.

"Tim didn't say anything. He just told him about Tamara."

"That makes sense, you know," Ziva said. "That was the most important thing, not whatever Carew said in his dazed state."

"No, it doesn't," Tony insisted. "There's something going on."

"Perhaps it is not our business."

"No, it is because we care about Tim."

"That does not mean we have the right to know everything in his life."

"It's not everything. It's one thing. Carew," Tony said. "You want to know, too. You just don't want to be the one asking him because you know that he won't want to talk about it."

"He will not want to talk to us about it."

"Who else?"

"Anyone but us. We have already shown him how we feel about Carew. He has known for years how we feel. He already tries not to talk about these things with us. I just do not think it will help."

Then, they saw Tim come out of the main doors. He saw them and changed his trajectory.

"Hey, guys. What's up?"

Tony looked at Ziva and she just shrugged. Tony knew that she wanted to know, but he could also see that she wasn't going to be the one to ask.

Well, he'd stuck his foot in his mouth more than once before. He could do it again.

"We had a question for you."

Tim's reaction to that statement was very strange. It was as if he knew exactly what Tony was going to ask and was simply resigned to it.

"What is it?" Tim asked.

"What did Carew mean when he asked if you had missed chatting with him?"

There was a slight smile.

"It's not a complex question, Tony," Tim said. "I would have thought it was quite obvious what he meant."

"Since when do you chat with Carew, Tim?"

"Since when do I have to ask you for permission to talk to someone, Tony?" Tim asked, with an edge in his voice.

"It is not about asking for permission," Ziva said, finally sticking her oar into the conversation. Tony was glad of it.

"Then, what's the issue?" Tim asked. "If I've chosen to talk to Levi, that's not really your business."

"So you have been?" Tony asked.

"And what if I have?" Tim asked.

"Then, I want to know why you're seeking out his company after everything he's done to you."

"I take it you don't think I should?" Tim asked, the edge getting sharper.

"No, of course, I don't," Tony said. "You know how I feel about him."

Tim actually laughed, although it was a little incredulous.

"And you know that I don't feel the same way."

"Why?" Tony asked. "Because it doesn't make any sense."

"You know what, Tony? I really appreciate everything you all have done for me, not just in the last few weeks, but in the last few years."

"Huh?" Tony asked. That was not what he'd expected to have Tim say, but Tim wasn't done yet.

"I really do appreciate it. I would have been in a bad situation without you." And then, Tim's voice was full of anything but gratitude. In fact, he sounded more than a little angry. "...but you do not have the right to dictate what I do with my time. I don't let anyone control my life except me, not even you. No one gets to control my life."

Then, suddenly, Tim turned and walked away, leaving Tony and Ziva a little stunned by the sudden change.

"Well, that...was not what I expected to happen," Tony said.

"I did not, either." She watched Tim walking away toward his car. "We cannot leave it like this, Tony. I do not want this day to end with Tim mad at us."

"Yeah. You're right. Let's catch up."

They both jogged after Tim and caught up right as he was getting to his car.

"Tim, hold up," Tony said.

"Please, wait," Ziva said. "Do not leave like this."

Tim stopped and didn't turn around for a few seconds. Then, they could see him take a breath and he turned around.

"Why do you think I never told you about it before? I knew how you'd all react, and I didn't want to have to justify myself to anyone. I know what I'm doing. I know why I'm doing it, and I don't need my friends acting like I'm betraying them... because it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Nothing."

"We're your friends, Tim," Tony said. "That's what it has to do with us."

"Friends don't get to make decisions for me," Tim said.

"That's not what I was trying to do," Tony said.

Tim scoffed a little.

"Honestly. I really do want to understand because I don't. Not at all."

"That's because you don't really want to. You want me to cater to what you think. It's not about understanding me because I've tried to explain and you've ignored it before. Even if you mean well, and I know you do, it's about controlling what I do."

"It isn't!" Tony said.

"We are not trying to control you, Tim," Ziva said. "We are simply curious...and a little concerned."

Tim sighed heavily and looked at them both. Then, while still looking at them, he pulled out his phone and made a call.

"Hey, Zahara. I'm going to be a little late coming home. If you don't want to wait for dinner..." Then, he smiled. "Okay. I'll call you when I'm on my way. Love you. Bye."

He hung up and put his phone away, never looking away from them.

"I'll give you twenty minutes, but I want to be home with my wife tonight."

"That does not give us time to go anywhere, but will you at least come back to the park and sit?" Ziva asked.

"Okay."

They walked back to Willard Park and sat down on a couple of benches. To Tony's surprise, Tim started talking.

"I've been talking to Levi off and on for the last couple of years. It started right before I got married."

Tony almost asked a question right then, but Ziva nudged him. Tim was actually talking and they needed to let him. Tony nodded and tried to listen.

"He was discouraged about whether or not he could change enough to make life anything but miserable for Tamara. He was tired and a little hopeless about how hard it was. I encouraged him to keep trying. ...and after that, every so often, he'd show up by my car after I finished running. We'd talk for a few minutes and then I'd go home. In the last six months, it was becoming a regular occurrence, especially on Sundays when I don't have any calls on my time. They're mostly pep talks. He asks me questions and I try to answer them. I don't seek him out, but he seeks me out and I let him. I know that if I told him to stop, he would. Levi is really trying, but it's hard to break the habits of thirty years. Sometimes, I've asked him questions about his life. Sometimes, he's answered me. Sometimes, he hasn't. I wouldn't call us friends, but he needs my help, and I'm giving it to him completely voluntarily. This is something I want to do and so I will not listen to you tell me that I shouldn't do it or that I should do that or that he doesn't deserve it. I don't care what you think about it. And if the next thing you do is try to attack Levi or say that I'm making a mistake, I'm out of here and I won't come back to the park this time."

There was that steel in Tim's voice that they didn't hear very often but, when it showed up, Tony knew that Tim meant what he was saying and he really would walk away from them if he got upset again.

"Are you sure that this is something you want?" Ziva asked. "Carew has been able to manipulate many people in the past."

"Yes, but not like this," Tim said. "This isn't manipulation."

"And this is really what you want," Tony said.

"Yes. If you ask me again, I may have to Gibbs slap you," Tim said, but he did smile a little. "I knew that you heard what he said and I knew that eventually you'd think to ask about it, but I'd hoped what I knew was wrong because I didn't want to have this conversation."

"Well, we had it, and now I promise not to ask about it again," Tony said. "Cross my heart, hope to die."

"Yeah, right," Tim said, but he smiled again and stood up. "If only I could believe you."

"I don't want to be on the receiving end of another McGee lecture, so I'll hold my tongue."

"Uh-huh," Tim said, dubiously.

Tony and Ziva both stood up. Ziva stepped closer to Tim and squeezed his arm.

"We only ask because we care."

"I know," Tim said. "I'm going home. Please, don't do this again tomorrow."

Tony mimed crossing his heart. Tim just rolled his eyes and then headed for his car, pulling out his phone as he left.

"Well? Was that worth it?" Ziva asked. "You saw how angry he was."

"Yeah, I saw, but yes, it was. I really do want to understand."

"Tim is right. We do not have the right to dictate who he spends time with, even if it is with Carew."

"I just don't like it," Tony said.

"You do not have to," Ziva said. "Tim does and apparently, he, at least, does not mind it because he has allowed it to go on."

"I know."

"Let it go, Tony," Ziva said. "That is the only way to accept it. Just let it go. Until you are ready to see Carew as anything other than a villain, you will not be able to talk to Tim about him."

Tony just nodded and then, he and Ziva went their separate ways. Hopefully, there wouldn't be too much tension in the morning. If there was, Tony knew it was his own fault.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tim got in his car and sat for a few minutes. He had known this would happen and he had known what the reaction would be. He just wished that it wasn't that way. He didn't like the conflict with his friends. They'd been there for him through so much that he hated to be angry at them, but it was so frustrating that Tony refused to listen to him, really listen. Gibbs would listen, at least. He didn't agree, but he didn't argue about it.

But he was starting to calm down and that meant he could go home. He pulled out his phone one more time. This time, he didn't call home.

"This is Daniel Worthing. Leave a message."

"Hey, Daniel. I know you're headed back soon. I'd like to have you over for dinner one more time before you go. Give me a call back if you can come tonight."

Then, he called Zahara once more.

"Zahara, I called Daniel and invited him to dinner, but he didn't answer. If he calls last minute, would you be okay with him coming?"

"Of course. He will be going back to Morocco soon?"

"Yeah. I think so."

"Yes. There will be plenty of food."

"Great. I'll be home soon. I'm just leaving."

"You still sound upset."

"I am, but I'm getting over it."

"Good. I don't want you to be mad at your friends."

"That makes two of us. I'll see you soon."

"Yes. I love you."

"I love you. Bye."

Tim hung up and then started home. As he drove, his mind went back to his conversation with Tony and Ziva. Mostly Tony. Ziva had stayed strangely in the background, although she was clearly thinking more how Tony was.

If only Levi hadn't said anything. Of course, he'd hardly been thinking clearly and if Tim had been willing to lie, he could have pretended that it had simply been Levi being delirious.

But he didn't want to lie.

He was halfway home when his phone rang. He pulled off to the side and answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Tim. It's Daniel."

"Are you still in the States?"

"Yeah. I fly out tomorrow, actually."

"So do you want to come for dinner? Zahara says that there'll be plenty."

"I'd like that. Are you home?"

"Just about. I'll be there in ten minutes, tops."

"Okay. I'll be over in about twenty."

"Great. Bye."

"Bye."

Tim hung up and carefully pulled back into traffic. Daniel had seemed a little more reserved than usual. Maybe it was because of what Tim had said about not wanting him to be there when they took Logan down. But he'd said he wanted to come, so he couldn't be too mad.

He got home and was glad of it. It had been a stressful end to the day and he really did want to be with Zahara tonight. But he wanted to see Daniel again, too. So he would put off the alone time with his wife.

When he opened the door, he was surprised to smell pizza. He had expected another Moroccan meal.

"Do I smell pizza?" he asked.

Zahara came out of the bedroom and smiled.

"Yes. I made the dough this morning."

"Wow. Homemade, even? I'm impressed." Zahara made most of the things they ate, but she had admitted that she didn't like to bake as much, and most of the time, anything bread-related was purchased rather than made.

She grinned and walked over to hug and kiss him.

"I wanted to try something new. Is Daniel coming?"

"Yeah. He called me while I was coming home. He should be here soon."

"I think it will be good for Daniel, too. He is going back to Morocco and he will not have as much of these American foods."

"I'm okay with that, too."

"I knew you would be."

Tim grinned and went back to change. Then, he came back to the kitchen and tried to help but then sat at the counter while Zahara finished making the pizza and then put it in the oven to bake.

"Will you still be mad at Tony and Ziva tomorrow?"

"No," Tim said, sighing a little. "I know why they feel the way they do. It just bothers me that they won't at least try to see it my way."

Zahara walked around the counter and sat down beside him.

"Perhaps they have, and it is simply that they failed."

Tim laughed. "That doesn't really make me feel any better."

Zahara smiled. "The truth doesn't always make us feel better. You forgave me for how I was thinking."

Tim smiled more gently and took her hand. "That's because I love you."

"Yes, and because you knew that I loved you, too. It was just my fear keeping us apart. You know they care."

"Yeah."

"Then, you should not even talk about it again unless they think it is necessary. What is that saying? Let the chips fall where they may."

"Where did you learn that one?"

"At the dance studio. When Michelle was trying to decide whether or not to open another class because she was not sure whether or not there would be enough interest, she said that she would just do it and let the chips fall where they may."

Then, there was a buzz signaling someone at the door. Tim walked over.

"It's Daniel."

"Okay. Come on up," Tim said and buzzed him in.

"The pizza is not quite done," Zahara said. "But you can set the table."

"All right."

Tim got out the dishes and set the stack on the table and then went to answer the door when Daniel knocked. He was a little dismayed when he saw Daniel.

"Daniel, are you okay?" Tim asked.

Daniel had dark circles under his eyes and even beyond that, he looked tired. Still, he smiled a little as he walked into the apartment.

"I haven't been sleeping too well the last few nights," Daniel said. "Actually, I'm not going back to Morocco just yet. I was going to lie to you and pretend I was still going back like I had planned, but it's not worth it."

"What's going on?"

"Just what you'd probably expect. What I should have expected," Daniel said. "I wasn't ready to look Logan in the eye again and the irrational part of me doesn't believe he's dead. I've been dreaming about him, almost nonstop."

"I'm sorry, Daniel."

Daniel looked at Tim and shook his head.

"No, Tim. Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. There was no way you could have known, and I just wasn't willing to think about it in enough detail to realize that I couldn't deal with it. I think, long-term, it will be better for me to have seen him dead, but short-term...well, this isn't really much of a picnic. The last time I reported to my supervisor, he must have said something because Director Morgan called me in and told me that I was taking some extra time off and that I was going to talk to someone while I was here, just to give me a head start."

"Good. I'm glad, but I'm still sorry that you're dealing with it. I know how it feels."

"Yeah, I'm sure you do, but for tonight, I just want to set all that to the side and have some time with friends. Is that all right with you?"

"Absolutely. Actually, would you like to stay the night? We have a spare room. Then, you wouldn't have to be alone."

Daniel looked tempted, but he shook his head.

"No. It's fine."

Tim figured he could try again later, but let it drop for the time being. He looked over to Zahara who simply smiled and stepped into her role as hostess. Tim finished setting the table while she told Daniel about what she had made. The conversation stayed light and simple all through dinner and Daniel seemed to relax a bit. Then, as the evening was winding down, Zahara seemed to read Tim's mind.

"Daniel, are you sure you want to go and stay in a hotel room all alone when you could be here in company for a night? If you are worried, having company would help you feel more safe."

"And we're not even saying stay here permanently," Tim added. "But one night wouldn't be so bad...and you wouldn't have to completely give up your macho image."

Daniel laughed at that.

"It does sound nice to have that, but I might still have nightmares."

"So? I have them, too," Tim said. "I wish I didn't, but I know what it's like."

"Okay. You've convinced me. I'll stay tonight and get going first thing in the morning."

"Good. Tim, you clean up dinner and I will make sure the room is ready."

Tim nodded and started picking up the plates. Daniel helped him.

"I've been thinking about what you said," Daniel said.

"When?" Tim asked.

"About how you'd never have asked me to be involved if you had known it was personal."

"Oh."

"And I get where you're coming from, Tim," Daniel said. "When things are personal, it hits different notes and the end results are more ambiguous. Did I kill him because I was supposed to or because I argued for it? At least, in this case, I killed him because he was about to kill you so that made it easier. But there is a part of me that wishes I'd never had to see him again."

"That's how I feel about Jorgenson being dead," Tim admitted.

"I heard about that."

"Did you hear that someone sent a message to NCIS, claiming that it was done for me?"

"No. Really? Who was it?"

"No one knows," Tim said. "But the guy sent a video of Jorgenson being killed, as if there'd been a camera attached to the gun. And a voice said that it was done for me."

"Yikes."

"Yeah. I don't care that he's dead, but I don't like that someone is claiming to have done it for me. I don't like that."

"I don't blame you. It makes everything more...awkward."

Tim smiled a little at the word. "Yeah. Awkward."

"How are you dealing with it?"

"Okay, at this point. I had some bad days...or rather, mostly bad nights."

"Right. I get it."

"I know."

"Well, you know it's not your fault, right?"

"Yeah, I do. Out front."

"Yeah."

Zahara came out of the spare room.

"Everything is ready when you wish to go to bed, Daniel," she said.

"Great. Thanks a lot, Zahara."

"It was no trouble. Tim and I usually watch a movie in the evenings. Tony is introducing me to American entertainment. Would you like to join us?"

"As long as it's nothing serious."

"I still have many to watch. Some are serious. Some are not. We can choose one that is not."

"Sounds great."

Zahara picked an old comedic Western called Support Your Local Sheriff, and they all sat down to watch it, although it was questionable that Daniel saw much of it at all. Ten minutes into the movie, his eyes were almost closed. Tim and Zahara said nothing. Instead, they let him relax into sleep with the movie playing while they watched the silly show.

While they had planned for Daniel to sleep in the spare room, when the movie was over and Daniel was sound asleep, instead, Tim maneuvered him so that he was lying on the couch and Zahara grabbed a blanket for him. They left a light on in main room so that he could see where he was if he woke in the night, and then, the two of them went to bed.

They lay together and Zahara snuggled close to Tim.

"I love you, Tim."

"I love you."

"I am glad that you are not alone."

Tim hugged her tightly.

"So am I."

They fell asleep.