A/N: I don't own Twilight. If I did, Breaking Dawn would have been SO much better.

SURPRISE! I'm posting this chapter early because my awesome beta, AzureEyedI is coming to visit today! And staying the weekend! I'm so excited!!1! I can't promise that I'll be getting any writing done while she's here, so I don't know when the next chapter is going to post. I hope next Friday, but it just depends…

This one is for Bella's Decathexis, my lovely marathon reviewer.

REMINDER: ADULT CONTENT

Chapter 36

I shut the bathroom door and leaned against it, my breath heaving.

I faced down a gun-wielding Jacob Black to rescue her, but one kiss and I fall apart?

I shook my head and tried to gain control of myself. This was not how I had intended things to go. I felt a responsibility to her. It was my job to protect her since I'd gotten her into this mess to begin with.

I moved to the vanity and ran the tap, splashing water on my face. I took a deep breath and tried to settle my racing mind.

Why was this bothering me so much?

Before the situation with Portless, when I forced her to take action, things had been easier, more comfortable. There had been that situation with her former boyfriend, the one that necessitated her moving in with me.

Still trying to convince yourself that you did what was best for her. Having her move into your apartment with you just so that you could be near her more? Nope, no selfishness there.

I clenched my jaw against the onslaught of feelings that tore through me. Looking back I could see how my decision had been so rash; I hadn't taken Bella's feelings into consideration. She was a young woman who wanted to succeed on her own, stand on her own two feet after coming out of an abusive relationship. And what had I done? I'd taken away her autonomy, treated her like a child, just so that I could have what I wanted; have her near me, have her with me more.

And look where it got you, Cullen.

I shook my head and turned toward the shower, opening the valves. I stripped and climbed in, the water so hot I could barely stand it. I rejoiced a little in the pain, feeling something other than the thoughts coursing through my mind.

What about the time you offered her money to spend the weekend with you, remember that? Treated her like a whore. Way to go.

I clenched my eyes closed and turned my face into the spray, trying to erase the memory of my unrivaled stupidity.

Do you think you've changed? Do you think you're any different now than you were eighteen months ago?

Yes, I have. The Edward of eighteen months ago would have shrugged his shoulders and gone on with his life without a backward glance at Bella's plight. The New Edward doesn't believe in winning at all costs, and knows that people are more important than things, more important than success or money.

I let the thoughts crowd through my brain, pushing and shoving, until the hot water ran out. I dried off and dressed in my sleep shorts and undershirt, contemplating the face that stared back at me in the mirror. Deep circles under my eyes a testament to my sleeplessness; there was a little bit of fear, there, too.

What the fuck, Cullen? You afraid of a little girl?

I sighed as I realized that, yes, I am afraid of little Bella Swan. I'm afraid that she sees right through me, to what a needy loser I am underneath it all.

I turned off the light and opened the door, not wanting to wake her. The television no longer flickered; I could hear the strains of The Sundays coming from Bella's iPod docked in the small sound system.

I watched you suffer a dull aching pain
Now you've decided to show me the same…

She stood in the open door, staring out across the hotel pool, the dark heat of the Mexican night suffocating the efforts of the small air conditioner.

She turned, and I watched the outline of her in the dark, watched her as she moved toward me, sought her face, her eyes, her lips in the moonlight. I needed to see her, to know she was real, to believe she was here.

"You kept them."

I blinked. What was she talking about?

"You kept the socks I made for you. You wore holes in them." She held them up to show me, the smile in her voice was unmistakable, and I smiled in return.

"They were comfortable. And they brought me luck." My voice sounded foreign, thick.

"I always wondered if you wore them, or if you let them languish in the back of your sock drawer."

"I wore them." My voice dropped to a whisper. "Every day. I washed them in the little sink every night and hung them up to dry. Every morning when I woke up, the first thing I saw wasn't the locked door or the gray walls. The first thing I saw was that pair of cobalt blue socks, reminding me of you, of what we had." Her hands were somehow in mine. "They reminded me that I had loved you, and that you'd at least cared for me. Some days, that was the only thing that got me through."

Her arms were wrapped around me now, and the ache diminished with the comfort of her touch.

I know I dreamed you, a sin and a lie
I have my freedom, but I don't have much time

"I loved you, Edward. I loved you for protecting me, for helping me, for caring about me." She laughed. "Even if you went about it the wrong way sometimes, I never doubted for one minute that you cared for me."

She pushed back and stood facing me again, her gaze solemn. "I still love you, Edward. There's a part of me that never stopped."

She watched me, a small smile on her lips, as she pulled her shirt over her head.

"Bella…" What? What did I want to say?

"Edward, please. I want this. I need… this."

She stepped out of her cotton pants and the sight of her was more overwhelming, more appealing than I could have imagined. I reached out to trace a finger up her arm to her collarbone, enjoying the feel of her gooseflesh and her little shivers. I moved to her jaw, still touching with one finger, outlining her chin. I placed my palm on her neck, felt her low moan radiate down my fingers into my arm.

Wild horses couldn't drag me away…

I pulled her to me, unable to stand the distance between us. I lowered my lips to hers, tasted her, felt her comfortable warmth against me. I wrapped her now-loosened hair around my hands, pulled it to my nose, devouring the scent. I placed my lips on the side of her neck, and her new sigh nearly undid me.

I kissed her neck, allowing my lips to trail across to her other ear, nibbling gently on her lobe. I felt her arms wrapped around me, pulling me against her, pulling me down to her. I pressed my lips to the divot between her collarbones and heard her breath hitch as she dropped her head backwards.

With a moan, she lay back on the bed, her hair fanned out around her like a mermaid goddess. Soon she was bare before me, swathed only in moonlight. She watched me with shining eyes as I rediscovered the gentle curve of her hips, the warmth of her breasts. I reveled in the touch and the taste of her, the feel of her heat and the smell of her sweetness. Her breath caught and in her face I saw naked, palpable desire.

"Please… Edward, I need you…"

I needed no further encouragement. I undressed and moved right above her, waiting, watching her again as I had so many times, taking my fill of her beauty.

"Bella, you are so beautiful…"

In her eagerness she reached toward me, grasped my length in her hand, and I moaned at the touch of her fingers. She guided me toward her center, and I relished the feeling of anticipation, the bare need on Bella's face as she waited for me. My eyes were on hers as I entered her gently, felt the relief and heat as she surrounded me completely. I heard her sigh in pleasure, felt her shift upward to meet me, to take me in completely.

We were joined again after so long an absence, and our bodies moved fluidly as if remembering an intricate dance. She aligned herself beneath me, and the milky light that filtered across the bed threw her body into relief. Her silhouetted movements were corporeal, sensual.

I groaned as she arched against me, drawing me in, holding me fast. Her body began to move of its own volition as I struggled to keep pace, to maintain control over the heat, the light, the sensation that was driving me. The part of me that needed her heat and her comfort was now encompassed within her, and I felt the pulse of her need. She grasped my shoulders with her fingers and drew me up to press her mouth against mine, tasting, testing. I slid my tongue between her lips, probed gently as she opened to me in her hunger, tongue to tongue, her mouth ravenous. Our bodies moved on their own, the heat and the friction of the pace a blur, the desire blinding.

I moved against her, moved within her, felt her moving around me. The smell of her hair, the flash of her skin set in relief against the darkness of the bed, the curve of her breasts beneath my hands, her gasp of air as her craving built, felt her clenching, heard her cry out as she rode to completion the first wave of pleasure. I struggled to maintain control, reached to touch her, melded her mouth to mine, waited until I heard her small, surprised cry at her second climax before I gave in to the pleasure and the sweet pain and released into her, calling her name as I came, feeling her heat spasm around me for a third time.

She lay beneath me as we gasped for breath, warm and sweet and tousled. I started to move, but she reached her arms around my shoulders, held me close, kissed me sweetly.

"Thank you. That was… well, 'amazing' is a good start."

I laughed and kissed her gently before moving off the bed and into the bathroom.

"Do you want some water?" she called.

"I'll get it." I returned to the bed, handed her a warm washcloth and moved to the small refrigerator for a bottle of water. I uncapped it and handed it to her. She murmured thanks and took a long drink before passing it back to me. I took a drink and set the bottle on the night table before settling back onto the bed, pulling her close to me.

I breathed her in again; the scent of her skin, tinged with exertion, the smell of the air, touched by heat. She snuggled down against me and sighed. "I've missed you, Edward. You know, I never stopped loving you."

My heart swelled, and I squeezed her tightly. "I never stopped loving you either, Bella," I breathed into her hair. She shook her head and I felt her smile against my chest.

"What is it?"

She looked up at me and I could hear the smile in her voice. "First time for a multiple. I'm impressed."

I laughed and nodded. "I am, too." I nuzzled her neck and whispered, "Want to try for four?"

She laughed and pulled the sheet off me. "I'm up for it if you are."

I grinned at her devilish attempt. "Let's make it five."

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Whew! OK, let me know what you think...