Chapter 35

That Saturday evening, Vaughn was sitting at home, in front of his computer, waiting for Sydney to log into the discussion board. They had agreed to do so the previous day, right before parting in Rome, so he could share any information the CIA may have gleaned from the map by that time.

Thinking back on their Italian trip, Vaughn felt his heart rate increasing. He still couldn't believe he had kissed Sydney. When the idea of posing as naughty tourists had popped into his mind, he knew he hadn't time to explain it to her or to ask permission. He didn't even have time to ask himself if he could actually do that, thank God; or he would still be there, wondering.

Vaughn refreshed the web page. Sydney still wasn't on. He closed his eyes, trying to recreate in his mind the feelings that their first kiss had awoken inside him…

Her voluptuous pink lips were the last thing he had seen as he had drawn closer to her, before closing his eyes. As he had done so, the sensation of his lips sinking onto hers had overwhelmed him, and for a few moments he had thought of nothing else but the supple warmth of her mouth.

But then, parallel emotions of elation and concern over what she might think of him had taken hold, freezing him from further action… Until suddenly, he had felt her arms around his neck: the euphoria that had already been building had surged through him and eradicated any doubts.

That's when his hands had moved from her hips and instinctively made their way to the hem of her shirt. Before he could even think about what he was doing, his fingers had deftly dipped under the edge a little and caressed her back gently. Velvety soft skin had met his fingertips, suffusing yet more pleasure into him. Almost instantaneously, he felt, rather than heard, Sydney's stifled gasp. Filled with anxiety, he had wondered if he'd gone too far and offended her…

But she had quickly made it obvious to him that this was not the case. Leaning into him, she had opened and flexed her exquisite mouth around his, deepening their kiss. He had responded enthusiastically; but the bliss was short-lived and ended abruptly with the guard confronting them.

He had been loath to pull away from her. When he eventually had, he remembered how Sydney had let her fingers roam a little longer on his neck, sending delicious shivers down his spine. Had she done that for the guard's benefit? Could there be any chance that she had been reluctant to let him go too?

Vaughn forced himself to push that thought away as he recalled the plain and simple fact that Sydney had a serious boyfriend, never mind he was her handler. He opened his eyes, shook his head vehemently and exhaled loudly: Sydney was an experienced field agent whose skills were off the chart. Calling himself stupid for even entertaining that hope, Vaughn convinced himself that she had only done what it took to maintain their covers realistically. He should concentrate more on congratulating himself for having done the same, despite distractions.

Yes, the mission's objectives had been attained and they'd been in the mood for celebration, at least he was. And as they had exited the Vatican, Sydney had asked:

"Are you hungry?"

"I'm not hungry, I'm starving!" he had replied.

With a dimpled grin, she had asked:

"Do you want to go to dinner?"

Right away, the invitation had filled him with joy, only for his rational mind to kick in and force a sigh.

"Syd, I was crazy earlier. I wish I could say yes, but I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something awful ever happened. I'm not going to put your life in danger over some food, even if it's really incredible food."

Sydney had nodded, a sad look on her face, until he had spoken again.

"But I have an idea. Why don't we call and ask them to wrap our dinner? We could eat outside, separately, but near each other. What do you say?"

Her eyes had lit up.

"I like it a lot."

Trattoria DiNardi having graciously agreed to wrap their orders, they had ended up in a park. They sat on back to back benches in front of a beautiful fountain. Positioned at either end, they were able to discreetly exchange a few words here and there.

Tasting her veal, Sydney had made appreciative sounds for his benefit and immediately he had smiled widely. As time went by, they had both ended up lost in their thoughts. Had she been replaying the last hours' events in her head, just like him?

A window suddenly popping up on his computer screen brought him back to reality. Sydney had just sent him a message.

'Hi, Boy Scout!'

He started to type right away.

'Hey! How was your flight?'

'It was okay. Has the CIA had a look at the map?'

He frowned, knowing Sydney wasn't going to like the news.

'Yeah. Bad news is that the map is encrypted and they can't break the code. We've tried Cole, but with no results.'

There was a pause and Vaughn could just imagine Sydney's unhappy face.

'What are we going to do?'

'We're trying to decode it; maybe we'll be lucky. But it could take years. And if they ever find out we stole the map… they could just hide the Bible somewhere else. I'm sorry, Syd.'

'Not as much as I am," she wrote, and he knew she was thinking about her mother. 'Anyway, keep me posted, okay?'

'Yeah, I will.'

Reluctant to break contact with her, he added:

'What are you up to this evening? :)'

'Oh, we're playing some :detective: board game… You?'

'Bah, nothing much. Just a date with Frodo Baggins and a :pizza:. I'm really tired. I'm not as used to the time lag as you are…;)'

'It's not the time lag. It's your old age. :rotfl:'

':kicked:'

':innocent:'

XXX

"Syd! Are you coming?!" Francie yelled from the other room.

Sydney sighed.

"Yeah, I'll be right there! Just a minute!" she replied, slightly annoyed.

Quickly, she typed:

'Boy Scout, I'm sorry. Francie is calling me. I have to go. Have a nice evening!'

The answer came a few seconds later.

'You too, Freelancer. See you soon.'

A smile lingering on her lips, Sydney turned off her computer. She was relieved that her first contact with him since 'The Kiss' had gone well; that it had been as easy as usual.

But why would it have been any different?

During the entire flight home, during the whole night in her bed, she had mentally replayed those moments spent in his arms over and over again. Had he only kissed her to keep their mission covers, was a question that had crossed her mind more than once. But despite repeatedly telling herself that the mission had been Vaughn's only motivation, something about that kiss continued to haunt her. Merely thinking about it caused her heart to beat faster, her legs to feel weak. But the feelings she had experienced hadn't just been physical, in fact, they reminded her of how she'd felt in her dream about kissing him. Back then, she didn't believe a real kiss could have that intensity, but Michael Vaughn was living proof that it was possible.

What had gotten into her when she had parted her lips? She blushed; hoping Vaughn had thought that was just her own effort at maintaining their covers. She couldn't understand it. It was so unlike her to lose control of her emotions like that…

Thinking about Danny waiting for her in the kitchen, she suddenly felt guilty. She really liked him, but it had never felt that way kissing him. Could it just have been because of the situation? The adrenaline that had been rushing through her veins when Vaughn had kissed her?

Maybe the only reason she didn't feel that spark of excitement with Danny was because she wasn't looking hard enough. Danny was a wonderful guy, filled with qualities she thought she had been looking for. The fact that her job was occupying a lot of her time and thoughts must have caused her to not fully realise how much she cared for him. She willed herself to believe this as she heard Francie holler again.

"Syd!"

Tonight, she would try especially hard to be nice and affectionate towards him. Everything would most likely be okay after that. With this resolution, Sydney got up and joined the others in the dining room.

XXX

"I'm sorry, I kept losing the Internet connection," she explained, keeping up with the story she had told her friends. She had pretended she needed to send a client's file to a co-worker.

"I told you, you'll have to make the switch from dial-up to broadband one day or another," Will said.

"I know. But it's a lot more expensive, and since I do practically all my work from school or from the bank… So, are you ready to play?" Sydney asked as she sat down at the table.

"Yes, I was just about to start explaining how to play," Danny told her with a tender smile, which she returned as he went on:

"Okay, so, this game really requires some strategic thinking ahead. It's called Scotland Yard."

"And how do we play, Professor Hecht?" Will asked in such a tone that Sydney couldn't decide whether or not he was joking.

"I'll explain. One player will function as Mister X, with the other players being Scotland Yard detectives searching for him throughout Central London. Since only Francie has ever played, and if it's okay with you all, I'll be Mister X. It'll give you guys a chance to grasp the strategies. Is that good?"

Everyone nodded and Danny continued:

"First, everyone draws a starting station card to determine where they will start the game."

Francie, Will and Sydney all complied and placed their respective pieces on the right station.

"Every move we make is either by taxi, underground, or bus. Mister X moves first and writes his move in his travel log, indicating what method of transportation he used but not where he moved. Then, each detective makes their move, cooperating with the other detectives in an effort to close in on Mister X. Is that okay so far? Will?"

Will grunted and Danny took it as a yes.

"If I remember correctly, Mister X only reveals where he is at certain points in the game, am I right?" asked Francie.

"Yes. The chase continues until one of the detectives moves to the place where Mister X is. In this case, the team of detectives has won the game. But, if Mister X makes 24 moves without being caught, he's the one who wins! Oh, and I don't want to scare you, but I've won as Mister X for the last 13 last games I've played."

"You've never played against m-" the always competitive Francie started, but she caught herself and said, "I mean 'us'. Let's get started, now."

Seeing Danny searching for the very short pencil usually included in board games, Francie intervened:

"I hate those tiny pencils. Syd, why don't you get the beautiful fountain pen Danny gave you for Christmas? Will hasn't had a chance to see it yet."

"Sure."

Sydney got up and headed to her bedroom, where she kept the elegant Mont-Blanc pen that Danny had given her for Christmas. As she had unwrapped it, Danny had explained that this pen would come in handy when she became a teacher, with piles of copies to correct.

Danny was such a thoughtful boyfriend, which girl would be crazy enough not to appreciate how lucky she was to have him?

XXX

As the game progressed, the detective team understood what Danny meant when he said he knew all the strategies. A few times, they had been able to get closer to him, but it almost seemed as though he was only taunting them before running away while the detectives were powerless to stop him.

Will was getting annoyed, while Francie was so tense, Sydney worried that her friend's jaw would hurt in the morning.

She herself found it difficult to concentrate on the game, her mind always going back to what had happened in Italy. Which frustrated her, because she thought she had resolved her feelings on the matter earlier. More than once, Francie had asked her not that nicely, to come back to earth and help her teammates.

"Oh, guys, look! On his next turn, Danny will show up for the last time! It's our last chance to corner him!" moaned Francie, sensing victory was slipping through her fingers.

If she didn't want to end up playing this game every single Saturday night until Francie could win, Sydney had to do something. She had to focus.

A few minutes later, when Mister X revealed where he was, the detectives weren't that far away from him. They still had a chance.

"Okay, guys, we can do this," she said determinedly. "He doesn't have many options… Will, you take the bus and go… here. Francie, get in a taxi to station 147. I'll move here and he'll have no choice but to go to 153."

Danny looked at her in wonder, but he said nothing. He then announced he was taking a cab and wrote down the number of the station he was now at, hiding it from the others.

Sydney gazed at her friends and saw that they were both staring at her, waiting for her lead.

"So, he's definitely on 153. Fran, do you still have bus tickets?"

Francie nodded.

"Good. Take one and go here," she showed her on the board. "Will, you get to 154. And… that's it."

Danny was cornered. There was a silence that lasted a few seconds. Everyone was amazed, but the most surprised was probably Danny. He showed them the note pad indicating that he was exactly where Sydney had said he was.

He had lost.

Francie jumped to her feet and raised her arms in victory, while Will had a really, really big smile on his face.

Sydney looked at Danny, unsure about his reaction. But she was relieved to see him grin, obviously amazed.

"I thought I was home free! Sweetie, that was incredible! Who'd have known that my nice, unassuming girlfriend could have such a ruthless, strategic imagination?"

Will threw a friendly, congratulatory arm around her shoulders and quipped:

"Yeah, that kind of thinking must come in real useful at the bank!"

And everyone laughed, including Sydney. But their astonishment at her 'ruthless, strategic' side left her feeling uncomfortable. As did Danny's innocent characterization of her as his 'nice, unassuming girlfriend'. Though she knew this wasn't the time to try and understand why, she promised herself that she would reflect on that whenever she next got the chance.

XXX

Danny had an early morning shift at the hospital, so he went back to his place for the night. Although she hated to admit it, Sydney was glad to be alone.

She needed to think.

So, for the second night running she laid in bed, wide awake but with a busy mind.

Some spy she made! She had just revealed an aspect of herself that had been unknown to her friends until then. It really bothered her, like there was much more to this. She thought that side of her only came up when on a mission, in a stressful situation… But she didn't even really have to think twice about it…

And suddenly it all made sense. How could she not realise this sooner?

She had always thought that the real her was this nice girl who was studying to be a teacher like her mother had been. But suddenly she understood: that wasn't who she really was.

Yes, she was a sweet, warm woman who really loved to cook and enjoyed romantic comedies. But there was so much more to her. She wasn't playing some role when she was being a spy. She really was Sydney the smart, quick thinking, super fit woman whose skills and initiative could pull her through any situation.

She had always thought that the parts of her personality she displayed when on the job, were only present because of that job. The ruthless, decisive, head strong, sexy combination she often proved to be, was something she'd felt she pulled on like a disguise…

Maybe that had been part of the reason she had felt so strange not being able to play the part of her 'character', back at the Halloween party? Perhaps she had been feeling uncomfortable about displaying and using this skill in front of her friends? Because they have no idea how she can improvise and become someone else with an instant history at the drop of a hat? It had been too close to home for her to have taken it lightly.

Thinking back on her discomfort when Danny had given her the fountain pen, and his reference to the fact that she was studying to be a teacher, she began to question that goal. More and more, her studies had become not much more than a façade. Yes, the pen was a very thoughtful gift from Danny, but it was becoming clearer now: that pen was meant for someone she wasn't. It was meant for the person she had thought she was.

While she was perfectly still in her bed, Sydney's mind was racing. She tried to keep up with her speeding train of thoughts. She tried to isolate those times when she felt most at ease. Her mind was processing thick and fast now, as though the confined feelings had been desperate to escape. The only moments she was herself, her true self, was when she was with… Vaughn. He was the only person that she could tell the whole truth to, that she didn't have to pretend with.

Maybe that was why they had connected so easily?

Ever since that day he had followed her in the college parking garage, Vaughn had known who she really was. She should have understood that back on Christmas Eve, when he had told her that she was no ordinary girl…

But leading the double life of spy/student was so much easier before her father was found out, before she met Vaughn. It became such an effort for her to go back to being 'student Sydney', maybe because being around Vaughn had allowed her to feel comfortable with who she really was for the first time ever? With who she had always had been?

She turned on her left side, eyes wide open. Did everything lead to Vaughn? Thinking back on their relationship, she felt there was something she didn't want to admit to herself. But the facts added up. First, when she had met him as 'Mark'… she had cursed the fact that she couldn't tell him who she really was, that she couldn't get to know him better. Why? Because she had immediately liked him. Right away, she had felt a connection with him.

Then, there had been that dream. That time when she had dreamt about kissing Vaughn and had pushed the incredible feeling it had evoked in her away, by telling herself he wouldn't really kiss like that. Oh, but God, he did! Finally honest with herself, Sydney admitted it: she had enjoyed that kiss. She had never experienced anything like it before…

Wake up, Syd!, she commanded herself. She was always looking forward to meeting Vaughn for debrief, when she used to think those were the worst parts of her job. And now that she had been in his arms, although briefly, she craved to be there again. She had never met someone so patient, so intelligent, so brave, so… so handsome.

She was attracted to him.

Very attracted to him, both emotionally and physically.

She gasped. What? She had feelings for her handler? Her boss? No, she couldn't! But she had to face reality now, instead of pushing it all away, as she'd been doing for months.

So what? Even if he did like her, which was far from certain, she still couldn't be with him. Hell, she couldn't even have dinner with him IN ITALY! She sighed. Until the Alliance disappeared, her life would have to remain a fraud. Under the circumstances, the best she could expect as a life partner was Danny. He was a great guy, but she was saddened to realise that she couldn't have the someone with whom she could be herself and COULD be with.

She closed her eyes and felt the tears coming. Sometimes she was just so tired of being Sydney Bristow! But she didn't get time to dwell on it, because all of a sudden her cell phone rang.

Taking a deep breath to regain control, she said:

"Hello?"

And a masculine voice answered:

"Joey's Pizza?"

XXX

Still shaken by the revelation she had had not even an hour ago, Sydney entered the warehouse. She was first and that wasn't the usual. She suppressed a curse: now her nervousness about seeing Vaughn would only have time to increase. Communicating online was one thing, but meeting face to face was another. Especially since she had admitted the feelings she nurtured for him to herself.

She sat on a crate and waited; trying to think about the gift she could get for Francie for her birthday… in August.

She didn't have time to think much: she heard Vaughn approaching. In the quiet warehouse, the sound of his assured footsteps resonated and she hung on to the crate on which she was sitting so rigidly that her fingers hurt.

"Hey, Syd," he greeted her and she tried her best not to stare at his lips. It was almost as if he had become even more attractive since she had realized how much he meant to her.

"Hi. What's up?" she asked nervously.

He sat by her side. She felt hypersensitive to his proximity and tried hard to focus as their conversation continued.

"We got the map for nothing," he said calmly.

"What? What do you mean?"

"We just intercepted a call on Echelon from one of Khasinau's operatives. It had a reference to the Bible."

Eager to know more, she asked:

"What did you learn?"

"It appears that the Bible was kept in Taipei, in a secure facility owned by Khasinau. But they noticed the map was missing, so they're not taking any chances."

A smile appeared on Vaughn's face, and he continued:

"An operative took it from the facility and he's going to hand it to one of Khasinau's main men, Anatoli Borgine, tomorrow afternoon at the Port of Barcelona, Pier Three-forty-seven. I'm assuming you want to be part of the team?"