My name is Aka Gekido, I am twenty-five years old and a red panda. By day, I'm an accountant for Blackpaw Publishing, by night, after a long day of having to deal with my coworkers; I sing my soul out at a karaoke bar to death metal. Where I unleash my frustration and rage at my lot in life, in soul crushing work and insane co-workers, and overly demanding superiors who dump the work they don't want to do on me.
Granted, it's still better then when I was back home in Japan... but still, it's infuriating that I basically have to do the same thing I've been doing for five years, but in a country where I only know enough of the language to hold a conversation, but I can't read most things.
And to add insult to injury, two mice gave me a magic talisman that turned me into some manner of nine-tailed Yokai... KNOWING that I would go on a rampage... AND I injured Police Officer Judy Hopps, costing her an eye!
"Hey, you doing okay Aka?" My friend, Ursula asked, most likely noticing the zombie like state I was in during lunch.
"Hmm?... I'm fine." I said, not really paying attention.
"You sure don't look it." A male hyena by the name of Gerald said. "You're usually a bit more... well not like you're just going through the motions."
"It's fine... everything is fine." I lied, I was still beaten up that I had let my anger literally turned me into a monster. And I couldn't afford to show any weakness... not even the only two friends I have in Accounting.
"Look, what happened that night wasn't your fault." Gerald said.
"I said. I'M. FINE." I said through gritted teeth. As I'm sure you can guess... I'm not fine... I can't remember the last time I was fine when I wasn't screaming in primal rage.
"Right..." Ursula said in disbelief. "And to change the subject, here's something interesting I think we should look at." Ursula said as she showed us her smartphone.
"It's just a picture of Ms. Blackpaw and Davies." Gerald pointed out, though knowing Ursula like I do. She's going to go into detail with anything and everything that strikes her as odd. Creeping us both out as she goes into details we'd never think to ever acknowledge.
"Yes... just you're run of the mill selfie on a date, ordinary... except for one little detail." Ursula zoomed in on a part of the picture. "See the mirror? Davies is in it... but Anna clearly isn't."
And she was right, for whatever reason Anna's reflection wasn't in the mirror behind the two bunnies, just Davies himself... and a smartphone hanging in the air where Ms. Blackpaw's arm would probably be. "Okay... that's actually kind of weird." Gerald noted.
"That's not all... this is just the tip the iceberg." Ursula said, I choose to not ask if she was being literal or not regarding the iceberg. She continued showing us more pictures, each one seemingly betraying some manner of bizarre quirk or act on the part of Ms. Blackpaw. "All of this brings me to one indisputable conclusion... Anna Blackpaw, is a Vampire!"
That was when Gerald and I broke out laughing, howling at Ursula.
"Guys, less than a month ago, YOU, Aka turned into a giant nine-tailed red panda monster that tore up downtown Zootopia. A year ago, an army of hybridized monsters and robots attacked the city. How is the CEO being a Vampire anymore absurd then all of THAT!?" Ursula said.
"Look... it's not that we don't believe you. It's just that's all really far-fetched. Even for all the really weird stuff that's been going on since then end of the Night Howler Crisis." Gerald said.
"Yes! I mean dead people that still live simply don't happen!" I said... though to be fair, one of my neighbors turned out to have been a princess from the moon when I was little. And I'm fairly certain that my yoga instructor MIGHT have psychic powers of some sort. "But... there has to be a reason for all the weird things you mentioned."
"Exactly!" Ursula said.
"Oh look! They have fresh chocolate bars in the vending machine!" Gerald said as he hastily disengaged from the conversation.
"His lose." Ursula said. "So here's what we're going to do." And now I understand why Gerald ran with his tail between his legs out of the breakroom altogether, not even stopping at the vending machine.
XXXX
Over the course of the next week, Ursula and I had laid down garlic in the buildings ventilation system. And she had been ordering garlic pizza's for lunch. Gerald only joined in for free pizza, me two now that I think of it. According to Ursula, Vampires have an intolerance for garlic.
Unfortunately we caught the attention of the wrong bunny. "Do any of you stooges mind explaining why THESE are in the vents?" Davies asked, holding up one of the strings of garlic. "Also, she's had her paws full with significantly more important matters, and does NOT need accountants sticking their noses into matters, or adding weird nonsense to her plate."
"Sir!" Gerald said. "I had nothing to do-"
"Then call it guilt by association." Davies said, clearly angry and annoyed.
"And why is it such a big deal? It's only garlic." Ursula said, smiling wryly.
"It's no business of yours as to the method to Anna's apparent madness! Now you three are going to get any other garlic out of the vents." Davies growled.
"But I don't know where any are!" Gerald said.
"Good! Then you get a second pair of hands!" Davies said, and then he took out a packet of breath mints and breath spray. "But first! Your breath needs freshening up!"
XXXX
A week later, I found myself in the vents along with Ursula and Gerald over Ms. Blackpaw's office after our shifts. How did she talk us into doing something this risky and stupid?
Blackmail... she blackmailed us. I won't bore you with the details of WHAT she blackmailed us with. Now we looked in through a grate as Ms. Blackpaw looked frantically over a cork board covered in string and various bits of paper.
"Can I please go home now?" Davies said, still in the building. "We've, or rather you've been going over this for months! And still no leads on where Long-Fang could be."
"Si, senor Hopps." Said a young looking ocelot female I didn't recognize. "But still, we cannot allow any leads on the Night Dragons to slip through our fingers... but still senorita Blackpaw. You are clearly grasping at hairs."
"I WILL GRASP AS MANY HARES AS I MUST TO FIND THAT MONSTER!" Blackpaw shrieked, Gerald, Ursula and I jumped in surprise, as usually she was very much a kind and patient women from my experience at least. I was too busy thinking about what she was referring to, to notice that the grate was coming loose.
"Anna... we're just saying you need a break! Do you need some blood?" Davies said, Ms. Blackpaw said nothing as she went to Davies... and began doing what LOOKED to be sucking blood from his neck.
"I knew it! I knew it!" Ursula cheered, seemingly forgetting about the two rabbits. That was when we fell through the grate into the office.
"YOU THREE AGAIN?!" Davies yelled in surprise.
"Dios mio, not this again." The ocelot said in irritation as she un-holstered a gun. "Shall I kill the mortals? Keep the secret an actual secret?"
"Why bother Umbra? If there latest nonsense is any indication they would have found this out anyway." Ms. Blackpaw said as she walked towards us. We tried to run but- "STOP. AND STAND BEFORE ME" – I felt compelled to obey her. And apparently so were Ursula and Gerald. We marched like robots to her. "Okay... you three undoubtedly have many questions regarding all of this. But have I have a few I wish to ask of you."
She glared at us for a while... and then Gerald fell to his knees. "I had nothing to do with any of this I swear! Ursula was convinced you were a Vampire because of some weird photos on social media! I didn't even put the garlic in the vents!" He wailed.
"Easy there... I have no intention of hurting any of you." Ms. Blackpaw said reassuringly.
"But isn't there some sort of effort by you guys to keep Vampires a secret?" Ursula said in surprise.
"Yes, but we're on the outs with the actual heads anyway. It's a long story, and frankly you all need to go home." Ms. Blackpaw said.
"Don't have to tell me twice." Gerald said.
XXXX
The following morning, we were in her office. "So... why have you called us?" I asked, anxiously hoping she wouldn't do anything bad to any of us.
"Nothing you need to fear." Ms. Blackpaw said with a reassuring smile on her face. "See, I've been trying to get into the market of Death Metal for years... and I believe that you three might be key to that."
"...how?... why?" The three of us asked in unison.
"Well I did some digging after that Yokai incident... and I found Ms. Gekido's night time haunt." Ms. Blackpaw said as she played a video of security camera footage from the karaoke bar... specifically the booth I typically use. "More specifically, I caught wind of your little party there last night." She said as she showed security cam footage of the three of us having a party after that whole affair where we found out she was a Vampire.
"How did you get that footage?!" Ursula said in panic.
"Young lady, it would be easier to list what I don't own in this town in one way or another." Ms. Blackpaw said ominously. "That karaoke bar isn't one of them; I just haven't really had an interest in karaoke in general. The only reason I really know in the first place, was because of Officer Wilde's investigations into those mice who gave you that cursed talisman... I gave the place about ten-thousand dollars for the footage." She explained anticlimactically.
"Yeah we rocked that night! I didn't even know Aka could sing like that." Gerald said.
"It finally explained WHY you're so chill at work." Ursula added.
"W-Why would you even suggest this?" I asked in surprise. "None of us knows anything about being in any sort of band!"
"There is time to iron out the details on the matter." Ms. Blackpaw said. "However," she said as she stood up from her desk, and walked over to a coffin, one that might NOT have just been a decoration as I thought. "There's the matter of a band name." She said as she opened the door, and inside was Davies Hopps. Hissing like... well... a Vampire I suppose.
"Come on! I thought we agreed that I'd jump out and scare them!" Davies complained.
"No. You just said that you were going to hide in there, and scare them when I brought up the band name." Ms. Blackpaw said to her boyfriend.
Davies grumbled before he said. "Fine... here are some names I thought up after watching your karaoke party." He then gave us a piece of paper... unfortunately as I said before I couldn't read English. And this was written in English.
But my friends were more than willing to translate, and explain any words I didn't immediately recognize. The names included, among others, 'The Shrieker's', 'The Wailing Ones', 'The Forsaken Ones', 'The Banshee's', 'Dead Inside', 'Scions of Anger', 'Metal on Metal on Metal', 'The Screaming Bean Counters', 'The Three Accounting Stooges', 'The Primal Scream Therapists', 'Laryngitis', the list went on like that, with what seemed like backhanded jokes about our jobs or Death Metal in general... I can't tell if there meant to be mean or not. Most of them aren't half-bad names for songs at any rate.
Eventually, we reached on a word we liked. "Catharsis..." I said, vaguely recalling the word. Something to do with releasing strong and negative emotions I think.
"Very good, now please return to your work. And if Tom gives any of you any guff over this matter, do not hesitate to spread it up the chain of command." Ms. Blackpaw said.
"Thank you, Blackpaw-sensei." I said bowing to my employer.
"Just call me Anna." Ms. Blackpaw said.
XXXX
"So you're going to use them as cover to find Long-Fang?" Davies asked as the three accountants left the office.
"He would recognize Umbra coming a mile away, no doubt because the Tribunal of Night revealed the Unseen Eye's entire Shadow Spy corp. to the Night Dragons." Anna said in annoyance.
"And he and the rest of the Night Dragons wouldn't recognize her just because she's touring with a Death Metal band... why?" Davies asked.
"Because who would suspect a roadie or a groupie of being an undead master of stealth and espionage?" Anna said.
"That depends, would they recognize you're... 'protégé' despite a convincing disguise?" Davies asked.
"Hopps, in addition to MY impeccable tutoring since I found her in the slums of Boarlivia, she's learned from some of the greatest masters of stealth and assassination since I turned her into a Vampire." Anna bragged proudly.
Davies was silent for a moment. "So... was that before-"
"I met her when she was seven!" Anna said in disgust. "I practically raised her to begin with! The INTENTION, was to create the best of the best of mortal experts in the ways of espionage and assassination, under the theory that when made into a Vampire, she would be THE BEST Shadow Spy period! We had meant to change her into a Vampire when she came of age, by which I mean, at the latest. When she's on her deathbed! AND MAYBE A GRANDMOTHER AT THAT POINT!" Anna ranted.
"Okay sensitive subject! I didn't mean to offend you!" Davies said.
"And the worst part was that the theory in question was only debunked a few years ago! We subjected her to childhood of paranoia and fear over nothing!" Anna ranted.
"... and she's done better regardless?" Davies added awkwardly.
"Yeah... she's not living out of trash cans for a start. And Umbra is quite the sweet heart when she isn't working directly as a Shadow Spy... plays a mean Spanish guitar." Anna said as she calmed down.
"So... I'm going to go to MY office, and let you cool down." Davies said, and then he bolted out of the office without another word.
Anna sighed. "Maybe I am focusing too much on finding Long-Fang... but still, for what that wolf did to me, and everything since. He needs to be brought to justice all the same... I should probably focus on my work here. With any luck, nothing major will interrupt it."