Chapter 36

I was pretty confident that the giant's girlfriend was a fake.

Either he made her up or it was a scam on the Internet. He did mail her fifty bucks after all.

This Rosie never showed up to the Cullen family Dungeons and Dragons hoedown. The giant was melancholy because she was supposed to dress in a "slutty toga".

Of course, she was.

Baseball Boy and I sat with him at Fork's Family Diner as he consumed enough food to feed a small European country. The citizens of Luxembourg would go hungry this day due to the giant's insane consumption of anything put in front of his face.

"I'm sure she's fine, Emmett. Maybe she wasn't allowed to drive all the way to Forks. Aren't her parents really strict?" My kid was as delusional as the big guy.

"Yeah...but...she promised! What if she got into an accident on the highway?" Food flew out of his mouth and onto the table.

"Hey Godzilla, chew your food before you talk. You're spraying me and I have a need to poke you in the eye with a fork." I waved my fork in his direction.

The giant sighed. "You're so lucky, Ed. Your girl is always around and..."

"Not intentionally. He forces me to accompany him with his sheer perseverance. I could be happily napping right now," I said.

"Isn't she brilliant!" My kid exclaimed and he hugged me. "She's so silly!"

Cue eye roll.

"Yeah man, Bella's a riot," the giant agreed, cramming fries in his mouth hole. "But she's no Rosie. My girl is the sexiest thing in the world."

"I would have to disagree with that statement! My Bella is the personification of beauty!" Baseball Boy was scowling at his friend.

"Easy now, tiger." I patted my kid's knee. He smiled at me. I knew the way to make him happy.

The giant looked sad. "No offense, man. Rosie is just everything I've ever dreamed about."

A blonde bombshell who loved fixing cars and watching porn. The giant's delusions came true in an Internet chat room for teenagers who still loved Backstreet Boys. I imagined this becoming a bad after school special. Damn it. I need to stop the insanity. No one else was thinking rationally. I hated caring.

"What should I do?" The giant whined.

I threw my hands in the air. "Not meet girls on Backstreet Boys chat rooms. You're probably talking to some coke bottle glasses wearing guy named Moe. Giant, use your brain. Like the dinosaurs, it's the size of a pea, but it's in there. I'm being mean, but for once it's for you own good. Furthermore, while I'm on a soapbox, you can't steal people's onion rings. It's just rude and..."

"Emmie, baby...I'm so sorry!" A blonde bombshell ran over wearing overalls covered in grease. "Your parents told me you were here. I'm eighteen and I won't be away from you any longer!"

"Rosie, my love!" They started going at it like rabbits in the booth.

I muttered, "Well I'll be damned."

"You were right, Bella. He does need to be more careful. You do care for other people!" Baseball Boy stated as I wrinkled up my nose. He swooped in to peck it. "Isn't it so nice that she really is his perfect girl? Hey...umm...you want to make out too?"

Why not?