Wow, 35 chapters!! I am thinking of ending this fic at the end of Lexi's summer and starting a new one about her 7th year at Hogwarts, just so this fic doesn't turn out to be like 50+ chapters. What do you guys think?

THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED!!

Chapter 35: Loneliness and Curing it.

Things got easier after my outburst. The next day I woke up early and showered before anyone else could wake up. I dressed in a casual black robe I'd found in the back of my wardrobe and sat on my bed for a few hours, reading. When I heard the stampede that usually signified the Weasley boys heading down to breakfast, I took a deep breath and headed downstairs myself.

The kitchen was loud and crowded. I wasn't sure why they didn't eat breakfast in the dining room like they did dinner, maybe because people came and went as they ate breakfast, it wasn't technically a 'sit-down' meal.

Although the kitchen was filled and I tried to make myself inconspicuous, I was, of course, noticed against my will.

"Lexi!" Fred shouted across the room. Heads turned simultaneously towards the doorway where I stood.

"Hi." I nodded slightly in his direction. I stood there for a moment, moving my gaze to the floor before sighing and moving my feet forward. George grinned up at me and patted the chair beside him.

"Oh, Lexi!" Mrs. Weasley clucked, hurrying over to me as I sat down, "Dear, you have to eat something!"

I momentarily wondered if it was physically possible to fit all the food piled on my plate inside of me.

"Thanks Mrs. Weasley." I smiled for her benefit. George shot me an amused grin and rolled his eyes. I ate quietly, listening to the conversation around me. The Golden Trio and Ginny were having an in depth discussion not five feet away from me. I watched them inconspicuously, painfully aware of the similarities between their movements and mine and Draco's when we would be conversing.

On my other side the twins were going over some new product ideas with their father, Mrs. Weasley shaking her head at them disapprovingly.

I bit my lower lip and pushed my food around on my plate. It seemed everyone had a confidante but me.

I was lonely.

I had been cooped up in Grimmauld Place for longer than I could bear to think of. And I felt isolated from everyone I cared about.

Certainly George was there, but he couldn't be at the house all the time, he had a shop to run.

Remus was an adequate conversationalist but I was certainly not ready to actually speak with him about anything significant.

Even Potter had been attempting to integrate me into his conversations, but with little progress.

The sad truth was that although I was lonely, much of it was self-inflicted. Nothing could ever fill the spot Draco had left. Maybe Blaise, but as he hadn't come home from Greece yet I had to make do with the people around the house.

"It is normal to feel the effects of everything that's happened to you more now Lexi," Remus reminded me one day "Now that you've got the time to think and reflect, it's going to hit you more heavily than when you were going through it."

I nodded, "It would just… I wish I knew how he was doing, you know? Shouldn't he be improving now that the spell Lucius cast on him is…. No longer functioning?"

Remus sighed, "Although you're right, it was still Dark magic that Lucius used on Draco, and there are still repercussions. The spell itself is no longer in effect but its side effects are." I frowned, and Remus shook his head and smiled.

"I'll tell you what, Lexi. My schedule is rather full this week, but I could check on Draco Saturday and report back to you, if it would make you feel better."

I smiled, "You'd do that? I mean, if it's any trouble.."

"No trouble at all." Remus paused, then added, "It's the least I can do. You can't be having much fun being stuck here and yet you haven't complained nearly as much as I thought you would."

I snorted, "So, you expected me to complain?"

Remus replied, "I was told I was getting Lexi Conrad, I didn't know what to expect."

I rolled my eyes, "Sure, Lupin." I paused, "Er, you will check on him, then?"

Remus nodded, and I sighed. At least if I couldn't see Draco, I could send someone to see him for me.

I sighed and brushed some hair out of face, glancing around the living room that currently played host to myself, Ginny, Mrs. Weasley and Tonks. I had been reading a Muggle novel I found stuffed away in the library. I had been shocked to find it, especially in this particular house, until Remus mentioned that Sirius had, in his younger years, taken to hiding Muggle things throughout the house to infuriate his parents. I assumed this was one artifact they had never found.

Mrs. Weasley was knitting what I assumed to be a jumper while Tonks watched in fascination, having decided that she needed to learn more 'domestic' hobbies, whatever that meant. Ginny, on the other hand, was quietly humming along to the wireless radio that was playing, kicking her legs back and forth to the beat.

Another lazy day at my oh-so-sweet home away from home. Cue eye-roll please.

The lazy day was soon interrupted when Remus rushed into the room, calling quickly for Mrs. Weasley and Tonks to join him in the kitchen. Neither Ginny nor I moved as they slammed the door shut, and began conversing in voices too quiet for us to hear. We glanced at each other.

"Strange." I commented before turning back to my book.

"Very." She replied before closing her eyes.

Had it been Ron or Harry here, they would've tried to listen in on the conversation. Had it been the twins, I know they would've joined in, despite the fact that they were now Order members and could just ask for the information they wanted to know. Always wanting to show off their "skills",

The kitchen door opened and Remus and Tonks flew by, pausing momentarily to glance at Ginny and I. I thought I saw the smallest of smiles on Tonks' face, but I couldn't be sure.

"What's going on Mum?" Ginny asked as the Weasley matriach rejoined us.

Mrs. Weasley's face was flushed, "Nothing, nothing at all dear. Don't worry your pretty little head about it." Ginny frowned and looked over at me, our eyes meeting.

What was going on?

By the next day, I thought nothing of the strange incident involving Remus, Tonks, and Mrs. Weasley. I wasn't an Order member, and so I wasn't concerned.

That is, until the twins arrived.

"Lexi!" I heard Fred's voice boom as they rushed into the kitchen, "Looking lovely as always." George squeezed my arm as he rushed to get some of the food his mother had been preparing.

"George, Fred." I greeted them. Fred sighed as he sat on one side of me, George sitting on the other.

"George, George, George. It's always George first with you. Where's the love Lexi?" He put on a wounded face.

"Obviously only for me, brother dearest." George replied. I rolled my eyes and continued eating in silence. I glanced up after the silence became too lengthy. I'd learned with Fred and George that too much quiet was never a good thing.

Fred was grinning at me in the most perplexing manner. "What?" I asked. He grin didn't' falter as he replied, "Oh nothing, nothing at all." I turned my head in time to see George shoot him a warning look. I narrowed my eyes in suspicion.

I'd have to keep an eye on the twins.

Something was definitely up. I tried as hard as I could not to care or be curious, but I just couldn't help it. I figured it was Order business, which was definitely none of my business, but I wanted to know nonetheless.

I was sitting alone in my room at the moment, waiting for George to arrive and wondering what the big secret could be. Was it a high-security operation? A raid on one of Voldemort's hideouts? Or a plan to stop an attack?

In all actuality, I doubted it was any of these things. Although everyone was acting highly suspicious, they didn't seem tense or anxious. On the contrary, they seemed almost excited.

I heard a knock on my door and was shaken from my thoughts. "Come in." I called, expecting George. Much to my surprise, Mrs. Weasley walked in.

"Lexi, dear." She began, "I was wondering if you had any plans for tomorrow."

I blinked and looked up at her. What plans could I possibly have when I was under house-arrest?

"No, not anything in particular.." I said slowly.

She smiled cheerfully, "Then you wouldn't mind helping me tidy up the library a bit? Ginny will be helping too."

I was confused once again, because I knew for a fact the library had just been tidied not long before I had arrived, but I agreed anyway, "Sure Mrs. Weasley." She thanked me and left.

Whatever was going on, I was determined to find out what it was, and I was hoping I could do so tomorrow.

George poked his head into my room, "Hey Lexi." He grinned. I smiled at him. He'd been busy at the shop lately, since it was only a few weeks until we went back to school, but he still managed to find time to come visit me.

I walked across the room and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "How's business?"

"Good, as always." George sat down on my bed and stretched, "How was your day?"

I shrugged, "Same as every other day." I sighed, "I'm so restless."

George grinned "You might actually be glad to get back to school this September, huh?"

I laughed, "Maybe. It'll be interesting to see whether my own housemates will turn me into a social leper." George laughed outright.

"I'd say that would be a step in the right direction for you, Lex."

I actually hadn't thought too much about what would happen when I went back to school, but as it hit me all at once the thought of walking through the halls of Hogwarts seemed to be unbearable for the first time I could remember. My face must have revealed my emotions, because George quickly asked what was wrong.

"I don't think.." I paused, "I don't want to go back to Hogwarts."

George sat up, "What? Why not?"

I swallowed, "It's just… Draco's gone, my housemates will think I'm a traitor… I won't have anyone."

"You'll have Blaise. And me and Fred if we decide to come back. And you and Ginny get on well, don't you?" George asked.

I sighed, "It's not the same. Blaise has Cho, you have Fred, Ginny has…" I paused.

"Far too many boys at her disposal, in my opinion." George finished. I laughed.

"Fair enough. Either way, I'm always the odd one out. Hogwarts isn't worth going back to if I don't have my best friend with me."

George sighed, "Lexi, you've got to finish school.."

I stared at him in shock, "You, of all people, are lecturing me on the importance of an education?"

George laughed, "Lexi, what do you want to do for the rest of your life?"

I shrugged, "I've always thought I was going to be a Healer."

"Not exactly something you can do without an education, eh?"

I was silent. Of course I had to go back to school.

"It'll be fine." George squeezed my shoulder.

Somehow, I doubted it.

The next morning I woke up early, quickly remembering I was supposed to help Mrs. Weasley clean the library. I showered and hurried downstairs, meeting Ginny once down there.

"Breakfast?" She asked from the table. I nodded and sat down, helping myself to some toast.

"So, why are we cleaning the library again today?" I asked. Ginny shifted her gaze away from her breakfast to me.

"Well…" She said slowly, "Mum said something about a ghoul making a racket again in there and making a mess. Mad-Eye banished it last night and Mum just wants to tidy up again. It shouldn't be nearly as bad this time around."

I narrowed my eyes in suspicion, but nodded. "Weird."

"Mhm."

I frowned. Ginny was usually a lot more forthcoming with information.

"Well, we'd better get to it, then." She said brightly, glancing at the clock. I nodded and slowly followed her to the library.

The library wasn't nearly as dirty as I anticipated, and yet two hours later I was still there, cleaning the most miniscule things under the watchful eye of Molly Weasley.

"Mrs. Weasley, I finished scrubbing the cabinets over there." I called to her before making my way to the doorway, planning on getting a drink.

"Oh, Lexi, wait!" She hurried over, nearly blocking my path.

"Yes?" I asked, trying to hide the irritation in my voice. The library was nearly spotless, for Merlin's sake.

"I was just wondering, dear, if you could dust out those coats hanging over on that rack. There may be Doxies in there, so we want to be sure." Mrs. Weasley asked. I repressed a sigh and nodded.

I was nearly on the other side of the room when I heard that awful portrait of Mrs. Black start her screams. While that wasn't such a surprise, considering the clumsiness of that Tonks girl, what I heard after was.

"And even Dumbledore can't manage to shut her up? Interesting." A familiar drawl sounded. I gasped and turned to see Ginny's anxious eyes peering back at me.

"Lexi.." She started, but I cut her off as I ran out of the room and down the hallway towards the front door, only to find…

"Come on now, let's get out of the hallway!" Fred's voice was loud. I came to a thudding halt as eyes turned towards me. There were so many people in the hallway: Arthur, Remus, the twins, Potter, and Kingsley. Even Snape was there. I strained my eyes to see through them to the middle of the group.

"Conrad…" Potter trailed off. No sooner had my name left his mouth than he was promptly shoved out of the way by…

Draco.

He gazed at me for a moment, his mouth slightly ajar, and I was sure my face was a mirror image of his.

The only thing I could possibly think of was that it was so unusual for Draco to look so utterly shocked. We both stood there for a moment, staring. Finally he took in a breath.

"Lex--" I suddenly regained my ability to move and promptly threw myself at him. My arms wrapped securely around his shoulders and I felt him stagger back, then steady as his arms encircled me just as tightly.

I felt my heart race as I held on to him and my breathing quickened. I shook my head into the crook of his neck, muttering to myself.

"You're here, you're here, you're here…" I whispered.

"Missed you too, Lexi." Draco murmured back, stroking my hair.

I hadn't heard his voice in so long…

I promptly burst into tears.

Draco stepped back, eyes wide, "Lex?!" He very nearly squeaked. A crying best friend wasn't something he was used to.

I glanced up at him to tell him I was okay, but seeing his eyes---really seeing them--- for the first time in months, just as bright and icy blue as I remembered, made me cry even harder.

"I'm -hic- sorry!" I gasped, "It's-- just--!!" I broke into sobs and launched myself at him again.

Better prepared this time, Draco quickly set to comforting me as best he knew how.

"It's all right, it's all right."

"I'm just, just so glad you're here." I said, calming down a bit.

Draco smiled down at me, a real smile. "Me too."

We both suddenly realized we were in the presence of an audience. Arthur and Kingsley were looking away, obviously not wanting to intrude on our reunion. Potter was standing in the background, a small smile on his face, Fred standing next to him grinning. George was on the other side of him, an unreadable expression on his face.

I coughed, "Er- well.." I paused.

Draco's eyes snapped up and he quickly slipped back into his stereotypical Malfoy attitude. "If everyone's quite done gawking, I believe Lexi and I have a lot to catch up on." He grabbed my hand and began to lead me away.

"That, Mr. Malfoy, will have to wait." A voice from the kitchen doorway said.

I flared up at once. Albus Dumbledore was always ruining my happiness, I thought bitterly.

"What? No! Why?" I exclaimed instead.

"There are things Mr. Malfoy has missed out on since he's been away." Dumbledore reminded me gently. "Things that he needs to be told about before anything else."

I looked quickly to my feet. Of course I had overlooked the fact that Draco didn't know his father was dead. More importantly, he didn't know that I had killed him.

I sighed and glanced up at Draco. He looked confused.

I had to be the one to tell him. I couldn't let the Weasleys, or Lupin, or anyone else tell him. As good-hearted as any of them were, they weren't his best friend.

"I can tell him." I whispered.

The twins looked at me in alarm. Remus nodded.

Dumbledore looked at me and sighed, "That may be best."

"Comes on Draco." I grabbed his hand and led him upstairs.

This was going to be hard.

I opened the door to my room and led Draco inside.

"I just… it's hard to believe you're here." I said finally, "Even though you're here, you're right here. It's just… I've imagined this over and over in my head, you know? But it's still so hard."

Draco sat on my bed. "Was it… bad, then?" He tried to sound nonchalant.

"I was a wreck without you." I told him simply.

Draco patted the space beside him and I quickly sat down, leaning my head against his shoulder.

"I denied it, at first, you know. Everyone was so worried, even the teachers. I wouldn't talk to anyone about it, even Blaise… the only person I wanted to talk to was the one person who wasn't there." I sniffed. Draco brought his arm around me.

"Dumbledore tried to… help, I guess, but I .. sort of yelled at him. For not being more… accepting of us."

"You didn't have to." Draco said abruptly.

"I know." I replied. "Anyway… it was horrible, being at school alone."

"You had Blaise." Draco offered.

"But I didn't have you." I retorted. "Anyway, nothing really happened until after the school year ended."

"Go on." Draco urged.

"I tried to be inconspicuous, I really did, but obviously that didn't work. My mom found out about George, and in turn I told her…" I trailed off.

"Told her what?" Draco pressed.

"I told her that after what they did to you… that-that they should've known I'd never forgive them." I took in a deep breath. "And I left."

Draco's eyes were wide, "That's suicide, Lexi."

"I went to Adrian's. For a week or two." My eyes started to water. "Except…"

I stopped for a moment. "Wait, please." I closed my eyes tightly. "It happened the day I was supposed to come back here."

"What? What happened?"

"I. left, to go get lunch. When I came back the door was open." I stared straight ahead and continued talking.

I had never spoken to anyone about what happened that day. Not Remus, not Blaise, not George.

"He was dead." I swallowed, "Adrian. Just… lying there, on the floor. I-- it was so scary. Draco, I was so scared. He was scary. He was dead and I knew he couldn't hurt me and I knew Adrian would never hurt me anyway, but him just lying there was the scariest thing." A tear slipped down my cheek.

"Who…" Draco trailed off uncertainly.

"Your father's ring was lying on his chest." I choked out.

Draco's hand, which had been holding mine the entire time, clenched tightly. "That bastard. I'll kill him."

My eyes snapped to Draco's and I suddenly found I couldn't breath.

What had I been thinking? I couldn't tell him. I couldn't tell Draco that his father was dead and that it was my fault.

"Lexi?" Draco waved a hand in front of my face. "Lexi? Lexi!"

"I'm sorry!" I said, my shoulders racking with silent sobs, "I'm so sorry!"

"I went there! To your house! I don't know why… he tried to kill me!" I gasped out.

Draco's eyes were blazing, "What did he do to you?"

I took my hand from his and shakily lifted my shirt, showing him the scar from where Lucius stabbed me.

Draco gently traced the scar with his finger, then growled out, "I really will kill him." He jumped to his feet and headed for the door. I scrambled after him.

He had torn down the stairs and was in the hallway before my words caught up with him.

"Draco! No! Please wait!" I cried, "I'm not done!"

Draco whirled around, "Lexi, he nearly killed you!" He snarled.

"He's dead!" The words burst from my lips before I had a chance to stop them.

Draco paused, still angry, but now confused.

"I k-k-killed him." I whispered. Draco walked back to me and put my hands in his.

"Lexi?" He asked uncertainly.

"I stabbed him." I said quietly. "I f-f--fucking stabbed him. I thought I was dying and I cou-couldn't let him…"

"Couldn't let him…?"

"Live. I couldn't stand it! I couldn't stand to think of what he did to you, what he was doing to me, and think that he'd get away with it! And you know he would've, he would've bought his way out!" I paused again, "More importantly, he was planning on using my death to get you to change your mind about becoming a Death Eater."

Draco's jaw clenched then relaxed, "You had to, Lex."

"He was your father, Draco. I'm sorry."

"If I had to choose, I'd have you standing here over him every time." I sighed and rested my head against his shoulder.

"I'm still sorry."

"I'm not."

I then told Draco about Voldemort, Mudungus, and everything that had happened at Grimmauld Place up until his arrival.

"I hate to admit it, but Weasley is good to you." Draco said grudgingly, "Not nearly as good as you deserve, but I doubt anyone could accomplish that, and he's trying at least."

"George has been very good to me." I agreed, "Far better than I deserved. I was acting completely mental, Draco."

Draco slid his gaze over to me, "Sorry I left you Lex."

I put my arm around his waist and leaned comfortably into him, "S'okay. Everyone said it wouldn't be for too long."

I breathed in a sigh of relief. Draco was here and I felt truly happy for the first time in months.

I had everything I needed, and with Draco back in my life, the future wasn't looking as horribly dim as it had been.

I had hope.

YAY! So, terribly sorry for the longest wait ever! I'm in college now so I have a LOT of work to write around, but I also have my own laptop now and since I'm in college obviously I don't sleep, so hopefully I can update this more!

Please review and tell me what you think! I actually had a really hard time writing this chapter, but hopefully things will be easier from here on out!