For those that had questions last chapter, I hope this chapter answers those questions!
***CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR***
"Why would she talk to Ian of all people? I mean, it's Ian. And he would so not be making a bet about us. I mean, right? He was in a relationship with Maura! Why would he want us to get together? Why would he even think of us getting together? I mean, unless he was using it for fodder to get his rocks off and... wow, I can't believe I went there." Jane dropped her head into her hands, scrubbing at her eyes viciously with the heels of her hands. "So, gonna take a long time to rid myself of that vision." She shuddered. "Wait, Casey and Ian got here within... I dunno, nanoseconds of each other... did Ma arrange for Casey to come here too? Why would she? I mean, what is the purpose?"
She glared down accusingly at Bass. He sighed.
"Oh, don't give me that look."
He closed one eye.
"Or that look either."
He closed both eyes.
"Bass!"
He opened both eyes.
"That's better."
He closed them again.
"Really?"
Zip, zilch, zero reaction. Jane sighed.
"Wait, how did Ma even know how to get in contact with Ian? Or Casey?"
Bass opened both eyes.
"Oh come on, we both know she got him here too."
Bass let his head thump onto the ground.
"Okay, fine, I know no such thing. God, you're worse than Maura." She put on a high pitched voice: "Jane, please use precise terminolo... OW!" She glared down at Bass, who looked up at her from his ankle biting perspective, looking very unrepentant. "That hurt."
More unrepentantiveness.
Wait. Unrepentantiveness isn't a word.
Is it?
Shut up brain, SO not the time.
"Okay, so we know Ian was invited here by Ma..."
Jo danced into the room, yipping questioningly at Bass. Bass hissed and snorted a few times.
Jo yipped, and Bass looked at the ceiling.
Jo's tail stopped wagging, and she looked at Jane accusingly.
Meanwhile, Jane waited.
"Uh, all caught up now?"
Jo yipped in what seemed to be agreement, jumping up on Bass' back and looking up at Jane eagerly.
"Right. So, we know Ian was invited here by Ma. We suspect..." Jane tucked her ankles under the chair, safely out of reach, "that Casey was too..." she paused, looking at the expression on Jo's face. "Oh God, you've been spending too much time with Maura too. Okay, we... I... suspect... even though I have no proof... better?"
A yip. Bass' head moved.
Jane took that as affirmation.
"So how did she get Ian's address? He's wanted by Interpol. I don't think he'd just be leaving his contact details around all willy-nilly."
She looked down at the pets. They stared up at her.
"What?"
Still staring.
"What?"
Even more staring.
"Come on, guys, what?"
Don't tortoises need to blink? Dogs too?
"Hellooo?"
She waved a hand in front of their faces. They blinked.
Aha, success.
Aaaand they were still staring.
Or staring again.
Either way, it was back to the whole no-blinking thing.
She groaned. "You think I should talk to Ma and ask her. Don't you."
They blinked.
"Or Ian."
They blinked again.
"I'm not talking to Ian, you can forget it."
They stared.
She stared back.
They stared some more.
She threw her hands up in the air. "Fine. Whatever. I'll talk to whoever I need to talk to. Happy now?"
They barked and moved their heads respectively.
"Fine." Jane stood up and moved as though to leave the room, when a sudden thought made her turn back. "I'm going to have to bring Ian here to chat to him aren't I? I won't be able to chat to him wherever he is... this is a part of your plan, isn't it? You want to bite his ankles or something?"
Bass stared at her before quickly ducking inside his shell.
"Uh huh."
R&IR&IR&I
"How did you get Ian's address?"
Angela turned around, a somewhat soapy hand pressed to her heart. "Jane!"
"Ma!" Jane mimicked, crossing her arms across her chest firmly. Vaguely she wondered how Maura was going with her stress-relieving shopping expedition. It was offered that she join but the offer was declined hastily, Jane citing that shopping would simply cause her more stress than before.
Angela sighed, frowning. "He didn't give me his address. He gave me his phone number."
"His phone number. Right. Because that's so different to an address."
"Well..." Angela looked confused, "yes, because if he had given me his address, I would have had to write to him rather than just calling him as I did, so..."
Jane was forcibly reminded of Maura at this point... specifically, the way she took everything so literally. "Whatever Ma. Why do you have it though?"
"We were having a chat. He said I should keep in contact."
Jane uncurled her arms, putting them on the bench and leaning forward. "You didn't like him."
"You didn't like him."
"You didn't trust him!"
"You didn't trust him."
Jane blinked. "Are you just repeating what I'm saying?"
Angela rolled her eyes. "No, I'm just saying that you're the one who didn't like him and didn't trust him... I found him to be a very polite young man."
Jane's jaw dropped open indignantly. "But... you're the one who went snooping into his bag and found his passports!"
"Because you said you didn't trust him."
"So... you did trust him?"
"No."
Jane frowned. "You didn't, then."
"No."
"I'm confused."
"I hadn't talked to him yet. My first impression was that he was nice, even if he did seem to think he could hide his relationship with Maura from me..." Angela rolled her eyes, "They think I was born yesterday..." she added in a mutter.
"So, wait..." Jane shook her head, "why did you do it then?"
"Because you had doubts and, first and foremost, I trust you."
Jane opened her mouth and closed it, then, despite herself, felt her lips curving in a fond smile. "Thank you."
"You're welcome."
Angela turned back to the sink.
Jane tapped her feet, finally sitting down at the table so as to efficiently tap both at the same time. "So wait, even though I had doubts, you still chatted to him?"
Angela clattered dishes. "He's a nice young man."
Nice young man, my ass.
Jane glared.
Angela sighed, turning around again. "I came into the house, he was here, Frankie was here too, we all started chatting."
"Why was Frankie here?"
"I was making him lunch."
Jane rolled her eyes. "Right."
"Ian asked if the two of you were in a... hmm, what do you call it?" Angela tapped her chin with her finger, "Friends with... with..."
Jane winced. "Benefits."
"Right. One of those relationships. And we said no, not to our knowledge, though the potential was there and he..."
"Potential?!"
"Yes."
Jane rolled her eyes again. "Right."
"And we started chatting, and he made a bet with Frankie that it would happen soon, and then gave me his contact details so I could let him know when he won the bet. Oh, and Frankie was the one who made the bet even bigger by asking everyone at BPD to join in." Angela beamed proudly.
Jane let her head clunk down on the table.
Awesome.
"Wait, what about Casey?"
Angela crinkled her nose. "Never liked him."
"You did too like him!"
"No I didn't."
Jane rolled her eyes. "So, wait... you... didn't invite him too?"
Angela looked horrified. "No!"
Great. So, we just have awesome luck then. Fantastic.
R&IR&IR&I
"Good God, woman, how much stuff did you buy?"
Maura stopped in the doorway, eyes wide. "Uh. A bit?"
Jane raised an eyebrow as Maura shuffled sideways through the door like a crab, carrying her many bags. "A bit. Uh huh."
"What? Shopping is known to be very therapeutic. Did you know that a study has proven that levels of cortisol dramatically decrease when..."
Jane waved her hand through the air. "Yes, yes, that's nice. All I know is it makes my cortisone levels rise."
"Cortisol. And... well..." Maura shrugged, walking closer to deposit some of the bags to Jane's hands, "it doesn't work for everyone."
"Clearly." Jane frowned down at the bags that she was now holding, catching sight of a gaudy, almost fluorescent pink one. She dropped the shopping, hunting for that bag, holding it up. "Really? A pink bag? Why would someone decide to hand out pink bags?"
"I like pink."
Jane snorted.
"You'll find that a lot of women like pink. And..." she kicked her shoes off as she raised one shoulder provocatively, tilting her head in Jane's direction, "you might feel differently about pink when you see what's inside that bag."
Jane peeked inside and pulled a face. "It's pink too. It's... what is it?"
"Hmm. Pull it out. Find out."
Jane did so. Her jaw dropped open.
"Do you like it?"
Jane gawped.
"If you don't like it, I could always return it... get my money back."
Jane goggled.
"I mean, I know you don't like pink..."
Jane swallowed desperately when she felt a little bit of drool threatening to spill from her lips. "I might be persuaded to like pink."
"Really?"
"Well... you in pink."
"Are you sure?"
Jane thrust the lingerie at Maura. "Just put it on."
"Say please."
Maura squealed when Jane started chasing her.
R&IR&IR&I
"Maura."
"Maura!"
"MAURA!"
Maura came out of the bathroom, combing out her wet hair. "Yes?"
"Your turtle... tortoise... is staring at me."
Maura glanced over to the doorway where Bass was standing. "That reminds me, why are you calling him a tortoise now?"
"That's what he is," Jane replied, pulling the blanket over her ankles carefully. Bass' eyes narrowed minutely.
"You always referred to him as a turtle though."
"Yes."
"And then you called him a parrot..."
"We...well, you could say that we reached an understanding."
Maura frowned. "You... reached an understanding?"
"Yes."
"What kind of understanding?"
"He didn't want to be called parrot or turtle anymore, I wanted to talk to him."
"He's a tortoise."
"Yes." Jane looked at Maura's raised eyebrow. "Oh, you talk to him too, don't act all innocent."
Maura flushed slightly. "Perhaps... but I recognise that such creatures as Bass and Jo, as undoubtedly intelligent as they are... do not recognize human speech, and as such, any one sided conversations we have with them are purely for our benefit."
Jane glared at Bass. "Oh, he understands. Jo... she's not quite as smart... Bass has to explain things to her sometimes I think... but Bass understands. And he's still staring."
Maura sighed, sitting on the bed. "Why is he staring?"
"He's angry."
"Why is he angry?"
"Because he's missing out on ample ankle biting opportunities."
"I highly doubt he wishes to bite your ankles, Jane."
Bass moved his head.
"Oh, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't mind a crack at it. But no, not my ankles."
Maura shook her head. "Okay... so... whose ankles then?"
"Ian."
"Ian," Maura repeated blankly.
"Yep."
"I... I just... Ian?"
Bass took one threatening step into the room.
"And because I haven't brought Ian here yet, Bass has decided I am his enemy." Jane stared at Bass worriedly, drawing her legs even closer to her body.
"Because... Ian... isn't here."
"Yep."
Maura tilted her head. "So... why does he want to bite Ian? He didn't bite Casey."
Bass took another step. "Because he and Jo were still at the pet hotel when Casey was here."
"Right."
"Yep."
Maura looked between Bass and Jane, who were engaged in a staring competition. "Okay, how do I get you out of this bed?"
"I thought you liked me in this bed."
Silence. Jane glanced at Maura.
Okay, not amused. Right.
I thought it was funny.
"Um. Call off your guard tortoise?"
Aaand more silence.
"Okay fine. Bass, I promise you will get an opportunity to bite his ankles. Happy now?"
Bass backed out of the room.
Seriously, the things I do...
Jane ducked under the covers.
Never coming out again. Stupid tortoise. Stupid Ian. Stupid Casey. Stupid...
"Oh, did I mention that I also bought something else yesterday that you might like..."
Jane popped out from under the covers.
"You did?"
I love Maura...
END CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
No crazy author's notes this time... sorry :-P Still love you all though! Please review if you can :-)