Eriana really hated traveling. Granted traveling on horseback with an army of servants was the lap of luxury compared to the traveling she had become accustomed to during the blight, but she quickly learned that traveling with nobles was no picnic, despite the benefits that it afforded. She liked the Cousland men, they were kind-hearted and good natured, but they were not used to roughing it, not by a long shot. Dear Maker did they turn into winey boys on the trail, needing to stop and make camp well before nightfall, waiting for their servants to set up camp and cook, and demonstrating other various behaviors typical of the over-indulged sect. As such, a trip that could have taken her and Nathaniel a day and a half of hard travel on horseback, ended up taking four and a half days. The walls of Denerim had never looked so inviting.

The royal couple was waiting to greet them in the courtyard of the royal palace. Fergus and Aedan greeted the King and Queen first, exchanging formal handshakes and a few short words while Eriana and Nathaniel spoke briefly with Brendan who was in charge of overseeing the Wardens for the next few weeks. Eriana would be too busy with all the formalities and ceremonies she was expected to be a part of to do anything Warden related. After the Couslands moved away to speak to the other nobles already there, Nathaniel and Eriana made their way over to the King and Queen. She was expecting a rather cool greeting from Anora; after all, the Queen had often seen and treated Eriana as a threat due to the elf's close relationship with the King. However, much to her surprise, Anora pulled the young elf into a massive hug. Eriana tried her best not to tense up in the human's embrace. The Queen pulled back, keeping her hands on the elf's arms. "I am so sorry," she whispered to her, a brief but genuine look of compassion on her face. Then she smiled her queenly smile and raised her voice, "It is so good to see you Commander. We are happy to have you back in the city." She gave her a pat and released her, turning to greet Nathaniel, Brendan, and Oghren.

Alistair smiled at Eriana and gave her a brief formal hug, hitting her on the shoulder with his closed fist in a brotherly kind of way. They exchanged brief pleasantries, discussing the trip and such, knowing that there would be time for a proper greeting once they were out of the public eye. Anora turned to address the entire group. "Wardens, we wished we could offer you all rooms here in the palace, but with so many nobles coming in for the celebration, there simply isn't room. We have prepared the Warden compound for you, and it is fully staffed." She turned to Eriana. "We have rooms prepared for you in the palace, Commander. Given you position and all, we thought it would be best if you would stay there."

"No," Nathaniel, Brendan, and Oghren all said before Eriana had a chance to respond. Both the King and Queen looked a bit taken aback by the abrupt response. "She's not staying in the palace alone," Nathaniel added.

Eriana rolled her eyes. "Excuse them Majesties," she said, putting on her brightest smile. "My Wardens have been a bit overly protective of me lately since several of my vassals attempted to kill me. We took care of the situation, but there are a few members of the conspiracy who are not accounted for."

Anora looked a bit offended. "You can rest assured that you will be safe in the palace. The entire palace will be adequately guarded, of course."

"Of course," Nathaniel said, "and we don't doubt your guards or the measures you have taken, but you can understand our desire to see to the protection of our commanding officer ourselves. As you said, there will be a lot of people staying at the palace, and they have no doubt brought servants of their own. There will be a lot of unfamiliar faces moving about the palace over the next few weeks; your guards can't be expected to keep up with every one of them. These are just extra precautions that we will be putting into place to ensure her saftey."

Alistair's eyes narrowed as he looked over at Eriana. She knew that look far too well; he suspected that she was keeping something from them. But he didn't say anything. Instead he just nodded. "That sounds reasonable. What would you suggest, Warden Howe?"

"Three Wardens will be staying with the Commander, Oghren, Garen, and myself."

"Two rogues?"

Eriana smiled. "Think about it, Ali…Your Majesty. If anyone tries to break into my room, it would likely be a rogue. Who better to detect a rogue than another rogue?"

"That makes sense, I suppose," Anora said. "All the other members of the nobility will undoubtedly be bringing their own guards as well. You will be in your old rooms, so we can have some cots brought into the sitting room for your Wardens."

Eriana felt herself pale a bit. Her old rooms, as in the ones she shared with Zevran during the four months that the two of them had lived in the palace. She felt the bile slightly rising in her stomach. "No, remember we moved her to the other side of the palace," Alistair said. "The rooms are similar, but not the same." Eriana breathed a sigh of relief that was obviously not lost on either Nathaniel or Alistair.

"I'm sure whatever rooms you provide will be fine, your Majesties. As it is, we will let you see to your other guests while we get settled in." The royal couple smiled as they said their goodbyes. Eriana had no doubt that she would be seeing at least half of the couple rather soon.

She was right, of course; Alistair showed up in her room a few hours after dinner. Her personal Warden bodyguards bowed out to give the two old friends some privacy. She smiled to herself as Alistair pulled her into a big hug. "How have you been," he asked, stepping back so he could look down at her face.

"Better, a lot better."

"You're looking better, Ana. I was worried when I had to leave you, but it seems you're back on your feet."

Eriana nodded. "Anders and Petra have been taking good care of me. I'm almost back to full strength; I just need to get back to full speed with my daggers and everything will be back to normal. Nathaniel has been working with me on that, so it's getting better."

"That's good to hear." Alistair took a deep breath, "Now what's the deal with the extra security? Is there something going on that I need to know about?"

Eriana fought back a grin. "I knew you'd be up here asking about that. It's nothing, really. Haden Temmerly is still missing, and he was a big part of the conspiracy against me. Nathaniel is just being extra cautious while we're here, that's all. He seems to think that this would be an ideal opportunity for an attack."

Alistair glared at her for a moment, an inquisitive look on his face. "There's more isn't there, something more you're not telling me?" Eriana sighed. "Look, if you're in danger, Ana, I have a right to know."

"Look, Al, it's just Nathaniel being extra protective, that's all. My arling has been in a state of turmoil since the darkspawn attack, and he just wants to make sure I'm protected. I mean, you of all people should understand that."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that back during the blight, you got to acting so overly protective of me, it wasn't even funny. Do you remember that day right after we cleaned up the tower when Zevran and I got attacked by darkspawn?" Alistair nodded. "You assumed that Zevran had attacked me, despite the fact that he had done nothing but protect me for the past few months."

"Yeah, I kind of over reacted there, didn't I?"

Eriana laughed. "You could say that again. I woke up to find out that out knocked him around and had him tied up."

"Okay, fine; Nathaniel is over-reacting, I guess the males around you have a tendency to do that for some reason. But you would tell me if there was actually something going on, right?"

"Of course," Eriana lied, giving Alistair a huge smile.

"Good," he said, settling down beside her on the couch, "because, as your best friend I have a right to know when someone's trying to hurt you." Eriana laughed good-naturedly and quickly changed the subject. They talked briefly about the upcoming ceremony, the improvements being made in Amaranthine, and other trivial things. He had been in her room for about half an hour when Alistair's face turned serious again. "So there's been something I've been meaning to ask you, but I'm not sure exactly how to phrase it."

"Oh something that's gotten you tongue-tied? I'm intrigued."

Alistair draped an arm across the back of the couch and turned to face her. "Ana, what plans do you have for the foreseeable future, you know, now that the darkspawn threat has been taken care of?"

"Well, the darkspawn threat is never really taken care of. 'In peace, vigilance' and all that. But I guess I plan to spend most of the winter overseeing repairs to the Keep and the city; then in the spring, Brenden and a few others will go on a recruiting trip around the country…"

Alistair shook his head, "No, I wasn't talking about your plans for the Wardens. I was talking about you, you personally. What are your plans?"

Eriana's brow wrinkled in confusion. "What do you mean, my plans? Those are the only plans I have right now. Alistair, the Wardens are my life right now; there's really nothing else. My father is safe and provided for here. Shianni is getting the alienage back on track. What else is there for me?"

"So no trip to Antiva any time in the future, or anything like that?"

Eriana sighed, "No, there are no plans for any trips to Antiva, not now, not ever as far as I'm concerned."

"Well, that's good to hear. Our ambassadors in Antiva have just returned. Apparently, all foreign ambassadors were advised to leave the country. It seems that there's some kind of conflict going on with our favorite assassins' guild."

"I suppose that's to be expected, right?"

Alistair nodded. "I guess you already knew all about that, then? Has he told you what his plans are?"

Eriana shook her head. "No, Alistair, he' not told me anything. In fact, I haven't heard anything from Antiva at all. Not a letter, not a quick word from a messenger, nada."

"I'm sorry, Ana," Alistair said, patting her on the arm. "But I figured that not hearing from him would make you all the more anxious to leave, you know, once things got settled down here."

"What, are you eager for me to leave the country or something?"

Alistair smiled, "Of course not, you know that. I just thought that with losing the baby and everything, you might be eager to see him. I know that you miss him; I just didn't want you to disappear without telling me."

Eriana rolled her eyes. "Alistair, honestly, when have I ever struck you as the kind of girl who would go running off alone to a foreign country, chasing a man who may or may not want me?"

"What do you mean may or may not want you? Of course he wants you, that's not why he left and you know it."

"I thought I did," she muttered almost to herself. "It's not just about that anyway. I'm just not the kind of girl who chases after a man, you know that. I have a bit too much pride to do something as desperate as that."

"I know, but I just thought that Asala's death might have changed things, you know, made you swallow your pride and go after what you really want."

"Oh, it did; her death changed a lot," Eriana said. "But it didn't change who I am. It just made me realize just how foolish I had been all this time."

"Foolish?"

"Yeah, foolish. I was foolish to think that things would all of a sudden be perfect for me, that I would get a happy ending from one of those stupid novels Leliana was always reading." The young elf shook her head. "I thought that Zevran and I would have this perfect, ideal life, you know. Sure we'd be working with the Wardens here, but we would be happy, we'd be together. But it was just a childish dream."

"Ana, that's not true and you know it."

"Yes it is. I should have realized that I was never meant for that kind of happiness; it was just never in the cards for me. My life has been one long series of lost loves and dreams." She shook her head and looked into the fire. "You think that I would have learned better than to open my heart up like that. Love has burned me so many times before, but like a moth, I kept returning to that flame, hoping that this time it would be different, this time I wouldn't get singed when I get close. Well, no more. I've learned the cost of love, and I have the scars to prove it. I will not put myself through that again, not for anyone."

Alistair looked shocked, "Ana, you can't mean that. You know he left you to protect you; it's the only reason he would ever do that. He loves you; you know this."

"I know, but sometimes love simply isn't enough. That's the case for me anyway. Love will never be enough, so it will be better for me if I simply learn to live without it."

Alistair sighed, "Wow, Eriana, I never pegged you for a cynic."

"I'm not a cynic, Alistair; I'm just not a child anymore. It's time that I faced the fact that the world is a dark place, and not everyone gets a happy ending. If Asala's death taught me anything, it's that. And the more I hope for that happy ending, the more I'll simply end up hurting myself." Eriana turned and looked up at Alistair. "Maybe I should have named that baby Hope instead of Asala because that died in me right alongside of her."

"I don't believe that, Ana; that's not you."

"It is now."

Alistair gently took her chin and turned her head so that she met his eyes. "I don't think so. I don't believe you've lost all hope entirely."

"And what makes you believe that?"

"This," he said, tracing her diamond earring with the soft part of his thumb. "If you have no hope for his return, then why do you still wear this? You wouldn't. I think there's a part of you that still wants to hold on to the idea of him; part of you that wants him so bad, it hurts. That why you are trying so hard to shut your heart off because you are still holding on to the hope that he's returning."

Eriana's eyes filled with tears as she jerked her head out of his hand. "Damn you, Alistair," she growled through clinched teeth.

"Ana, it's okay; you love him, regardless of how angry you are at him right now or how much you're hurting. Hope is still alive in you, Ana, no matter how much you've tried to kill it or suppress it. It's there."

"But I don't want to hope anymore, Alistair; it's too hard. I hate myself every time I ask for the post, hoping to see a letter with an Antivan postmark. I hate that I can't bring myself to get rid of his things in the hope that he might come back for them. I hate the fact that every time I want to cut my hair, I stop because I know how much he likes it long, and I don't want to disappoint him when he returns. I hate the fact that I think about him every time I see this earring, but I still can't for the life of me put it away," she said, dissolving into a mess of tears. "And I hate that I can't just let him go, and it kills me. I don't want to hurt anymore; I just want it to go away. I want to let him go, but I can as long as there's still hope."

"And that's okay, Ana. As long as you know what you're dealing with, you can face it; you can combat the pain. But if you're in denial of how you really feel, you will only continue hate yourself and will never get past it." Alistair pulled her to his chest, stroking her back gently. "Having hope isn't bad; it's what makes you human."

Eriana looked up at him, "Alistair, I'm not human." The two Wardens looked at each other for a moment before they both burst into laughter.

"You feel better?" Alistair asked once the two had finally calmed down a bit. Eriana grinned and nodded up at him. "Good. Look, Ana, I know you're hurting right now, but you're too young to give up completely, you're not even twenty yet, for Andraste's sake. Whether it's with Zevran or someone else, I know you will find happiness; you just have to be willing to put yourself out there."

"But…"

"I'm not saying it has to happen tomorrow, but you can't live your whole life in fear. I know you, you will never be happy living that kind of a life, always trying your hardest to shut everyone out. And try as you might, you won't be able to fill that emptiness with Warden duties. Work isn't a substitute for life."

Erina sighed, "I know, Alistair, but it's too soon and right now, it just hurts too much. I'll think about what you said, but I'm not promising anything."

"I guess that's all I can ask," he said giving her a small kiss on the forehead.

"Oi," Oghren said from the doorway. "Why is it that every time I leave you alone with her; you always manage to make her cry?"

"It's not my fault," Alistair said, putting his hands up defensively as Nathaniel and Garen followed the dwarf into the room. "It's not like I enjoy making her cry; she's a lot more fun when she's happy."

"I know, I know, I'm just messin with ya, Al"

Alistair looked back at the elf, "I guess I need to get back to Anora. Will you be alright?"

Eriana glanced up at her Wardens and smiled. "Yeah, Alistair, I'll be just fine." She got up and gave the King a big hug. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

Alistair nodded and leaned down to her ear, "Just remember what I said, Ana; you deserve to be happy." He let her go and, nodding to the three Wardens, made his way out of the room. Eriana watched him go with a slight pain in her heart. Sure she deserved to be happy, but when had she ever gotten what she deserved?

-0-

It was her own personal Hell; it was as if everything Eriana hated had been thrown into a single week and she was forced to be smack dab in the middle of it all. Sure the country was happy, sure they needed to celebrate their victory, but did they really need her to be present for it. Before the first day was over, Eriana made a silent vow to be out of the country or in the deeproads when the fifth year celebration rolled around.

The anniversary celebration started out with a long chantry ceremony where the Grand Cleric of Denerim spoke for nearly two hours recounting the Wardens' triumphs during the blight and the Maker's guidance of the Warden Commander herself. Eriana had to sit in the front of the chantry through the entire ceremony, and for someone used to constant motion, two hours is a long time to sit still. Eriana would have felt terribly exposed sitting there in the front with her back to everyone but the Grand Cleric were it not for the solid wall of Wardens that were surrounding her. She found it almost humorous at first, sitting there flanked on either side by two former Redcliffe Knights, Theo and Martin, with Brendan and two other knights sitting directly behind her. The rest of her Grey Wardens were also sitting around her, making it impossible for anyone to approach her from behind. There were only two Wardens missing, Sigrun and Garen, both of whom Eriana was sure were present, hiding behind the Grand Cleric, watching the ceremony from the shadows.

Despite their best efforts, the two Wardens had uncovered nothing during their week in Denerim before Eriana's arrival. If there was a conspiracy in place against the commander, whoever was planning it was playing it close to the chest. The Dark Wolf obviously had some good contacts in the city to have heard about it, but Garen and Sigrun hadn't been able to ferret anything out. As a result, Nathaniel had discreetly doubled the defenses around Eriana, especially during the parade through Denerim that culminated in a big ceremony on the steps of the palace.

That was the thing Eriana was most nervous about, the parade. It was the most public event scheduled for the week, and it was when Eriana would be the most exposed. There was no way to secure the entire route, and Eriana would be on display through the entire parade. There were a thousand places for assassins to hide. She could tell Nathaniel was as nervous as she was through the entire process, his eyes constantly moving across the crowds, looking for possible threats. It seemed to take forever, but they finally made it to the castle gates unharmed. Eriana gave a sigh of relief. Now all she had to do was stand on a stage beside the Grand Cleric and the royal couple. At least this time she was facing the crowd. It made her feel a bit more at ease.

For a while, everything was going smoothly; then all chaos broke loose. Alistair was in the middle of his speech when it happened. Eriana remembered being impressed by how, well, kingly he sounded when a scream erupted from the crowd. Someone shouted something about knife-ears, and everything started moving in slow motion. Brenden grabbed her, throwing them both to the ground, his massive body covering hers as they slammed into the ground. On her other side, Theo did the same thing, diving to the ground on top of the two Wardens, covering her completely but falling on her bow in the process. Almost simultaneously beside her, the three Warden mages turned and cast a mass paralysis spell over a huge section of the crowd. Eriana was blind, trapped beneath the two warriors, but she could hear what was going on around her. People were screaming all around her as those who had not been frozen began to scatter in panic. She heard the soft ring of steel on steel as her Wardens drew their weapons, taking a defensive stance around her. Brendan was barking orders while still keeping her pinned to the ground. The palace guards had ushered the royal couple back into the palace, but there was a single voice that was surprisingly absent from the din, Nathaniel's.

Peering out from beneath the protective shield of Theo and Brendan, Eriana looked frantically around, trying to find the rogue. He should be there; he had been standing right behind her through the entire ceremony. Then one of the warriors shifted, and Eriana saw something that chilled her blood. Nathaniel was laying behind her, clutching his chest where a bolt from a crossbow lodged. "Anders," Eriana cried, wiggling out from beneath the two Wardens and running to the rogue's side. "Anders, I need you now!"

The mage supn around and muttered a quiet curse as he ran to the elf's side, his hands glowing with healing magic. It took him a minute or two, but he finally managed to remove the arrow and handed it to the commander. Eriana examined it closely. "It's poisoned," she hissed. "Quick, Anders, hand me that bag." Rummaging around, she found that antidote for the poison. It was Quiet Death; the same stuff the Crows had used on her back in Amaranthine. Remembering her training, Eriana poured half the vial into the wound before holding the rest to Nathaniel's lips. "Please drink, Nate." The rogue nodded and slowly downed the drink. "Good, now I need you to take deep, slow breaths. This poison will make it hard for you to breathe, but we caught it before it really got into your blood."

"Are you alright?" he whispered, looking up at her.

Eriana smiled, "You were just hit by a poisoned crossbow bolt, and you're asking if I'm okay?" Nathaniel gave a weak nod. Eriana pushed his hair back off his face. "I'm fine; I've got a broken bow, but other than that I'm fine."

Sigrun appeared beside her out of nowhere. "We found the shooter, but the guards managed to get to him first. Garen is following them now, but if we want to talk to him first, we have to move fast."

Eriana nodded. "Anders," she whispered, "I need you to put Nathaniel to sleep."

The mage turned and looked at her. "What?"

"Just knock him out," she hissed, "I don't have time to explain." The mage nodded and a bright light covered the rogue. "No!" Eriana screamed hysterically. "Nathaniel, no. Please, Anders, do something."

"I'm doing everything I can."

Eriana glanced frantically around. "Quickly, Brenden, we need to get him inside." She turned back to the unconscious rogue, holding his hand as he leaned over him. "Please Nathaniel, hang on," she cried. "Don't leave me." She held on to his hand as the Wardens rushed him through the crowds and into the Warden Compound. Once they were behind closed doors, she released his hand. "No one enters this room," she told Theo who nodded and closed the door behind them. "Okay, Anders, wake him up."

"What was that all about," Nathaniel asked, wincing as he propped himself up on his uninjured side.

Eriana grinned. "I needed them to believe I was holding vigil over your unconscious ass if I'm ever going to have a chance to sneak out of here," she said, stripping off her ceremonial armor. Sigrun was at her side, holding a black set of armor out for the elf. "I need to get to that assassin before the guards get a hold of him if I'm going to find out anything of use, but I don't want anyone else to be there when I talk to him. If we're going to catch who's behind this, we can't let anyone know we've caught wind of the plan. They need to think I'm in here fretting over your health while I'm really interrogating the prisoner."

Nathaniel nodded, "Clever. I just wish I could be going with you."

"Sorry, you have to say here and be injured." She glanced up at Brenden. "I said this to Theo, but I'm going to repeat it. Do not let anyone in here, not even other Wardens, until I get back."

"You just make sure you aren't seen."

Eriana snorted slightly while she pulled on the dark leather armor. "Remember who you're talking to, now. Have a little faith," she said, turning to the small window in the back of the room as Garen slipped in.

"They took him to Fort Drakon," the human rogue said. "The guards are scrambling around like crazy looking for any accomplices and trying to calm everyone down, so the force that will be guarding him will likely be small for a little while at least."

Eriana nodded. "We'll be back in two hours. Keep everyone out until then."

"Be careful," Nathaniel said, giving Eriana a concerned look.

"I will," she said before nodding to the other two rogues. Together, the trio darted out the window and into the late afternoon shadows. The roads were full of frantic people, everyone talking about what had happened, exaggerating the truth, totally oblivious to the three Wardens who moved quickly through the streets. They made into the fort without being detective as both Eriana and Garen had both broken out of the prison at least once. Just as Garen said, the city guards were frantic, moving all over the place, barking out orders, and paying absolutely no attention to the area around them. "Thank goodness we're not here to break him out," Eriana hissed at Sigrun as they made their way down an empty hallway.

"I know, this is almost shameful how easy it is to break into this place. We'll need to suggest some changes to Alistair once this settles down."

Eriana nodded as she glanced around the corner. "Okay, we've got four guards on his cell. Garen, do you have the chloroform?" The rogue nodded. "Alright, Sigrun, I need you to cause a diversion to draw the main body of the guards away. Garen and I will knock out the ones who stay with the archer and go in and question the man. Once you get clear of them, head back to the outside of the fort, we'll meet you back at the compound, understood?" The two rogues nodded, "Good, be careful, we'll see you later."

Garen and Eriana slipped back into the shadows, pulling their cloaks closed them to conceal themselves completely. Once they were out of sight, Sigurn pulled out a flash grenade; letting out a loud cry, she threw it down the hall toward the guards then took off in the opposite direction. Immediately, three of the four guards took off after the dwarf, leaving only one guard for the pair of them. Nodding to the thief, Eriana moved down the hall toward the jail cell. Garen moved like lightening, covering the man's face with the soaked handkerchief until he fell limp in his arms. By the time the guard dropped to the ground, Eriana had the door unlocked and had made her way inside.

"Maker damnit," she muttered, looking down at the dead man at her feet.

"What happened," Garen said, coming up behind her.

"Poisoned himself," Eriana said, holding up the small vial that was closed in the assassin's hands. The elf growled in frustration. "See if you can find his things; they usually keep them rather close by." The thief nodded and darted back out into the hallway as Eriana looked down at her would-be assassin. He had dark skin and jet-black hair and a sleek, agile build. (She could see that clearly as the man had been stripped down to his smalls, andEriana tried very hard not to wonder where exactly he had hidden the vial of poison.) His hands were well cared for, but not soft like a nobleman's hands. Rolling him over, she noticed a familiar set of tattoos on the inside of this bicep. Another Crow.

Cursing more to herself, she slipped out of the jail cell, looking for Garen. Seeing him crouched over a chest, Eriana made her way to his side. "We only have a few more minutes; did you find anything?"

Garen nodded, pulling out a dark cloak and an expensive looking crossbow. Moving quickly, Eriana began searching the pockets. "Look at this," Garen said, handing her one of the fliers that was with his shirt. It was a racist pamphlet, calling for the end of elevating elves into positions of authority. "There has to be a hundred of these on this guy. Do you think this was a personal thing about you being an elf?"

Eriana shook her head, pulling a small, folded paper from a hidden pocket in the cloak. "Nope, this was a professional hit," she said, holding up the contract. "But take one of those; whoever hired him probably wanted everyone to believe that it was a race thing." Eriana glanced around. "We need to get out of here; the guards will be back any minute, and we don't want to be here when they get here."

Garen nodded, pulling the cloak around him as he secured the trunk with the dead Crow's possessions and following her out of the prison. As they darted through the twilight, Eriana's mind was racing. The Wolf had been right, someone else was after her, someone right here in Denerim, someone brave or arrogant enough to try to kill her in broad daylight in the middle of a ceremony in her honor. There's no telling how far they would go now, and that very fact was what scared Eriana the most.

-0-

Hey, all. Thank you to those of you who took time to review. I love hearing what you all think of the story. And who is behind all these assassination attempts? Hum… Anyway, let me know what you think!