Chapter 35 – No Mercy! Except for Five Bucks.
Laguna: Alright, closer, closer…AH, not that close, back up! You're crushing my foot! Ah…
Soldier: The mako cannon is ready. Fire on your command.
Laguna: I'll just wait until we've almost lost. Than we blow those unsuspecting fools back to oblivion. (evil cocky laugh)
Soldier: So what are your current orders?
Laguna: I've sent all soldiers on a suicide charge. All privates are excluded from this.
Soldier: (…) I'm a corporal.
Laguna: What, you are? Get your butt in there and die for your country!
Soldier: I don't want to die! (sob, run off)
Stephie: What are they doing, let me see, let me see!
Quistis: Quiet. There's a soldier running away crying. And Laguna is shooting him.
Irvine: Hey, why are we staying here instead of fighting?
Quistis: I don't know. We don't want to die? Gilgamesh is immortal, Kiros seem to avoid the battle, and the Spider mechs wont die. The only one who bothers to get in there to die are the little ant soldiers who either get shot by the spider mechs, blown up by the ships, or cut up, and I'm not going to be the one to sacrifice their life to tip a war.
Irvine: Fine. If only Zell was here.
Back at the tower…
Rinoa: Squall, let's go.
Squall: There's no way we can make it.
Rinoa: We'll make it, now let's go.
Both of them jump off the tower with a mattress underneathe them.
Squall: Weeeee. Oof. Wow, these mattresses sure are comfy. Rinoa?
Rinoa: I'm ok.
Squall: Alright, let's go help the others back.
Squall: Right.
Kiros: What do you mean we're out of cannonballs? Shoot other stuff. Like the worthless people. Or maybe wood. Something that hurts!
Squall: Hey guys, what's up?
Irvine: Man, you're late. Well, they got a cannon. Shoots green stuff. Oh man, that's bad stuff. Even worse than that blue stuff. And don't get me started on rainbow-colored magic. It's really annoying.
Squall: Well, what about dairy magic?
Irvine: Hate it. Get's everywhere you don't want it to. Hey, is that Zell?
Kiros: Alright, side cannons fire at that guy!
Zell: So there's a dental plan?
Soldier: With life insurance!
Zell: Now how do the ranks work?
Soldier: If the commander likes your work, you go higher. With better pay. Hey what's that?
A cannonball hits Zell and sends him into the air.
Soldier: Zell? Zell? Are you ok?
Zell: Did I sign up yet? Because I need that life insurance crap now!
Soldier: I need your signature.
Zell: Er, arms broken.
Soldier: Good luck living then.
Zell: No, wait, come back! DAMN IT!
To be continued…
Kiros: Is the target dead?
Soldier: No.
Kiros: Fire again!