It had been two days since Remus and Sirius returned to their quarters, and still too many things hung between them. Remus had barely spoken beyond barest necessities, and Sirius had followed suit. Sirius, convinced that Remus was angry at him but unsure of how to fix it, remained sullen and sad. What was Remus waiting for? They both knew that he had earned a spanking, and yet by how Remus was acting Remus wondered if the man even wanted to remain his guardian.
That morning at breakfast Remus had excused himself to go and read in his room, and Sirius had decided that he had had enough. He would force Remus to punish him, and then they could resume their relationship. He couldn't stand the punishment hanging over his head like that, and he was tired of waiting until Remus thought he was ready.
Sirius made his way to Remus' desk, and removed the weapon of choice. He gulped a little holding the substantial ruler, imagining quite vividly what that would feel like on his backside. Pushing aside the fear and reluctance, he reminded himself that he did indeed deserve it. Going with Harry hadn't protected him in the least, in had in fact made Harry more vulnerable to Quirrell's plans. And afterwards Remus would absolve him, and he could feel normal again. And maybe connect with Remus again.
When Sirius came to Remus' door, he almost turned away without knocking due to fear. But, shaking himself firmly and reminding himself that he was indeed a Gryffindor, he knocked on the door.
"Come in," he heard Remus call, and he pushed open the door bravely.
"What is it?" Remus asked neutrally, and then spotted the ruler. His eyes flicked back to Sirius' face questioningly. He closed the book, placing it on the cushion beside him on the small sofa. Sirius had his undivided attention.
"I have come to be punished," Sirius told him. "It's cruel to make me wait for it any longer, just get it over with."
"What makes you think I'm going to spank you?" Remus asked him, watching the young boy carefully.
"Well, I deserve it," Sirius answered candidly. "I took off my necklace to follow Harry, and it did him more harm than good. I failed to protect him, he ended up having to protect me by cooperating with Quirrell, it would have been easier if I hadn't been there."
Remus looked at the boy critically. He had to admit that the boy seemed guilty and seemed certain of what to expect, and that puzzled Remus. Surely he didn't think it was his fault that Harry was kidnapped? He had wanted to wait for a while before discussing this with Sirius to try and sort out his own feelings on the matter, and now he saw how that was a mistake. The boy had wanted connection and forgiveness, not time to process.
"I'm going to punish you but not for that reason," Remus told him with a sigh. "You will be punished for removing your necklace and acting in such a foolhardy manner. I do not think it is ever alright to put yourself in that sort of danger, and you did it without a second thought. I was right there, you could have come and gotten me when you realized what happened to Harry. You feel guilty about the other part, but that's not really your fault."
"I shouldn't have gone," Sirius admitted. "I just saw him go and knew I couldn't go if I still had my necklace."
"And for that you deserve a good wallop."
"But if you meant to punish me, why wait until I bring it up?" Sirius asked in a fragile voice.
"Because I was trying to sort out my own feelings," Remus answered. "I know that Snape and you and Harry all assure me that I didn't scare you as the wolf and that Snape had everything easily under control, but I know there's something more. You would not have had to assure me so much if that had been the case."
"But . . ."
"No arguments," Remus held up his hand. "I know the plan was to spare my feelings. I just wanted to say that if you'd rather have another guardian, one who doesn't turn into a homicidal monster once a month, I would understand."
The two eyed each other, each afraid of mutual rejection.
"I want you," Sirius replied stubbornly.
"I can see that," Remus told him, touched. "Merlin knows why."
"Because you're mine," Sirius told him possessively. "You're my pack."
"Alright, over my lap then," Remus told him, watching Sirius squirm a bit in nervousness. "I think you earned ten with the ruler."
Sirius, nodding, gingerly put himself over the man's lap.
Remus hesitated, looking at the bottom of the young boy that was supposed to be his intended target. He didn't think he could do it. But then, he thought about the fear he felt when Sirius had been taken, and the terrible emptiness that threatened to overcome him when he thought that Sirius might not come back. All along in this guardianship, he had suffered the sin of abdication. And here he had done it again.
"I'm sorry I waited," Remus told Sirius. "I should not have made you come to me. I won't do it again."
"Good," Sirius told him. "You know, we could just have mutual apologies and say it's good. I don't actually need my bum smacked . . ."
"You do, you scamp," Remus smirked. "Accio ruler."
The ruler flew to his hand from where Sirius had put it down on the table, and looked at the boy again. He felt the fear again of losing him, but also the overwhelming love he felt for the child. Suddenly every inch of him was precious, and Remus wanted to hug him, not spank him. This was his ward, his son, and the boy he had been prepared to die for just a few days ago. He realized that this is why he had felt such fear - losing Sirius was the worst thing he could imagine. He had bonded with this boy in a way he never had to any other person, and suddenly he understood that in parenting Sirius and trying to give him a different childhood he had radically changed his life as well. No longer was he content to be the separate drifter, the man that people liked but not loved. He had always been afraid to attach and to bond - it was just too hard as a werewolf. And now he was bonded to this impossibly young and vulnerable boy, and it was his job to keep him safe.
Keeping him safe was finally the reason that Remus gripped the ruler and focused on the boy. "Why are you getting a spanking, Sirius?" he asked firmly.
"For acting foolishly and risking my life," Sirius answered, wincing a bit.
"Do you have any plea for mercy?" he asked the miscreant.
"I would love it if you didn't spank me," he answered, squirming. "How 'bout I scrub something instead?"
"Nice try, we both know you earned it," Remus told him. "Ten smacks."
Remus applied the smacks firmly to Sirius' backside, causing the boy to squirm and kick involuntarily. He used firm smacks, knowing that they had to sting a bit, but hoping that Sirius would not risk his life again. Remus couldn't take it.
"You will think before you act," he told Sirius firmly, landing the last smack with a loud crack. "Do we have an understanding?"
"Yes, Dad," Sirius answered, blinking against unfallen tears.
"Do you know what it does to my heart to see you in danger?" Remus asked, helping the boy up from off of his lap. "I can't take it, Sirius."
"I'll do better," Sirius sniffed, and then Remus carefully drew the boy into his arms. Mindful of his sore backside, Remus settled the adolescent on his lap and held him there. Sirius then began to cry, and cry in a way that Remus knew had very little to do with his consequence.
"There, there," Remus told him, patting his hair softly. "You have a lot to cry about, just let it go."
Sirius did, and Remus held the sobbing boy for a long time.
"I was so s-scared," Sirius hiccupped as his sobbing began to subside. "I c-could have gotten Harry k-killed."
"You wanted to help him," Remus soothingly told him. "He knows that."
"W-would you have spanked me if I hadn't come in here today?" he asked, sniffing.
"Yes," Remus answered. "I know we needed to address this issue, but I wasn't sure how to do it right after the wolf threatened your life."
Sirius nodded. "Don't wait next time."
"I won't," Remus promised. "That was thoughtless of me. I'm glad you came to me when waiting upset you."
"It did," Sirius confirmed, sniffing.
"I also wanted to thank you," Remus told the boy. "When we started this I thought of the benefits to you and how you could have a better childhood. I didn't realize what a gift you were giving me."
"Gift?" Sirius asked, incredulous.
"Yes, gift," Remus confirmed. "You gave me the gift of having a family. I have never bonded closely with anyone since James and Lily were killed; I was too afraid of rejection because of the wolf. And I felt so guilty about James being killed, that I couldn't prevent it. But now I get to be a Dad, and I get to be Severus' friend and Harry's uncle. I never would have thought this possible."
"I guess that's what we both wanted," Sirius told him. "I get a Dad, and you get to be one."
"I could not imagine anything better," Remus answered him, taking a deep breath of contentment.
The End
AN: The epilogue will be very Snape and Fiona centric, so if that's not your cup of tea you can end the story here. Even if you're not plotting Fiona's demise, I wanted to warn you that it's going to be pretty fluffy and endearing. You've been warned. A big thank you for everyone who has journeyed this story with me. When I first found fanfiction back in March and posted a story I'd been writing just for my own fun I didn't know it was going to be so much fun. A huge part of the fun is having people interact with me about my work, and enjoy the characters as I interpret them. I might take a week or two off posting to get some new stuff started, but check back in when I start up another story. Thanks!