Ch35

"Aren't you supposed to be gone, Randy?" Honor grumbles reluctantly taking a sip of a strawberry banana smoothie I more than likely wasted my time making her. "You do have a flight to catch… Don't be late."

Easily, she's curled herself up on her bed in her underwear watching a marathon of Top Model. Though I dislike the show, it distracts from me having to look at her too long even though some of them look exactly like Honor. "I'm going. I'm not the one who's not… stop worrying about me…" I clip that last sentence off so I don't offend her too much. "I just don't understand what you chicks see in this damn show. I mean it's the same thing for the last fourteen years…they just added men."

"Ha. You know how long it's been on?" Weakly she ridicules me, trying to absolve the awkwardness in the air. A petite smile tugs at the corners of her lips, it's not a bright one, and in fact it's a little hard to look at. She still hasn't really been eating. A couple months haven't changed much, I'm trying to be patient but it's extremely hard especially when she doesn't see she has a problem. Over the last month Chris and I (with additional help from Stephanie) made good on the promise of admitting her to a rehabilitation program. She stayed two weeks and was released because she felt it was a waste of her time. She only made it as far as being diagnosed as borderline anorexic because she'll still eat, though very meticulously.

"I can read smarty pants." I say sitting down next to her. The thick royal purple comforter pools around her thin body. Most of the bruising she had has faded. Not much could be done with her ribs; they just had to heal on their own. "Are you okay?"

"Aside for the fact that I'm extremely sore, I'm fine. Now stop asking please." Honor bites her lips, the dimple over her lip puckering.

Carefully, I collect her in my arms, for a few moments she appeases my affection but then she separates herself again. My agitation grows as she won't let me touch her…. no hugs, nothing. "Something's wrong. You can tell me what's on your mind."

Quizzically, her eyes search my face then around the room. She reaches across the bed and hugs that weird, giant stuffed frog. Great! That… thing gets more affection than I do. "I appreciate you looking out for me but this is all really unnecessary. I think you should stop… I can handle my own fuck up... I should've…"

"Stop it Honor." I say firmly. Her mouth thins out into a line and disagreeably she stares at me. Her teeth click as she snaps her mouth closed, she stiffens as though I offended her. "You think you caused all of this. He had no right to abuse you or anything rash like that. Stop blaming yourself!"

"I wish it were that easy to do. You have to go, it's almost six." As I pull Honor closer she offers a little resistance.

"I'm well aware. I'm not leaving just yet though," I grimace resting my chin on the top of her head. Again Honor flinches but it's a subtle movement. He really messed her up.

"Why not? … I'll be fine, even better when you get back, Randy. They're counting on you to be there," weakly she reassures me. "Everybody's expecting you back! That's all the reason you need to be there on time." I frown at her enthusiasm. She's more excited about my return than me! But I get the sneaking suspicion her enthusiasm is because I won't be around so much.

I've never had too much of a problem leaving home. When my daughter came along, I found it harder to leave and stay gone. And now it's worse, for another reason I never thought I'd have. If I left Honor right now I can't guarantee that I wouldn't feel guilty and try to run back to her. That's not something I've ever done for just anyone either.

I've never been the coddling type. Honor knows this and doesn't like it. I know I'm a hardass and as uncomfortable it makes me feel, it's necessary. I know better than anyone that having someone to rely on is better than having no one. Nobody can get through tough times alone.

I just wish Honor wasn't so selfless… She thinks she's a burden on me but she isn't.

Wandering out to the balcony of her apartment, I sigh unlocking my phone. Quickly, I dial Hunter's contact. I don't think my staying behind a little longer could hurt that bad. As I wait out the ringing, I laugh bitterly. The lengths I'd go to just to help Honor…

"Yes Randy?" I can see him now standing in the control room, hand on his hip pushing his blazer open while glaring holes into one of the computer monitors with Arn Anderson. "I don't have all day Randy? What do you need?"

"I- uh called to say that I'll be late. So I won't be joining you for the breakfast briefing tomorrow morning." I rub my hand over my skull. "Family issues."

On the other side of the call I hear Hunter sigh, "Family problems? Orton, you mean Honor problems. You know what fine… Just as long as your ass is at the taping." I expected that. I mumble an agreement. I'm about ready to end the call when Hunter speaks up again, "Whatever your problem is you need to work it out… and do it fast I can't give you anymore time. You need to be here to do your job. I'm sorry Randy…." I don't say anything. I clench my jaw, letting my memory flash back to two months ago. I thought I was done with the jealousy. "… And Randy, if you're staying for the reason I think you are… then I'll leave you with to think about this: You can only help someone if they want to be helped. You can't force her to do anything she isn't ready to do. That would be selfish of you."

"So the unselfish thing would be for me to just…leave her be… to let her get worse?" my voice gets louder into the phone almost feeling my temper rise.

He sighs, "Not exactly. We both have little girls, right?"

"Right…?" I don't understand where he's going. This isn't about Alanna, it's about Honor.

"Okay. Now imagine that she's going through this…Don't say anything… you have to let her process her…emotions and thoughts…she's just been through something traumatizing. Let her adjust. Randy you can't want her to get better for you. She has to get better for her. You've done everything you can do, now it's her turn to get herself together."

"Well thanks for that uncalled for fatherly advice?" I roll my eyes and lean on the wall beside her door. I peek in and see her hugging that frog while leaning on her knees staring sadly at the TV screen.

"Welcome. Now if you'll excuse me I have to organize a show then hop in a car to take a private jet to get to St. Louis tomorrow. I WILL see you then."

"Yeah Hunter. Thanks. Bye."

…

When I return to the room she's still hugging that stupid frog. Honor stiffens when I come near her but she tries to hide it. Why is she so damn uncomfortable around me? I hope she realizes I'm not like him.

"Honor," I sort of growl her name out.

"What?" her brows knit together in a confused state. I sigh. I'm not about to be able to get through to her so I shouldn't even waste my time.

"What is that all about? You do know I'm not going to hurt you… right?" I sit on the edge of the bed.

"No," I expected to hear that, "why would you ask that?" Obliviously she stares at me, her eyes stretching and a blank look clouding her features.

"Honor you-… you're just going through the motions to appease me. Things between us feel… forced." I admit. "I have to say, I don't know what you want from me at all. Do you want some time? Space? Help me out. I don't know what to do with you to help you get better…"

Honor nods in understanding.

"You promise me won't get upset but you need to listen…" slowly she shakes her head yes. "I can't keep trying to force progress from you, Honor. For the sake of your getting better, I've been trying to do everything that I think is right to help you get well again. I'm lost and whatever I try, you just…keep… resisting. I can't force you to realize how serious your problem is. Honor I just want you to get better…but I don't want to keep putting pressure on you to do it."

"I'm sorry…" she replies so small. Honor hugs her knees closer, squeezing the stuffing almost out of the frog. "I don't think our relationship is the same."

"It wasn't ever going to be. No, I am saying this because it was bothering me for a while now."

The dimple above her lip puckers as she smiles sadly, it doesn't reach her eyes, "Is the whole feelings jam necessary?"

"It's weird, I know. But I think we need to get all this out in the open." I pause looking at her and she's smiling. The look on her face is heartwrenching.

"Okay," she resigns looking at her hands.

"I don't know Honor. But since I'm going back on the road, I do want you to give me a call if you need something. Please do." I kiss her forehead and pull her in for another hug.

"Have you told Dimitri yet?" I look down at her in my arms still fighting the urge to cringe.

"No! I'm afraid at what he might do. He's worse than you." She peeks up at me grimacing. Honor isn't nearly as comfortable in my arms still but that's a comment for another time.

"Gee! Just make me feel like a savage for wanting to protect you." I grumble rubbing my hand along her back. I feel her spine through her skin, ew.

"I really don't mean to change the subject but shouldn't you be on your way." She sits in the middle of the bed playing with my hand mindfully.

"No. I'll be chartering a private plane so I'll be taken directly to STL. Of course I'll only get there an hour before the show but thank god I'm not wrestling. Are you going to be watching?"
"Absolutely!" Honor's face lights up and softens into a smile that crinkles the side of her eyes. "I wouldn't miss it even if the world as we know it was ending."

"Alright," a sneaky smirk stretches one side of my face as she allows me to pull her back to my side. She nestles further under the duvet closing her eyes. It doesn't take Honor long to fall asleep as I sit next to her still smiling like an idiot.

She'll be watching wrestling again.