Scratch the Surface
Ch. 35 - I'm Going to Move On... Even If It Kills Me
Hinata emptied out her third bottle, surprising Keisuke and herself that she would drink so much on her first time. Moe had emptied out five and was feeling pleased.
Emotions and words floated on the tip of Hinata's tongue thanks to the alcohol.
She had so much guilt built up inside, so much pain and confusion. If she didn't take care of it now, she was never going to regain her friendships again.
Moe still wanted to be friends. She had hugged and apologized to Hinata.
Even though Moe had insulted her and Naruto so much, Hinata wanted to be friends again too.
"Moe-san… I'm sorry too," Hinata hung her head as sobs threatened to eek out of her throat. "I don't understand how it got this way… I have to tell you… I- I c-can b-barely remember our friendship… I can't recall the bridge, or last Christmas… I can't remember what it was like to wear my dresses… Please… You're going to have to be patient with me… It seems so impossible for me to reconnect now… You have to help me return… I can't make myself to do it on my own just yet…"
Moe's face softened at this honest admission. She reached across the table and took hold of her hand.
"It was a mistake. You know this now. There was no substance to the relationship you two had."
"Hey, Hinata-chan! Wow, you look good today!"
In a whirlwind of excitement, fear, elation, and shock; a peculiar squeak flew from her throat.
Shivers ran up and down her arms, her fingertips and toes were tingling, as if they had been just been asleep and were trying to wake up.
Her face was on fire and the world around her seemed to spin, fade in and out of focus, and the only thing that held her in place was his blue, blue eyes.
She could swear she was going to faint.
Naruto continued to smile, his right brow quirking up slowly when Hinata continued to lack any response. Just a weird, wide-eyed, open-mouth smile on her face.
She did look cute today, better than he could remember.
"I thought I could get him to love me... He used to touch me and kiss me... I thought he was attracted to me..."
"You have leave it behind you now. He was rotten shit the way he was using you. He was bad. But now that you've had a taste of bad, you'll learn, and you'll know who is right for you."
Hinata didn't understand what this meant, but she nodded her head in agreement anyways. She told herself that Naruto had dumped her, that he had sent her home never to see him again. Whether she understood what 'bad' meant, it didn't seem to matter anymore. He was in Osaka, and she was back home. Their week-long romance had met it's end with abrupt and inevitable lackluster.
Cries pour out her mouth like tears did her eyes. The acknowledgement of their break up was like three spike-knuckled punches to the heart. Her whole body was suddenly sore and wrought with aches.
She couldn't believe it was over.
Kiba wandered through the neon-lit streets alone, listening to Yamaoka Akira's "I Want Love" with hands stuffed in his pants pocket. His eyes roamed over the millions of faces, in hopes of finding the one he was looking for.
The haunting, creeping melodies submerged him in his imaginations. He found himself as a vagabond in fog, trudging forth through the faceless dead, their blue cold shapes indifferent to his presence.
His girl had been stolen away, but what means he wasn't sure.
A monster? A demon? Or perhaps a Mephistophelian creature of her own subconscious, manifested from the darkness implanted in her heart.
She'd been haunted by a blonde figure, enchanted by him. But his hands corroded her down to rust and bones, her heart naked to all and chained to him only.
"Tender Sugar" played next, painting dangerous images in his brain.
Images of the two of them.
He wasn't sure how he was going to save her, or if he could.
Silent Hill always threw you on a heroic quest, one you never complete successfully... At least that is... the figure you lost, the person you want to find, that you want to save... They end up being discovered long dead or a figment of your subconscious.
Or the tricks of a Shibu Inu behind a Vision Mixer.
The playlist ended, returning Kiba out of the Otherworld and back to modern Tokyo.
"The Dog ending was one of the best though." He sighed lazily through his nose.
Nishinari.
Airin-chiku, Nishinari.
Airin-chiku, Nishinari, Osaka.
Airin-chiku is just a pseudonym for Kamagasaki, meant to disguise its shamed past like MAC cover-up.
Only government officials and the media use the name 'Airin-chiku'.
Those that have suffered with the town call it by it's true name, Kamagasaki.
They are not ashamed. They love their town, despite the slums, the Boryokudan offices, and the vast population of unemployed. The social decay is obvious. But it's not their fault.
They have been forgotten by the government. They grudgingly hope for the day their town will be restored.
Naruto spotted a long foreclosed store, the windows covered by nailed planks. Two men slept out beneath the awning. One slept beneath a dirty quilt he found in the trash, the other slept with nothing.
He wondered if he'd be able to disappear here. It seemed best for everyone that he was forgotten, just like this city, just like all these people.
Nobody wanted him. And the one person that did couldn't be with him.
He had to give her up. Her life was near perfect before he came along.
Naruto took a spot under the awning, shivering as the cold of the concrete seeped through his clothes.
'Maybe it would have been better if she hadn't gotten infatuated with me. I was just looking for a friend, someone I thought I'd get along with... But she has 'daddy issues'...' He thought finally, shrugging her off his mind.
Far as he was concerned, this was it. Kamagasaki was his new life. And as for Hinata, her life had been given back to her.
She would go back to school without him to bring her down. She would attend a prestigious University while he spent his days as a day laborer. She would get married early and have kids a year later, and he would be at Triangle Park laughing at some observational joke made by a cancer-infected old man.
She would be having KFC on Christmas with her family, while he would be standing in line for soup by the Christian missionaries.
She would be watching her daughter's ballet recital, surrounded by many other proud and tight-lipped parents, while he would be sleeping in a shack made of tarpaulin and discarded wood.
She would grow old in her husband's arms.
She would be happy and complete.
And at the end of it all, Naruto would laugh loudly and proudly: 'Those fools never found me! Suck on that Hiro-whatever-your-name-is, ya Korean bitch!'
They didn't step foot on the dance floor. Moe and Keisuke worked to cheer Hinata up with some aimless and cheerful conversation. The two friends spent some time bickering with each other for Hinata's amusement. She managed some giggles, some real, some half-hearted and hollow. She was still weepy, but they didn't mind. They both knew better: This was going to take some time.
They left the club at three in the morning, voices sore from competing with the DJ. Keisuke took Moe home. Moe had wanted Hinata to sleep over, but Keisuke reminded her about her mother, forcing Moe to roll her eyes in disdain.
Hinata told them she could make it on her own, that luckily she still remembered where she lived.
That made Moe confused at first since but she thought nothing of it as Keisuke broke her train of drunken thought and pulled her in the direction of Chiba.
Hinata eased her way out of Shibuya with slow, tentative strides. But when she arrived home… When she laid eyes on her neighborhood for the first time, for what seemed liked months… She felt herself become empty.
Everything felt so empty.
There was her old-fashioned house, all wooden and lacquered, with brick red clay roofing tiles and simple shouji doors.
Then there was Naruto's one-room house, darkened and abandoned. He wouldn't live there again. He wasn't coming back. Since the realtor company that had owned the dinky abode have long been out of business, the small house was never going to be resold. No one would live there again. But someday, the plot will be bought and replaced with a contemporary two-story most attractive to budding families.
To think that she would sleep in her own bed again was a strangely uncomfortable prospect.
To think that she would resume a normal life without Naruto frightened her.
What would she do now knowing that she would wake up every morning without his presence next door?
What would she do from now on, knowing that she wouldn't see him at school anymore?
What would she do when she graduated without him?
Would he return to school in Osaka? Would he find the girl he always wanted? Would he propose to her and would she say 'yes'?
Was that how this was to play out? Was it so straightforward as that?
But why was he considered 'bad'?
Why did everyone seem to despise him?
And why did he continue to get into altercations here?
And why did she take care of him each time he was hurt?
Hinata walked up the steps to his door. She threw a contemptuous fist at the door, sending an itchy shock through her pinky to her elbow.
"I should hate you…" Hinata pressed her forehead against the door as the tears streamed down from closed eyes. "... I've hated myself for too long..."
She recalled all the times she had tried to better herself for him: how she had asked him about his preferences. How she had tried curl her hair only to burn it. How she had tried a particular body spray only get sneezed on. How she had tried a new moisturizer only to be riddled with red welts. How she had copied the styles of the girls in the magazines. How she had continued to make him lunches and tried to make him dinner. How she had bought him a cell phone, bought him an expensive watch, bought him new clothes... She recalled how the more she did for him the less he respected her. It came to the point that she lied to her friends. She told them he was her boyfriend. It came to the point where she had to seduce him in the bathroom of his work in order to get him to see what she felt.
She recalled all the unintended seductions, the fooling around, the making out in secret places. She recalled his breath on her mouth, his tongue on her neck, the excited greedy graspings of his hands.
Her giggles filled the room like soap bubbles.
Naruto jokingly wrestled with her, their legs kicking at eachother, his hands on her hips, on her thighs, on her belly. He got her on her stomach and laid out on top of her.
The weight of his body pushed out more fervent laughter from her throat, like squeezing toothpaste from the tube.
Her face was getting so red.
/
'She's glowing again,' He thought. Her smile was small but genuine. He couldn't believe she could look so happy. He thought deep down that her happiness should make him happy too, but just looking at her, tucked away against his chest, glowing; it only made him sad. He thought, 'it'd be so much easier if she didn't smile like that, if she wasn't so affectionate,' because then he wouldn't have to feel so guilty sometimes. Sometimes he resented her for his guilt. He resented her for seducing him with earnest affection and warm embraces. He resented her because no matter what she did, he couldn't appreciate her the way he was supposed to.
It was like Kiba had said; he didn't know how to appreciate her.
'But it's not my fault. I don't know what's so special about her. I don't like her the way I liked Sakura-chan. The way I felt for Sakura-chan will never happen with Hinata-chan. It just won't.'
Naruto slipped his arms around her waist and he fell over to the side. Hinata smiled, and huddled herself closer to him. She began to like spooning, but she was a little sad she couldn't look into his face at the same time.
Still, this was a very comforting position.
Naruto ran his hand over the sleeve of her mulberry cardigan, down to her skirt which he knew was too short. He poked a finger into her butt-cheek, eliciting a squeal of alarm as her body jumped.
"Why do you wear it so short? Are you trying to get felt up?" He criticized while tugging on the hem.
"I was hoping... you'd like it. Other girls wear theirs like this too..."
"Yeah, because they're either super-sluts or can't find a boyfriend. Private school girls hike their skirts way up too when they go to Shibuya because they're starving for attention of the opposite sex.
But when they're handle-hanging on the trains or buses, they're practically inviting bastards to cop a feel. Do you really want that?"
"...But, don't my legs look longer? My friend said if my legs were longer..."
"Is that really why?" Naruto pinched her cheek roughly, earning a childish whine from her.
That annoyed him; it seeemed whenever he was being serious, she was being cute (and when she was being serious, he didn't give a damn).
"Don't use shallow reasons to be sexy."
"But you don't like me anyways. So what am I supposed to do?"
Naruto propped himself up on one elbow to get a better look at her.
"And what does that mean?"
She didn't say anything. Her cuddly demeanor was gone, replaced by a somber pessimism.
/
Hinata shifted around before lying still. She couldn't decide whether to get up and leave or stay snug in his arms, whether she should answer him or not.
"I thought you would figure out how I felt, and that maybe you would find me interesting enough to be your girlfriend. But you haven't asked me out yet. I don't think you will."
Naruto lifted himself off of Hinata slightly as if afraid she'd break under his touch. She became a dainty doll and he wanted to be careful around her feelings.
Never had they gotten around to talking so directly, and Naruto admitted he couldn't handle this topic without putting his whole heart into it.
A mental image stuck in his mind of his arm reaching down inside his chest, blindly searching for that vital organ that was necessary for moments like these.
He thought maybe he was knocking into it, but he couldn't locate it.
"...And what do you feel for me?" Naruto felt his cheeks go a bit warm. The topic was unfamiliarly intimate for him.
/
"I like you. A lot."
Naruto sighed knowingly, "You have a crush."
"No! I like you! I feel it all the time..."
"Maybe it's something else you're feeling! I mean... I know it's my fault for making you sexually active-"
"It's not that! It's not like that! I do it because I know you like it!"
"And you don't do it because you like it?"
"I like it... too."
"There, that settles it: We're both horny."
Hinata slapped his hand, clearly embarrassed.
"I just like you. I know I do," She wistfully sighed, "I like how you make me feel." The butterflies in her belly were going crazy, and her heart twisted with yearning.
Yearning for what, she wasn't sure anymore. She wasn't sure what to do keep herself from getting too depressed.
Naruto didn't believe her words however, he didn't believe there was any substance to her feelings. Crushes are for kids, and infatuations are the worst.
She took pictures of him when he wasn't looking, she... what else did she do?
"Ah, you like 'how I make you feel'. So you're saying you can settle for these gropefests?" Naruto asked her dubiously. He gave her hip a little squeeze. She jerked slightly away in response.
"I didn't say that... but... if you're fine with it, I am..."
Naruto hugged her closer, and in a sleepy voice asked, "...So why did you tell your friends I was your boyfriend?"
Hinata searched within her melancholy for an answer. She had hoped by now he'd get it. She hadn't been trying to be secretive.
"Because I can't be with you the way I want."
She recalled the photo stickers on the back of the cell she bought him. The photo stickers of him half-naked with another girl.
She recalled giving into him fifty minutes later in the Equipment room of the Gynasium.
She recalled disgusting him. Then she recalled begging him to come back to her, to go out with her so that they didn't have to fool around in secret anymore.
He called her a leech and nearly called her a slut.
He pushed her.
He abandoned her. Then her father abandoned her. Then her friends abandoned her.
She tried to abandon Naruto in turn. She tried to forget him and she tried to salvage the last friendship she had left in Kiba.
Then Naruto tried to get her back. He was so used to her attention, even if it bordered on obsession, even if it completely disgusted him- He couldn't stand her leaving.
And she realized this.
Ban! Ban ban ban!
Because he had gotten her back so easily in Nagoya.
Ban ban ban!
Hinata banged her head against the door of his former home. Hot tears streamed down her face, jaw clenched and lips stretched against her teeth as she let out a silent but furious cry.
"I should hate you-!"
She recalled his angry questions: "Are you going out with him now?" She recalled his irritation, his ego, his pride. He hadn't actually been jealous, had he? He just didn't want her to change view of him. He wanted to be revered, admired and loved, whether he deserved it or not. Nobody else would admire him, so she had to.
She recalled his loneliness, and how pained he seemed to be by it. She had wanted to matter to him. She had wanted to be the reason he didn't feel lonely anymore.
She gave him that attention he craved and so much more. And he didn't care at all.
He denied their relationship to most, and showed it off to some.
He called her his girlfriend in front of Tazuna and Tsunami, but he never wanted to ask her out.
He forced himself upon her in Nagoya and begged her to stay with him, even though she had wanted to go back home, even though he knew better because he would only drag her down.
He groped her, teased her, flirted shamelessly with her just like back before she had wanted him.
He pressed, he rubbed, he came in his pants in a bathroom stall. And yet he wouldn't make love to her in a Love Hotel.
She told him she loved him and he broke up with her.
"I need to hate youuu-!"
Hinata couldn't believe it. Her insides ripped apart at the memories. She mentally punched herself in the face over and over again for having loved him.
She had created these circumstances. She had allowed herself to be used, and she had allowed herself to be discarded.
This was really it.
This was how it ended.
Four days passed by rather quickly. Neji and Hanabi had been shocked to see Hinata the morning of her return. She told them nothing and they asked nothing of her, though they wanted to ask. But it didn't seem to matter much now that she was here.
Hinata spent most of her time cleaning out her room. She cleaned her folding screen of her photos of The Palace of Versailles and The Catherine Palace and all her magazine clip outs of gardens and meadows. She shoved her way through her closet, and pulled out all her Lolita accessories: from shoes to jackets to cutsews, to petticoats and parasols. She organized them based on articles and stored them away in cardboard boxes. She pushed her cloth and wire mannequin Isabella into the furthest corner of her closet, along with her boxed Lolita things. She took her comforters and threw them in the wash. She took her futon and aired it outside. She gathered all the expensive women's clothes she had bought to get catch Naruto's interest and took pictures of the items, where she later posted to sell online.
Hinata was taken aback when she could finally see her floor. She removed the old tatami, and replaced them with strong, new mats. She dusted her hand-me down drawers and got rid of old clothes she hadn't touched since Middle School.
She didn't stop cleaning until all lingering scents had been removed.
Hanabi seemed a little disappointed.
"I missed the way your old room looked." Sighed the growing 13-year old. Her birthday was in three weeks. Hinata just realized that.
Hinata wasn't the only one who realized that the days of The Bridge were over. Days of youth and dreaming. Days of antics and belonging. Days where she had played a version of herself she enjoyed.
But now it had finally come when the role-playing had to end. Now it was time to grow up and enjoy herself and just herself. No more ideal versions, no more daydreaming. She was going to figure out how to enjoy herself, without pretending.
"Maybe it's about time we drop the nicknames then." Moe suggested carefully, her face solemn with expectation as she eyed those around her. Everyone gave his or her assent, but no one began with an introduction. Moe rolled her eyes. "Okay! Well you guys know my real name. It's Moemi. Hello, I'm Sugihara Moemi, nice to meet'chu all." She saluted sarcastically with a goofy giggle.
"Suzuki Keisuke."
"Inuzuka Kiba." Kiba answered, even though he never had a nickname to begin with.
Hinata glanced shyly at Kiba. She felt rather uncomfortable in her own skin around him. She was ashamed to be in his presence after what she'd done, leaving with Naruto and all that, not that he knew but she wasn't exactly giving him .
"Hyuuga Hinata. Nice to see you all again."
Everyone looked at LaBelle hard with expectation, her forever-snooty face rebelling against them stubbornly, before she conceded with a low mutter: "Emilie... Adler..."
"Fuck you! You're not foreigner!" Moe shouted in that reactive, vapid way of hers before losing all confidence in her opinion, "Are you a foreigner?"
Keisuke had to restrain Moe in order to protect her from LaBelle's wrath.
"I'm not a foreigner!"
"Then you're lying! Why tell us your white?"
"I-I'm half, you bitch!"
"Half what?"
"My father's German, my mother is Japanese!" LaBelle, or rather now, Emilie seemed very ashamed of her genetic make-up the more she had to talk about it. What made it all the more ironic was that she had been posing as a full Japanese Europhile who bleached her hair and wore blue contacts. Somehow she was embracing both sides of herself, and at the same time rejecting both sides completely.
"Why lie about yourself?" Kiba questioned curiously.
"Even though my sister, Sabine, embraces her Japanese half, I prefer my European half. But I'm in Japan! I'd rather be full than half! And I'd rather be Japanese in Japan, than German in Japan!"
"But wouldn't being even a little European make you super popular at school? You're just forcing old nationalist ideals upon yourself." reasoned Keisuke.
"If you guys haven't noticed by now, I'm a bigot. I even nicknamed Hinata-san after me." Emilie huffed with crossed arms and her chin forced high.
"Ohh... yeah..."
"Yeah, forgot..."
All the while during this, Moe couldn't help but think of Axis Powers: Hetalia. 'Aw, I wanted Ludwig and Feliciano to get together.'
"Hey, that's two out of three!" Moe interjected out of no where.
"'Two out of three' what?" Glared Emilie.
"Axis of Powers!"
BAM!
Moe crouched on the ground, gripping her head in pain.
"Aaaaugh, the Tripartite Pact has been broken!"
"You moron!"
Some things had happened in Tokyo since Hinata's short-lived disappearance.
The Ichiraku had closed down. The owners had been facing foreclosure for a couple years. It finally got the best of them a week or two ago when they hadn't paid their rent for five months.
Another restaurant that had closed was The Elephant Café. Apparently the manager had not only over-employed, allowing him to pay his employees less, but he had been harboring an illegal. She had attacked two co-workers, one of them running off and another near death. Then she disappeared as well.
A trial has currently begun against the manager for the illegal.
Naruto had been working at that restaurant.
But Hinata couldn't ask him anything now.
If he was the one that ran off… why did he run?
Hinata had to get ready for her Second Year at Matsushita Normal High. Kiba helped her get situated for her retakes, while they studied together at local library and in cafes. The Spring Semester was in a matter of days. Her retakes were tomorrow. But despite all this, she was grinning. It was a small, but the way it tickled at her lips and never left meant something.
"You're actually smiling again."
"I-I'm surprised, myself..." Hinata smirked to herself as breathy laugh escaped her. She bit on her bottom lip and kept her eyes to her Advanced Algebra book. "I guess... it's just nice... The other day with everyone... It was sort of cathartic the way we've stopped using nicknames. I had a nice time with them agai..." Hinata's voice disappeared before she could finish. She hadn't mean to think back to two weeks ago, back when Moe had looked at her so hatefully, back when LaBelle had mutually cut herself off from them. To go back there felt like Hinata had to choose death. To be that alone... She couldn't believe she chose to forsake them. Hinata couldn't let it happen again. She couldn't choose that sort of loneliness and ostracization again.
Warmth enveloped Hinata's right hand. Kiba wrapped his warm fingers around hers, easing the pen that she had been nearly crushing out of her hand.
His unrelenting compassion towards her was a stark reminder of their last meeting: When she had apologized to him behind the cafeteria doors and had promised to him and herself that she would forget Naruto. When she had been crying her heart out over the video incident in the Computer Lab.
He was always there. Kiba was always there for her, even though she knew him a little less than she had known Naruto, Kiba had indefinitely become a constant in her life.
She couldn't believe she had invested in Naruto as much as she had. Yet, she couldn't believe he was as unreliable as he was.
So many times, for so many things, she had trusted him with no logical reason to, with no facts to back up her position... But even though she was at fault for trusting him so much, it was still unbelievable how often he betrayed her.
Maybe his fuck-ups continued to impress her because part of her was still investing in him, even though the turbulent chapter in her life called 'Naruto' was over.
She couldn't help but still wonder 'Why...?'
Hiashi had been fairly distracted since he returned from his business trip in South Korea a week after Hinata's return home.
Hinata almost felt grateful for this. She had been worried about his taking notice of her, worried that he would take out his frustrations on her.
It was lucky he returned so late. No one showed any signs of change. Hinata's disappearance had not been made apparent. The home returned to normal fairly easily. But then, their home had always been full of silence and secrecy.
This was a family that did not share, no matter how urgent to know seemed.
The closeness was almost there between the sisters and their cousin. But without a true leader in the home, the need for openness seemed unnecessary.
It was just easiest to do your own thing and keep it to yourself.
There was speculation going around the city about the illegal alien that had attacked her co-workers and ran off.
Hinata couldn't escape this gossip on the train.
"She wasn't the only illegal Korean roaming around our parts. Remember The Shinjuku Incident? They've been looking for the Kumicho, Dae Eun Sook, but apparently he's already escaped back to South Korea."
"Right. Didn't they say he had a daughter here?"
"That's what I'm thinking. I think that girl at The Elephant Café must've been his daughter."
"Maybe the manager knew then. Maybe the girl was acting like a loan shark for her father. Or maybe the manager needed money from the Yakuza, so he made a deal with them."
"I hope that foolish man gets what he deserves. He put all of his staff and customers in danger by harboring her."
"They've must've questioned who was there that afternoon at least twice. I wonder if they'll ever catch her."
"And hang her."
Hinata turned her head away from the conversation, growing uncomfortable by the hateful tone it was taking. Kiba returned her with a warm but solemn gaze, as he knew how she was feeling and told her 'I'll be here'.
But she could not escape the conversation so easily.
"What about the other that ran off?"
"I've been harassing my neighbor who's a police officer at a box in Shinjuku. He says they're working closely with their brothers in Matsue."
Hinata dropped her forehead against Kiba's shoulder. 'Matsue'... it rang in her ears.
"What connection could Matsue have to this runaway?"
"Remember the Uchiha Murders 10 years ago?"
"Of course."
"And the taxi driver that was murdered last month?"
"Yes?"
"My neighbor told me the knife they found used to kill the taxi driver was none other than Uchiha Sasuke's. Not just that though: That very switchblade was used in The Shinjuku Incident."
"Oh my god, you think Uchiha Sasuke has been here in Tokyo?"
"If they knew for sure, they would have told us. My neighbor did not concede to this suggestion, so it may not be the final Uchiha at all. In any case, whoever it is, they are not only a minor, but they are also less harmless than Sasuke."
"I don't think being 'less harmless than Sasuke' inspires much confidence about this child."
There was dirt beneath his nails and in the crevices surrounding - grimy and black.
His hair now reached over his nose and to the base of his neck. There was dirt there too, and grease, but all could not be easily removed in public bathroom sinks.
His clothes felt heavy at times, and at night not heavy enough. Jeans, a shirt and a black hoodie was practically naked for one who slept outside everyday.
His stomach had finally stopped complaining by this time, though he knew he was starving. What little the shelter could provide him was not enough, especially since one could only stay there for a single night, and he wasn't one to stand in line every day for a ticket.
Yet despite the thick flavor on his tongue, like if halitosis had a flavor, he refused to believe that he degraded in appearance.
Many of these men had been homeless for years. They smelled, their hands were black with sweat and dirt, their cheeks had sunken into their mottled teeth. Naruto wasn't worried about looking like them until five years had passed. And even by then, five years later, he still wouldn't care because by then he would have lost all sense of vanity and self-consciousness, and all expectation of being with other people.
Naruto sat before a small fire, contained within an old metal trashcan. Across from Naruto was Yoshida Sato, a 68-year old man from Mie. He came here as a day laborer in the 70's. When his wife divorced him and took his son to Tochigi, back to her hometown, he remained here working as a day laborer in Kamagasaki.
He saw the construction boom that surrounded the World's Fair. He rode the crowded buses and created many bonds with his fellow laborers. He took pride in the sweat that would gather on his shirt at the end of the day. He didn't mind how his 'private room' was merely one large room split in half by veneer panels. He didn't mind being alone because he had the hope that Kamagasaki would one day regain its glory.
He used an unemployment card on numerous occasions when times were slow. He stood back when nearly all the flophouses had been redesigned into high-rise business hotels. He joined in the protests against the way Japan's social structure had changed from their economic success. He saw the Yakuza offices grow in the area. He saw the riots of October 2nd to the 7th of 1990. He saw how the riot police hustled the workers, how they forced into subservience. He was there when media accused the Chief of Kamagasaki police was accepting bribes from the Yakuza. He saw the economic bubble burst first hand.
Kamagasaki has been stagnant ever since. Kamagasaki has been abandoned ever since.
Sato reached into his ragged wool coat and pulled out some old letters he had found that morning. He threw them into the fire, and patted his old Akita's weathered fur.
"Have ya found any new work?" He asked in that tired way of his, sagely and wistful.
Naruto just shook his head. "I don't know where to look. I doubt anyone would just take in a runaway like me."
"You must find better work, you cannot waste your youth on day labor sites. You're young, you're strong. The world will never come back for us."
"With all due respect Sato-san, I did not come here so I could goof off."
Sato sighed through his nose. He understood very well what Naruto's reason were for coming to Kamagasaki, and it was such a shame.
"I think tomorrow will be the day," He stated plainly with dropped shoulders, as if he had finally accepted. He looked fondly into his dog's pain-filled face. Its whole body shaked with every breath. Its face had been put into a permanent grimace. Its eyes were glazed over with dark and milky cataracts. He hadn't been eating for ten days now. "He's fifteen now." Sato nodded to himself, "Tomorrow will be the day."
"I'm sorry Sato-san…" Naruto replied quietly, looking sadly at the dog.
However, Sato just smiled. He did not feel so bad over this. Death was all too normal, all too familiar. He was used to departure.
"Should we eat him or bury him?" Sato proposed jokefully. He laughed into the evening sky at Naruto's disgusted reaction. "True, true… he is far too old to be cooked, isn't he? Aha-ha-ha-ha-ha."
Hinata wandered through Takeshita Street with Kiba following close behind. She was looking for a gift for Hanabi's birthday, and Takeshita was bound to have something cute and unique. Hinata stepped inside a new shop full of colorful accessories mostly made from knits and cloth. There were teddy bear hairties, pin cushion rings, Rillakuma backpack knockoffs, crotcheted tunics, and braided scarves.
Hinata wasn't sure what to pick, all the items were so interesting and cute. Hinata sighed upwards, ruffling her long bangs. They reached to her nose now and between studying and trying to find a job and keeping the house clean, Hinata hadn't found the time to get a haircut or at least a trim. Hinata reached out for the muted grey-green, plum purple, and navy blue cheque braided scarf and brought it to her eyes. It was a very lovely garment. The colors weren't bright, but they fit together so nicely, and the cloth was smooth and soft, a mixture of cotton and rayon.
But it costed way beyond her budget. After her eight-day stay in Osaka - going on dates that Naruto couldn't afford, spending on transportation, and then paying for the Love Hotel room they didn't use - Hinata had spent her entire account.
"If you like it enough, I'll help pay." Kiba offered gently, still feeling concerned for her. She deflated visibly. Her stress was apparent to him.
"Kiba-kun, it's supposed to be a gift from me." She muttered feeling ashamed that she couldn't afford it. Kiba placed his hand against her cheek and pressed his nose into her bangs.
"Then it can be a gift from both us." He declared affectionately. He couldn't help himself. He kissed the top of her head, once, twice. The second time was slightly longer. Kiba had to pull away. He had to swallow down the urge to hold her when he saw burning cheeks, her mouth open out of surprise, her wide, teary eyes full of reminded heartbreak. The affection Kiba gave her pained her and endeared her. It frightened her and it warmed her. It set her face aflame and heart to race. Because the kindness and patience Kiba treated her with was a stark reminder of what Naruto did not, and Hinata didn't know what to be more heartbroken over: That Naruto hadn't been a good lover? Or that Kiba could replace him so easily?
Kiba turned away and went to search the store. Hinata stayed put, wrapping her arms around her to shut out the sudden coldness she felt inside her. She tried her best not to cry, but she couldn't prevent the betrayals of her past affair from re-entering her heart like a maelstrom. She needed to hate him. She needed to hate him for her sanity and for her dignity. But a part of her almost relished in being this abused. It was almost like a swooning, twisting sensation when she thought of the love she felt and the pain that came with it. Because it had all been for Naruto, she almost loved the heartache she felt every second of every minute of every day.
She didn't know what to do with herself. She felt so ill, so insane and so depressed.
Kiba came back with lavender plaid-covered hair clip. He clicked it open and pulled Hinata's bangs to the left side, placing the clip in to hold her hair back. He smiled slightly, pleased that he could see her face again, but saddened by the lost look in her watery eyes. She could look up to meet him at all. She kept staring at a small spot past his shoulder.
"The scarf will be a gift from us. The hairclip will be my gift to you."
Hinata blinked at this, and three tears fell from her eyes.
Gifts weren't everything, and Kiba had always been quite the gift-giver with her, but... when was the last time Naruto ever gave her a gift? He never even really thanked her for that cell phone of his, or that 88,000 yen wristwatch.
Naruto stood before a local pawn shop, his long-dead cell phone in his hoodie pocket. He hesitated at first, and dwelled on his ragged appearance. He hoped they wouldn't mind him and that they would take the phone. He needed money and he knew the phone had been an expensive one. He wished he still had that wristwatch Hinata bought him a couple months back, but he completely forgot what happened to it.
He wiped his face vigorously with his sleeve and attempted to smooth back his hair. He put on his most determined face and marched into the pawn shop.
The shop was clean. He tried to ignore how out of place that made him feel. The air-condition felt nice on his face and he tried to ignore that too.
The old woman behind the counter looked at him pitifully but kindly. He avoided her stare, afraid that the pity he saw would haunt him. His stomach squeezed and squeaked with discomfort and hunger, putting an impatient edge to Naruto's movements. He pulled out the cell phone and dumped it hurriedly on the counter.
"Can I cash this in?" Naruto pleaded for a quick 'yes' or 'no' answer. He could feel her pity bearing into him.
Hinata had been wearing the hairclip Kiba bought her for five days now. It felt kind of odd baring her forehead for so long, she'd always had bangs, ever since her mother styled her hair when she was a baby. She had never been without her bangs.
It'd been three weeks already since she returned to Tokyo. Hanabi's birthday was tomorrow, and school was around the corner.
Hinata found out yesterday that she was going to be in the same class as Kiba and Shino. Everyone else in that class was different. She wondered if that had been a deliberate arrangement, to put her in a classroom where no one saw the video - it seemed too lucky.
Hinata was spending the day with Emilie in order to have companionship and assistance while she looked for a job. There were so many things on her mind.
"I think you should come work with me." Emilie declared.
"I'm not tall enough, you know that."
"And you know that with G&LB, they use average models too. Hinata-san, you would be wonderful at this. When I first saw you at the bridge, decked out horrendously in Moe's 80's brat clothing, all I saw was a moon-white, cherub-cheeked child. You were adorable, innocent, and that vulnerability you carried in your eyes made you all the more alluring. That's why I needed to steal you from Moe and put you into Lolita."
"Then I'm afraid I must look too burned out to model." Hinata fiddled with her hairclip, ready to release her bangs so as to hide her sad, sad eyes from the world. Emilie grabbed her hand and pulled it away from her hairclip.
"Hinata-san, please. I can't stand not being able to see you in Lolita anymore. If anything, the heartbreak you suffered will only enhance your intrigue. Innocent, feminine, delicate... not to mention that you've endured such turmoil... it adds to your humanity. Girls will look at your photos and desire a real life connection because you're real. You're so real, people will want to know who you are. Hina-san... you make vulnerability beautiful."
Those words fell on her like a waterfall. They rushed through and washed away her dubiety. Wide-eyed, she looked into LaBelle's crystalline blue contacts like she were looking into a mirror. The sheer devotion in her friend's eyes shook her to the core of her insecurities and bottled them up tight.
Was this what she truly looked like to her friends?
And after all this time she had thought it was 'pathetic' that best described her. Who would've thought it was 'vulnerable' instead?
'I make vulnerability... beautiful?'
Neji dressed in black slacks and a white dress shirt for Hanabi's birthday. Hanabi wore a grey-blue floral wrap dress, its ruffle skirt flowing over her knees. She wore her hair back in curled pigtails, but left that one rebellious strand to drape over her left brow. Hinata felt a little nervous in her new dress. Emilie had lent it to her, a solid black Open Shoulder Asymmetrical sleeve dress from Dizzy Darling. It fit to her body, and stopped just past her hips. She wore her hair down, the ends permed into doll curls and her long bangs left to drape across her brow in the plaid hairclip Kiba gave her. Emilie suggested Hinata try modelling the dress for practice. It was because of this that she was nervous.
She held Hanabi's gift in her left hand, and Hanabi's hand in her right.
Kiba was going to meet up with them at the Keawjai Thai Restaurant in Meguro.
Hinata wondered what he would think of her appearance.
She pressed her lips together in anxiety. The sticky suction of her gloss was the only distraction she had from her thoughts.
"Happy Birthday, Hanabi!" Hinata and Kiba cheered in unison as Hinata brought out their gift from between them. "This is from the both of us." Smiled Hinata as she handed it over the table. Hanabi glanced funnily at the two of them before opening her gift. They looked like fiancees soon to get married. There was this air of closeness and trust between them that suggested they'd been together a long time, but Hanabi and Neji knew Kiba was a recent friend of Hinata's.
Hanabi reached into the bag and pulled out the triadic braided cheque scarf. Her eyes were instantly glowing and she pulled it to her face to bask in its softness. Hanabi glanced up at her older sister and took in her mature appearance, immaculate and lovely, but her eyes sad and secretive. Hanabi was so happy she was here right now. For awhile, when she had been away, Hanabi hadn't been sure if she was going to see her again. Now that Hanabi thought back to that, she felt heartbroken to think that Hinata wouldn't have been here for her birthday. But she was here, and Hanabi was proud of her lovely older sister, her kind older sister.
"Anekiiii!" Hanabi hopped over Neji's lap and leapt into Hinata's arms, throwing hers around Hinata's waist. "Thank you." She sighed contently.
A small smile spread across Neji's lips at the warm scene between his cousins, while Kiba maintained the urge to hug Hinata as well.
Neji was keeping an eye on him. It was obvious Kiba was very affectionate with his cousin.
Naruto sat out on the entrance of the long-dead Festivalgate amusement park, the old roller coaster looming in the background petrified and cold, like happy memories that had been abandoned. He stared thoughtfully into the dead cell phone that he could not pawn. The woman said if he at least had the charger, she would have taken it for 2000Y, even though the cell phone had been ten times that.
He hated carrying the cell phone when he couldn't do anything with it.
He shoved it back in his pants pockets and collapsed backwards on the brick sidewalk. He didn't know what to do. He was tired of waiting in line for shelter tickets. He was tired of waiting to get picked for day labor jobs. He had a good run with that when he arrived, but the past two weeks had been shit. Sometimes they would see him, but when they did they ignored him. They said there were poorer men that deserved it more. He told them the same thing he told Sato-san, but with a lot more cuss words.
Naruto knew he couldn't go near the welfare office. His age would get him turned over to a probations officer who would try to set him up into foster care, not that would go well because its rare for any fosters to want to care for a seventeen year old. At the very least, once he met the probations officer, Naruto would never make it to foster care. He'd get strung up immediately by Mizuno or the police, whoever it was that was looking for him.
There were over fifty Boryokudan offices in Kamagasaki. Any one of them Naruto could choose to work for or beg protection from. Sato would hate him if he went to Yakuza like that, but it was his best bet. It wasn't like it mattered at this point if he redeemed himself in the eyes of the government and the rest of his morally uptight peers. He was going to stay here in Kamagasaki, hiding in obscurity and living as freely as possible. And if Mizuno did find him, Naruto would be protected by the Yakuza from arrest and prosecution. It was win-win for sure, but... perhaps there were greater consequence as well.
Who would've thought playing a few games of pachinko would have lead to all of this?
Naruto lightly banged his head against the brick. He was pinned down by his ambivalence. He couldn't decide what to do.
He couldn't sell goods like some homeless.
But he could collect cans.
Naruto winced at a memory at the Ichiraku, when Teuchi had been cross over the government's recent recession.
"You kids! All you kids think you can do whatever you want! You take no responsibility! You see where this country is heading?
We've got idiots in Parliament! Our Prime Minister is a CHILD! You've heard him, that lame duck!
Complain he can't keep up with his tankobons anymore! And that moron who can't keep his liquor down, slurred his speech at the Summit!
Those idiots lost half a billion pensions! Who's going to take care of us after him? I don't think I'd trust you with my life until I see some growing up!
But you just come here day in and day out, swearing like a fool! You think that's fine in a normal job? You'd get fired faster than light with your attitude, boy!
Who's going to save us from this shit-hole they've created? Now the Americans are looking at us like we're a suicidal culture!
Ridiculous, political bullshit! You better straighten up, or you'll find yourself collecting cans!"
His heart sank as Teuchi's well-meaning words of warning became true. The shame he should have felt for ditching work finally registered, with the heavy regret that Teuchi and Ayame would never know how he appreciated them.
"Collecting cans..." He mumbled flatly to the hazy March sky. "Done and done, sir."
Sato-san's dog died last week. Sato's dog never had a name, and it was never really his dog. It was a stray that had wandered into Shin-Imamiya Station seven years ago, and it had stayed by Sato's side until the day its heart finally stopped.
Sato sat outside of his tarpaulin lined shack, on a old plastic children's seat he found in the trash twenty years ago, sucking on a crushed, dingy cigarette he had attained from the bottom of a broken vending machine. The shack was rather impressive in its construction. It was built upon the net wire fence of a sidewalk, with a grid of pipes duct taped together to hold the shack to the fence posts. The tarpaulin was stretched over the makeshift scrap metal roofs to keep out the rain.
He hung an old oil lamp by the door, giving the appearance of home, and with extra piping and old reed-woven screens he created a garage off the side of his shack, where he kept an old bike, plastic furniture, brooms, old fold-up chairs and miscellany of discarded treasure.
Naruto doubted he was going to set up a table to sell these things, but having a crowded 'garage' did have a pleasant appearance.
Naruto sat on the sidewalk beside Sato, with a clear garbage bag half-filled with empty cans, today's victory.
The smell of the cigarette wafted over Naruto's nose with an almost tantalizing attraction. His empty stomach shrank knowingly while his absent mind fantasized about the cigarettes in Sato's back pocket. Smoking was never attractive to him before, but now it seemed like a luxurious hobby. Sato could tell what Naruto was thinking by the distant yearning on the young man's face, and he was reminded of what he had sitting inside his home.
"There's some Yoshinoya inside the shack. Help yourself."
Naruto jumped to his feet, wide-eyed and hungry, like a dog who had heard 'treat'. He found the fast food bag and bent down, unveiling the plastic packed food. His stomach groaned 'hallejulah', as tears surfaced to sting. He clapped his hands together and bowed his head, giving thanks every god he could think of.
Naruto re-emerged from Sato's home with the chicken bowl in hand. He grinned his thanks at the older man, who nodded lazily in turn and continued to smoke.
"It's a nice day today." Sato commented pleasantly.
Emilie got Hinata situated in her hotel room. The hallway outside was abuzz with activity. Models moved out of rooms like bees; underdressed, halfway dressed, overdressed, and with something new from each room: a perm, jewelry, a new dress, a new outfit, new shoes. They were completing looks left and right but the shoot wasn't anywhere here but the hotel's garden.
Emilie wasn't modelling today. She was going to take care of Hinata's photo shoot.
Hinata had no permission to be here but Emilie's permission, and Emilie - if anyone didn't know - was like the Queen of Hearts. She got her way. She didn't have to persuade, beg, bat her eyelashes - people trusted her around here, and even when there was scrutiny, she overcame with her conqueror-like determination.
Plus she was smart. She knew what she was doing, and she rarely ever made a mistake in judgement.
She completed Hinata's make-up and got her out of her robe. She walked over to the bed and got the items that Hinata was meant to wear.
Hinata's eyes widened.
Practically everything was Alice Auaa.
But the dress was a custom design, just for this shoot.
Emilie glinted proudly and almost mischeviously at her.
Hinata stood aside on the polished granite staircase as a timid observer. Emilie stood beside her in her Chanel ruffled dress shirt and black slacks, armed with a Canon-EOS 1Ds Mark IV camera.
Bursts of light echoed in Hinata's eyes, the garden filled with headying flashes. Floral angels of all stature and elegance crowded the garden in their lace sleeves and deconstructed tiered skirts.
Hinata gently touched the brass rabbit necklace that hung loose over her collarbone. It had a wine-red satin ribbon woven through the chains. It matched the large satin ribbons that criss-crossed across her bare back, and hugged at her sides. The bodice was a fully shirred lace, vintage in design and in its cream color, with a high collar and matching kid gloves. Cream, navy blue, and wine red iridescent ribbons were loosely braided over her shoulders like dress straps. The sides of her skirt were dark red, with a fade plaid print, and milk-white double-scalloped embroidered applique across the hem. The rest of the skirt was an iridescent cotton fabric, in deconstructed tiers that descended below her knees in an upside V-cut. Beneath, she wore leggings of the same lace material as her top, but with holes here and there as if the fabric was beginning to hem.
Hinata's hair was left down, her ends done in loose doll curls. She wore a Kanoko-dome kanzashi-inspired hair piece: A circular mirror was the centerpiece. Upon the mirror was an engraved portrait of the rabbit Alice follow into the rabbit hole. You could only see the engraving from the right angle however, but sometimes the image would appear on dark surfaces. Golden-brass sparrow wings jutted out from behind the mirror, as autumn leaves framed it. A Bira-bira kanzashi of golden-brass sakura petals hung off from the hairpiece like still frames of fallen sakura. Cream and red ribbons were woven loosely into Hinata's hair, the remainder unwoven left to hang against her skin.
Hinata couldn't imagine ever wearing this outfit on the Bridge. She wondered if this was considered high fashion, since this piece was clearly not on mass production. And perhaps if it was, it was hard to imagine anyone wearing this dress more than once a year.
Hinata tried hard not to faint.
This was the most incredible, glorious, intimidating moment of her life.
'I-I-I can't believe I get to model before G&LB! I can't believe I'm wearing Alice Auaa! Omigod, I'm wearing Alice Auaa... Th-The... The dress is a custom... custom-made... Omigod, I'm really modelling before G&LB...'
The two willowy models pulled out of their poses and left the granite bench.
Emilie grasped Hinata's hand and tugged her towards the bench.
The shoot here was done, but everyone decided to stay and watch Emilie's private project.
Hinata sat carefully on the cold bench as Emilie propped her up in many different angles. She straightened Hinata's back, raised her elbows up to her breasts, told her to curl her fingers and rest them by her cheeks.
"Okay, hold that!"
K-CHIK-CHIK-CHIK!
"Okay, now keep still, but turn your eyes to the left. Keep your lids down."
K-chik-chik-chik!
Everyone was staring at Hinata, but she took no notice. Emilie was so demanding and excited with her work that Hinata's thoughts could not drift past their little circle.
'I wonder if I look good doing this? I wonder how the pictures will come out for LaBelle-san... I wonder if Kiba would like seeing me like this. I wonder how happy he would be? Would Neji-nii be happy with my photos? I know Hanabi-chan would... I wonder if what LaBelle-san was correct about me...'
Emilie sensed the changes in Hinata's mood and she couldn't be more excited. She propped Hinata's right elbow a little higher to brush her bangs off her brow, and place her left hand close to her mouth, extending her pinky so that it rested on her bottom lip. There was a confusion and sadness swirling in Hinata's pale eyes that drew in the crew's curiosity. LaBelle propped her chin up a few millimeters, and told her to stare straight out.
'What would Naruto think of me... if he saw this?'
The loss in her eyes sent tingles through the models and camera crew. Tingles of empathy, of surprise, and of awe.
Was this Emilie's doing? Was this her plan?
K-chik-chik-chik! K-chik-chik-chik! K-chik-chik-chik! ... K-chik-chik-chik! K-chik-chik-chik!
Emilie brought down her camera, and held out a hand for Hinata, where she then lead her towards rose hedge maze entrance. After the maze, she had another shoot at the end of the maze. Both of these were all Emilie's idea, they had no relation to the planned shoots for the magazine.
A 35-year old editor flipped through the digital photos sent to him over and over again, his eyes constantly lingering the on the same model, despite how he tried to remain objective in his selection.
She wasn't even one of their hired models, but he couldn't stop himself from paying extra attention to her photos.
"Emilie-chan, what is this?" He grumbled incredulously as she hovered over his shoulder. He could feel her grinning, and it was rare to ever see her grin.
"A successful experiment."
He clicked through the photos for the fiftieth time, as if testing himself if her photos would have the same effect or not. Each frame of the young girl's escape through the maze slowed to an almost hypnotic speed in his brain. His eyes had followed hers for each frame, and even after being through with those photos and flipping through the others, her eyes remained on his mind.
She left an impression.
"How old is she?" The editor inquired thoughtfully, almost distractedly.
"Seventeen. She would be one of our youngest."
The editor put his chin in his hand, and sighed through his nose as he deliberated on his thoughts.
"Ya know, it's cool when ya want to go do your own thing like this, but... Why did you do this?"
Emilie wanted to laugh out loud, amused that she got such a successful reaction out of her sempai. But at the same time, she was pretty annoyed at the dubious scrutiny.
"What's wrong with this? G&LB tells stories all the time. Half of it is a clothing and lifestyle catalogue, the other half is stories."
"What's her story?"
"Why ruin the mystery, Kato-san?" Emilie smirked, nudging his shoulder. "Anyways, if you don't like this, I'll be her agent."
"Don't you like modelling anymore?"
"I've always wanted to do this, ever since I saw her."
Kato leaned into his hand and sighed again, as he stared hard into Hinata's lost eyes. She looked like a doll who had been broken in half eight different ways. It made his heart sink and swoon at the same time.
"She is very lovely..." He admitted wistfully as he thought about her age and her heartbroken eyes. "You're an evil mastermind, Adler." Kato smirked as he shook his head incredulously.
Emilie just grinned, pumping her manicured fist uncharacteristically in the air in elated victory. She couldn't wait until the mook's release next month!
She hadn't been this happy since the day she first saw Hinata.
Hinata laid out on her futon, arms outstretched and eyes glued to the cieling. Time slowly sucked the breath out of her lungs until she wasn't sure if she was alive or just sleeping. But when the cell phone slipped from her hands and clattered on the floor, she realized what she had heard was true.
They were going to her photos in the next issue.
Hinata was going to be in a mook, read by thousands or more followers of Lolita, beloved for its glossy pages and magical content - She was going to be the very same mook she had worshipped as a budding follower.
And just when she had packed up all her old Lolita stuff and gave up on role-playing ever again on the Bridge...
Now she was a model for G&LB.
"This... is incredible..."
Sato let Naruto use his washbin to wash his clothes. He let Naruto hang his clothes out on his 'garage' fence to dry.
That often left Naruto to squat out on the sidewalks in nothing but his underwear.
But yesterday Naruto found some hand-me down boys clothes hanging off the side of a Clearance bin in the Shopping arcades.
He grabbed what items he could and ran off, not getting caught once, much to his relief and satisfaction.
Now he no longer had to worry about exposing the pigmented, disfigured shame of his youth, nor worry about being without clothes.
Today Naruto wandered lazily through Sankaku Koen of Osaka's Amemura, or America-town.
Stylish teens of the colorful prints scene and punk variety hung around the shops and out on brick ledges, chatting and laughing away with friends. Restaurant employees who got off work were seen passing through the center. Business men were seen sitting off their inebriation, others were seen passed out drunk.
Naruto took a spot on the stairs to take in the evening air, feeling confident in his 'brand new' duds that he did not stink half as much as he did last week.
Naruto felt pretty proud at how he was handling utter homelessness. But if it weren't for Sato's friendship, Naruto would have been lost. He would have been stealing more than anything, and that's not what the homeless of Kamagasaki were about, not in the least.
Naruto sweeped his eyes across Sankaku Koen, hoping to find cans he could collect. He didn't bring his garbage bag however. He wasn't dumb enough to show off his homelessness like that. He spotted two girls who finished off theirs, but they tossed them into recycling as they left.
"Damn." He muttered with an aloof huff of breath. The neon lights of the shops buzzed and hummed in the increasing darkness. A large, three-story shop across the way turned on its store lights inside revealing walls and walls of sports sneakers. But above, identical pink signs caught his interest.
BrandX Gothic & Lolita. The second and third floor was a department store for all things Lolita.
The third floor windows were closed off with red curtains, but names: BABY the STARS SHINE BRIGHT, Angelic Pretty, and Innocent World could be read. Beneath that, the second floor of darkened windows read: Vivienne Westwood, alice auaa, Jean Paul GAULTIER, , Metamorphose, MILK, Victorian Maid, Moi-même-Moitié, and a couple others brands.
Naruto quirked a brow as he watched two girls and a boy walk downstairs from the three-story building. One girl was a sweet lolita, dressed head-to-toe in Innocent World, her orange-blonde hair permed into two pigtails, while her counterpart - with straight black and red hair - was a Punk-loli decked out in Vivienne Westwood and Moi-même-Moitié. The male was a casual Dandy-loli, his hair bleached a crazy-looking yellow, spiked, with a shaved stripe running across his scalp. He wore a deconstructed franken-stitched white pirate shirt and bluish-black trousers, with a simple white plaid pattern, and black leather platform boots.
Naruto couldn't believe kids his age chose to dress like that, even dudes.
"They must be spoiled brats to spend that kind of money." He sighed.
Kiba was so happy to see Hinata like this again, like she was back to her old self, safe and sane.
He was certain she close to forgetting about the violent yanki. And she had, that would be the day he would make her his.
They rode the city train into Shibuya station where he would take her out for dinner to celebrate her new job, whatever it was.
"Why won't you tell me?" He whined childishly as grasped her hands and pressed them to his cheek.
"I'll tell you in a couple weeks, Kiba-kun." She giggled lightly.
"Something like this shouldn't be a secret. You'll have me thinking you're doing something improper." Kiba brought her hands away from his cheek and fondled them lovingly in his larger ones. Hinata knew this was his way, and she had been thinking seriously about his feelings ever since Hanabi's birthday.
The way Kiba cared for her was completely different than the way Naruto cared for her.
The way Kiba loved her was never going to occur within Naruto.
Naruto was a lost cause, and he was long gone.
Hinata had accepted this.
Her heart jumped in her chest like it had been constricted against a metal cage. She took a deep breath and released it as quietly and calmly as she could. This was what happened to her when she thought about him. And she had to do all she could to appear like it didn't bother her.
"Doing something improper? Yeah, I can believe that coming from Hyuuga-san." came a voice above them. Hinata regretted the instant she glanced up.
It was one of their former classmates, Boy C. And that snarky busybody Girl A was beside him.
"Well after that video, she's practically a porn star!" Girl A announced loudly with a shrilly laugh. The color drained from Hinata's face, her heart sank in her stomach, and her stomach sank into a dark place she hadn't seen since the hotel in Nagoya. Kiba clutched her hand tightly in his and shot a vicious glare at the two.
"Shut the fuck up! Hinata didn't do shit!"
"Yeah, except touch herself over and over again! Oh, Naruto-kun, more! More!' " Boy C mocked, pretending to play with breasts he didnt have.
Kiba clenched his teeth so hard they scraped from the pressure. He did all he could not to pick a fight with the two trolls.
"Hey, hey Hinata-chan!" Girl A smirked as she reached out and grabbed Hinata's chin, forcing Hinata to look at her. "So, are ya really going to show up at school? Ya know what everyone is going to remember when they see you, right?" Girl A squeezed Hinata's chin in her thumb, making the timid girl grimace in pain. Hinata forced herself out of the other's grasp, her eyes were stinging betrayed with tears. The next words she could not avoid. "You were the slutty fangirl of a violent thug."
"NARUTO-KUN WAS NEITHER VIOLENT NOR A THUG!"
Tears streamed down her burning cheeks.
The crowded train car stopped at her sodden, noble defense.
Kiba was crushed and confounded by this.
"He wasn't what?" Girl A egged on with sarcastic innocence.
"HE WASN'T A VIOLENT THUG! SO TAKE IT BACK!"
Girl A just snickered, indifferently amused that she was able to get such a reaction to easily out of the quiet girl. Girl A glanced to the right of Hinata, finding an ashamed and silently despairing Kiba.
"You sure got great taste in girls, Inuzuka. Looks like she still cares for the bastard."
Hinata glanced over to Kiba as the train began to slow. He was slouched back, hiding his face in his hand, his face burning with embarassment.
She was never loud, but that time she had been obnoxoiusly loud. And all in defense of Naruto, the same person that broke her heart eight ways to hell.
The two former classmates got off the train, laughing like hyenas at the day they'd ruined.
Kiba couldn't look at Hinata just yet.
He was so pissed she actually defended Naruto like that.
"Kiba-kun... wait..."
Kiba walked passed the restaurant, his mind left to stew in a swamp of disappointment and uncertainty. He didn't know who to be more mad at. Perhaps it was those creeps fault for reminding Hinata of her mistakes, maybe it was their fault for reminding her about Naruto. But maybe it was Hinata. If she had been over Naruto by now, she wouldn't have reacted to vehemently. No... those two were right. Hinata still cared for Naruto, even after all this time.
"Kiba-kun..?"
Kiba stopped at the curb.
"You know I have a big problem with you still thinking about him."
"I don't think about him anymore..."
"And that's what I thought until a while ago! Why would you defend him?"
"Because he's not like that-"
"He's every bit like that! Not mention the shit he's pulled on you! Or rather the shit he's made you do! Shortening your skirt an inch a day just to see if he likes what he sees? You know he never looked your way even after all of that! Fooling around in the gymnasium equipment room? That was true, wasn't it? You guys were fucking around during school!"
"Kiba..."
"I know you were infatuated with him. I secretly stood by your side when you chased after him. I had hoped he would reciprocate, and treat you with all the respect you deserve. But the more you chased after him, the less I could trust him. And as far as being 'violent' goes- When you didn't show up to school that one day, I confronted him about what he was doing to you. He broke my nose! He knocked me down and punched me until I was spitting up blood! He said you were nothing special! How can you defend that? He destroyed your reputation with that video! How can you defend THAT?"
Naruto stared up at the black night sky, the neon lights of Sankaku Koen obscuring the stars from the citizens below.
It's been nearly five weeks since he put Hinata on that train.
He wondered if she ever came back. If she had, she would have gone to Tsunami's apartment, only to be told he wasn't welcome there anymore. Hinata wouldn't have known where to find him and she would have had gone back home.
He wondered she had come back for him. He wondered if she had cry angry tears that he was suddenly gone, no longer waiting for her return as he had promised. He wondered if she was doing alright being back home where she belonged.
School began in a couple of days, didn't it?
"She'll be okay..." He mumbled to the sky, knowing she was in good hands back home. He brought dirty fingers to his rough lips, her kiss briefly flitting across in his mind.
He tried hard not to miss her.
If he began missing her, he didn't know what he would do.
Hinata wouldn't come out of her room.
Her fingertips trailed the path of her scar on her scalp, the simple action reviving a painfully tender memory that she had awoken from.
She had nearly forgotten him. She thought she had been in the clear. But everything about him, the good and the bad, it came back to her in high doses. And like a powerful frequency, the memories shattered her peace of mind.
His face was wet when he awoke. He immediately found Hinata's soft eyes gently regarding him. She wiped away the tears from his cheeks, frowning as she did so.
"Have you been having bad dreams?" She murmured somberly.
"Aneki! Kiba-kun is waiting for you outside!" Hanabi called, her voice welling up with concern.
He grabbed at her shoulders and pulled her to his chest. He held her so close in hopes that this feeling of security would never leave, in hopes that she would tattooed onto his heart.
If he could remember her and keep the way she made him feel, if he could recreate the blanket every time he felt lonely- then he would gladly give her up.
She did not need to be burdened by his pain. She didn't need to know his darkness.
Hanabi got nothing, just her sister's silence. "Neji-nii! I have to go now!" Hanabi ran away from Hinata's room and into the genkan, her voice continued to echoe through their home, "Make sure Hinata isn't late for school! Bye!"
His finger traced leisurely over the path of her scar, as she laid her head against his chest. Neither wished to close their eyes. Midnight was in their midst and the thought of sunrise grew more urgent.
They hadn't talked about what they would do when morning came and they would have to leave. Naruto knew he would stay, it was on Hinata to make a plan.
He wondered how she could have gotten such a scar on her scalp. She said it wasn't really an accident or that it was sort of an accident. How old were they when Neji gave her this mark?
"Do you remember?" Naruto murmured beneath his breath.
Footsteps stopped tentatively behind her door, his prescence hovering for some time before he finally spoke.
"Hinata... what's going on?" Neji reached to pull her door open, but dropped his hand remembering her rule of privacy. He heard a soft cry beyond the screen. He couldn't hear her at first but then he'd began to make out 'I can't... I just can't...'. "Hinata, there's no pointing in skipping the first day back if you're not sick-"
"THEN I'M SICK!" She cried in an airless wail.
"I wish I had the chance to grow up with you..."
/
"N-NARUTO-KUN!"
His eyes snapped up at her voice. She stared at him from the edge of the bed, her healthy flesh flushed pale from fear. He grabbed his throat instinctively. It felt sharp and dry, it hurt to take in air.
Then he realized: Hinata is alive. She was living, breathing, moving... crying.
His face was wet again. Had he been crying too? Had she been crying for him?
"Have you been having bad dreams?" She murmured carefully. Just the mere utterance of those words sent him backwards.
It became obvious to her he had been by looking at his face; pale, sweaty, ashen and his eyes haunted. He became fixated with her flat stomach.
He could not forget what he saw, and he could not believe it hadn't been real.
"Hinata...!"
"Don't let me go today, please! Just please, don't let me go back today!"
Hinata stepped off the bed, mindful in her approach to her cursed lover who had suddenly began to cry. His red, irritated eyes disturbed her, her heart twisted into itself.
She could not bear the sight, this was not the Naruto she knew.
There was nothing she could do when he flinched away from her hand. He pushed himself away from her. There was nothing she could to do calm him down.
"Hinata-chan..."
There was nothing she could do to get him back to bed.
He refused to sleep.
"He was arrested by the police right in front of my eyes... Do you know how terrible that must have made him feel?"
Naruto choked down a cry, the bitter sound catching her attention.
"...He's going to be away for at least five years. That's a long time. Everyone is telling me not to wait for him. Five years certainly is a long time all right. Maybe I won't be able to wait, but what other choice do I have?"
His jaw was clenched so hard, she could see he tried keep silent as his Adam's apple bobbed up and down in search of direction.
"Hinata, you can't stay in your room like this...!"
"You were the slutty fangirl of a violent thug."
/
It looked like a knife handle.
She turned it over, looking for anything outstanding. She found the slot where the blade came out. She tried to pull it out with her nails.
"Ouch.." She winced, a brief soreness under the bed of her nails. Hinata looked at her fingers. She thought she might've cut herself, there were red flecks on fingertips, but it was dry.
/
"HE WASN'T A VIOLENT THUG! SO TAKE IT BACK!"
/
Hinata watched the way the bleach-water in the sink grew redder and redder from the switch-blade knife she had left to soak.
The water was practically opaque, practically the color of a tomato, there was just so much blood coming out of the blade's handle.
She thought of the day she found him in Shinjuku, beaten and bloody.
"Was this from that day? Did he use this?"
/
"My neighbor told me the knife they found used to kill the taxi driver was none other than Uchiha Sasuke's. Not just that though: That very switchblade was used in The Shinjuku Incident."
/
"Hey, Hinata-chan! Wow, you look good today!"
/
"I don't think being 'less harmless than Sasuke' inspires much confidence about this child."
/
He forced her hips down, sending surges of lascivious pleasure through their lower bodies as she hit his bulge.
This was the first time she ever felt something like this; hard, swollen and begging... It scared her out of her mind.
She tried to plead again with muted words, but as he forced her hips up and down, enthusiastically grinding her crotch against his hardness, she could do nothing but supress her cries.
/
"... He said you were nothing special! How can you defend that? He destroyed your reputation with that video! How can you defend THAT?"
"I can't... I can't... Oh, god, please god, please god, please... don't make me go back today... please... please... I can't forget, I can't forget hi..." Her voice disappeared into silence, but her muffled mutterings haunted Neji's mind.
What was there left for him to do?
Star - I hope the whole 'Hinata becomes a G&LB model' thing was not unbelievable, eheheh. You know anything is possible when you have loyal friends in high places. XD Also, I haven't been following Lolita in a couple years now, so while I tried to get a real good look at Alice Auaa, I couldn't. (cries) So yeah, the whole 'custom-made' outfit totally fictional. But let's just say it's Alice Auaa, even if maybe it actually wouldn't fit in their repetoire. (flops) I guess I could have made it Juliette et Justine instead, the rabbit necklace was inspired by a Juliette et Justine piece anyhow.
Okay, hope this was satisfyingly longer. I'll try to get back to the next chap soon enough. I didn't necessarily get stuck here, but I felt like if I did continue from here that it would all just start to escape me and get really sloppy pace-wise. XD Yeah, sad. (flops)
Okay, feel free to review if you're up to it. Bai-ness.