It's over. It's all over.
Anakin, Obi-Wan, Master Yoda, myself and the few clones troopers board the gunship at once, which takes us back across the desert land and toward one of the immense Republic Starships. I sit in the gunship, feeling both tired and worn, next to Anakin and across from Obi-Wan and Master Yoda. No one says anything. The ride is eerily silent.
I narrow my weary eyes and keep my stare fixed on the desert ground below. If I had thought my last glimpse of the ground of the execution arena was a graphic reminder of the casualties and loss of battle, it cannot even compare with how severe and tragic this massive stretch of land that was once a battlefield appears. I have trouble believing it's real. I almost hope my eyes are playing tricks on me and are making this scene more horrible than it really is.
I move just my eyes to look at Obi-Wan and can see the hurt and horror written in his expressionless face. As an experienced Jedi, he obviously hides his emotions and troubling thoughts well. However, the look in his eyes is unmistakable.
Something about looking into Obi-Wans eyes hits me very deep, emotionally. I cannot explain it, but it's as though I could watch hundreds of people cry and feel sympathy, but give no reaction. Yet something as simple as Obi-Wans hurt, pained eyes makes me want to weep uncontrollably. I feel the tears come to my eyes. They burn, and I try harder than ever to suppress them.
Groups of clones continue to march across the land that was just moments ago a massive field of crisscrossing missiles. They are no longer fighting anything, but they are checking fallen troopers to confirm their deaths, and to discover any possible survivors. There is also the quick glimpse of a vengeful kick to the disabled droid for mere amusement. It is a moment that must somehow be an outlet of revenge or hatred from these artificial human soldiers.
The empty battlefield is almost as eerie as the silence in our gunship. Despite the few clones that wander below, or the occasional gunship that can be seen flying off in the distance, there is nothing but this ominous graveyard of droid parts and weaponry. Strangely, it feels as though this battle could have happened dozens of years ago, and no one disturbed the remains. It makes me wonder what the rest of the battles the war will bring may look like once they are finished. Will this wretched war come to Naboo? Will my beautiful city of Theed someday look like this—a scattered graveyard of disembodied droids, broken walkers, and slaughtered soldiers? Will Coruscant, Capitol of the Republic, someday fall to ruins and look just like this?
The thought does not bother me as much as I'd expect it to. Instead, it makes me wonder what we really are fighting for. I said before I don't feel regret for our clone army. I feel grateful. They saved my life. I know we would be hopeless without them. We would've surely died, and the Republic would already be at the mercy of the Separatists immense droid army. However, I still cannot change my political views completely when I look out and think of what this war will bring. There will obviously be deaths. There will obviously be destruction. But I neither support nor condemn the fighting anymore.
I've taken an extremely complicated position on this matter. I know I should be fighting against the war. And there are countless Senators on Coruscant who will be counting on me to reinforce that position, especially now. But it's deeper than that. It's always been deeper than that, I feel.
Plus, there's the whole emotional involvement I have to face now. Gunray and Dooku personally wanted me dead. They thought they had me. Now that they have no reason to hide or keep quiet anymore, they will surely come after me with full, brutal force. Not only does this put me in more, increased danger, but they may also go after my family and loved ones as well. They will need protection. I will need protection, still. Just when I thought this situation couldn't be more complex…
Our gunship finally arrives at a designated Starfighter. I feel the ship dip down and dive toward the ground. I grip the side of Anakin's arm for balance and security, but also for some comfort. We exchange glances for a moment, and I know he sees the tears I'm fighting to suppress. However, we quickly look away from each other. He knows I need him. But we cannot allow the others to see us acting in any way that is not strictly professional. It's a crude practice, but I suppose I should get used to this.
"Are you alright, Senator?" A medical droid in the medical center asks me when it's finished treating the claw slashes across my back. The applied ointment stings a bit, but it's a good kind of sting—I feel the treatment already healing my wounds.
"Yes, thank you. That feels so much better." I say as I close my eyes and let the relief soak in. I rest my head on the face cushion and I feel myself almost drift off to sleep at once. It's been so long since I've rested. It's been so long since I've had a night's sleep without worry.
Several hours later, I wake up, feeling well rested and free of pain. I realize we are deep in space at this point, probably headed back to the Capitol. I change out of my dirty, torn jumpsuit and dress in a simple, thick dress that's sitting on the chair next to me. It's just as white as my previous outfit was back when I initially tried it on. They give me another heavy blue cloak to wrap myself with while I'm recuperating.
When I feel like I am well enough to leave the confines of my room, I wander the halls of the massive warship in search for Obi-Wan or Anakin. An entourage of troopers lead me over to a small military briefing session where I see Obi-Wan concentrating hard on the conversation.
As soon as he sees me, me motions to end the congregation, and many of the troopers dissipate, but he remains, standing with Master Yoda and several other Jedi, as well as a hologram of the Chancellor.
"Senator, it's a pleasure to see you alive and well." The hologram greets me with his aged, courteous smile.
"Thank you, Chancellor. I take it you have things under control in the Senate while I've been away?" I ask kindly, but everyone knows I'm extremely serious when I ask it.
"To the best of my abilities, Senator. However I must admit, your absence in the Senate has been both noticeable and costly. Your hopeful return will be much anticipated." He replies.
I hope he's not saying all of these things just to be nice. My job has just become much more dangerous, and I can only hope he will respect that.
"That's a very interesting point, Chancellor. I appreciate your interest in my return, but I must warn you that I will hope for some more time away from the chaos for a while. I think it's best if I just keep quiet for a little." I suggest to him.
"I cannot argue with you, M'Lady. After all, you have been through quite a lot recently." He adds, smiling still.
"What are you planning to do, if I may ask, Senator?" Obi-Wan asks me. I know it is not a personal question. His tone suggests it as an inquiry of business.
"I was hoping to return to Naboo for a while. I'm sure my family will be most anxious to see me safe immediately. I would like to keep them company for a while—assure them that I am OK and able to return to work. Plus, I have a few last minute affairs I would like to take care of before I do return to the Senate." I tell the group.
"Need rest, you do, Senator. A break, do you well, it should." Master Yoda says to me with a look of comfort.
I welcome his kindness, and I'm glad to see that everyone understands and respects my concern to not immediately return to the Senate.
"Would it be at all possible for Padawan Skywalker to return to Naboo with me? For security purposes, of course. He is still my Jedi protector, after all." I say to Obi-Wan, hoping he simply goes along with my request and avoids questioning it.
"Of course. There will be a small window of time for him now while he is recuperating from his injuries where he can accompany you. Of course, eventually his services will be needed again, but for now, he can surely return with you to Naboo." The Chancellor answers for Obi-Wan.
This is surprising, coming from Chancellor Palpatine. Obi-Wan does not object, however I cannot help but notice the wave of concern that passes over both his and Master Yoda's faces. Still, to my pleasure, they confirm that Anakin will be able to come with me to Naboo.
"He is your personal security, M'Lady. I'll tell him at once that he will go with you to Naboo to ensure your safety." Obi-Wan says to me, and takes off down a corridor, his dark robe billowing in his strides.
Finally, it sinks in that I will have a temporary moment to live. For once, it will be just like our brief time on Naboo, where Anakin and I had just each other, and nothing to trouble us or interrupt our lives. I understand that eventually, I will need to return to Coruscant. Eventually, I will need to go back to the Senate, debate amendments and acts that will be brought up as reactions to blows from the war. I understand that we both will have duties to return to. But for now, I have nothing. I have just Naboo, Anakin, and time to live my life.