April 26
LEN POV
It had been a month since we moved here to Ishikawa. Thankfully, mom and dad were sending me enough money, probably still thinking that I was using it for my tuition and college needs. Though I felt really sorry for them and I also wanted to finish college, my desire of helping Luka was there even greater. She had already undergone few treatments and surgeries like Brachytherapy, Iridocyclectomy and a bunch of single-agent Chemotherapy sessions. She even got all the drugs that she needed and she was already confined to the most high class hospital of the city.
There was something wrong though.
Even though she already has everything that she needs, she still seems to get worse day by day. It is something that I can't explain and it surely is something that is breaking my heart. I no longer want to see her like that. I no longer want to witness her, being gradually consumed by her disease. No, I never want to leave her, I want to stay by her side but I can't help but cry every night. Every time I face her, every time I talk to her, I try my best to always smile so I could show her that everything's alright but I feel severe despondency and dejection inside. IA, please hear me! Please hear me and help me save Luka!
"Open up." I playfully told her, motioning the fork that had the last crumb of strawberry shortcake to her mouth. Like always, she still looked as if nothing's going on with her. She still looked happy. "Do you like it?" I asked when she munched on the pastry that I made for her.
Nodding, she gave me a double-thumbs up and giggled. "It got more delicious again! I'm so glad that I'm still allowed to eat these." she squealed. How could she do that? How could she stay strong? I totally admire her for this. I just wish that she'd stay like this until she finally gets alright.
"Guess what?" I voiced out, making her look at me with excitement. "You're gonna be having tuna tonight."
She laughed and clapped excitedly. She opened her mouth to reply something when we suddenly heard the door that was cracked opened, creak.
"Whoa!" a small voice breathed out, sounding really astonished. "Look, mommy! A girl with pink hair!" Then I turned to the door, seeing a girl with a blue scarf and ice cream in her left hand. Her eyes were sparkling as she stared at Luka, admiring the glowing pink hair that was running through her head.
Glaring at the kid, I stomped my foot and threatened to stand up from my seat. "Get out of here!" I yelled, making the little girl run away, crying and screaming 'mommy' again and again.
Luka patted my back. "Hey, that wasn't very nice, Len. Why did you do that?" she told me in a faint tone. I frowned. I didn't really want to do that but the girl would surely just remind her of...him.
Sighing, I looked at her with deep sorry eyes. "Well, I'm sorry." But I couldn't tell her the reason why I drove the kid away. I didn't want to remind her of something that would just cause her depression. "The kid is...uhmmm...kind of ugly." Well, that was a stupid reason.
It took her a while before answering then a smile crept to her face. "I think she's kind of cute." she cooed, curling up and resting her chin to her knees. "She reminds me of..."
Then she paused. That was the last thing that I wanted right now. She shouldn't remember Kaito now that she'd undergo a bone marrow-testing just few minutes behind. It was for the doctors to check if her bone marrow was making normal amounts of blood cells. It was for us to find out if her cancer was spreading or not.
"Him again?" I grunted, looking down.
She tilted my face up to hers and smiled weakly. "Well, yeah." she mumbled.
Tears threatened to escape my eyes but I tried my best to hold them back. I knew that she shouldn't have remembered Kaito. With that smile of hers, I could tell that she was pained. All of the torment that Kaito had made her experience would just build up in her again.
No more! No more painful memories for her. "Stop!" I almost screamed. "Just stop thinking of him already." I gripped her blanket tightly, hoping that she would just change the topic or something.
Giggling, she ruffled my hair. "Alright, alright. But why so angry?"
I shouldn't tell her the reason why. If I told her, she would just think of it more. I should make her laugh. I want to hear her laugh. "Because..." I squeaked, thinking of any possible reasons. "Because...I am your boyfriend and you are pregnant with my child!" I cried, clinging onto her hospital dress, standing the ground of what she told her family.
She was quiet for a moment then she laughed. "Oh, Len." was all that she said because she couldn't stop laughing. I was glad because of that. I couldn't make her laugh like the way Kaito could but at least I could see this laugh of hers. This laugh of hers that only I can see. Though she was suffering from something very fatal, the emotions that she was showing me was still always sincere.
Wiping my tears away, I chuckled. "So don't think of any other guy again, okay?" I told her then she nodded.
Dr. Yowane and some nurses suddenly entered the room and patted my back, signaling that it was time for me to go outside then Luka tugged my sleeve.
"It's time now, big sis...I mean, sweetheart." I said bitterly. "Do you...need an inspiration while they take bone marrow samples from you?"
She smiled at me halfheartedly, reluctantly letting go of my sleeve. "I do." she replied in a low tone of voice, yet still sounded very strong.
I picked up the ring from my pocket that I bought just a while ago. I just thought that she would need something that would remind her of me, her metaphorical little brother who never asked for anything else but for her to get better soon, so she would always hold on. Giving it to her, I smiled and waved my hand.
"Good luck!" I cheered before exiting the room.
I watched them from the huge see-through glass that was on the wall and saw Dr. Yowane, indicating Luka to lay down sideways. At first, I smiled because she looked so strong. I watched them pricking huge injections to Luka but her serious fighting face was still there and I felt really happy. I was so proud of her. My face suddenly crumpled when I saw her wince. She looked so hurt, she looked so pained. Even if she tried to maintain looking strong, it could be seen that she couldn't.
I suddenly felt really dull then my eyes sank. I looked away because it was just really intolerable.I could feel my heart pounding in my chest then shivering, I closed my eyes and started praying. I couldn't imagine how much she was enduring all of those. Of all people, why was she the one experiencing all of these tribulation and distress? I felt like I was in a thick fog and everything around me was falling apart. As much as I wanted to put an end to all of her hardships, I couldn't. I felt so helpless.
Was hiding everything from her family really the right thing to do? Did I do the right thing or was it just a wrong move? Still trembling, I caught a glimpse of her, holding the ring that I gave her onto her chest. My eyes widened. She looked as if she was going to break down, yet she held on. She was holding on for me, she was fighting for me. I knew that everyone else was making her feel miserable but she knew that I never wanted to lose her. She knew that I still wanted her in my life so she was bearing it.
It hit me.
I should've just told everyone. I realized that sometimes, breaking promises is for the best. If everyone knew, they'd make her feel that they needed her. They would make her feel wanted. If that happens, she would fight more. She would have more strength to brawl this malady away. Just keep going, Luka. For now, at least endure everything for me. Don't you worry, big sis. I'll take you back to them, you'll feel more love. I'll save you, I'll be your hero.
KAITO POV
I had already been a month, yet I still felt so miserable. I felt so deceived and cheated. Until now, I still couldn't believe that Luka and Len would actually be able to do that to me. What's worse was I still couldn't bring myself to hate them because I knew that everything was my fault. I already felt like killing myself sometimes but Lily's condition was still stopping me. She got a little better but her therapist told us that she would no longer be able to walk and it just chained me more to my responsibilities with her.
Occasionally, I'd go to a psychiatrist without my foster family knowing because I needed someone to talk to so badly. I feel like I am losing my sanity with each day that passes. She was already gone but I was still yearning for her so badly. I just couldn't get Luka out of my mind. It was almost like someone was playing a cruel joke on me. My goodness! Just make it stop! MAKE IT ALL STOP, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!
"Luke, does your head hurt again?" Lily asked, worry seeping in her voice. I wish I could tell her yes. I wish I could tell her that I still loved Luka but I couldn't. I pity her, yes but sometimes, I feel like I'm being smothered by her and dad. "Would you like me to massage you?"
Breathing heavily with the thought of Luka again, I shook my head and leaned down to her. "Lily," I mouthed before kissing her wildly with the thought of Luka. Damn, Lily! Just let go of me and notice that I don't love you already!
She was the one who pulled apart, grasping for air. I was expecting her to ask me what's wrong. At least ask me what's bothering me. Open up a topic about what's bothering me and I'll tell you. "That was amazing." she mumbled, her lips pulled to a happy smile. Damn it!
I continued kissing her, sealing our lips tightly. It was wrong because I kept thinking about Luka but damn, Lily was so selfish. All she cared about was me, keeping her happy. Just ask me at least one time, Lily. Ask me about how I feel and I might start to like you. Please try to understand me.
Deep lustful moans escaped from her lips as I kissed her passionately when I suddenly felt my phone, vibrating inside my pocket. I pulled away then she groaned, her face crooked in irk. Looking down, my face lit up seeing Rin's number. Len hurt me too much and I spent most of my times taking care of Lily that I almost forgot about Rin.
She left me a text message, saying that she wanted to see me then I got excited. I needed to see Rin. I needed to see her so we could cheer each other up. Surely, she also felt lonely when Len left her. "Uhmm...Lily," I started, trying to pick up the right words to say. "You know...Rin right? Len's twin sister." She raised an eyebrow and opened her mouth to an 'o' shape, encouraging me to speak further. "Well, she needs me with something and I have to go. I'll...come back later, I promise but..."
"Alright." she simply replied, cutting me off. I was surprised because I expected her to stop me. With that, I felt relieve.
I inhaled deeply and kissed her cheek before standing up waving my hand at her. "See you!" I yelled before exiting the door. I just had to see Rin right now.
As soon as I arrived, I ran full speed towards the door and burst inside, not bothering to knock anymore. I just felt really thrilled with the though that I could finally open up my feelings to someone close to me—not to my psychiatrist. I quickly looked around to find her then I found her in their dining room, sitting alone with ice cream on the table.
"Rin!" I called out to her, tackling her to hug. "I missed you so much!" Then I saw her smiling weakly at me. I knew that she was also feeling miserable without her brother.
She stood up and pulled a chair, gesturing me to sit down and I did. "I missed you too." she muttered, looking down as if she was thinking of something. "Eat...ice cream if you want. I have to tell you something that I should've told you earlier."
"I know, I know." I exhaled, feeling somewhat relieved already. "What Luka and your brother did to us was really painful. I know the feeling of being left alone. I always feel so grieved and troubled and I know that you feel the same. I'm so sorry that I almost forgot about you but hey! Let's face this together now. We don't have to be alone anymore."
I sounded so desperate, yes. I expected Rin to perhaps whimper and cry on my shoulder but instead, she furrowed her eyebrows and chewed her bottom lip. She looked like she was thinking of how to tell me something.
"Kaito," she voiced out. "I wanted to tell you this but I was just waiting for the perfect timing. Look, it won't make me eat nor sleep, it keeps tensing me, I just can't stop thinking about it. And..."
"Rin, it's alright. Someday, they'll come back for us. That's for sure." I said cutting her off.
She then flinched and smacked the table in front of us. "Listen to me!" she yelled, making me freeze. "Those past days that they were still here, they always wouldn't tell me where'd they go. Sometimes, they would stay here for a while but they would spend most of their times in Len's room and...and I always hear Luka screaming."
Pain started to dagger inside me again. I was expecting her to make me feel better but she just made me feel worse. Did she really have to rub it in? "Wow, Rin. Thank you very much for the information but I think I've heard enough and I want to go home." I said mockingly, making her stand up and glare at me, flames of fury burning in her eyes.
"Will you listen to me first?!" she yelled again, making me give her a questioning look. What was it really that she wanted to tell me? "Luka was screaming because of pain! Not because of the pain that you're all thinking but...but I think something's going on with her." she whimpered with her voice almost disappearing.
Sighing, I gathered her to my arms and patted her head. I didn't exactly get it but I suddenly felt like listening to her. "Continue." I murmured, waiting for her quick response.
Pulling away, she looked up to me and sat down again. "I thought that there was something romantic between them too but before they left, me and Len were saying our goodbyes then we heard Luka screaming in pain...on her own. When we saw her cowering on the floor, Len pulled her up and dragged her to the car. I asked them what's wrong b...but Len completely ignored me and left. Luka was struggling. Kaito, Luka isn't really pregnant. I'm sure of that."
Goggling, I tried to absorb what Rin just told me and blinked a few times. Luka told us that she was pregnant. Why would she tell us that if it wasn't true? Why would she run away with Len? I wasn't fully convinced that she wasn't really pregnant but I suddenly got a bad feeling. I just reluctantly nodded and stepped back, wanting to run away immediately.
Without noticing, I shivered, remembering Luka's pleading place when she asked me to come with her to the beach on my birthday.
"Kaito...Let's just be free one last time."
"...one last time."
I have to know what's really happening. "Rin...I...have to go now." I breathed out, feeling so weak.
She tilted her head in response, giving me a confused look. "Huh?" Then she noticed the expression that I was wearing. "Oh...then go." She stood up and patted my shoulder, giving me a serious look. "Let's help each other find out what's really going on."
Nodding, I turned away and ran outside.
I quietly entered the house and tiptoed to Luka's room, being extra careful not to be heard by anybody. If someone hears me, Lily would just hold on to me like a blood-thirsty leech again. I started to open Luka's drawers and cabinets, lifting up her pillow and blankets, making the whole room a mess. Even I wasn't sure what I was looking for but I kept digging into her stuff, hoping that I'd find something that would give me a clue. I was so close to giving up when I saw...drugs? scattered on the floor and a small bottle.
I grabbed the bottle, jostled out of Luka's room and called out to dad as soon as I saw him.
"Dad," I walked closer to him and grabbed his arm. "Please let me borrow your car."
Raising an eyebrow, he looked at me from top to bottom. "Uhmm...where are you going?" he asked confused. "And what's that in your hand?"
I inhaled deeply and showed him the bottle, hoping that he knew what kind of drug it was. "Rin called me earlier this day and told me that Luka isn't pregnant. Look, it's not that I believed her...that easily but do you happen to know what that is? I found that inside Luka's room."
He narrowed his eyes to the bottle then his nose twitched. "What...what could this be?" he breathed out, the feeling of uneasiness visible to his face. Without any other words, his eyes roamed to different angles of the house to see if Lily was around then gave me his car keys, patting my back.
I felt like I was running out of time so I hurriedly got into the car and drove to my personal doctor's clinic, Dr. Kasane. She was a professional doctor and was an expert with drugs and medicine so surely, she'd know what this is. Why was I having a feeling that it would be alright with me if Luka really was pregnant instead of having another reason to leave? Why was I suddenly worried about her? Why was I feeling that...I'd lose her for good?
When the car halted, I immediately entered the clinic and thankfully, there weren't any patients lining up.
"Dr. Kasane!" I greeted.
Smiling, she pointed at the seat in front of her desk. "Kaito, I haven't seen you for a while." she replied.
My hands started to sweat then I slowly placed the bottle of drugs that I found in Luka's room on her table. "I'm not...here for a check up though. I just want you to tell me what kind of drug this is." I said, swallowing.
She picked up the bottle and gasped, making me look at her in horror. "Dabrafenib?! Wh...why do you have this kind of drug?" she asked, her voice, shaking.
Shivering, my eyes landed on the bottle, then to her. "I...found it in my...in my best friend's room. What kind of drug is that?"
Her eyes widened then massaged her temple, breathing heavily as if I was about to receive a horrible news. "I shouldn't be the one telling you this." she started, taking a while to continue. "But as your doctor and your mother's friend, you should know this much."
I clenched my jaws and grated my teeth, desperate for her answer already. "Just tell me what that drug is." I demanded.
"This drug is taken by cancer diagnostics."
long chapter , i know XD i wanted to write more but i think it's already too long and t's already midnight so i guess i have to continue tmr :3 GAWSH I REALLY WISH THAT I COULD FINISH THIS BEFORE COLLEGE STARTS ! !
anyway , enjoy ! ! (unedited again mhaygudness)
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