We all rushed to a hospital with Gumi in the ambulance. It was an odd place to be, this hospital, with bleach white walls and people walking around, some with purpose and others in a daze.
I got the message though; this was a place for the sick and I felt my arms wrap around myself in discomfort as a nurse led us to Gumi's room an hour or so later after sitting in the waiting room in a bewilderment. Gumi's falling figure had been constantly replaying in my mind, her chin slamming against the concrete again and again. It was a bit of a relief to know we were able to see Gumi now, being able to walk and think of something else.
The performance was missed. I didn't know if we'd be able to get back for the finale that would be held in one hour after the performance that started an hour and thirty minutes ago.
When we got to Gumi's room a doctor stood outside the room, waiting for us. The nurse left once we were in his hands and he looked at us somberly.
"She's stable, she had her blood transfusions and we stitched up her chin, she's even awake and completely fine, thanks to a little help from some basic pain killers. But I have a question before I let you inside."
We were all standing there, Luka leaning forward anxiously. "What is it?"
"Do you know how long Gumi has been suicidal?"
"What?" What was that word?
"About three weeks." Oliver's voice, usually mute, rang out through our group.
We all turned and looked at him in surprise before Luka turned back to the doctor, "I'm sorry, but what is 'suicidal'?"
"It's when a person tries to kill themselves. The reasons can vary, but she's got cuts on her wrist and she did jump off a roof."
"She slipped." I corrected with narrowed eyes. Wait a minute…cuts on her wrist?
He just looked at me passively, "But then why was she up on the ridge of the building?" And with that he looked back at Luka, "We're going to keep her here for a while, just to keep watch."
We all look nervously at each other. "But the concert…" Luka started softly when I raised the palm of my hand gently in the air.
"It's fine guys. I'm sure there will be other opportunities." I wasn't one to force them, not anymore.
"How do you know that?" Len and Rin asked curiously, their eyes holding the same determination.
I shrugged, "I don't, but what's one concert? We can always sing whenever we want."
The others took my words in silence, as though they had to absorb them.
"Can we see Gumi first?" Gakupo asked.
"Sure." The Doctor stepped aside and I was the first one to reach for the door and when I went to touch the handle, it was cold against my sweaty palm. I opened it and slid inside, everyone moving in behind me. I felt off as I walked to her, as though this wasn't normal, as though my body shouldn't be carrying me toward a friend who was sitting in a hospital bed.
She looked over at me as I stood by her side and I looked straight into her eyes. I didn't know how I was looking at her, but from what she said to me I must've looked either scared or concern, or a blend of both.
"I'm fine Miku, everyone, they gave me some meds to take away the pain. Medicine is a pretty big thing here, did you know that? They have some for just about everything, although it seems to me that there are more negative side effects than positive." Gumi smiled at me, her voice nonchalant as she carried on about medicine. I looked over at the machine beside her; a steady beeping noise was coming from it, lines moving with it across the screen.
"It's monitoring my heart."
I looked down at her arm where a needle was stuck inside, connected to a bag filled with clear fluid that hung from a thin silver rod.
"That's an IV; I'm not really sure what it does though."
I lowered my eyes to her wrist where I saw it, thin, long scabs stretching from the base of her palm to the end of her wrist.
I didn't know what came over me at the moment but I was a puddle of tears instantly again.
"I can't do this without you Gumi." I cried, whether I was talking about the concert or this life I wasn't sure of myself.
Gumi looked at me for a moment, the air heavy between us with its own heavy silence. What could she say to something like that?
"How did you know about this Oliver?" Ia asked in a whisper like voice, but everyone heard it and everyone turned to Oliver, even me.
"She showed me several days ago."
Gumi could confine in Oliver and I wasn't sure how to interpret it. With everything I had realized today, getting upset would be stupid. This life was far too short to stay angry at someone. Gumi was different from me, everyone was. It took me a while to learn that and now that I knew I doubted this lesson would leave me.
I turned back to Gumi, attempting to wipe away the worst of my tears.
"How do you feel?"
"Good, the doctor says I'll scar though."
"What's that mean?" Meiko leaned forward with Kaito nearly attached to her side.
"That a thin line where my chin was cut open will always be there. I only know that because I asked myself," She smiled sheepishly. "I don't mind though."
The cut will always be there? What happens when the programmers find us again? Will the scar still be permanent?
I didn't dwell on it too long, "The doctor wants you to stay here."
"I know." Gumi stuck out her tongue, "Gross right."
"How can you be so relaxed? You just fell off a building!" I didn't mean to shout but I was already a mess with my tears and Gumi looked so bright and cheery for everything that just happened.
"Because," She looked at me and her eyes softened as one of her hands reached out to me and I almost felt my knees give out as her cold fingers pieced like ice through mine. "You gave me a reason to live. I don't know how I didn't think of such a simple solution myself. When I first entered the water in this world it just felt natural, I assumed that everyone felt that way. But maybe that connection is something special and I should pursue it."
I didn't know what to say.
"Thanks Miku. I'd sing one last time with you if I could."
"Maybe you still can."
"No guys," I stopped them, "I don't want to force you to sing."
"You aren't forcing us Miku, we want to sing with you." Luka said with such a sweet smile.
"We've never sung as a giant group before." Meiko added.
"It would be so much fun!" Rin was practically on her toes.
Even though we were so different now, we all had one thing in common. The ability and the memory of singing, being simple holograms projected on to glass. I didn't know what they wanted to do, I didn't know if they ever wanted to pursue singing again. But it seemed that they wouldn't mind singing one more time.
"But we can't do it without Gumi." I looked at her.
"We'll sneak her out; we all know Gumi is perfectly fine." Gakupo said.
No…no we didn't.
Gumi gave a wry smile, "It will be difficult." She took a breath and pulled the IV tube in her arm off and the machine behind her made a flat sound, no longer following the beats of her heart. "But at least once, just one more time I'll sing."
Gumi swung her legs over the bed and when she stood up she wobbled and collapsed against my side. "Sorry, I'm not completely together yet."
I can imagine, she lost a lot of blood then had it all put back.
We helped Gumi stand on her own and Gakupo gave Gumi a brown coat to put over her hospital gown. First peeking out the door to make sure the Doctor who let us in was nowhere around we strode out of the door and walked down the blinding white hallways. It was actually easy walking Gumi out when everyone we passed was someone different then we had seen before when we were coming in and we waltzed straight out onto the parking lot where Aunt Mimi (she dropped us off) was waiting with someone else that made us freeze.
Tamaki.
He was frowning, a deep frown at that. Yet he was walking towards us with something evident in his eyes, concern.
He walked straight up to Gumi who was staring in wonder and we watched as he gently grabbed her chin and tilted it up, Tamaki bending over to look under at the fresh line of stitches.
He let out a sigh, let go of her chin, and straightened.
Tamaki was about to turn around and leave but I felt a surge inside me and raced forward, grabbing his wrist and making him turn in surprise.
"Please Tamaki-san!" I'm sure I looked desperate, probably on the verge of tears again to. But I had to set everything right again, not just my relationship with Gumi. "Please forgive us! You know why we couldn't tell you something like that! You know! Please! We still love you." My voice shook and I swallowed the lump in my throat.
Tamaki stared at me, his jaw taut.
"Stop pretending you are still angry at us! If you were then you wouldn't have come here to see if Gumi was okay!"
Tamaki looked at me with uncertainty before closing his eyes with a sigh, opening them and looking back up at Luka who was staring straight at Tamaki. It was obvious he wasn't expecting that and he looked away quickly, back down at me.
"I may not be angry anymore Miku," Hearing Tamaki's voice after a whole month was amazing, "But I can't just forgive you."
"Our lives are too short." I whispered.
"What?"
Tamaki had heard me, but he didn't comprehend what I was saying as the others looked in confusion. They could not hear me as I uttered the words again. "Our lives are too short Tamaki. We could be gone in two months Tamaki, forever. Are you just going to let your ability to sit back and stay away haunt you later on? Do you want us to go away permanently?"
The words were officially off my chest to weigh heavily on someone else who looked up at Luka one more time with a different expression, an expression of terror.
"Are you sure?" He whispered back at me.
I nodded. We weren't going to last forever and acknowledging it to such a degree made me feel something beyond pain and fear. It made me feel numb. I let go of his wrist, my hands falling limply to my sides.
"Please Tamaki, if you're ever going to forgive us, do it quick."
And with that I stepped around Tamaki and waved to Aunt Mimi who unlocked her car doors and let me slid in.
The others followed my lead, milling around a frozen Tamaki with concern and uncertain glances. Luka actually stopped beside him for a moment before bowing her head and continuing forward.
Our exit would have been graceful if all of us didn't have to shove into one car but we somehow managed and I looked out the window to see Tamaki still standing there, and then slowly, sink to his knees.
We rushed to the stage set upon the other side of the school, right outside the exit of the auditorium. Gumi was getting a piggyback ride from Gakupo and smiling, she couldn't carry herself too quickly yet. When we got to the stage people were watching silently as Hasumi sung a beautiful song. We raced to the stairs where Katsuta and Yoshinaga were standing and when they saw us they turned toward us in surprise.
"There you guys are!" Katsuta looked relieved; we had made it just in time. They rushed us into the auditorium.
"We're glad to see you're okay Gumi." Yoshinaga said.
"Will they see the stitches?" She asked.
"Not if we do the lighting just right, don't you worry about it Hatsune-san."
Gumi smiled her thanks as we went to where the costumes were.
"Hurry and get dressed everyone. Once Hasumi-san is done with this song you guys are on!" And with that Katsuta ran off with Yoshinaga, leaving us to get ready. Gakupo gave Gumi to us so the boys and girls dressed separately and we all gathered our costumes together.
I was already ready so I sat waiting, pulling nervously at my hair as Ia shoved her leg in one of her leggings. Meiko took off her shirt to pull her small red jacket over her arms, Luka pulling her skirt up her legs and swirling back and forth in it. Gumi was even getting dressed, shoving her unsteady legs into her boots. Mayu was a giggling ball of joy to be back in her Lolita dress and Rin was tying her white ribbon in her blond hair.
When we were all ready we were staring in awe at each other, Gumi a bit nervous. "Just this once," I reminded her and she smiled at me and repeated what I said to her a billion times over. Ia was still fixing her braids while we waited for the boys and when they stepped out they were sparkling.
It had been so long since I've seen all of us in our Vocaloid outfits and it still held a special, if not twisted, quality to me.
It didn't churn resentment like it did for Gumi, but it wasn't an entire feeling of pleasantness.
Kaito took one look at Meiko and flew to her side, rubbing his cheek against her, "You're so cute Meiko, nyaaa," I felt my eyebrow twitch, Rin and Len falling against each other in laughter. Mayu clutching her stomach and Ia giggling. Gumi smiled too, Gakupo looking away to hide his laughter and Luka hiding her smile behind her hand.
"Nyaaa? What are you talking about you idiot?"
Kaito jumped back, "I have my sexy scarf on Meiko. Do you think it's sexy on me?"
Meiko turned as red as the clothes she was wearing, "N-N-No!"
Kaito started wrapping some of the scarf around Meiko and she fought back vigorously. "What is wrong with you?" She complained.
"I'm in character!" He told her, chuckling.
Meiko looked over at Kaito, watching him laugh and we all watched a small smile break out of her face. "Gees Kaito, stop already!"
Katsuta poked her head in, "Are you guys ready?"
We all turned toward her and I nodded. We all walked out onto the stage, the lights shining down on us and glaring out the people, making them look like nothing more than jumbled silhouettes.
"Alright everyone!" Yoshinaga announced, "Welcome the Vocaloids!"
The name made Gumi flinch, but only for a moment before she drowned herself out to her surroundings and became one with the music playing around us.
We moved around the stage with vitality, singing and dancing, the crowd going crazy beneath our feet. It was a wonderful sensation, one I knew I wanted to experience over and over. I loved the way my voice sprang from my throat and my sweat dripped down the side of my face. I loved reaching below and touching the fingers extended toward me.
It was my first time on stage and it was unforgettable.
At the end of the day, filled with so many different emotions, I understood one thing.
I wanted to live.
All I can hope for is no mistakes, fingers crossed!
Review with Love