I Would Do Anything For You

by tj12398

How far would you go in the name of love?

36. Chapter 36

AN: Just for fun. I swear I'll wrap it up soon and start on the next! Happy New Year!

Jessie heard him barreling up the stairs before he called out to her. She was in the lighthouse. Staring out an open window and focused on the ocean view. Nothing calmed her more when she had a lot on her mind. Except Jonny under the right circumstances.

"JESS," he yelled. "What the fuck?"

She turned around with a patient smile and leaned against the wall. He was across the room with his arms folded.

"I'm sorry if I worried you," she told him softly.

"I WAS worried," he scoffed. "What happened? You leave school without telling me. You don't answer my calls or my texts. You must've known I'd worry."

"I AM sorry, Quest."

Jonny deflated and started walking towards her. He ran a hand through his hair and she saw his defenses go down. "Are you okay?" he asked sweetly. Reaching his hands out palms up to hold hers.

She stared at his hands and smiled genuinely. She would miss them. 'Five years,' she swallowed hard. 'Five years apart.'

Instead of grabbing his hands, she handed him the letter. Jessie held her breath and watched him process it. To his credit, she only saw a quick flash of disappointment before he covered it with a grin.

"Your acceptance letter to Harvard," he broke the silence. "Why haven't you opened it?" he furrowed his brow.

"Not sure," she sighed.

"Ace?" he pushed.

She bit her bottom lip. "It may not be good news."

"Babe," he huffed. Pointing at the heft of the letter. It's clearly good news. "Come here," he opened his arms. She accepted his invitation immediately. "I'm proud of you. I never doubted you, but I'm still so fucking proud."

Jessie leaned back and let herself feel it all at once. All the relief and all the pride. She had been working towards this as long as she could remember. "I did it," she said quietly to herself.

Jonny lifted her off the ground and properly spun her around. Jessie laughed happily until he put her down. Then he pressed his forehead against hers and pulled her closer. "Congratulations. I'm happy for you."

"Even though I'm leaving?" she whispered.

Jonny smirked. "I'm trying real hard to be selfless over here. Don't start making me feel selfish," he added lightly. "You and I will be fine," he told her with finality. "But this isn't about me or us. You've worked SO hard for this. You deserve it and we're damn sure gonna celebrate it."

Jessie stared at him lovingly. She had been nervous to tell him even though it was all part of their plan. But he put her at ease like always. She kissed him firmly. "You're even better than the ocean," she whispered against his lips.

"I have no idea what that means," he whispered back. "But sounds like a good thing so I won't question it."

"Mmm," she hummed happily. "I love you. I love you so much."

Jonny chuckled. "So…have you talked to my dad yet? I'm sure he'll be more excited than you…"

"No," she shrugged. Still staring at him with gooey eyes and rubbing his head. "I wanted to tell you first, baby."

"And you ghosted me after school because…" he prompted.

She scrunched up her face cutely. "I thought you were gonna let that go…"

"Keep dreaming," he pushed.

"I was so focused on getting the letter and saying goodbye to all this pressure and anticipation," she started. "I may have given our mail woman my number and asked for a heads up."

Jonny raised an eyebrow. "You're kidding."

"I'm really not," she huffed. "I felt the blood leave my face when she texted me and I just got overly excited. I couldn't wait for you. I chased down Mary and hoped in her car. She dropped me off. Once I grabbed the mail, I came here instead of the house. But I couldn't open the letter. I realized that I wanted you with me as soon as the adrenaline wore off. So I've been waiting. I'm sorry I left. Forgive me?"

He kissed her this time. Rubbing her back. Slipping his tongue into her mouth deliberately and dragging out the kiss longer than normal. She chased his lips when he made a move to pull back and he smiled into the embrace.

"Okay," she giggled, disengaging with regret and grabbing the letter back. "I need to be sure." The smile on her face grew as she opened it and read the words. She heard Jonny laughing as she read.

"In true form…you're reading the whole letter aren't you? Even though you only need to read the first sentence?"

"Of course," she rolled her eyes. Carefully placing the letter on his dad's desk a few steps away. Spreading her hands over it to flatten it out. She stared down at it for a moment like it was a cute animal.

"You gonna pet it?" he teased.

"No." She hopped up on the desk and sat on it instead. Giving him a long look.

"What?" he laughed.

"What do you think?" she kicked off her shoes. "Start celebrating me. Our dads will be home soon."

Jonny put a hand over his heart. "On your acceptance letter?" he joked. "Is this really how you want to start your collegiate career?"

"Baby…I want to start every major phase of my life with you."

"She says without taking her eyes off my dick," he called her out.

"You complaining?" she laughed.

"Never," he exclaimed. Kicking off his own shoes and stalking towards her. "What do you want?"

"Always the gentleman," she praised.

"Yours," he confirmed.

"Surprise me?" She saw him swallow at that and his eyes go a shade darker. He stood right in front of her and stared. The way he looked at her made her heart race. His feather light touch from her knees to her hips made her heart race.

He lifted her shirt a few inches until his fingers found warm skin. He trailed them around to her back and up her spine. Unhooking her bra beneath her shirt. She moaned and he grinned.

"We've barely started, little miss perfect." He flattened his palms against her back and she felt his warmth seep in. He did not move them until the temperature of their skin felt the same.

"We don't have much time," she warned. Her voice was all breathy.

Jonny leaned down and kissed her quickly. "You should talk like that all the time. I love it."

"I can't control it," she sighed, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt. His hands travelled down her back. He crushed their hips together until she was pressed against his hardness. "Jonny," she called out.

Then he kissed her. Slowly and deeply. Keeping their hips pressed close together. She began grinding against him and he encouraged it. Groaning into the heated kiss with no abandon. She tore her lips away when she needed air and Jonny's mouth gave the same attention to her neck. His fingers digging further into her hips the more aroused he became.

She clawed at his shirt. Breathing deeply. "Baby," she pleaded.

Jonny straightened and reached behind his head to grip the collar. Removing his shirt and undershirt at the same time. Jessie reached for his belt and undid it before the shirts hit the floor. He reached for the buttons on her shirt while she worked on his pants.

They undressed each other hurriedly. A jumbled mess of arms and hands. Knocking heads twice. But none of that deterred them. Panting and focused only on the goal of getting the other naked as fast as possible.

Jessie laughed happily when he kicked away his boxers as she removed her underwear.

He spread her legs and stood between them in a rush. Gripping her hips hard again and pulling her to the edge of the desk. She heard the letter crinkle under her weight and then felt him thrust inside her. "Ah," she threw her head back and braced her hands behind her. "Jonny!" She moved with him wildly.

"You're ruining your letter," he panted after a minute.

"I want to think of this every…uh...time I see it."

He lifted her off the desk unexpectedly at that. "Stay in," she moaned. She wrapped her arms and legs around him tightly before he could slip out. She did not want to lose the connection. He walked blindly in the direction of the small cot his father kept across the room for the late nights. She pushed against him as he walked. He grabbed her ass and helped. Then she found his lips.

"You're so fucking hot," he groaned before diving into the kiss desperately. Not breaking it until they reached the cot. "Get on the bed," he ordered softly. "Lie on your side, beautiful."

She climbed off him and kneeled on the small mattress before lying down as requested. Excited to try something new with him. He spooned her from behind. Moving the hair off her neck and pressing his lips into her skin. "I fucking love you," he mumbled.

"I love you too," she sighed. "What's the plan, babe?"

Jonny responded by lifting her leg and slamming back inside her. "To make you come," he promised.

She arched her body and dug her head into his shoulder. She let him do all the work. Hyper-focused on him and how good he made her feel. On his hot uneven breaths against her neck. On the arm he had slipped under her body so he could palm a breast. On his other hand, which he kept sliding from her stomach to her hip and back again as he moved. On his dick. The man she loved inside her. Making her feel amazing. She did not want to leave him. "I really love you," she moaned. "Please."

Jonny slowed his thrust, but moved a finger to her clit. She eagerly pressed back into him and then instinctively searched for his finger. Moving together now. His thumb lazily circled her nipple here and there. It was sensory overload. It was a slow burn. She felt it in her toes first and then the pit of her stomach. Each thrust sending her further into bliss. Further into the way he completely consumed her.

When all she could do was feel, she turned her head and moaned as loud as she wanted into the mattress. At least aware enough to know how much sound carried in the lighthouse.

She took deep breaths and stared at the thin fabric as she came down from the high. Enjoying the tingling sensation that remained. Jonny was kissing her neck and shoulder in a random pattern. His lips were soft and she wanted to kiss them. She did not want to leave him. She needed him. Too much. It scared her more with each day that passed.

Jessie squeezed her eyes shut. 'Don't think about that,' she scolded herself. 'Think about his lips. Think about his…'

"Baby?" she asked. Out of breath.

"Hmm?"

"How the hell are you still hard after that?" she asked

Jonny chuckled and hugged her closer. "I love it when you blurt things out unfiltered after sex. Keeps me on my toes."

"I'm serious," she sighed. Wriggling in his embrace until they were facing each other. Jonny made an unhappy sound when he slipped from her, but seemed happy once she was pressed up against him wantonly.

He cleared his throat.

She kissed him. "Well?" she pushed.

"Uh…Hadj taught me some breathing techniques," he offered lightly.

Both of her eyebrows shot up. "You asked Hadji for advice on this?" she asked in surprise.

"Not exactly," Jonny laughed. "He offered to teach me to help focus better while studying. I decided to experiment with the application elsewhere."

"Clever," she praised. Stroking his hair and staring at him. "But is this the ideal time to experiment?" she challenged. "We don't have a lot of it. You could end up VERY frustrated."

"I never have enough time with you," he shot back charmingly. "Didn't know if it'd work…but figured CELEBRATING you would be a good test," he grinned. Kissing her deeply before she could respond.

After taking a moment to recover. "You make my head spin," she whispered. A little dazed.

"Me too," he kissed her again. Running a hand slowly over every inch of skin he could reach. "You feel…perfect, baby."

"Mmm," she smiled happily and kept staring.

"I can feel you objectifying me," he teased.

"God…you're good looking," she exclaimed.

"What?" he laughed. Clearly not expecting to hear that.

"What?" she shrugged. "You are. You know you are."

"I don't think I've ever heard you say it though," he pointed out. "Certainly not that emphatically."

"Well…you are," she finished softly. "I want to stare at your face always."

"Thank you, baby." She snaked a hand between them and stroked him back to full attention. She watched his eyes close and his breath hitch. He swallowed hard. "Thank you, baby."

He sat up on instinct. Telling her what he wanted without saying a word. She climbed into his lap and sat on him with practiced ease. His head leaned against the wall and he watched her. Waiting for her to move. This felt different. Because she was not focused on her own high. She was only focused on him.

His hands were gripping her hips. She had one hand on his neck and the other braced against the wall above his head. "Close your eyes," she whispered.

"Baby?"

"Close your eyes," she said again.

He did and waited patiently. She rocked forward slowly.

"Ha," he called out. His breathing picked up.

She maintained the achingly slow pace. Alternating looks between his face and the way her knuckles changed color as she moved.

He was starting to sweat. "Can I open my eyes?" he asked.

"No," she ordered. He laughed. "What?" she asked.

"I'm picturing you naked on top of me," he grinned. Opening his eyes to stare at the real thing instead. "Faster, baby."

She did not listen. He could have moved with her. Pulled at her hips to force a faster pace, but he did not. He just watched her. So she slowed down even more and decided to put on a show for him. Biting her lip and letting her nipples brush against him. Beads of sweat formed as he did.

"Fuck…you look good," he praised. "So beautiful. I think you should wake me up like this every single day," he grinned stupidly.

"And what would I get in return?" she baited.

His face scrunched up in pleasure. "I'd do anything for you, Jess."

IRIS burst their bubble a moment later and Jonny's face morphed into a mixture of annoyance and desperation. "Don't stop," he rushed. Panting. Their heavy breathing coordinated.

Her movements never faltered despite the interruption. "We're not stopping until you make me come again," she challenged. "But don't let us get caught. That would ruin the mood, Hotshot."

"Promise." Jonny hit her with the grin she loved and she recognized the competitive glint in his eye. She felt herself being lifted into the air. She felt the wind at her back from the open window. She felt him sit her on the work console by the door and she heard something fall to the ground that she should have been more concerned about than she was. Then she felt him keep his promise while she put a lot of focus on staying quiet.

"Oh my god," she stretched and stared up at him with moon eyes. He was leaning over her and smiling. She did not want to move. He bent down further to kiss the skin between her breasts and then over her heart. "I love you, Jessie."

"Love you," she mumbled.

"Come on," he sighed. Straightening and offering a hand. "I don't want to move either, but we need to get cleaned up so you can go make my father's year."

XXX

Jessie noticed her father and Jonny looking on in amusement as Dr. Quest alternated between proud hugs and proud words. It made her feel so good and so relieved that she had not let him down. She had lost sleep over that happening and now she did not have to worry any longer.

"I did not want to insert myself," Dr. Quest continued. "But now that it's official….I'd like to take a trip up there with you. Show you around. Introduce you to the best professors," he winked.

"I'd love that," Jessie smiled.

"Race…I'd like to introduce you to my fine collection of Bruce Willis movies that weekend," Jonny interrupted loudly.

"I'd just love that," Race played along.

Jessie and Dr. Quest rolled their eyes concurrently.

"Have you called Hadji?" he asked.

"No," Jessie said. "That's next on my list."

"Alright…go do that," he shooed her away. "And pick a restaurant. Any one you want. We're all going out to celebrate you tonight."

Jessie bit her lip and risked a glance at Jonny who was smirking.

She felt herself flush. "Sounds good. I'm gonna get ready," she hurried from the room.

XXX

Jonny leaned over to whisper in her ear while the waiter filled their wine glasses. Their fathers' always let them drink on special occasions and the restaurant she chose did not seem concerned with serving minors. "You chose this place to force me into a tie. Didn't you?"

She turned and winked. "Maybe."

Jonny stood with his wine glass in response. "I need to make a toast."

She gripped his other wrist and tried to pull him back down. "No," she whispered yelled. "Sit down."

"I'll sit…but I'm still toasting," he announced. Dodging her hands as she reached to cover his mouth. "Just let me," he laughed. "I'll keep it quick."

"Fine," she crossed her arms loosely. Already embarrassed.

Jonny tipped his glass toward her. "To the girl who makes EVERY one of my days fun and challenging. To the girl who ALWAYS works harder than she needs to. And to the girl who makes me want to BE everything she deserves. I'm so proud."

"I hope I'm this GIRL you speak of," she teased.

"Nah…I'm talking about the blond behind me," he shot back.

Jessie glanced over his shoulder and a beautiful blond was sitting right behind him. "Quest!" Her face fell for a second and she slapped his shoulder so hard that some of his wine spilled.

"Jess," he scolded. "This is a nice place. Jeez."

"I hate you," she whispered. But said it with a big smile.

"I'd do anything for you," he smiled back.

"Okay…shut up," Race growled. "It's my turn."

'I'd do anything for you.'

'You feel perfect.'

'I'd do anything for you.'

'You feel perfect.'

She could not stop thinking about his words. About him.

Jessie's mind was firing on all cylinders. Making it impossible to sleep. She was pretending to be asleep. Had been ever since her family came back to the room. Because she was not in the mood to make conversation and she did not want Jonny to leave the bed. Focusing on his steady breathing made her feel a little better and she was convinced her parents would let them be if she looked to be peacefully resting.

It was quite quiet once everyone claimed a space. She could tell that her family was sleeping except whomever had planted themselves in the chair by her bed. She suspected it was her father due to the lack of fidgeting. She could feel herself being watched and debated her next move.

With a small sigh, Jessie opened her eyes casually. Her father was indeed watching her. Leaning on the arm of his chair and not looking comfortable. He did not seem surprised she was awake.

"You look tired," she commented quietly. She did not want to wake Jonny.

Race gave her a small smile. "So do you, sweetheart."

Jessie noticeably swallowed. "I can't sleep," she admitted.

"What's on your mind?" he asked softly.

She gave a noncommittal shrug and looked away from his gaze. "I wish I could sleep," she deflected. "Get to the morning faster so I can leave."

"You have to be cleared before leaving," Race tried to temper her expectations.

"Did the doctor say something to make you think I won't get out tomorrow?" she grumbled.

"No," he promised. "But it's their call. No exceptions," he said with finality.

Jessie did not respond.

"Want to take a walk?" he offered after more silence followed.

She did. She really wanted out of the room. But… "I don't want to wake him."

Race rolled his eyes. "He'll live, Jess. Come on?" He stood and offered a hand.

Jessie lifted the deadweight that was Jonny's arm and slipped from the bed slowly. Once steady on her feet, she stared down at him. Surprised, but happy, that he was still sound asleep. She felt a rush of love. She brushed the pad of her thumb between his eyebrows and made sure he was properly covered before accepting the shoes her father had grabbed.

They left without waking anyone and strolled the halls in silence. Each nurse they passed nodded politely, but no one tried to stop them.

Race watched her closely to make sure she did not fall over. But thought she looked good. Her color was returning. "What's on your mind?" he asked again. Wanting to help.

"Overwhelmed," she answered honestly. Then took a hard left into an empty waiting area.

Race followed and sat down next to her. He really hated these hospital chairs. "Overwhelmed?" he repeated.

She nodded and bit her lower lip to keep her chin from trembling. Eventually resigning herself to the tears, but wiping them away quickly. "I'm sorry," she cleared her throat.

"You have nothing to be sorry about," he assured and knew it would not be the last time he had to tell her that.

"I'm over these feelings," she complained. "And I'm really over this hospital."

"We'll be home soon. Then you'll have to deal with…feelings," he pointed out. He said the word 'feelings' like it was dirty, but quickly backtracked. "Which is a good thing. Don't bury them. Gives them control. Let me help you."

"It's hard to pick just one," she huffed.

"Let's start with why you can't sleep," he suggested.

Jessie licked her lips and then blurted it out. "Jonny wants me to defer a semester."

Race thought about it before responding. "It's not the worst suggestion."

"He didn't actually suggest it," she clarified. "And I'm not even sure he will…actually, I don't think he'd ask, but I know it's what he wants. He wouldn't ask under normal circumstances," she rambled. "I'm trying to figure out what to say if he does ask though. I don't know what to do."

"Do you want to stay?" Race asked. "Have you really thought about that as an option or are you just trying to figure out how to say no?"

She paused. "I…haven't. That's not something I would ever…he knows that…" she stopped herself again. Shocked she could not finish that sentence. Confused as ever. "I want to give him what he needs," she concluded. "But I'm not sure how."

Race ran a hand over his face and thought even longer before responding this time. "No matter what you decide…it's only four months, Jess."

"Under normal circumstances, even our family's version of normal, I wouldn't entertain the idea of staying for a second. But it doesn't feel right to leave him right now. I can't shake that feeling no matter how hard I try."

Race took the logical approach. "You have to give yourself more than a few hours to consider it…"

"What do you think I should do?" she interrupted.

"I think you should do what's best for you. What do YOU need?" he pushed. "Think about it. Don't rush into a decision."

"I have to decide quickly," she told him. "I'm already registered for classes. That's why I can't stop thinking about it. The thought of getting out there…and getting on with it is SO appealing. I don't need to dwell on this for four months," she added. "I don't want that. Feels unnatural. But I can't make a decision based on just me either."

"Jess…"

"He'd do anything for me," she cut him off again.

"He would," Race agreed. Closing his eyes and then opening them slowly. "But that doesn't mean you have to do anything for him, sweetheart."

She looked at him like he had slapped her. "What?"

He shrugged like it was obvious. "You don't. You don't HAVE to put that kind of pressure on yourself."

Jessie felt a wave of calm wash over her. "I want to," she said resolutely.

Race sighed. "You're so young, Jess. I know you love him…"

"More than anything," she interrupted firmly and looked ready to battle.

"Okay," he backed off. Not wanting to alienate her. That helped no one.

She stood. "Let's head back. I don't want him worrying if he wakes up and I'm not there."

"You can't run away," Race called after her.

She froze. "I'm not…"

"I mean in general," he explained. "You're right…you can't run away to California and expect things to go back to normal. That's a fantasy not a solution. But you also can't stay and ignore what you're feeling by distracting yourself with him. That's a thicker book, but same ending."

She crossed her arms. Swallowed hard, looked down and shook her head defiantly. "We're not ending. That's not our story. Why would you say that?" She sounded panicked and betrayed.

Race looked at her in surprise. Not expecting that reaction. That was not what he meant of course. He stood quickly and pulled her into a tight hug. He stroked her hair as she cried into his chest. He was grateful she did not push him away.

"Please don't say that," she cried.

Race closed his eyes and said a quick prayer to not step on another land mine. "Not what I meant, Ponchita. Not at all. Where's this coming from? I'm sorry I upset you," he rubbed her back soothingly.

"I'm gonna lose him," she said heartbroken. "I'm gonna fuck it up somehow."

He took a step back and swiped at her tears. "Why are you so worried about this?" She refused to meet his eyes. "Oh?" he stepped back further. "You know it's not in our DNA, right?"

XXX

Jessie walked back to her room very slowly. With her father trailing slightly behind. She was trying to answer his question for herself.

'Why WAS she so worried about it?'

She could not pin down the why, but she could not push down her fears either. They manifested into a deep ache in the pit of her stomach.

"Jess?" He stopped her before entering the room. She was looking at him expectantly. Race looked from her to Jonny through the window and then back again. "I don't believe Jonny will LET you fuck it up." That made her breath hitch. Race chuckled. "He's as stubborn as you, little girl. And I see the way he looks at you. No one pays more attention to how he looks at you than me."

Her mouth popped open an inch, but she did not say anything. Race wrapped an arm across her shoulders, kissed her temple and then led her back to bed.

Jessie crawled in carefully. Lying on her side to watch him sleep. He was still on his side and facing her. She was sore, but no position felt entirely comfortable so she settled for it and closed her eyes.

She smiled a moment later when he pushed hair behind her ear and then wrapped his arm around her waist. She opened her eyes and met his. All her fears dissipated to smoke. At least temporarily.

"I love you," she whispered.

He leaned forward and kissed her. "More than anything, beautiful."

Jessie inched closer until they were chest to chest. "You smell so good," she sighed. Closing her eyes again. "Go to sleep, baby."

XXX

When Jessie woke up the next morning, she was alone in bed. She sat up and stretched. Looking around the room and smiling at each family member. She was the last one awake. She felt lighter than she had in days and happier too. She was excited to get sprung. Jonny came to sit by her on the bed. Kissing her shoulder and placing a hand on her knee. He was antsy to leave too.

"Do you guys want to open a few presents?" Benton offered. Hoping to distract them.

They all looked to Jessie for an answer. "I'd like to wait…if that's okay? I don't want to celebrate here," she admitted. "Will we be able to fly out today?" she then asked hopefully.

"Tomorrow morning at the earliest," Race announced. "Earliest I could schedule."

'Okay,' she thought. 'Just one more day on this awful island.'

Jonny saw her face drop and squeezed her knee. He wanted to take her home where she would feel safe. He wanted to leave the island and never return.

Dr. Marshall entered the room on her morning rounds a moment later.

Jessie perked up immediately. Taking a deep breath and puffing out her chest like that would help.

"How are you feeling this morning?" the doctor asked casually. Picking up Jessie's chart and reading it without looking in her direction.

"Ready to leave," Jessie responded confidently.

Doctor Marshall looked up from the notes and offered a brief smile. "Let's give you a quick exam and see about that. Shall we? Please give me the room everyone."

Jessie gripped Jonny's leg when he went to leave the bed. Indicating without words that she wanted him to stay. He settled back down and watched everyone leave the room. Then he glanced at the doctor who gave him a hard look and pointed to the corner.

"Go," she ordered. "You're in my way."

Jonny grinned and stood. "Good luck, babe." He kissed her forehead before retreating. Her phone on the bed caught his eye and he grabbed it. Craving a momentary distraction and wanting to check on flights. He knew it was a long shot between the holiday and actually convincing Race, but he had to at least try. He bit the inside of his lip hard before turning back to watch her be examined. He fought to keep his face neutral throughout the questions and the prodding. The lifting of blankets and gowns to check on injuries and change bandages. He was grateful at least that the doctor changed them on her own so Jessie did not have to be subjected to more hands. But he also suspected that had more to do with the venerable Dr. Quest than actual compassion.

Jessie kept glancing at him with a look in her eye he was trying to place. For what he thought was reassurance. All he knew for sure was that he wanted to erase that look forever.

"Take one more deep breath for me?" the doctor asked. "Good…good. Okay, you can cover back up."

"So?" Jessie asked nervously.

"I can release you now," the doctor confirmed.

"Thank you," she licked her dry lips and then cleared her throat uncomfortably. "You had…yesterday you mentioned prescribing me something for my scars?"

"Yes," the doctor nodded. "I'll leave that with the nurse."

"How…how effective will that be do you think?" Jessie pushed.

Doctor Marshall stopped writing and sat down on the bed. Taking Jessie's hand. "They will fade," she promised lightly.

'But never go away,' she thought sadly.

"Thanks," Jessie whispered. "I'm sure my family is waiting right outside. Can you please tell them I'm getting dressed and will be right out?"

"Sure…good luck with everything," the doctor nodded and headed for the door.

Jonny waited until they were alone. "You okay?" he wanted to know.

Jessie got out of the bed immediately. Wanting to get on with it. But she leaned against it as Jonny walked over. She looked down when his inquisitive stare became too much. She was happy to be leaving, but her mind had been so focused on that goal that she had mostly been ignoring the rest. Or at least compartmentalizing. Everything she had discussed with her father a few hours prior and everything else she was feeling. The ache in her stomach was returning.

Jonny lifted her chin and kissed her firmly instead of asking again. Jessie pushed up on her toes into the kiss and wrapped her arms around his neck. She deepened the kiss and he did not try to stop her. He made her forget all the bad stuff.

She was kissing him desperately. Like he was going off to war or something. He pulled back a little concerned. "Hey…"

But a knock on the door stopped him. Jessie pressed her head into his shoulder. Like that would hide her from the world.

Estella popped her head in after a beat. "Do you need help getting changed?" she asked.

"No," Jessie told her quickly. "I got it. Be out in a few minutes." She released a long breath when they were alone again. Jonny stroked her cheek with his thumb until she looked at him.

"Do you need help getting changed?" he flirted.

She grinned. Ready to play along. And then her face fell when she remembered what was under her gown.

"Jess…"

"I'd like to do it myself," she insisted.

"Let me help," Jonny shot back. "I can see that you're still sore."

"I want to do it myself," she growled through her teeth.

Jonny took a step back confused. One moment she was all over him and the next she pushed him away.

"Tell me," he said softly. Putting his hands on her shoulders and then cupping her face. He could not resist.

He watched as her eyes filled with tears and she tried to find her words. He wiped the wetness from her face with his thumbs.

She took a deep breath. "I just want to go home," she told him quietly. "That's all."

"Jess…"

"Please," she interrupted and walked by him. "I want to leave. We can talk about the rest later."

Jonny watched as she made her way to her bag slowly and disappeared behind the bathroom door. He sighed and then walked out of the room to find their fathers. He did not have to go far. Everyone was milling outside her door by the nurses' station. Race had a wheelchair by his side.

Jonny gave it a cool glance. "She's gonna hate that."

Race shrugged. "Hospital policy. What's up?"

Jonny licked his lips and then asked. "Let me take her home? I already checked. The two of us can fly commercial and you can meet us tomorrow."

"No," Race said firmly.

Jonny deflated and then geared up to negotiate. "Race…"

"It's not happening," Race interrupted. "I'm not comfortable with it right now. No."

Jonny left. Knowing he would not win the fight. Regretting that he even asked. He should have asked for forgiveness instead of permission. She was still in the bathroom. He waited five minutes before walking over and knocking on the door lightly with one knuckle.

XXX

Hot angry tears ran down her face. She had been crying so much that her skin was actually irritated. She looked in the mirror and gave herself a disgusted look. 'Your face is as messed up as the rest of you.'

"Stop it," she tried to tell herself. "Just…stop it."

She did not have many wardrobe options in the bag so she chose the most comfortable. Yoga pants and a long pink t-shirt. But that left her arms exposed, which made her feel nauseated. Her scars felt like they were humming 'look at me' under the bandages.

"Stop it," she said again. "Stop it right now."

She jumped out of her skin when he knocked. "I'll be right there," she said loudly. Jessie put the hospital robe back on and immediately felt better. She wiped at her face and zipped up her bag. Jonny was leaning against the bed when she opened the door. Smiling at her like she was not broken. Making her feel normal.

"Rocking the old school pink," he smiled bigger. "I like it. But I think you need to leave the lovely hospital robe."

"Right," she cleared her throat and wrapped her arms around herself. "I'm a little chilly," she looked away from his gaze.

Jonny would have smacked himself in the head if it was not completely cartoonish. She was flushed and sweating and obviously not chilly. She was uncomfortable about her scars. He should have picked up on that sooner. "I can help," he told her. Pulling a hoodie from his bag and holding it up for her like he did when putting her jacket on before a date.

She gave him a small grin. Removing the robe and letting him help her with the hoodie. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and kissed her neck while she zipped it up. "I love every inch of you," he whispered. Unsure if it was the right thing to say when he felt her tense.

"We should go before they start banging down the door," she laughed uncomfortably. Stepping out of his embrace. "I'd like to stop by Brenda's room first."

"Of course," he agreed. "Let's go."

XXX

Brenda's family took a walk when they arrived. Her fiancé took cajoling, but Brenda convinced him to get some air.

Jessie sat on the edge of Brenda's bed and Jonny stood beside her. Jonny rubbed the back of Jessie's neck affectionately. Needing the contact.

"Sorry to run your family off," Jessie apologized.

"I needed a break as much as them," Brenda said honestly. "How are you?"

"Okay," Jessie shot back without thinking.

"I just wanted to say goodbye," Jonny cut in. Moving forward to give Brenda a kiss on the cheek. He did not want Jessie censoring herself for his sake. That would be her instinct and it would take longer than the span of a few intense conversations for that to change.

"Thank you," Brenda said again. "I can't say it enough."

"I'm glad I was there," Jonny shrugged. Then he turned back to Jessie.

"I'm glad you were there too," she smirked. "And the award for understatement of the year goes to…"

His heart clenched at the implication. He pulled her head between his hands and kissed her. "I'll always be there," he promised.

"You don't have to go," she told him.

"I need some air," he insisted.

"I see right through you," she scrunched up her face.

Jonny kissed her nose and then headed for the door. "You always do, baby."

"You two are cute," Brenda observed.

Jessie rolled her eyes and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Yeah…I'm lucky."

"So how are you really?" Brenda asked.

"All over the fucking place," Jessie huffed. "I'm throwing every emotion at him without…I'm having trouble controlling it."

"Understandable," Brenda offered.

"Yeah…I'm just usually better at controlling it," Jessie sighed.

"These are extraordinary circumstances," Brenda pointed out.

"Not for my family," Jessie sighed again.

Brenda could not hide the shock on her face or in her voice. "This has happened to you before?"

"Yes…well no," Jessie concluded. No one had ever taken her for the express purpose of hurting her. She had only ever been used for leverage before, which kept her relatively safe in unsafe situations. This had been so different. Except that he came for her. "How are you?" Jessie deflected.

"Mostly okay, but I can't wait to leave here." Brenda's voice was breathy. "I'm having trouble sleeping. I see him…feel him…whenever I shut my eyes. But when I'm awake I just feel grateful. Grateful that I'll get to marry the love of my life and watch this baby grow," she smiled and placed a hand over her stomach. "Down in that hellhole…I didn't think anyone was coming…I had accepted or resigned myself to it all being over. Now I feel like I'm getting a second chance. I just think about that when the negative feelings creep in. It's worked so far anyway, but I'm sure I have a long way to go."

Jessie nodded. That damned rollercoaster of emotions hitting her again. She felt insecure and felt ashamed for that. She felt angry and she felt scared when she thought of the monster that took them. And she felt guilty for all of it.

"Your wheels are spinning pretty hard," Brenda noted. "You'll be fine. You're strong…that's clear. And you have a solid support system."

"I do," Jessie admitted. She had the sudden urge to go hug Jonny.

"It's okay to feel fucked up over all this," Brenda then said bluntly. "The last few days were so fucked up."

Jessie nodded. "Let me see your phone," Jessie held out her hand. "Please call me if you want to talk about it. I'll be there for you. I promise."

"I appreciate that," Brenda offered. "But I have Jason for that. He's my rock. And as hard as it is…he's my partner. I need to be honest with him about how I'm feeling." Jessie was honestly not sure if Brenda was hinting or just being totally transparent about her situation. It did not matter. Message received. Then Brenda handed over the phone. "But it would be nice to have a second pair of ears."

XXX

Jonny was leaning against the wall closest to the nurses' station with his eyes closed. He could feel his family around him. Staring at him. But he kept his eyes closed to avoid conversation as they all waited.

"Jonny….can I speak with you?"

Jonny turned to the voice. Not recognizing it, but recognizing the man as Brenda's fiancé. Jonny nodded and followed him a few feet to the right.

"I'm Jason," he stuck out a hand.

"Nice to meet…" Jonny was cut off in surprise when Jason hugged him. It was a blink and you would miss it embrace.

"Sorry for invading your personal space, man. It's been a rough few days. I just wanted to thank you," Jason rambled.

"Of course."

"I don't know what," Jason paused and shook his head. "I don't know what I'd do without them in my world."

Like clockwork, Jonny turned and saw Jessie walking toward him. He breathed her in. "I know how you feel." They shook hands again and Jason was off.

Race pointed to the wheelchair as soon as Jessie was close enough.

"Fuck that," Jessie scoffed and kept walking.

Not expecting that reaction, Jonny laughed out loud. From his diaphragm. Jessie caught his eye and winked as she walked away from them all.

XXX

Jonny wrapped his arms around her from behind again while they waited for Race to pull the car around. Jessie did not tense this time. She leaned back against him happily. She stayed cuddled close to him the entire car ride too. Jonny enjoyed her warmth against his left side and the view outside his window. He felt content, but noticed her tense again when they turned into the entrance of the hotel.

"Can you drive around back?" she asked. A little panicked. "Please?" Jessie did not feel up to an audience.

Race stopped close to a side entrance and Jessie quickly exited followed by Jonny.

"Bye," Race called after them. Watching for a moment and then driving forward. He sighed heavily.

"Try not to take it personal," Estella commented from the passenger seat.

"It's not that," Race shot back. "Should I have let them fly home?"

"Since when do you second guess yourself?" she asked.

He shrugged. "I wasn't with Jonny when he put that bastard down because there were two locations to scout. Not only did I let him go off alone…I chose the wrong fucking location. Feels like a pretty good place to start second guessing."

"Our daughter is alive and WILL get back to herself. Your fingerprints are all over that, Roger. Trust your instincts," she said with finality.

"Wanna grab a drink?" Race changed the subject.

"It's not even noon," she laughed.

"So fucking what," he shot back and then gave her a charming grin. "I'm on vacation and I could use a distraction."

"Okay," she agreed. Smiling to herself.

XXX

She clung to him in the elevator too. It would have been a lie if he said he did not love it. Holding onto her after everything. Feeling needed. He loved that.

"Can we go to your room?" she asked.

"Sure." Jonny could not deny that going to the last place they were together before all this started was not appealing to him either.

She went straight for the balcony when they got to his room. He joined her after a minute and found her gripping the railing with eyes closed. Breathing deeply. Like she had not had fresh air for days. Then it hit him like a truck. She had not. She was trapped underground for days and then trapped in a bed. All because he wanted to fuck on a beach.

'Keep it together, Quest. These are the moments where you have to keep in together. When you feel like you've been pushed down a never-ending rabbit hole filled with ice water. Falling and freezing. That's a new one oh brain of mine. Thanks for that.'

"JONNY!"

"Yeah?" he focused back on her face. He had worried her.

'Shit.'

"It…was like you couldn't hear me talking for a minute," she told him slowly.

He swallowed. 'I couldn't. What did she say? Probably just my name.'

"Sorry," he apologized. Pointing at his head. "I was just…" He did not want to lie. "I love you desperately," he blurted out instead.

She pulled him close. "Crazy love," she mumbled into his chest.

He rubbed her back. "You can tell me anything you're feeling," he promised. "Always."

She swallowed hard. "I WANT to tell you everything I'm feeling," she swore.

'Me too.' He hugged her tighter and felt her heart racing. "Baby…we can work up to it," he told her softly.

XXX

"I have to tell you something," Estella said slowly. They were at the hotel bar. Race could tell the alcohol was getting to her fast and he thought it was cute. "I've been debating if I should," she added.

"Shoot," Race encouraged. Very interested.

"Our baby is having sex," she huffed. "She finally told me. Well…after I asked her point blank anyway."

Race cleared his throat.

"I thought you should hear it from me," she continued. "Maybe don't hit Jonny."

"Maybe?" he prompted.

She shrugged. "I haven't decided yet."

"I think you have." Race said calmly. Taking a long swig from his bottle. "I already knew, Stel."

She slapped his shoulder. Hard. "Why the hell didn't you tell ME then?"

Race considered. "I almost did at the hospital. But Jonny requested privacy. Seemed like the right thing to do at the time."

"Shit," her shoulders slumped. "So did Jess. I'm an asshole."

"No you're not," he defended. "I think information shared between parents about their kid gets a free pass."

"In that case…how long have you known?" she asked curiously.

"I didn't say I wanted to discuss it further," he grumbled.

"Come on," she pushed.

He sighed. Sounding annoyed, but not feeling it. He was enjoying her company more and more.

"I've suspected for quite a while…but Jonny only confirmed it a few days ago. We were out looking for her. Things were…intense. He was all over the place emotionally and it just came out. I don't think he meant to say it. But he was honest with me once it was out there." Race decided to exclude the pictures he saw of them from his explanation.

Estella stared for a long moment. "I don't know how you did it," she marveled. "Suspecting, but not asking him. With it right there in front of you. I don't have that kind of restraint."

"I fucking know that already," he laughed and got another slap.

"So what's your secret for staying so patient? Can you teach me that spy trick?"

"It wouldn't take," he teased and ducked her next assault.

"Come on?" she wanted him to play along.

He wanted to kiss her again. "No trick," he admitted. "I just…learned to trust them on this one. I trusted him not to pressure her. And I trusted her to wait until she was really ready. That's all I could do."

"You could've threatened or maimed," she joked.

Race smiled sadly. "They waited over three years on their own. If I had interfered or expressly forbade it…I think it would've happened much sooner."

"Really?"

Race shook his head and laughed again. "That's what I would've done at that age."

"And he's just like you…" she trailed off.

"No…well yes…in certain ways," he agreed. "But I was talking about her. If she had felt I was influencing the decision at all…"

"She would've done something to prove you had no say?" Estella concluded.

Race nodded in agreement. "That was my working theory anyway. So I focused on the trust whenever I wanted to freak out and turn back the clock. It kept me calm enough to deal with it."

"So you had it all figured out…you're just the perfect parent," she said sarcastically and rolled her eyes.

He tweaked his head to the side. "Nah…I didn't exactly come by said trust on the up and up."

"Do tell," she leaned in closer.

He smirked. Enjoying the banter despite the uncomfortable topic. "I accidentally overheard a conversation not meant for me."

"Accidentally?"

"Air quotes," he shrugged. "Quick version…Jess came home upset one day after school and snapped at me. I went to her room a few minutes later to check in. They were there and already talking by then. I should've left, but I heard Jess say some girls were making comments to the effect of it being obvious that she was still a virgin. Also that Jonny…and I fucking quote…shouldn't have to wait." Even the memory of it made him angry.

"Jesus Christ," Estella scoffed.

"Yeah. So that obviously caught my attention…or made me lose my breath," he huffed. "Anyway…she confirmed that she was and that she still wasn't ready. Which made me feel better. Let's just say…Jonny didn't respond the way that I would've at sixteen. Practically seventeen at that point. Which also made me feel better."

"What did he say?" she asked.

"First off, I think he was angrier than me about it," Race remembered. "Then he assured her that he was willing to wait another year. Two. As long as she wanted. And I believed him."

"Wow."

"He's not JUST like me, Stel. I wouldn't have even waited a month at that age."

"So you trust him with her," Estella concluded.

Race stared at the bottles of liquor behind the bar for a while before nodding. "More each day." He said it quietly.

She laid a hand on top of his. "It'll get easier," she promised.

"You're right."

"Ya know, for someone who wanted to drink you're sure nursing that beer," she teased. "Still second guessing?"

"No," he took another long swig. "I'll be right back. Order me something interesting."

XXX

Jonny had pulled the plush chair from his room out onto the balcony. He had his feet propped up on a cheap plastic table and his girl in his lap. He thought she had fallen asleep, but then she started tracing his collarbone with a finger. He kissed her forehead. "What's going on in there?" he whispered.

She sniffed and the emotion was clear in her voice. "I'm afraid and…"

"And?" he asked gently. Stroking her hair. 'Keep it together.'

"And…angry and ashamed and guilty and exhausted…and…I'm so afraid that..." she trailed off. Sounding like she had run a marathon after getting it all out.

Jonny tightened his embrace and she gripped his shirt. "I can help," he told her confidently. "I want to. If you're angry…yell at me. Scream…I can take it if I know it's making you feel better."

"I don't want to turn you into my punching bag," she admitted. "I love you."

"Bottling it up won't work either."

"I know."

He thought about it for a minute. "We've always wanted to take up kickboxing together," he offered. "I think it's time. Great way to get out some aggression."

She relaxed her hand and went back to tracing his collarbone. "That sounds like a good idea."

"If you're exhausted…you can take a nap on me," he laughed. "I'd like that."

"I'm sure you would," she chuckled, sliding her palm up and down his chest. "I'll take you up on that one. My happy place is your bed, babe."

"God…I love you," he exclaimed. She giggled and he felt it more than heard it. Then she tilted her head up and stared at him. "What are you afraid of?" he asked next.

She closed her eyes. 'He's going right down the list,' she thought and felt panic bubble up.

"Just tell me what it is," Jonny urged. "I'll figure out how to make you feel safe. I promise."

Jessie slid her hand up to his neck and guided his lips down to hers. "You're everything I need," she whispered before kissing him. They made out for a few minutes. It ended naturally and she smiled at him. "I miss just making out with you."

Jonny nudged her nose with his sweetly. "Me too." He let her get away with not sharing more. He did not want to push her. Confident that she would share what she could when she could. He could tell how much she was trying and that was all he ever wanted.

"Liar," she teased.

He kissed her again. "I may have some bias now," he flirted against her lips. A heavy knock on the door interrupted them. "This is becoming a pattern I could do without," he complained. Kissing her again and standing. "Be right back, love."

Jonny opened the door to no one and then noticed the paper shoved halfway under the door. He read it quickly and grinned.

Jessie braced herself for visitors and was surprised when only Jonny came back out onto the balcony. "Who was it?"

Jonny handed her the paper. "Your dad left you a present."

"See you at home tomorrow. Be safe," she read out loud and then turned the paper over to see that he had booked them tickets home. Relief flooded her. "Should we go?" she asked. Sounding unsure.

"Should we go?" he huffed. "It's all you've been talking about, babe."

She shrugged. "All in…it'll probably only get us home a little over twelve hours sooner."

Jonny pulled her into his arms. "It'll get you into my bed TONIGHT though," he shot back and thought he saw a flash of nervous energy go through her. He was not sure, but it was not the reaction he expected. "Just to sleep," he clarified. "I didn't mean…you know I'm…"

Jessie kissed him to cut off his rambling. "I know what you meant. You just want to take me to my happy place. Let's pack!"

XXX

Jonny rested a hand behind her neck. He had taken to that gesture to maintain contact. She leaned into his touch. They were three hours into the flight. "You tired, babe? You've been really quiet." He had observed her talking less and less the closer they got to home.

"People are staring at me," she complained suddenly.

"You're beautiful, Jess. Assholes always stare at you," Jonny whispered.

She huffed. "How do you know they're assholes?"

"I trust my gut," he shot back.

She got quiet again, but leaned against his shoulder. Jonny debated his next move.

'Let it be or distract her so she does not get too into her head.'

He decided to go with a comfortable silence, but she popped her head back up and kissed him deeply. Also sudden. She made his head spin. "Jessie," he whispered when she pulled back.

"They probably are assholes," she agreed.

XXX

They fell into his bed. Tangled together. Clothes gone. His restraint long gone.

"This is crazy," she panted.

"It's not," he insisted. Pushing inside her with one thrust. Anxious not to lose the moment.

"Ah…YES," she cried out. Wrapping her whole body around his. She was trembling. Her skin on fire. Him inside her again after so long. Fire. She ran her hands through his hair roughly and moved her hips with his as eagerly as she ever had. "Roger…oh Christ!"

He groaned into her neck. Feeling light-headed and not because of the beer. Feeling his eyes roll back from the pleasure. Once confident that she wanted this as much as him, Race propped himself up until he was hovering over her and slowed his pace. He wanted to watch her. She followed suit. Her arms dropped from around his neck like they were too heavy. She braced them on his chest and met his intense gaze.

The way he was moving. The way he was looking at her. It felt like…

"Fuck," she moaned. Estella closed her eyes for a long moment. 'Don't overthink it. It's a much needed release after everything.'

She opened her eyes when he stopped moving. He was breathing heavily and his brow was furrowed. "Where'd you go?"

She nudged his shoulder. He knew that meant she wanted him on his back. 'Like riding a bike,' he thought. 'Or letting her ride me.'

He flipped them over quickly and her carefree laugh was like heaven. He focused on her body as she moved. Perfect view. He tried to rememorize everything. Then he sat up and kissed her passionately. Throwing off her rhythm, but pressing their bodies closer together. He wanted to feel all of her. Needed it.

She tore away from his lips when she needed air. Looking up at the ceiling and trying desperately to catch her breath and find control again. She lost it completely when she felt the flat of his tongue on her neck. It had been so long. She needed this.

She tilted her head back down before his tongue reached her ear. They were forehead to forehead and panting. She got lost in his eyes for a moment and then felt his dick twitch.

"I need to come," she begged.

He pulled her hips forward hard and let her take control again. He slid his fingers up her back. Her skin was soft and her nipples kept grazing his chest. He was slowly rememorizing how she felt too. They alternated between kissing each other and just breathing heavily against each other. He could smell the alcohol on her and hoped it was not the driving force behind her enthusiasm.

He already wanted her again. Something he had tied down long ago was becoming quickly unfurled. He could tell she was close. He had not forgotten that look. He slipped a hand between them to help.

"You feel so good," she mewled. He felt her coming undone around him and flipped them back over like a practiced dance so he could be on top. He saw her arch off the bed toward him. He barely managed to hold off until she came and it was even harder not to fall on top of her when he did. He saw a flash of white and closed his eyes tight to get his bearings. He saw visions of her until he opened them to the real thing. He watched in awe as she recovered. Breathing deeply. Glistening skin. Looking as good as ever beneath him.

He eased himself down beside her and waited for the other shoe to drop. 'Don't be an idiot,' he thought. He stared at the ceiling for a full five minutes without a word. Trying to figure out what to say. He glanced at her. Her eyes were closed, but he could tell she was not asleep. He assumed she was doing the same mental gymnastics as him.

He replayed his recent conversations with Jonny. The ones were he had insisted that talking honestly was critical. 'Fuck,' he thought. Easier said than done.

Movement to the left distracted him. She was pulling at the sheets to cover herself, which he found depressing. He did not bother.

"So," she started. "I haven't had drunk sex since…"

"I'm not drunk," Race tensed and cut her off. He wanted her to know that. He also did not want to know how that sentence ended.

"Since our trip to Cancun," she finished. "Do you remember that?"

"Vividly," Race grinned. "But I'm not drunk," he repeated. "I just wanted you." He turned to look at her. "And I want you again," he said confidently.

Her breath hitched at his admission. He rolled on top of her. "Roger…what are you doing?" she asked.

"Not second guessing myself," he grinned. Kissing her deeply. He pulled back when he felt her relax.

"You're dangerous," she whispered against his lips.

"And you're not that drunk," he accused. "You just want me too."

XXX

They fell into his bed. Tangled together, but fully clothed. He felt her relax against him.

"Why is travelling so exhausting when almost no energy is exerted?" he broke the silence.

"Altitude?" she surmised. "Thank you for bringing me home," she then whispered. "It doesn't feel like I've been away for four months."

"Agree to disagree," he held on tighter. "Still think this is better than Fiji?" he teased next. "We could've just kept going."

"I'm sure this is where I want to be."

"You hungry?" Jonny asked.

"No," she sat up and rubbed his chest. "Let's order a pizza though. I can hear your stomach rumbling, baby."

He followed and tucked some hair behind her ear. "You tired?"

"No," she promised. "I've had more sleep in the last few days than I needed."

He rubbed the back of his neck like he did when he was nervous. "Do you want to talk?"

"No," she responded quietly. "…and yes."

"Why no?" he asked gently.

"Makes me feel sick to my stomach," she looked down. "The thought of sitting here and dwelling on it."

Jonny hesitated and then asked. "Why yes?"

She stared at him before answering. "Because you need me to," she admitted. "And I WANT to give you what you need."

He was afraid of that. Jonny sighed and got off the bed. "I'm gonna go raid the pantry," he changed the subject. "I don't wanna wait for a pizza to be delivered."

"Don't be mad," she rushed. Kneeling on the bed. Hating how needy that sounded. "Please."

Jonny came back and gave her a long kiss. She still looked worried when he pulled back. "I'm not mad, Jess. And I won't push you," he swallowed and then qualified. "I promise to try REALLY hard not to push you," he sat back down. She looped her arms through one of his and leaned against him. "I want you to talk for YOU…not me. Or at least for the both of us," he added. "Because I honestly believe that's the best thing for the both of us." He felt her nod against him. "But I can wait, beautiful. You're worth it." She leaned away from him at that, which gave him another thing to worry about.

"I am a little hungry," she deflected.

"Stay here," he insisted. "I'll scrounge something up." Truth be told, he needed a few minutes alone. He wanted to keep his promise about not pushing her, but was also acutely aware that he was up against the clock. If she left for school before everything was out on the table, she would bury it. Or she would work through it on her own…which would be fine if it did not make HIM feel sick to his stomach to be excluded from the process. Instead of going to the pantry, he grabbed the home phone from its dock and walked to the back of the house. He went out onto the deck. The fresh air felt good. The swirl of emotions inside him did not. Especially the indecision. He stared at the phone for a long moment before calling.

"Hey."

"Hi," Hadji answered. Sounding surprised to hear from him. "Glad to be home?"

"We are," Jonny confirmed.

"How is she?" Hadji wanted to know.

"Same," Jonny summarized.

"How are you?" Hadji tried.

Jonny laughed, but it was forced. "Could use some of that sage advice you always seem to have at the ready because I just had an unnatural fucking urge."

"Context please?"

"That I may need to talk to a fucking shrink," he admitting uncomfortably. "It's probably because dad planted the seed…" he trailed off.

"That's nothing to be ashamed of," Hadji started. "So don't. Talking to someone impartial about all this is far from crazy."

Jonny sighed. "But I don't want or need to be psychoanalyzed. I just need to know how to help her. If I actually were to talk to someone, I have a strong suspicion said shrink would accuse me of deflecting and not give me what I came for."

Hadji knew better than to ask. 'Well…are you deflecting?'

"I suppose I could read up on it and come to my own conclusion," Jonny continued. "Do you think a 'How to deal with trauma victims…for dummies' has already been published?"

"I wouldn't know," Hadji chuckled lamely. "So how can I help?" he asked again.

"You took psych last semester," Jonny prompted like it was obvious.

"Jonny…I'm hardly qualified to offer an opinion here."

Jonny disagreed. "You're uniquely qualified to offer an opinion here," he argued. "No one knows us better and you're incredible at theory application."

Hadji scoffed.

"Come on," Jonny pushed. "Help your brother."

"Okay…Jessie has a tendency to close off emotionally, right?"

"She'd fucking metal if it was an Olympic event," Jonny agreed sarcastically.

Hadji ignored the side comment. "But she doesn't really shut down. It's just an act to buy time. So she can process what she's feeling before sharing," Hadji offered.

Jonny stayed quiet because he was not hearing any new information yet.

"That's her comfort zone," Hadji pointed out. "I know this is a big ask, but if you can remove emotion for a moment…you can't logically expect her to act outside of her comfort zone right now. She needs to feel safe. And if she decides to deal with this on her own in small waves that would certainly not be out of character.

'He's right. If anyone is acting out of character, it's me. I need to be more patient with her. Not less. FUCK.'

"You may need to adjust your expectations, Jonny."

"Not may," Jonny sighed. "I do." Again…no new information. But it was a helpful, if not painful, reminder.

"Can you accept that?" Hadji asked.

"I have to accept it," Jonny concluded. Feeling out of control again. His blood went cold. The same way it had when he heard her screaming for help through that old talking tube. When he saw her strapped down and helpless. Panic rising in droves. 'Calm down,' he thought. 'Calm the fuck down.'

"Jonny?" Hadji asked when his brother was quiet for too long.

"I don't want her to go back to school this semester," Jonny spat out. Sounding out of breath. "I don't want her to leave yet."

Hadji hesitated. "Is that why you're upset? She said no?"

"I haven't asked," Jonny responded quickly. "I don't know how. How do I ask that?"

"Just say the words," Hadji told him. "That's the easy part and she deserves to know that's how you feel. The hard part will be accepting her answer, Jonny."

Jonny swallowed. "You think she'll say no?"

"I think she'll say no," Hadji stated firmly.

"Me too," Jonny agreed sadly.

"Can I offer one more observation and a piece of advice?" Hadji asked after a beat.

"Always."

"You and Jessie survived all the many missteps of adolescent infatuation and turned it into a full-blown adult relationship…you'll survive this too. In the hospital, you shared your relationship rules with me. They've worked quite well for you so far," Hadji concluded.

Jonny closed his eyes and absorbed that. Then he was distracted by the patio door opening and met her still worried eyes. "Thanks." Jonny ended the call and placed the phone on the railing.

'Don't cheat,' he thought. 'Easy. Don't lie. A little harder. Don't play mind games. Easy. Limit dickhead behavior. Sometimes out of my control. Treat her like a queen always. He liked to think that one was just instinct alone. Make her feel safe,' he added.

"Did you change your mind about the pizza?" she asked slowly.

"No," he cleared his throat. "Sorry. I got distracted."

"My dad checking in?" she assumed. 'Why does he look so guilty?' she wondered.

'Don't lie,' he thought.

"No…I was talking to Hadj."

"About what?" she pushed.

'Don't lie.'

"You," he said simply.

"Oh." She did not sound angry or even surprised. She did wrap her arms around herself self-consciously though. Rubbing them and pretending like she was just cold.

He led her back inside. "Do you mind grabbing some food?" he asked. "I'll start a fire."

"Sounds nice," she agreed. Jessie watched him walk away again. At least that was how it felt.

'Don't be overdramatic," she tried to tell herself.

She made her way to the kitchen and methodically prepared a healthy snack for him. Fruits, nuts, cheese and meats. She poured two glasses of wine as an afterthought. Concluding that it could only help her with the opening up portion of the evening. She had to try. She took a moment to psych herself up before heading into the sitting room.

He was on the floor with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. In front of the fireplace, but between the couch and the coffee table. He took the tray from her and then patted the floor next to him. When she sat, she wrapped his arm and the blanket around her. They stared into the fire for a while. Another comfortable silence. Lost in their own thoughts.

He had promised not to push her. So Jessie knew that she had to make the first move. She grabbed the wine glass and brought it to her lips, but Jonny stopped her before she could take a sip. Taking the glass and putting it back on the table.

"What're you…"

"Your hand was shaking," he interrupted. Bringing it to his lips and then lacing his fingers through hers. Her eyes filled with tears and she looked away. He saw her chin tremble, but waited. "Baby…you don't have to talk, but please let me hold you? I really need that tonight."

She released a relieved breath and buried her head in his chest. He kissed her hair and focused on the fire until her breathing evened off. He wanted to make her smile. "Wanna hear something embarrassing?" he asked.

"Okay," she mumbled.

"I bought a strawberry scented candle at CVS while you were gone," he admitted. "And it wasn't an impulse purchase. I went there with the express purpose of buying it. Wanting it was impulsive," he kept going in a soft voice. "I wanted it out of nowhere, but didn't feel like waiting so Amazon wasn't an option. I went to your room first to see if you had left behind any of your shampoo…"

"Oh my god," she breathed out. "Did someone catch you jacking off to a candle?"

"No," he huffed. "I always locked the door for that."

She laughed softly. "You should've called me. I would've helped you."

Jonny could not afford to think about that. He cleared his throat and got back on track.

"All around pretty pathetic," he continued. "But the embarrassing part is that I had to buy a second candle. I missed…every fucking thing about you." She started to cry again. "I'm sorry," he apologized. "I didn't mean to upset you."

Jessie sat back and wiped at her face. "You didn't," she told him. "You make me feel special. You always have. Always."

He brushed away the remaining wetness from her face and recalled what she had said in one of her video diaries.

"You are the master of finding an excuse to hold my hand. Not that you ever need an excuse. That has always made me feel special, ya know. The way you would do that. You make me feel special. I was lying awake in bed last night trying to remember if I've ever told you that. I couldn't remember. I hope you know."

She was smiling at him. The first genuine smile he had seen in hours. Then she looked up. Searching for a memory. "Like…in first grade when you had lunch with me every single day. Even though the 'cool kid' second graders wanted you to sit with them."

"I loved you," he shrugged.

She laughed. "You were seven."

"I was in love with you," he whispered stubbornly.

She smiled again. "Or…like when we first started to date…and you did advance recon on date locations to put my dad at ease…that really impressed him, babe."

Jonny's brow furrowed. "He told you about that?"

She nodded. "Only because I freaked out after our first date. You weren't acting like yourself and I thought you wouldn't want to do it again."

"I was just insanely nervous," Jonny laughed.

"My dad convinced me of that when he told me about your plans…to calm me down."

"What the fuck?" he said. But was not actually upset.

"I think it was divine intervention. Knowing made me not second guess everything those first few months…when it was all so confusing and fragile." She kissed him lightly.

"So…your DAD…was like our relationship guardian angel?" he observed.

"Maybe a little in the beginning," she grinned.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked. No accusation.

She put her hand up like she was giving an oath in court. "I was sworn to secrecy. My dad made me promise not use anything he said against you," she kissed his cheek.

"Shit…what did he say?"

"Basically…that you were a bumbling mess because you had no clue what you were doing," she giggled and then sobered. "That I had you wrapped around my finger…he also warned me this would happen. That I wouldn't always have the upper hand," she explained. Resting her chin on his shoulder.

"The girly fucking candle hidden in my dresser drawer would suggest I DO NOT have the upper hand," he pointed out.

"You've been spouting a lot of romantic quotes lately." She got back to making her point.

"Spouting?" he challenged. "I like to think of it more as professing….anyway…I may have been brushing up for a beautiful cause."

"Flirt."

"Guilty."

"How about the time you vandalized that Aphrodite exhibit at school?" she accused lightly.

"You knew?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes!"

He winked. "I knew you knew."

"How?"

He smirked. "You have a very specific tell."

"What is it?" she wanted to know.

Jonny brushed his thumb over her lower lip. "This smile. You have a lot of smiles, baby. And I know them all. But I get the same one whenever I do or say something to make you happy. It's my favorite and I figured it out ages ago. Now…I just wanna see that smile as much as possible."

"You knew," she said. He could tell that made her happy too.

"Always."

She practically launched herself at him. Wrapping her arms around his neck tightly and burying her nose in his neck. She was straddling him with her knees hugging his hips. He held on for dear life. Concentrating on every breath she took. Her chest expanding as much as his arms would allow and then falling. She was alive, safe and warm in his arms. His mind flashed to when she was cold deadweight instead. Moments like this almost stolen from his life forever.

She sat back and leaned against the coffee table. He rested his hands on her bent knees. She pushed hair off his forehead. "You okay?"

He watched her for a moment and debated.

'Be honest,' he thought. 'You can't expect her to be if you're not."

He closed his eyes. "I just keep having these…I feel completely okay…normal even… and then I flash back to a moment or a feeling from the last few days. It's temporarily paralyzing."

"You can tell me. I want you to tell me…," she trailed off and looked down. "I know that makes me a giant hypocr…"

"I love you," he interrupted passionately. "I don't think you're a hypocrite. This isn't easy. Certainly more complex than your mom not approving of me or any insecurities you may develop about us because of inconsequential girls."

Jessie scrunched up her face. "I think my mom's changing her tune, babe."

Jonny kissed her nose. "You're cute with your face like that."

"You're cute when you're deflecting," she shot back. "You don't care about her coming around?"

"Of course I do. It would make you happy," he charmed.

"Mmm…and all you had to do was rescue me from a real-life monster," she said sarcastically.

'She kept calling out for you, but you weren't there…She's mine forever now.'

Fucking ice cold endless rabbit hole. He felt her warm hands envelop his face. His eyes were shut again and he could feel himself spiraling. He actually felt dizzy.

"Sorry…I'm sorry, baby. That was a shitty thing for me to say," she apologized.

Jonny could picture every line on Clay's face when he let himself. Every inch of the dungeon he kept her in. "He told me…that you called out for me."

Her hands dropped to his neck. "Who?" she asked haltingly, but already knew.

"Clay."

"Clay," she repeated and then fisted his shirt. "He never formally introduced himself. At least…not that I remember."

Jonny opened his eyes. Assuming she had already known that. "Clay Ravenstone."

She relaxed her fists. "The monster has a name." She let that rattle around in her head. "I don't remember screaming, but my throat was sore when I woke up so I may have…" she trailed off.

Suddenly all he could hear was her screaming.

"You did," his voice was hollow. "I don't know if you called out for me. That may have just been an attempted mind fuck since I was pointing a gun at him, but you screamed bloody murder. I'll never forget that sound. It's tangible for me. I could choke on it."

"Jonny." Her voice was all breathy. "What else do you remember?"

"Everything…all the sounds…smells…Brenda unable to fight back on account of the knife to her throat…the fear in Keri's eyes…how cold you were…how unresponsive…how desperately I needed you to wake up and tell me it'd all be okay." He let out a long exhale.

She hugged him tightly again in response. Jonny welcomed it. A contradiction of feelings. All the overwhelming bad coupled with the relief that she was with him. How good she felt in his arms. He stared at the fire and let the floodgates open. "I'm exhausted from overthinking EVERYTHING the last few days. I'm exhausted from all the heavy conversations. I'm exhausted from crying more than I ever have," he took a ragged breath.

Jessie pulled his face between her hands again. His head dropped and she watched his face crumble. She felt like the wind had been knocked out of her.

He sniffed and bit his lip hard. He fought the urge to push her hands away and run. He fought the urge to censor himself. It all came rushing back. He was tired of fighting it. "I'm sick of my body and my mind betraying me. I feel immeasurable fucking anger toward Clay fucking Ravenstone for taking you away from me. For hurting you. I feel immeasurable fucking regret for taking you to that spot on the beach," his voice broke and a sob escaped his lips. "You asked me to stay in bed that night. I wanna go back and not leave," he cried.

She waited. There was so much she could say, but she wanted him to get it all out. She wanted to take care of him.

"I feel…ANGRY that he didn't suffer more, Jess. He deserved to suffer for all the pain he caused. I feel guilty that I didn't get there before he cut you and burned you and bruised you. Before he raped Brenda and dislocated her shoulder. I feel guilty for wishing you were the one I found in that cage. Instead of Keri. Scared, but mostly unharmed. A matter of hours made that much of a fucking difference." He paused for a long moment. Trying unsuccessfully to calm down. "I told you I saw their bodies. Jess…I thought Lena was you..." he heaved. "I felt my world end."

Jessie was frozen as she listened. Except for the rapid increase in her breathing. Tears were streaming down her face. Out of her control as soon as she saw his. She rested her forehead on the top of his bowed head and reached her hands around to rub his back. "Don't say that," she whispered. "You're so strong, baby. You'd be…"

"Don't say THAT…don't even think it." Jonny gently pushed her away and stood. He was sweating and needed away from the blanket, the fire and her body heat. "I'll be right back." He raced up the stairs to his bathroom. Wiping angrily at his face as he went.

She sat there for a moment in shock. Trying to absorb and catalogue his words. She was confused and conflicted, but her worry for him trumped all. She followed at a slow gait and found him hunched over his sink splashing water on his face. She grabbed a clean towel and handed it to him. She rested her head on his shoulder and watched him in the mirror. Waiting. He looked exhausted, but his eyes were clear. He met her gaze in the glass.

"You're not replaceable," he said firmly. "Not to me. When I thought I lost you…I've never…I can't feel that again, Jess."

"You won't," she promised. Rubbing his arm. He gripped the sides of the sink and she could tell he was not convinced or at the very least still quite tense. "You haven't talked about Clay," she prodded.

"Yes I did," he nodded.

"You had to kill him," she said gently.

Jonny sighed. "That's the one thing I'm not upset about."

That did not feel right to her, but he switched gears again before she could push. His tone gave her pause.

"Baby?"

"Tell me," she urged.

"I get that…" he trailed off and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Why are you so nervous?" she asked knowingly.

"Because someone wants me to feel every emotion on the spectrum tonight?" he laughed lamely.

"Or?"

'Don't lie to her.'

"Look. I know…that you have to leave for school in a few weeks," he swallowed. "I know you… and I do understand."

She was frozen again. "Hotshot…I'm…"

"I won't ask you to stay. I promise." He closed his eyes.

"Jonny?"

"But I wanna ask," he admitted. "I'm fucking terrified to let you out of my sight. I needed to be honest about that."

"I'll stay if you ask me to," she blurted out.

Jonny turned to her with an assessing look. "Do you WANT to stay?" He saw her immediate hesitation.

'Fuck…keep your promise, Quest.'

"Yes and no," she said sadly. Walking out of the bathroom and sitting on his bed. Jonny came and kneeled in front of her.

"Yes because of me? "

She shook her head no. "Not just because of you. I'm so confused."

"Doesn't have to be decided tonight," Jonny pointed out. Trying not to get his hopes up.

She smiled. Looking relieved. "I am tired now," she announced. "Go eat, Quest."

"You trying to get rid of me?" he asked. Only a little paranoid.

"Not exactly," she laid down. "I'm sleeping in your bed, baby."

He smiled and then spooned her from behind a second later.

"You're hungry," she mumbled.

"I'm good. I think we've established I know exactly what I'm feeling today," he said dryly.

She turned around in his arms and buried her head under his neck. Staring at his throat. "Thank you again for bringing me home. It's what I needed."

"That was your dad."

Jessie laughed. "I'll thank him for allowing it, but I don't think for one second it was his idea for me to leave."

"True."

"I feel safe here with you. Like I can breathe again," she kissed his skin. He stayed quiet and she realized he really was not gonna make her talk." That made her feel safer. "I'm afraid of fucking this up," she whispered.

"Fucking what up?"

She paused. "Us."

Jonny slid down so he could see her eyes. "How were you planning to do that?" he asked as casually as if he were ordering a coffee.

His tone caught her off guard again. "I'm not…sure actually." She stared at him and considered. "You don't seem worried about it," she commented.

"I'm not," he said confidently. "You can't fuck it up with any finality unless I give up on you…and I don't plan to do that, baby."

He watched her face change and then his favorite smile made an appearance.