A/N: Hey lovelies! Happy Sunday! I was super productive this morning and finished a lot of my notes for my history class that aren't due till Friday (yeah, I got winter break homework, ew), finished memorizing a speech I need to do for my English class, and worked on my choir solo. So, I felt perfectly justified in watching Netflix and writing FF for the past five hours hehe :)
I have a shoutout to give! The 500th reviewer... was guest user Tashy! Guest reviewers make me smile just as often as user reviewers, and so even though I can't personally thank all of you, THANK YOU! You guys mean so much to me! (To the guest named "500th Reviewer", you were actually 501, I'm sorry :( but shoutout to you c: Sometimes FF glitches for readers and doesn't update the number of reviews for about ten minutes after a review is posted, but I counted twice to be sure.)
Anyway c: After spending much of my break watching TVD, I started watching some old Glee eps to pump myself up for Glee coming back on Tuesday. I know I totally should also be watching PLL eps since it's also coming back, but I mean, Glee hasn't been on for like a year, so I feel justified.
Ah why am I talking, y'all need to read the update!
Disclaimer: I do NOT own PLL!
PLEASE enjoy, favorite, follow and REVIEW!
"Wanna hear a secret?" Alison asked the brunette, adjusting the position of her head resting on Emily's chest.
"Is it a real secret, or just a little secret?" Emily teased, smiling a little bit.
"Both?" Alison answered, smiling as well. "I put glue in Mona Vanderwaal's lip gloss today."
Emily's eyes bugged. "You did what?" Alison smiled devilishly as she readjusted her position again, getting more comfortable.
"I just wish I'd done it at the beginning of class instead of at the end so that I could see her put it on and flip out when she realized," Alison finished. "I bet she had a big struggle with it later."
"Will she know it was you?" Emily questioned, her eyes still wide.
"Please, Em, she doesn't even know I exist. She's a cool person remember? We are all the way down at the bottom," Alison stated, as if Emily had forgotten. "She'll probably think it was the nerd guy who sits next to her."
"Ali…" Emily's tone was naturally condescending sounding, because of course she disapproved of things like that. Alison nestled her head into Emily's boobs to cut off her words.
"Emily," she whined, "don't ruin the fun. She deserves it. She's a bitch to everybody."
The brunette couldn't help but smile as she ran her fingers carefully through Alison's hair. "Fine," Emily agreed. "It would be sort of funny to see her with her lips glued together."
"See? I'm not crazy!" Alison exclaimed, chuckling. "Her lips are so big too, it would be hysterical. Of course, she wouldn't find it funny. Not that she would be able to laugh about it with her lips stuck together if she did."
"You are horrible," Emily said, but she was giggling. "Seriously."
"But you like me anyway," Alison insisted, finally lifting her head and looking at Emily's face. She instantly leaned forward to capture her lips in her own, and Emily let an instantaneous sigh out against them. Her arm came up and around Alison's back, pulling her body completely on top of her, and deepening their kiss.
Alison tapped her middle finger and her thumb together at an insane speed as she continuously wondered how things were going being Emily and Hanna, Spencer and Aria. She knew that Spencer already knew most everything about Emily and Alison, but the other two girls were probably crazy pissed about the whole thing. And despite Alison's completely genuine apology, they had every right to be pissed. Alison had really done a horrible thing to them, and then Emily had lied to them and betrayed their trust.
All of that aside, though, Alison was pretty sure that Hanna and Aria would stick around for Emily. They didn't accept friends lightly—especially after what Alison had done. But they had accepted Emily, and Emily was a good person down to her soul—if such a thing existed.
"So, I told Amanda not to play all of those Frozen songs during her party this Saturday. That was the right move, yeah?" Mona asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Definitely. Overrated," Alison answered, nodding seriously before slipping back into her thoughts of about Emily as she flipped randomly through her textbook. They were supposed to be studying for French, but Mona was just laying across her bed flipping through catalogues.
"Also, I vetoed Five Seconds of Summer. They were cool for about five minutes, but everyone is done with them," Mona added, shaking her head as if disgusted. Alison found herself nodding in agreement again, though she wasn't even listening at this point. Mona raised a perfectly sculpted, probably drawn on, eyebrow. "I told her it would be cool for her to play Nickelback though."
"Okay," Alison said.
"Alison Lauren DiLaurentis, what the hell is wrong with you? You hate Nickelback! It's trash!" Mona demanded, snapping her fingers in front of the blonde's face.
"I'm sorry, Mona, I—"
"Seriously! You have got some crazy shit happening to you! You keep zoning out, and you're hardly seen doing anything anymore! You've really lost your spark, Alison, and if you don't get it together, your footing is going to fall! For good!" Mona exclaimed.
Alison's eyes shot wide open. "You know, that almost sounded like a threat, Mona. I know it wasn't, since we both know that without me, your footing isn't falling apart—it's nonexistent."
"I was something before you were, Alison! Nobody knew your name! Nobody knew you existed! I existed! And I can exist without you!" Mona exclaimed.
"You were only something without me because you spent half of your life bitching and pushing other people around!" Alison spat.
"And you don't do that?" Mona demanded. "Trust me, Alison, if I was bad before you, imagine what I've learned to do by now. You are way worse of a person than I ever was! You are a heartless bitch who feels no emotions! You couldn't care less about me, or Amanda, or anyone!"
"That is such a lie, Mona!" Alison exclaimed, standing up. "I have done so much for you and Amanda! And not just because without me, you're both little girls standing on your tiptoes and hoping the world will see you! I've given you someone you can trust—have I ever betrayed either of you? I've never done a single bad thing to either of you! And believe it or not, even when I started sophomore year using you two to climb the social ladder, I actually consider you both my friends."
"Bullshit!" Mona exclaimed, tossing her catalogue aside and getting off of the bed as well. "Total bullshit! You treat Amanda like a doll, or a little pet! You only treat me like a person because you know that I could totally take you by now! I might be barely anything without you, but you're nothing without me! I'm the one who keeps you from tipping off the top of the pyramid! I'm the one who reminds you when you need to go shopping for shoes, or purses! I'm the one who even taught you the difference between freaking pumps and stilettos!"
That one hit Alison with a wave of complete surprise. Because it was true. And no, Mona wasn't stupid, but Alison didn't think that Mona had realized how clueless Alison had been to start with.
"That's right," Mona snapped, though her voice was not as loud now, "you thought you were so good at pretending that you could be someone. You might have the fire, but your hair? Your shoes? Me. I did that. You were completely naïve about everything. Thought it would be so easy. Yeah, I wouldn't be much without you. I have fire, but Alison, you have a lot more fire than I do. And, as surprising as it might be to you, I'm not clueless like Amanda. I help you keep your image, because you're lending me your fire."
"So we've been using each other," Alison stated, nodding slowly.
"Yes," Mona agreed, exhaling suddenly. She shook her head. "I'm sorry. I don't thing you're heartless. I just… I know that people look at me as one of your 'followers', but I've always felt like more than just a groupie."
"You are, Mona," Alison said, surprising both the shorter girl and herself. "Honestly, I used to hate you. Before you knew me. I talked bad about you… you didn't even know who I was, but I didn't care. But I started to care, because I wanted what you had. I knew you were smart when I started to talk to you, and I was stupid to think that you weren't smart enough to use me just as much as I was using you."
"I did use you. But the difference between you and me, Alison… I actually became your friend. I figured out ways I could cheer you up—even if just a little bit. I listened to your rants about the other girls not keeping up with you. You… you're not my friend. You only used me," Mona stated, her voice becoming as cold as ice.
"Mona…" Alison shook her head slowly. "Honestly, a couple of months ago, I wouldn't have cared a single bit to have this conversation. I would have told you to get lost. Because you're right, you're a friend to me and I've never cared to be a friend to you."
"So what about now?" Mona demanded.
"I do know you, Mona," Alison said, not answering her question just yet. "I know that you're a lot softer than you want people to know. I know that your favorite ice cream flavor is rocky road, but you order vanilla because you don't want people to judge you. I know that you care a lot about what people think of you. I know that even though you value expensive things, you value culture much more. That's why you showed me all of your French catalogues over the summer—and I don't know if you remember, but you told me that you only had them and you only took French class because you valued the culture. You didn't care how much money it cost."
Mona blinked.
"Mona, as weird as it may sound, I want us to be friends. And not only because I only have a small handful, but because I want someone to talk to. And you let me talk to you. And I've never told you some things, but I surprisingly actually trust you enough to tell you them. I don't trust Amanda. You're right, maybe I treat her like a pet, but I don't want to. I didn't used to be a bad person, Mona. I don't want to be that person. I don't want to care about handbags and heels and my hair! I want to go to school wearing sweats and t-shirt on days that I'm tired. I want to walk through the school without everyone parting as if being near me will kill them," Alison admitted, afraid that her voice sounded too weak.
"So what changed?" Mona questioned. "Between when you came to me wanting to climb the ladder and you right now? Or what changed between last month and right now? Was it the fact that people have been trying to stand up to you lately? Did you just not have the energy to fight anymore?"
"Oh trust me Mona, I have fire still," Alison stated. "It's just… I'm about to lose a lot of people. I know I told you that you don't stand a chance without me, but the truth is, after what's going to happen sometime soon, you'll have all of my footing, if you want it. But here's the thing, like I said, I want us to be friends."
"You are really confusing me, Alison," Mona muttered, looking lost.
"I have to tell you something," Alison said, slowly sitting down on Mona's bed. "I wasn't going to tell you until next month but… I feel obligated to. Which is weird, because I only ever really feel obligation to people that I care about."
Mona didn't say anything as she also sat down, looking stunned and intrigued.
"Lately, I've been thinking a lot about friendships and relationships… I sort of realized how important they are, and how much I've really been missing by avoiding all emotions besides anger over the past three years. They all came back to me, though, when that new girl, Emily, moved here," Alison stated.
"What's she got to do with it?" Mona demanded.
"She's not new. She used to live here during our freshman year, but she moved to Texas. I knew her back then, back when I wasn't popular and when I hated you. She was my best friend," Alison admitted.
"Wow," Mona muttered, as if she hadn't seen it coming at all. Which, maybe she hadn't.
Alison shrugged, before continuing, "Actually… she was more than my best friend, Mona. She… well… I… we were in love with each other."
Now, Mona's eyes shot wide open.
"Ever noticed how I never seem to have a boyfriend?" she asked weakly. "Well, now you know why. I'm gay, Mona. And I know you'll probably hate me—because I never told you. That, or you'll hate me just because I am the way I am. I blocked away that part of myself for a long time, but when Emily moved back here… Everything came rushing back. The person I used to be. The one who cared about other people. And I started feeling differently about everything. I felt really guilty. Guilty about being a bitch to people, guilty about using you and Amanda, guilty about not telling people who I was, guilty about becoming this person that I'm not. I want to change now. And it's taken me a few weeks to come to terms with who I am again but this is who I am. I'm a boring, lesbian, teenage girl who took years to come to terms with who she is."
Mona didn't say anything.
"Mona…?" Alison willed herself not to cry, but this conversation had begun to take its toll on her, and she felt tears wanting to come out. When the shorter girl still didn't answer, Alison let out a shaky breath and grabbed her textbook and her purse, before turning and starting out of the room.
Suddenly, she heard, "Alison, wait." She froze, turning around to face Mona. Mona had a soft expression on her face as she said, "I already knew."
Alright so...
A) I am sorry for the cliffhanger... except I'm not, bc I love cliffhangers hehe. :P
B) I was super worried about this chapter. Almost scrapped the whole thing. I never really got into the relationship between Mona and Alison, because in the past 34 chapters, Alison has been mostly focused on Emily, and basically avoiding Mona and Amanda as much as possible- hence why Mona finally broke. But... I did feel like Mona actually cared for Alison, and Alison was surprisingly not really a bitch to her, and when I started this chapter, I followed my gut. I wrote what I felt worked. I think it kind of came out all jumbled, but honestly, I think that makes it that much more realistic. Anyway, my little sister said she loved this part of the storyline, so I decided not to scrap it, because I loved it too. :) I hope you all do as well.
C) Yeah, so here I am being all insecure. I mean I guess I've always gotten nervous over whether you all will like my chapters, but not gonna lie, negative feedback is GOOD. It helps me grow as an author. So I hope that even if you didn't like the chapter, you'll review. Maybe keep it nice, though? Because I think you all know how much I hate rude reviewers. Also, if you'll review as NOT a guest, it would be much appreciated :) Because even if you are a rude reviewer, I would hate you much less if you were coming from an account. ;P
Not that I really hate any of my reviewers - just maybe the hateful reviews themselves...
Anyway, I love you all so much! I hope you liked this chapter and can't wait for the next one! I'm starting to feel an ending coming, but I have not even thought about what it will be, so do not fear :)
My last day of winter break is tomorrow, so I'm going to enjoy it c: I may update again tomorrow, but no promises! Have a lovely night and please review!