(AN: Before we get under way, another disclaimer:

*same spotlighted stage, Mr. Handwaver the Magician comes into the circle of light, looks down at his cue card and frowns*

"I say, this is absolute rot! You're not paying me enough to recite this rubbish!"

*A disembodied voice booms from above*

"Mr. Handwaver, are you familiar with the term 'yaoi slashfic'?"

*he looks puzzled*

"Well, no, that term doesn't seem familiar."

"Take a minute and look it up."

*the gentleman pulls out his smartphone and taps the screen a few times. A look of horror and revulsion appears on his face*

"This is disgusting! And people do write that?"

"Yep. And if you refuse to cooperate, I'll have to find other uses for you."

*he squares his shoulders and folds his arms defiantly*

"You wouldn't dare!"

*In a puff of smoke, there appeared a large, muscular man sporting a handlebar mustache and wearing leather chaps. He gives Mr. Handwaver a flirtatious wink. Quickly the magician recites the disclaimer at top speed*

"This disclaimer states that the following events take place exactly fifteen minutes prior to Sgt. Crosby taking his bath. This disclaimer also states wishes to reiterate that Spec Ops the Line belongs to Yager Entertainment and Familiar of Zero belong to Yamaguchi Noboro. Any references to pop culture up to and including Monty Python belong to their respective owners. No familiars were harmed in the production of this chapter."

*the biker looks disappointed, and disappears in a puff of smoke*

"Wanker." the gentleman says under his breath.

*In another puff of smoke there appear two large bikers. The gentleman panics and runs off stage*

"And now time for something completely different! I hope!"

*ahem*

The Weaver was right; I do have a bit of a cruel streak in me. Anyways, enjoy the chapter!)

Montmorency placed the last piece of silverware on the table set for two and looked around. Nobody was in the courtyard, it was evening and all the students were having dinner. She reached into her cloak and pulled out a small phial and poured it into one of the teacups. Her beloved Guiche should be finishing is dinner and promised to have tea and cakes with her afterwards. Soon she would not have to worry about him flirting with other girls. Soon she would have Guiche all to herself. Her thoughts were interrupted when someone collided with her and knocked her to her backside. Standing over her and panting very hard was Louise.

"What in the name of Brimir are you doing, Louise?"

The pinkette was still huffing.

"I'm, I'm trying to catch up with my familiar. He ran off again."

She noticed the tea.

"My throat is dry from all this running, can I have some of your tea?"

Montmorency shook her head emphatically.

"No! Don't!"

The pinkette had already put the cup to her lips and was taking a drink when Montmorency tried to snatch the cup out of her hand. She lost her balance and fell to the ground again. Its contents spilled all over her, she could even taste some of the tea in her mouth. She glared and Louise, but the pinkette was already gone. She ran after her.

Kirche peered into the cauldron.

"Yoo-hoo! Sir Crosby, are you hiding in there my handsome war horse?"

Louise huffed.

"Kirche, he's not going to be in the cauldron! And you're not getting him! He's mine!"

The blonde was deep in thought; she had her arms folded and was tapping her chin with a finger. She interrupted the argument brewing between the redhead and the Zero.

"Both of you shut up! Sir Crosby couldn't have gotten far, his clothes are in the kitchen with the staff. That's where I'm going."

She turned and ran towards the center tower, with the pinkette and Kirche hot on her heels. The courtyard was silent again, a shadow appeared and temporarily eclipsed the light that the two moons were putting off. Sylphid was flying with Tabitha and Crosby on its back.

"Thanks, Tabitha. I owe you a library of books."

She didn't say anything but nodded. An idea popped into his head.

"Say, do you know anything about something called a nøkk is?"

That elicited a reaction, she looked surprised.

"How do you know its true name?"

"What's it?"

"The nøkk is a Water Spirit of Lagdorian Lake, that is its one true name, only Montmorency's family knows that. How did you know?"

Crosby shrugged.

"I have a source. Any way we can get there?"

She shook her head.

"Very far away. Should use your airship."

"Well, it was worth asking."

He looked over to the main tower.

"Any chance you can get me to my room? I need to keep a low profile until that potion wears off."

Tabitha nodded, and Sylphid took off in the direction of the dormitory. When it hovered by his window, he jumped onto the balcony and turned back to Tabitha.

"Can you run by the kitchen and pick up my gear? Just drop it off on the balcony or have Siesta drop it off."

She nodded again, and the dragon took off.

Crosby opened the windows to his suite and allowed himself a sigh of relief.

"Safe at last."

He said to himself in the darkened room. The something collided with him and pinned him to the floor. He smelled lavender and cursed.

"Oh crap."

Louise stamped her foot.

"Kirche! Stop suffocating my boyfriend with your enormous breasts!"

Before the redhead could insult Louise, the blonde in the room spoke up.

"Louise, you are such a Zero! He isn't your boyfriend just because you say he's your boyfriend, he's mine!"

Kirche was distracted enough for Crosby to pull himself out her marshmallow hell and scooted away from the trio. This one time he wished he had his hardware, instead he was in a tee shirt and boxers.

"Nobody in this room is anyone's boyfriend! Now all of you take a chill pill!"

All three of the girls looked striken. The blonde spoke first.

"It's my freckles, isn't it? They mar my otherwise perfect visage!"

Louise sniffled.

"It's because I'm flat-chested, you're one of those perverts who love breasts."

Crosby shook his head.

"Look, all of you need to just chill out. Now what the hell happened? Kirche I can understand the unwanted attention, she's had a hard-on for me since I was turned. But you two have gone from giving me goo-goo eyes to outright sex assault and wild declarations of love. What's the gag?"

Louise spoke up.

"I don't know, the last thing I remembered was drinking some of Montmorency's tea."

He looked over to the blonde.

"What did you do, slip a magical mickey in the tea for your boyfriend?"

Montmorency hung her head and blushed. Kirche's eyes widened.

"One of the first year students told me a purveyor in illegal potions was nabbed in town, with a large amount of money on his person."

Crosby looked back to the redhead.

"You mean love potions are illegal? That's rich."

Montmorency looked on the verge of tears.

"All I wanted was for my Guiche to love me back!"

He shook his head and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"Look, kid, it's no secret that your idiot boyfriend can't keep it in his pants. But using drugs isn't the answer."

She looked up at him, her eyes shimmering.

"My beautiful knight loves me back, I knew it!"

"Oh crap."

She grabbed him in a fierce hug. And the argument started all over again.

"Wait!" Kirche exclaimed. "I have an idea how to settle this."

"Sir Crosby! Sir Crosby where are you?"

Tabitha had told Siesta to bring his clothes to his room, but when she arrived, he was nowhere to be found. She noticed the window was swinging open and went to close it. What she saw out the window made her drop the bundle of clothes and run out the door. She had to go wake up Mr. Lugo, and quickly.

(Meanwhile, in the Wind Courtyard)

"Okay, okay, I know everybody's blood is up and you gals are hot and bothered, and not thinking clearly. I'm only going to say this once, ladies. GET ME THE FUCK DOWN NOW!"

Crosby was tied up, and dangling from Kirche's window. The trio of lovesick girls were on the ground, Kirche had decided on a duel of magical abilities. The rule was simple, whoever could destroy the rope and release Sir Crosby, would win. To say Crosby was not happy was an understatement. He was losing his cool.

"I'm not fucking around here, ladies, get me down and nobody gets hurt, especially me!"

Kirche waved at Crosby.

"Not to worry, my handsome war horse! I won't let Louise the Zero hurt you!"

Montmorency glared at the redhead.

"If anyone is going to save my boyfriend, it will be me!"

The pinkette pushed the other two aside.

"I have heard enough, only I will save my true love!"

She let off an incantation, and a bolt of energy blew her off her feet and narrowly missed Crosby, leaving a huge hole in the side of the tower.

The blonde screamed in terror.

"Louise, you Zero! Are you trying to kill my boyfriend?!"

She turned called up to Crosby.

"My knight Sir Crosby! Are you alright?"

"No I'm not alright! That crazy pink-haired brat almost killed me! Now get me down!"

Kirche stepped up.

"Perish the thought! My handsome war horse will be freed by heat of my love for him."

But before she could get a spell off, there was a loud crack that echoed through the courtyard, and the rope dangling Crosby snapped. A blue blur swept him up. He struggled but stopped when he heard a familiar voice.

"It's okay, sarge, I gotcha."

He grinned at the Delta sniper.

"You're a sight for sore eyes, sergeant. How did you know?"

"Siesta went to your room to give you your clothes, and saw what Big Red, Pinkie and MonMon were planning to do, and told me. Actually all she told me was that you were in mortal danger, so I grabbed Betsy and made a beeline for the courtyard."

Crosby nodded to his rifle.

"That was a hell of a shot. Don't tell me you took the shot on Sylphid's back?"

Lugo grinned.

"If I told you no, would that make you feel better?"

Crosby shrugged.

"Fair enough, I don't need to know. Give me a hand and cut me loose."

When Lugo had freed the last of Crosby's bonds, the blue dragon landed lightly on the ground. Crosby and the Delta sniper slipped off.

"Good news, I think I may found a cure for what ails me."

Lugo nodded over to the trio of witches-in-training.

"You mean your curse or them?"

Crosby saw the girls approach and his face hardened.

"Both."

Quickly he reached and grabbed Lugo's M9 out the holster and pointed it at the incoming girls, who stopped dead in their tracks. He could hear Lugo talking to him.

"Okay, sarge, I know you've had a rough night, but this is a bit extreme."

He ignored it, and spoke up.

"Okay, ladies, you know what this boomstick can do, so listen very carefully. Tomorrow is a big day; we're making a trip to Gallia and a lake where a water sprite resides. A little bird told me this sprite holds the key to curing me, and possibly you two as well. So I'm off to bed to get the first good night's sleep since I've been turned into a pretty boy chick magnet. Anyone who so much as lays a finger on me before tomorrow morning gets a lead salad, got it?"

All three of them looked heartbroken at his words, but they nodded.

"Good."

He handed the pistol butt-first back to Lugo.

"I'm getting some shut-eye, get Bowles on the horn and let him know we need a ride first thing in the morning."

(AN: Okay, so that was a bit of an overreaction on Sgt. Crosby's part, but remember he's been functioning on little sleep and has been pawed and pecked and kissed and glomped by a never-ending herd of females, and the witch's duel was the last straw. Part two should be up by the middle of next week, could be sooner. Hope you enjoyed!)