Chapter Thirty-Six
There was once a time when darkness didn't make his entire body tremble like his blood was pumping too quickly, there were times when his legs didn't feel the urge to throw his body from any shadow, and there were times when the moon was just a rock and not the name of a stuck up middle blocker, but those times had ended in months that felt like centuries. Shouyou recalls the exact moment it had happened, years of planning before he had fallen into his dream turned nightmare. Pulling on a cloak of gleaming ebony and becoming a crow. He's certain that at one point in his life there had been a difference between the dark and black.
He thinks the dark might have come first, but that could easily be the pain in his ass talking.
"Hinata." His supposed neighbor greets, sounding more shocked than apologetic, although Shouyou supposes that he ran into them. All at once, Shouyou feels like he's apologized enough for an entire lifetime, easily enough for an entire day. "Sorry." He says anyway, for something to say rather than meaning it, even if he does. "Hinata." The voice greets again, confirming but still shocked. Shouyou pulls himself to his feet before he has another thing to apologize for, "Don't call me that." It comes out harder than he thought it would, like spitting acid and kicking rocks right into shining lenses. "Please." He offers softly.
Lenses tilt from above him, he watches them slide down a slender nose only for a second before they're being pushed up. "I thought Sato-san lived there?" A pale finger gestures to the apartment where he had emerged from. Alone. Too many unprocessed feelings sweep through him like a gust of agony, that feeling of pumping blood returns without the dark and finds escape through his mouth. "She does. She's letting letting me stay with her- well um, not with her, but in her place, I guess."
Bright eyes blink behind brighter lenses, a nod has the glasses sliding again. "Are you walking to school?" Asked hesitantly and he feels terrible about snapping all over again, he watches a shoulder shift the cloak he's chased after for years, a school bag being transferred from one shoulder to the other. "Yes." It comes to him rather abruptly that he actually has no idea where Karasuno is and is extremely grateful as he is irritated to be found here. "Would you walk with me?" Not what he was expecting, but he finds himself nodding before he can question it.
They fall into sync, sharing the stairs in silence until they're walking down a road he's never experience before. "Hinata?" Soft again and Shouyou finds the tone the only thing keeping him from snapping again, "Please don't call me that." Stressing the formal speech as much as he does the topic of not belonging to that family. "What should I call you then?" The tone is flat, but he thinks there might be teasing in the question. "Just Shouyou." He watches the glasses sink down again and allows his neighbor to lead. He's never used the word before, not without the pretext of them never existing. Neighbor, tests the word out to make sure he'll be able to say it out loud when more questions come along.
"Shouyou." Tests out the word out loud in a way he can't bring himself to. He nods, offers a smile that grates on the muscles and then follows the lead of his neighbor until they stop at a bus stop, another first. He wonders if it'll be sticky like the train to Tokyo, or have the odor of a school bus. The mechanical monster stops in front of him before he can dwell on the nightmare of it being both sticky and smelly, his neighbor steps onto before him, swipes a card he's never had to use before continuing on their path; Shouyou pauses, stares at the card swipe with a way expression, before his companion returns with a silent aura and swipes again. "Sorry." He offers, wishing he had just walked off and got lost instead of now being indebted.
They sit together, he's forced to hide himself in inky bangs when the feeling of being watched starts to squeeze at his throat. "Shouyou." Harder this time, as if swiping a card confirmed his identity. "Kiyoko-senpai." He offers in return, glancing to his left even though he knows the lenses will still be there. "How long have you been living with Miss Sato?" The middle blocker almost snorts at the title, if only because hasn't heard it anywhere but in his head for months. "Just the night." He thinks there might be something to gather from his reply, and he almost admits to the woman about his connection with Sato. "Was it you screaming last night, then?" Shouyou finally gets a look into her eyes, more blue than he remembers. "Yes." He mumbles, unsure of the reply he's going to receive.
"Must have been a wild night." Something about her words makes his cheeks flush and his reply is spluttered out before he can hide them, "I-It wasn't like that!" Wishes his voice would stop squeaking at some point in his life. A vivid blue eye winks at him, a fox grin he's never seen on her face makes this person seem like someone else. "Could have fooled me." Her tone is considering, like she doesn't quite believe him. "It wasn't!" He insists indignantly.
"Why then?"
"Because I saw him!" The words are out of his mouth at the same time he realizes that he's been tricked, wonders when the manager had learned that. Kiyoko's eyes flash with something too quickly for him to memorize it, then she nods. "I get it." She says, but Shouyou knows that despite her intelligence she wouldn't get it, couldn't understand that his father's eyes had been seared into his brain with flashes of orange. "Why were you with Miss Sato last night?" It almost sounds like she doesn't want him to respond, like she doesn't want to know, but her body twists to face him and he knows that he is trapped. "I got kicked out." He was certain that Daichi had told the entire team if he had told Kuroo. She nods, tugs on her hair until it's out of her face, then speaks again.
"I thought you were staying with Daichi-san." He shrugs while looking away, "I was." He admits with a sigh that shouldn't belong to him. She hums, sounding almost enough like Aki that his chest starts hurting with each beat. "Something happen?" He knows that he should refuse to reply, because he know that he'd tell anyone willing to listen the truth about Kuroo. "I left." Another sharp pain at not telling Daichi that they wouldn't be sharing a bed, that the older boy would need to make his own lunch for today.
He shakes his head, ignoring the heat in his cheeks at how much more he sounds like Daichi's wife than his teammate. "Did Daichi-san kick you out?" She almost sounds sad asking, but he just shakes his head again, wishing that Daichi had banished him instead of his cowardly instinct forcing him to abandon the only person in Miyagi that doesn't hate him. "No." But he should, was on his tongue but teeth digging into his lip stopped him before the pills could force more words from him. Kiyoko makes that noise again and his heart sinks when he realizes that the rumbling under him isn't pulling him towards Tokyo; Shouyou lets out a small sigh when his companion pulls out a book and decides that she's done interrogating him.
Kiyoko leads him off of the bus after it stutters into an idle state, her presence is prominent as she walks, like there's spotlights shining off of her cheeks and wind that flows through her instead of around her. It's enough of a distraction that he doesn't even stop walking until he's on his ass for the second time that morning. "Shouyou..." Kiyoko gasps, but his attention is drawn to the reason his feet are no longer on the ground. "Ah, Shimizu-chan! It's almost like you've been avoiding me." Dark eyes glance over him, and Shouyou feels ice slide over his skin. "Uh-" He climbs to his feet, claps gravel off his palms and dares a look back at the wall in front of him. "I haven't..." Kiyoko mumbles and Shouyou watches as she attempts to duck past the man only to be ensnared by an exposed burly arm slithering over her shoulders; he's always wondered about shirts with no sleeves but realizes that now is probably not a good time to ask about them.
"Not so fast, sweetheart, you can't just walk away right after you say you're not ignoring me, a little rude, ain't that right, kid?" Suddenly that gaze is on him again and Shouyou feels his feet start to tremble like he might fall again. "I-I have to go." Kiyoko's voice perfectly fits how he's feeling, and he expects that the arm will drop and this will be forgotten. It doesn't, if anything the tanned skin starts bulging against Kiyoko's attempts to escape.
Shouyou does the only thing he's good at, the only thing that hasn't been taken from him or shattered into a thousand pieces. He jumps. Can recall the action happening before his brain could even catch up, his body is thrown into one that's easily double his size, but the middle blocker doesn't hold back, sinks his teeth into tawny skin until he sees the crimson that reminds him of home. There are screams that, for once, he knows do not belong to him and then he's being thrown onto the ground, but he's up before he sees anything but pale fingers and their warmth in his hands.
Stopping doesn't occur to him until Karasuno pulls into sight, his feet melt into the cement under his feet and he's forced to look back into pale skin and blue eyes. "Shouyou..." Her voice is still scared and he feels everything start to crumble, all of his effort had meant nothing because Kiyoko-senpai was still shaking. "Sorry." He offers, admitting that he wasn't strong enough in a final attempt to pull the strain out of her features. It doesn't, he's not sure why he thought it would. "You have blood on your chin." Rough fabric drags over his flesh and he jerks back, staring at a sleeve stained crimson; he apologizes again, for ruining her uniform but Kiyoko just shrugs and takes his face back into her trembling hands.
"You shouldn't have done that." He snorts in reply, tries not to get transfixed into too blue eyes. "Everyone needs a protector." He thinks of Natsu, how the title was stripped from him along with his family name. Ebony hair shakes like feathers as Kiyoko laughs, it's the first time he's ever heard the noise and the noises startles him so much he doubts he'll remember it, but it continues until more than her hands are shaking. "Protector, huh?" She mutters, Shouyou thinks the words weren't meant for his ears but his senses are still blown open from her laugh. "Who protects the protectors, then?" She sounds hesitant to ask and Shouyou is equally so to reply, he thinks of Kenma, alone in Tokyo next to the person who hurt Suga-san. He frowns, shakes his head until the shallow blue turns into an all encompassing ocean, rips the question from his mind even if its effects remain. "I don't know." He admits, lets his eyes fall onto bloodstained wings instead of pale skin.
"Does that happen often?" Fingernails dig into his face, he winces slightly and they're retracted and dropped to fall at her sides. Neither of them offer apologizes or platitudes, but she does take his hand and Shouyou finds himself blushing, thinking of doing something similar with a blond haired setter. The gym pulls into sight slower than he's ever thought possible but his heart is still racing as if he'd just raced here, they pause in front of the club room and Kiyoko finally retracts her hand.
"Shouyou-"
He looks up at the manager through inky bangs and takes in her squirming facial features. "You didn't have to do that." He nods, offers her a smile while ignoring the weight of blood on his teeth. "But I'm glad you did." Her cheeks turn as red as he imagines his teeth are and forces himself to look away. He's never thought that there could be downsides to be being pretty, but now he's seen the danger, knows that the darkness can stretch well into the light and hurt people around him without trying. She unlocks the door for him, and he almost questions why she has a key for a room for only changing men but buries it quickly. He offers his thanks but a hand clamps around his wrist before he can sink into the room.
"Can I ask you something- a favor, two actually?" She swallows quietly, and Shouyou is pinned by her stare long enough to nod. "Don't mention that to anyone." He nods and the weight of blood in his mouth is doubled, feels his stomach cramp with injuries that aren't his but are seared into his skin. She nods, and walks away without asking for her second favor; Shouyou collapses against the club room door before he can help it, wishing that his clothes would change on their own so he could get lost in spiking.
Only he can't spike, not really, because the gym is empty even when the lights are on. He thinks of the unassuming apartment he'll have to return to. Alone. The wall is less of a practice partner than he remembers, it doesn't insult him nor does it compliment him, doesn't give him anything but the ball and a soundly imitation of spiking. The next one makes a sound too similar to his name and the middle blocker lets the ball bounce to the ground.
"Hinata!" He supposes the wall didn't know he hated that name. He glances up into a practice shirt and messy hair, "Daichi." Offers the man a smile because it might be his last, his captain approaches, broad hands gripping into his shirt and tug at him, he lets his feet follow. "Don't call me that." Daichi blinks, unimpressed. "Please." He offers meekly. "Hinata." He grabs onto Daichi's wrist, as hard as his trembling fingers will allow him to, wishes that he was strong enough to leave a dent in the tanned skin. "Don't!" He hisses, matching narrowed eyes with his own.
"Shouyou." His captain sighs and the grip on his shirt loosens enough for him to drop Daichi's wrist. "You didn't come home last night." The middle blocker flinches at that word, one he only associated with red and gold. "Sorry." He offers instead of the explanation Daichi will demand. "I was- I thought you..." His stomach burns again, shakes his head and grabs onto Dacihi's frame until he can smell peas. "Sorry." He offers into dampened fabric. "Where were you?" Shouyou takes a moment to lose himself in the smell of the earth while thinking of something good enough to placate an entire night of worrying. "I was okay. I am okay." Daichi snorts, mumbles something he thinks might not be words. "Suga was worried about you, too." Ignoring the trembling his shoulders, he looks into his murky pupils and thinks of the silver haired boy. Protector. Wishes he didn't feel guilty, for holding onto a secret that could solve everything.
"I'll be back tonight." He wishes he could take back the words, knows that he should but Daichi's chest clenches under his chin and he knows he can't, even if he were strong enough; Shouyou thinks of Kiyoko, walking home alone and running into a man with a bloody arm, and feels himself start to tremble again, wondering why he has these people to protect when he's not strong enough to do so. Daichi pulls back before he has an answer and Shouyou feels like he's lost another shield. "He didn't find you, did he?" The older boy is staring down at him now, hard and looking almost unforgiving. The middle blocker swallows, wishing for nobody would talk about any hims. He shakes his head, grateful that he doesn't have lie again. Daichi nods, then slaps his head so hard he can hear it twice. "Don't ever do that again, Shouyou, so help me god. " Shouyou laughs, offers his captain a salute and then a hug that his nose missing the smell of peas when the embrace finally ends.
"I brought you breakfast."
"And by breakfast you mean?"
"Don't get smart with me, Shouyou."
A can of coffee is pressed into one hand and in the other is a protein bar that tastes suspiciously like cardboard, not that Shouyou has ever tasted cardboard. Consuming them both leaves him with an awkward energy that makes his toes tingle and his heart pound in his ears. Taking that into account, he was a pretty good feeling about the day.
The next favor comes later that day, during lunch where Kageyama's stares were getting too intense for him to sit still, but that might be an excuse that coffee provides. Shouyou hops between tiles, and not because he has a particular care for the health of his- Natsu's mother's back, but to draw attention from the third year girl who seems to draw attention by just existing. Kiyoko-senpai offers him several sheets of identical papers. Volleyball Manager. He stares at the side of her head for a moment before expressing his curiosity, "Is managering really that hard?" He thinks the words might sound condescending but she just smiles at him and offers to take him to the nurse. "I'll need a replacement. For when the third years leave." The topic had been discussed far too many times in the morning's practice, where Asahi-san insisted that they make the most of their last year by giving their all at the Spring Tournament, Shouyou insisted in response that the ace give everything he has, always.
The most logical thing he can think of, is to ask for help from someone with good people skills, which excludes Kageyama too quickly that Shouyou finds himself in class four before he can help it. Yamaguchi greets him from his desk and waves him over, "Hinata!" He stares at his pinch server for a moment, "Don't call me that." Yamaguchi blinks, messy hair swishing like a pea plant, he relays his observation and Tsukishima snorts into his cell phone. "Do you know any first years not in a club, Yamaguchi?" He asks, choosing to ignore the too red cheeks of his victim; the taller boy nods, points at a creepy looking boy. Shouyou is pretty sure the boy is lurking, Tsukishima questions how someone can lurk when they're sitting in a chair with a nose full of seaweed. Yamaguchi shrugs, and tells him that's the only person in the class without a club. The other two boys laugh at his deduction of why that might be, he thinks there might be a rule about the mandatory joining of a club, but he finds himself pondering if there's a subsection about shoving seaweed up his or her nose. Edging into class five, he thinks that it would be quite odd for that to exist.
That's when he spots them.
Shouyou isn't sure what draws him in, too blonde hair that's just the right length or the Club Sign-Up sheet half hidden under their elbow. He tries not to let the resemblance to his protector distract him, even if it's only the shade of their hair instead of everything about it. Somehow, he knows that it will not smell like crisp apples and animal-based capitalism, nor will their face reflect stoic expressions across aristocratic features or faint smiles that make his heart stop as easily as it forces the organ to beat with the phantom rhythm pressed against his back. He knows that donning her crimson ribbon will not provide a shield, nor will any article of her clothing provide him with the protection that his fingers tremble for. Despite knowing all of these things, knowing that she was not Kenma, or even Kenma's female counterpart, she was the only person he approached in class five.
He loomed over her desk like a creep, lurking, he knew that much. The middle blocked checked his nose for seaweed and sighed in relief to find that lurking did not cause plants to grow from one's nostrils, he jumps back when the noise attracts her attention. "U-Uhm..." She asks, looking at him like he actually might sprout vegetation from parts of his face. "Do you have a club?" He blurts instead of the subtle inquiry he had planned in his head, he watches her too blonde hair jerk at his tone, or maybe the sheer volume of his tone, before shaking her head and finally staring at the blank form under her arm.
His form is slammed over hers and Shouyou flinches from the noise, definitely not the pain that flares in his hand, he is a spiker after all. "Join the volleyball club!" He tries to pull on a tone that doesn't belong to him, commanding like Daichi and encouraging like Suga-san, he thinks it might mork until she just stares at him. "I-I-" She squeaks, staring at the form as both a godsend and a curse. I.I. He wants to leave, but he knows the tension in his throat will dissipate eventually. "I don't know anything about volleyball, sorry, uh-?" Shouyou thinks it might be a question for his name, the singular title he has, but he just smiles. "Neither did I, not until I saw a match on TV of The Little Giant, who's like, the best spiker ever." She blinks at his words, several times until the middle blocker has to clench his fists to quell the trembling his hands. "The Little Giant?" She squeaks, sounding meek and wrongfully apologetic. Shouyou, determined to make the sale, bows as deeply as he can without slamming his head into her desk.
"Please become our manager!"
"Uh-"
"Please become our manager!" He repeats with more urgency.
"I think-"
"Please become our manager!" Knows that he should give up, knows that his reason for pestering her is a selfish one.
"Fine..."
"Please become our- Oh! Really?" He's not sure why he's surprised, knows that she'd eventually say yes, if only to get him to stop yelling at her desk. "So, what's your name?" She winces at the words, and he supposes they could have traded formalities before he pestered her, knows that her name would not be Kenma and that her red ribbon was not a heavily folded up jacket with Nekoma printed on it. "Hitoka Y-Yachi." He stares at her, Hitoka Yachi stares back, the unwavering eye contact is almost unsettling coming form the twitching girl. "What's yours?" He watches Hitoka Yachi chew onto her lip, Shouyou's not sure why expected Tokyo white teeth and a voice like gravel.
"My what?"
"Your name."
Shouyou smiles. Hitoka Yachi flinches back in her chair, the ponytail on the side of her head jerks back too blonde hair. "A surprise. You'll find out when I see you at the gym!" He knows she could probably just ask any of the people staring at them, knows that Kenma would just ignore him and the mystery presnted to him. He especially knows that his victory sign might be overboard, but Hitoka Yachi was not Kenma, and he had a feeling she would show up in the gym with questions and a complete Volleyball Manager form, and maybe even a victory sign of her own. As he exits class five, he briefly wonders how Kiyoko-senpai will react, if she'll be proud or irritated that he found one person that seemed perfect, if only by the shade of her hair and a blank paper he just happened to see. Despite her perfect fit for the roll, that doesn't stop Shouyou from worrying about it for the rest of lunch, in which he's offered another can of coffee from Yamaguchi, who's being ripped from the door of class one by a very indignant Tsukishima. He thanks the taller boy for saving him from the corn soup that ended up on his desk.
Kageyama ends up at his desk for their next break, taking a try at subtlety, Shouyou would be more proud if the entire awkward, stuttering situation wasn't happening to him. "So uh, Kiyoko-san's hair is very... nice." Shouyou blinks, refuses to let his face even twitch while he begs for Christmas to bring him a video camera, or for the school to release their copy of the situation. "Is it? I haven't noticed." Refuses to think about tanned skin and blood so close to that nice hair. Kageyema's fingers twitch, like they might make a grab at his head if he continues doing this. "Yes- Hinata- I..." Shouyou blinks, expressing his unimpressed state as much as possible with the action, he wonders how long it took Daichi to master that look. "Don't call me that." Kageyama blinks at his first non-response, it's one of open confusion that makes him wonder if the blue eyed boy had even truly intimidated him. "It's your name..." He jerks back at the reply, expecting easy acceptance instead of more subtlety. "Don't call me that. Ever." He hisses, harsh enough to make Kageyama flinch in return.
"Shouyou." He prompts, knowing that Kageyama would never use his name otherwise. "Just Shouyou. Never, ever call me that." The middle blocker didn't intend on continuing his tirade against a title that wasn't his, but Kageyama had rejected King and he would reject Hinata. "Kiyoko-san..." Shouyou sighs, almost wishes that was his name seeing as that's the only thing his setter seems to focus on, he could deal without the twitching eyebrows and flushed cheeks when it's used though.
"Kageyama Tobio, take your seat."
Shouyou snickers at Kageyama's blanch, like the taller boy had forgotten that they were in school in his desperate desire to know; he supposes, at some point, he should stop teasing the setter about his inability to communicate before his head turned into a stress ball. "Yes, sir!" People laugh at the abrupt words, Shouyou stares around Kageyama and at the squirming face of their teacher, one who is most definitely not a sir, then back at Kageyama, who has never looked more out of place with his red face and twitching fingers. "Your seat is back there." He offers his setter a lifeline and Kageyama darts to the back of the room, almost in the direction where his seat is. The last class passes with pointed looks towards the back of the room and Shouyou is pretty sure he can hear Kageyama trembling with unspoken apologies.
He beats the taller boy to the club room, but the victory is not a decent one, Kageyama had insisted on talking about Kiyoko-senpai's hair while they were running. Our of sheer awkwardness, the blue eyed boy decided to stare at him the entire time while doing so and the middle blocker easily found the will to run even faster than usual. He changes as quickly as he can manage when he feels unwavering blue eyes start to scan him, Daichi stares at him from the club room door but he just grabs his captain's arm and leads him into the relative safety of the gym. "I need a favor." Tries not to feel guilty because he's only been asking for favors since he met Daichi, but the older boy just nods hesitantly. "I need you to murder Kageyama, or at least tell him to stop watching me change while talking about Kiyoko-senpai's hair." Daichi's lip squirms in one corner, then the other, then his captain laughs louder than he thought humanly possible. It's a deep rumbling that he's inexperienced with, it vibrates his bones while his blood reaches out and seeks more of the sound, Daichi's laugh erupts when Kageyama steps into the gym and stalks over to them. His shoulder is used as a support while Daichi lectures their setter through fits of giggling.
Noya-senpai finds the situation interests and decides to laugh at Kageyama too, if only for the expression on his expression. Then there's a flash of light and everything is ruined, Shouyou throws himself out from under Daichi's weight, hears the taller boy crashing to the ground while he moves. Gasping for breath is almost unfamiliar, even when he's been doing it everyday since he could remember, only recently out of blind panic; it's over before anyone realizes that he is not okay, and for that he'll always be grateful. Grateful for another moment where he won't have to come clean about his disorder, his fear almost everything and the only person who can control his reactions.
The gym doors slide open unexpectedly and Shouyou jumps out of a practice game before they can close again. Kiyoko-senpai is there, staring at him with fingers digging into her arm. "This is-" Shouyou smirks, "Hitoka Yachi." His manager smirks, "She was outside, crawling on the ground and screaming, about a little giant and being murdered. I assume?" A pale fingers gestures between him and his victim, he nods, holds back a cackle at Kiyoko's story. "Yachi, thanks for showing up!" Offers her a smile that has her clamping down harder on Kiyoko's arm. "R-right, now y-your name!" Shouyou taps his chin in what he considered contemplation, even if there was only so much to think about when Tanaka-senpai is yelling at him for ditching practice to flirt, even if it's with a cute fist year.
"Shouyou." He says when nobody else will, she blinks around Kiyoko's arm, as if urging him on. "Just Shouyou." She blinks again, before moving in front of Kiyoko and glaring at him. "That's not fair!" She wails, but Shouyou just stares, not really sure how to react to this. "Uh-" It is not out of fear that he runs away, of Yachi anyway, he can feel the beady eyes of his setter staring into him and he's forced back onto the court before he finds out exactly what isn't fair, he had given his name in exchange for her presence at practice.
The middle blocker finds himself stuck when practice is over and the sun is too close to setting for his heart to beat normally. Kiyoko-senpai approaches him, bows to him, which only makes Shouyou more confused before walking away. "Wait!" And she does, he finds himself standing in front of her but unable to meet her eyes. "Do-Do you need help? With walking home, I mean." Licks his teeth, can imagine the taste of blood and convulsing muscles on his teeth more easily than he can breathe. There's a pressure on his head and he flinches away from it, doesn't snap because his offer had been genuine. "I'm walking Yachi-san home for keeping her so late, we'll be fine." She takes a step past him and Shouyou hears her stop again but he's still staring at where her feet used to be. "Thank you, Shouyou." He thinks it might be genuine gratitude, but finds himself questioning it while he walks back to the club room, back to Daichi and Suga-san.
He takes the silver haired boy's bag, finds the weight fretfully unfamiliar, and allows the older boys the walk ahead of them. He ignores their hushed tones, caught up in thoughts of Kiyoko-senpai and Yachi being caught up in stocky arms; he calls Kenma the moment Daichi's front door closes the three of them inside, cradles the plastic between his face and shoulder as he hides himself in his captain's bedroom.
"Shouyou?" Kenma asks, as if anyone calls him at random times begging for their air back. "Hi." He greets meekly, feeling almost embarrassed but almost twice as desperate. "Are you okay?" The way Kenma's says it makes the weight of everyone else slide of his shoulders instantly, can feel them pooling at his feet but he can ignore them like his little toe. "I'm just being paranoid, I think." He doesn't need to think, he's very aware that he's being paranoid, even if he doesn't like to admit it. "Do you want to talk about it?" He wants to, but can't find the right words to explain the feeling of impending doom at finding his manager and manager in training being kidnapped by a brute on the street who has a bloody arm and a thirst for revenge. "No." He offers obediently, and Kenma snorts in his ear. "Would you like to talk about something?" Shouyou smiles, thinking of a lot of things he'd like to talk about, like how great Kenma's hair is, and how it smells like more than one flower, or the shield that seems so far away and his skin itches in a material that doesn't match. "Yes." And Kenma sighs in his ear.
"Anything specific."
"Just say stuff to me."
He thinks he hears Kenma sigh again, but finds himself smiling more brightly knowing that Kenma would give him this, even if he has to beg for it. "Stuff, huh?" He nods despite knowing that Kenma couldn't see him, as much as he wants to pretend otherwise. "Lev misses you." Shouyou flinches at that, before asking why and Kenma just grunts. "He says you remind him of his sister, not sure why he felt the need to share that while shoving ice creams down his throat."
"Creams?"
"As in more than one."
Shouyou snorts, "Anything else?" The older boy hums quietly and the middle blocker wonders when he started missing the noise. "Inuoka says he wants a wife your height." Shouyou goes still, "Punch him for me." Kenma hums in agreement, with possible amusement in there that Shouyou ignores. "Want to know something?" Kenma's change in tone, husky and low, tells him that he does not want to know, even if he really, really does. "Yes?" He squeaks into the receiver. Kenma chuckles, he regrets the decision.
"I do too."
"You what too?"
"I want a wife just like you." Shouyou's heart stops.
"With hair, just like yours. And eyes. Freckles." Shouyou is pretty sure there's only one freckle to talk about, but remains quiet.
"Legs, god your legs, Shouyou." Kenma growls and his heart starts to hurt with how fast it restarts.
"You know what I like more than your legs?" The middle blocker squeaks, drops the phone and scrambles after the device before he dies in anticipation.
"What's in between them..."
Shouyou throws the phone across the room, face hot along with every cell in his body.