A/N:Hi guys! I'm so sorry for the wait. But english coursework has really kept me from writing fanfiction. Anyway thanks for the reviews and alerts. Sorry for any grammer or spelling mistakes.
Disclaimer: I don't own glee, if I did Naya would be in every single episode doing the splits. (Didn't you guys just love her performance of cold hearted? I did ;))
Enjoy!
Chapter Thirty Six: Anger
Anger. Anger is an emotion that can affect many people's life's. Something that is hard to be kept under control. Something that is bubbling just underneath the surface in some people waiting to erupt – like a volcano that hasn't erupted in centuries.
Anger affects people in different ways. It's a perfectly normal emotion but it can cause pain towards others, loved ones that happen to there when a person has had a bad day. Humans take things out on people they care about, not intentionally, but they just do. However the longer somebody hides their feelings the worse the outcome of their anger will be.
But just because anger is a normal emotion in humans, only in small doses, doesn't mean its right to hurt other people. Because in the end anger doesn't solve anything or anyone's problems.
My brain wasn't functioning properly. I could see what was happening but I couldn't process it, it all felt like a dream. No not a dream, a nightmare. Yep definitely a nightmare. One of those nightmares where you're being chased by sinister Easter bunnies who are trying to kill you, because you ate some of their chocolate eggs. Okay maybe that wasn't the best analogy, but I have totally had that nightmare before. Don't judge people I never said I was normal.
Anyway I think I'm getting away from the point. I was so shocked by what had just happened that although I desperately wanted to move and do something or say something I couldn't.
The hitting sound filled with anger lingered for what felt like ages. It echoed throughout the house and it seemed extremely loud compared to the silence that now consumed the room. I heard a voice scream out in pain and shock but it was as if everything was in slow motion and it was taking me a load of time to react.
"You son of a bitch!"A voice screamed breaking me out of my relatively comatose state. "Why the fuck did you do that?" The voice yelled again whilst clutching their hand to their cheek. The area looked saw and pink and there was a small amount of blood. I only noticed now that their eye was slowly swelling up as well. The other person had really hit them hard.
But before the other person could answer I finally connected all the dots together and the anger I felt came bursting out. I literally ran round to the other side of the table, my fists clenched and screamed in his face.
"I hate you! Why did you hit Brittany?! How could you hurt such a sweet girl? Just because she was standing up for me and she actually told you a few home truths, you decide to hit her? If you were any kind of parent you wouldn't have done that to my girlfriend. I've had enough of you telling me what's right and wrong and how I should live my life. I've had enough of you saying that I'm going to hell. I've had enough of you hurting me. But for you to hurt Brittany you've gone a step too far."
I finished my rant and saw my dad's face go pale, he looked really shocked. I don't know whether it was because of what he did or what I said. I wanted him to know how angry I was with him. I wanted him to feel hurt. I wanted him to realise what he had done and what he was doing to me by hurting the person I'm in love with. But on the other hand it hurt to know that two of the people who are most important to me are hurting. I still didn't understand why my dad hit Brittany, but I felt like this was partly my fault. If only I hadn't asked Brittany to be here when my dad talked to me this wouldn't have happened.
I was so caught up in my thoughts I hadn't even made sure Brittany was alright. Well obviously she wouldn't be alright but I hadn't checked how she was. So I took a step back to my dad and turned around to see tears rolling down her face. Although I wanted to comfort her my anger got the better of me and I lost it.
I turned around and marched the couple of steps towards my dad before slapping his face so hard my hand hurt from the impact. I started to hit his arms and chest furiously trying to cause him pain. I screamed at him saying over and over again 'I hate you!'He didn't stop me he just took every punch I gave him. I think he was in shock.
I thought hurting him would take away my anger but it didn't, it only made it worse. I kept on hitting him but my punches were weak as tears streamed down my face and my emotions got the better of me. My eyes were beginning to become blurry but I didn't stop from showing my dad how much he had hurt me. I guess this was my way of showing how annoyed I was with him because he couldn't accept who I am. I had tried to talk with him countless times now but that didn't seem to work. This felt like the only way.
"I hate you! I wish you weren't my dad! A real dad would never hurt their child with homophobic comments. A real dad wouldn't Brittany. I want to kill you! You have no idea the hurt you've caused me. You're a fucking moron! At least I have people who love me, you don't have anyone. Even mom doesn't love you anymore."I said as I started to kick him.
I was so angry I didn't really mean what I was saying. Sure I wanted to hurt him but I knew saying that mom doesn't love him was a step too far. Although he had hurt me and Brittany I shouldn't have stooped to his level and said something that wasn't true. But I was trying to make a point that what he says and does hurts people and he kinda had that coming.
I was about to kick my dad again when I felt strong arms circle around my arms and waist and pull me away from him. I tried to struggle but Brittany held me tightly.
"Calm down San. Calm down."Brittany whispered in my ear and that's when her grip slackened as I stopped fighting and turned around in her arms, burying my head in the crook of her neck and started to sob as she whispered calming words to me and held me.
In my mind I knew that I should be the one comforting her, not the other way around. But as soon as my anger disappeared it was replaced with sadness. I couldn't believe that I had hit my own father. I'm not an aggressive person and my actions shocked me. With all of this in my head I knew I needed to stop crying, attend to Brittany's face and sort out this whole mess with my dad.
A few minutes later I managed to calm myself down and wipe away my tears. I looked at Brittany and saw concern written all over her face. Tears were running down her cheeks, her eye seemed even more swollen and her cheek looked really sore. I wiped away her tears with the pad of my thumb careful not to touch her wounds. I looked deep in her eyes before speaking.
"I'm so sorry. This is all my fault, if I hadn't asked you to come this wouldn't have happened." I voiced my thoughts from earlier. "I told you're mom I'd never hurt you and I broke that promise."I said as I lightly caressed her cheek. "I'm so sorry." I repeated again.
"Hey," Brittany said grabbing my hand gently and linking both of our hands together "this is not your fault. You didn't hurt me Santana," Brittany paused before saying "he did." Pointing to my dad who was watching our interaction but hadn't said anything since I tried to beat the crap outta him. "Don't blame yourself for something you have no control over."Brittany said as she rubbed her thumb on the back of my hand in a soothing gesture.
"I love you so much."I whispered, partly because my dad was in the room and I didn't want him to freak out again, but also coz we were so close and I knew she would hear me. A dazzling yet shy smile crept onto her face and without hesitation I leaned forward and captured her lips in mine. It was a gentle, short kiss but it showed how much I felt for her.
After we separated Brittany said "I love you too." My heart melted at her and I gave her another soft peck on her lips.
But as they say good things never last and from there things just got a hundred times worse.
"Vermin." My dad's cold harsh voice cut me and Britt from our temporary happiness. I turned around and saw my dad with hate filled eyes which were directed at me. I took in his appearance and saw a red mark on his face but he didn't look like my punches had hurt him.
"What?"I dared him to speak again. I had heard him the first time but I started to feel anger slowly burning inside of me again.
"I said vermin. You and that bitch are vermin. Saying you love each other, you're both fucking deluded. Don't you see Santana, that dyke doesn't love you she's just using you as some sex toy."My dad laughed at what he just said as if he found it funny. How could he think that?
"With all due respect, sir, I do love Santana and we haven't even had sex yet."Brittany spoke up as she stepped closer to my dad. Her voice sounded sarcastic when she called him 'sir' as if she was mocking him.
My dad's face was almost comical as he looked extremely shocked that Brittany had spoken to him and in such a sarcastic tone as well.
"Also, if you ever call me a dyke again, say anything hurtful to me or your daughter or call us vermin don't be surprised if I hit you next time."Brittany said threateningly.
"You don't scare me you're just some stupid kid, who thinks she's all brave standing up to me. Trying to impress your girlfriend?"Dad said in a mocking tone.
"I'm just saying that you need to back the hell off!"Brittany all but screamed.
"I don't need to do anything. This is my house and I can say whatever I damn well like. I think you should leave I need to talk to Santana."No! I didn't want Brittany to leave. I wanted her to stay. I needed her, I didn't want to be left alone with my dad, and especially after he hit Brittany and I hit him I was afraid he might hit me.
Brittany looked at me and saw fear in my eyes. "I'm not going anywhere. You can talk to Santana with me here. I don't want you to hurt her and I don't trust you." I sent a small smile her way silently thanking her.
"If you don't get out now and leave of your own free will, I'll have no other option but to drag you out myself. It's your choice."My dad said with the upmost seriousness laced through his voice.
I should be saying something I thought. Why am I just standing here watching things unfold? I can't let my dad her hurt her again. I just can't.
"If you love me even a tiny bit you'll let Brittany stay."My voice sounded shaky but slightly confident at the same time. I looked at my dad and saw vulnerability in his eyes as we made eye contact. Right there was the dad I knew the one who was kind and caring and didn't have a bad word to say about anyone. For that fraction of a second he reminded me of his former self before he found out about me being gay. But as soon as it appeared it was gone. His eyes looked hollow and he avoided my gaze.
"She can stay."I heard my dad mumble. So that meant he must at least love me still. I couldn't understand how he could love me and yet still be horrible with me.
"I need to make sure her face is alright before we talk."I stated more than questioned. I turned towards Brittany and held her hand as I pulled her into the kitchen. My dad didn't argue he just let us go.
I wet a clean cloth and gently applied it to Brittany's cheek and wiped away the blood which had now dried. Next I put some antiseptic cream on her cheek which must have stung because she flinched. I looked at her eye and realised I should probably get an ice pack to stop some of the swelling. I rummaged through the freezer and found one. I applied the cool ice pack ever so gently to her eye. It must have felt better because Brittany sighed in relief.
"Does that feel better?"I asked as I held the ice pack on her eye still.
"Yeah. You're so good at this caring thing. You should definitely be a nurse. I'd love to see you in one of those sexy nurse costumes actually."Brittany winked at me suggestively, obviously with the eye that wasn't covered with an ice pack.
I blushed at her words. She was trying to lighten the mood and I was thankful for that. I just hoped that my dad hadn't heard her say that coz that would just add to our problems.
"But seriously I'm fine."Brittany said more seriously. I just nodded as a comfortable silence settled over us.
I held the ice pack to her eye for about five more minutes before pulling it away. Her eye looked less swollen but slightly sore still. There would most certainly be a bruise there tomorrow.
"I don't think it's broken."I said as I put the ice pack on the side. "Does it hurt a lot? Do you want to go to the hospital? I'm so sorry."I rambled.
"Stop," Brittany rested her hands on my hips and gave me a peck on the lips "apologising." Another kiss. "I'm fine." Another kiss. "You're so cute when you ramble," Brittany said resting her forehead against mine "and super hot when you get angry."Brittany said with a devilish smirk. "Such a turn on, babe."Brittany continued her voice a few octaves lower.
"Stop it, my dad's only in the other room he might hear you." I said lightly as I playfully hit her shoulder.
"Can I ask you a question?"Brittany suddenly seemed shy. I nodded and sent her smile assuring she could ask me anything. "You don't believe your dad do you?"My eyebrows shot up in confusion.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"He said that I'm just using you as a sex toy and don't love you."Brittany said. I was surprised that she would think I thought my dad was true. But then I realised that it was my turn to lighten the mood.
"Of course not, I mean we haven't even had sex yet." I said with a smirk on my face. "Although I did find some interesting 'toys' under your bed a couple weeks ago."I joked; I really hadn't found anything of that nature I was just messing around with her. I giggled as her face went bright red.
"Oh god! I swear I put them somewhere else when you started staying with us. I'm so embarrassed. At least my mom hasn't found them that would be so much worse. I was just getting so sexually frustrated what with you being super hot, I needed something to help relieve that extra tension. Wait, does that mean you used them as well coz that would be so hot!"
What the fucking hell? Did I just hear her correctly? I was joking but she seemed serious. Does she really have those types of toys? She must do she just said she used them. Oh god if only my dad wasn't in the next room I'd totally jump her right now. Shit. I really hope my dad hasn't heard our conversation.
My face turned bright red thinking about Brittany and sex toys. She was looking at me expecting me to say something.
"Britt, I was just joking. I didn't find any toys under your bed. I was just trying to lighten the mood."I explained slowly. Brittany's face turned a deep shade of red as realisation washed over her.
"Crap. Now I feel really embarrassed. I thought you really did find them."Brittany mumbled looking down at the floor.
"Well at least I know what all those noises were when I walked past your bedroom. I thought somebody was dying in there."I joked trying to make her smile; it worked as she lifted her head and smiled shyly at me. "Anyway I can't blame you when I'm this hot, you must have been about to explode just by being in my awesome presence." I winked at her and she chuckled.
"Hey don't be so full of yourself, some lady loving videos on the net helped as well."Brittany smirked at me. Wait, did she just admit she watches porn? God this girl is full of surprises today.
"I don't know what to say."I said dumbfounded by the turn in our conversation. I mean about twenty minutes ago Brittany was hit by my dad and now here we are in the kitchen talking about sex.
"I could send you some links if you like."Brittany said, obviously not getting how embarrassed I was. "I mean there's one that gets me off every time and I'm sure it would work on you too."Brittany said seriously.
I really hope she stops talking or I'm gonna have a heart attack. I thought. But luck was not on my side today as she carried on talking.
"The ladies on there are super bendy. They can reach all kind of crazy positions. When we start having sex I so want to do this thing with my tongue on your cl-" I interrupted her from finishing that sentence.
"Brittany, stop. Please stop talking."I said in a gentle voice but one that she knew I was meant it and was deadly embarrassed.
I avoided looking at Brittany in eyes as I felt her staring at me.
"I've said too much, haven't I?"Brittany questioned as she realised she was making me super uncomfortable.
"Yeah."I simply agreed.
"Sorry, I guess I got a bit carried away and I suppose now isn't the best time to be talking about this." Brittany said probably thinking about my dad being in the next room.
"You know a lot about that stuff."I said finally looking Brittany in the eyes. "Are you like addicted to porn?"I whispered so my dad couldn't hear us. Brittany's eyes bulged and she looked everywhere apart from my face.
"No. But it does mean I will rock your world in the bedroom department coz I'm an expert at sex."Brittany smirked at me and kissed my cheek.
"Fuck..."I mumbled under my breath.
"That's what you'll be saying soon enough but you have to add 'me' on the end."Brittany exclaimed smirking. It took my brain a little while before I realised what she had said and my cheeks soon heated up.
I walked closer to her and whispered in her ear "I can't wait to be with you in that way." I kissed her cheek and lingered before pulling back and was amused by Brittany's awestruck expression.
"Me too."Brittany said sweetly as she placed a peck on my lips.
"But right now we should really go see what my dad wanted to say. He's been waiting a while now, hopefully enough time for him to calm down."I said to Brittany who nodded in agreement.
"What do you have to say?"I asked my dad as Brittany and I walked out of the kitchen holding each other's hands. I saw his eyes flicker to our joined hands before he looked at me. He was sitting on the couch, so me and Britt took a seat on the opposite sofa.
"How do you know you're a lesbian?"My dad questioned with a gentle voice. My eyebrows crinkled in confusion at his words. He hadn't asked anything like that before. So why was he asking it now? It didn't make sense. He seemed like he had calmed down from earlier on and he was just curious.
"I guess I've always liked girls more than boys. It's just something that's been inside of me and I can't change who I am. I was confused and hated myself at first when I first started to notice I was different but I realised I just have to be me. I know you can't or won't understand but you must know that I didn't choose to be gay. I just...am." I finished hoping he wouldn't throw a chair or something because he wasn't pleased by my answer.
I looked at Brittany and saw a proud smile on her face. I smiled back and she squeezed my hand in turn. I turned towards my dad waiting for him to say something, anything.
"You might not choose to be gay, but that doesn't mean you have to act on those feelings. You could ignore them and find true love with a man. You don't have to waste your life with a girl who can't provide for you like a man can. There are people out there who can help people like you, who act on their shameful feelings. They can make you normal. I'll phone them up and then we can pretend that this," he pointed at Brittany and I "never happened."
I couldn't believe what he was suggesting. Gay conversion therapy? Really? I mean does anybody believe that even works? You can't change that about a person. Sure somebody can be in denial of their true feelings and try to be straight but they'll always be gay, it was just how they were born.
"Are you really suggesting that you want people to 'turn' me straight?"I asked as I looked at him in disbelief. I couldn't believe this man, my own father, could think such a thing. Why couldn't he be accepting like mom is? If he was we wouldn't be sitting here now.
"I just think that if you meet one of these people they'll get you to understand how to control your lesbian tendencies. I've only ever wanted the best for you, Santana. I just want to help you overcome this stupid phase. I only have your best interests at heart, sweetie."My dad said in a sickeningly sweet voice.
He didn't have a clue what was best for me. If he did he would accept me and Brittany being together and he wouldn't keep trying to tell me to change. I knew for a fact talking some person wouldn't change my sexuality.
"If you really mean that you'd want me to be happy, no matter whom I fall in love with. Can't you see that I'm happy with Brittany, that she makes me smile and laugh? Can't you see how much I love her and how much she loves me? If you can't you're either blind or so stuck in your views that you refuse to believe another woman feels that way about me."I said my voice sounding surprisingly strong.
I looked at my dad to gage his reaction and wasn't really shocked to find him laughing. He was full on laughing like what I said was the funniest thing in the world. I glared at him and shook my head. Brittany had been quiet for a while now and I looked at her to see if she was okay, she gave me an apologetic smile and squeezed my hand.
"Don't you see, you stupid girl, that is why I'm doing this."My dad said between laughing fits. I stared at him utterly confused. "I'm saving you from being hurt by that bitch. She's not gonna stay around forever, Santana. I've heard people talk about her and how she's pretty much slept with all the boys at McKinley. She's a slut. She doesn't do dating, she does fucking. Once she's finished with them she never sees them again. You're just another warm body."My dad finished with an evil laugh.
I sat still for a few minutes trying to think about everything he said. I knew that Brittany had already had sex but I didn't know she had slept around that much, if what my dad was saying was in fact true. I pulled my hand away from Brittany needing to think clearly without distractions. I knew this gesture would hurt her but my mind was running at a dozen miles per hour trying to figure out what to say.
"San..."Brittany started but trailed off. I avoided her eyes but saw a flash of hurt across her face. She touched my arm but I flinched and stood up of the sofa.
"Is it true?" I asked having major doubts that all Brittany wanted from me was my body.
"Your dad's partly correct."Brittany said in a small voice. "I have slept with a lot of people, but they didn't mean anything. You mean something to me Santana. You're my best friend and my soul mate. I love you so much. Our relationship means so much to me. I love you and I'm never gonna hurt you. Don't listen to him; he doesn't know anything about what we have. What we have is so pure and full of love. You mean the world to me and I'm never going to take you for granted or let you go."
I sat back down, having listened intently to what she had said. I knew she was sincere in what she said, but there was a part of me that was still confused as to why she was even with me in the first place. I knew that she cared about me and she said she loved me but I was starting to question whether she really did love me.
But the thing that bothered me the most was she had lied to me.
"Why did you lie?"I asked Brittany as her eyebrows creased together in confusion.
"I haven't lied to you Santana."Brittany said in an annoyed tone.
"Uh oh, trouble in paradise!"My dad sing songed in a voice that made me want to punch him all over again. But I was more concerned with mine and Brittany's conversation to go crazy on my dad. I shot him a glare but he just adjusted the cushions behind him and got comfy like he was watching some Broadway show. He looked at us with a satisfied grin on his face almost as if to say 'yay! Santana is finally seeing that slut's true colours'.
"You did when you didn't tell me you've fucked the whole male population of McKinley!"I screamed at her. I regretted the words as soon as I had said them, when I saw tears appear in her crystal blue eyes and hurt written all over her face.
"I didn't tell you because I knew you'd react like this."Brittany seemed angry at me and I suddenly didn't feel so bad about what I had said.
"What react like any normal girlfriend would?"I shot back at her.
"No, you're reacting like a stuck-up bitch. You think you're so much better than everyone else. You're seventeen and you're still a fucking virgin. Which doesn't surprise me because who could want somebody who is as annoying and self-conceited as you?!"Brittany yelled at me.
I looked at her in shock not knowing what to say. I really hadn't expected her to say that. She knew that I was waiting for the right person and I thought she was the right person, but maybe I was wrong. However she continued to stab in the knife in further as she started to speak again her voice laced with venom.
"You're always so concerned with what people think about you. You don't want people at school to know we're together because you're worried they might call you names. You're always going on about how your dad hates you. Poor Santana your life's so hard. You never once asked me if I was okay or if I wanted to come out at school. It's like you're ashamed of me, like you don't want people to know about us. You're always thinking about yourself, it takes two people to make a relationship work and sometimes I feel like you don't love me."
Brittany spoke honestly; she really meant what she was saying. But for her to say I'm selfish isn't true and as for the school thing yeah I'm worried about what people will say about me, but I'm just as concerned with her feelings. Also I am definitely not ashamed of calling her mine, I thought she knew that.
"This is great! Front row seats to an amazing show!"My dad's voice barely registered in my mind.
"I'm not ashamed of you."I said quietly. "But you don't know what it's like to feel like your dad hates you and practically wishes you were dead. You don't know how hard it was for me to actually come out in the first place. You weren't there when I would cry myself to sleep at night when I had feelings towards another girl. You have no idea what it feels like to be uncomfortable with who you are. You don't understand what a struggle this was and still is for me. You have parents that love and adore you no matter what, I don't. Sure my mom's been super ace about all this but my dad hasn't and that kills me. So you have no right to complain about me when you can't even come close to beginning to understand what I'm going through."
A look of shock was plastered on Brittany's face. Her skin had turned a few shades paler as well. But when she spoke I knew she was pissed at me and that literally broke my heart in two.
"It's not my fault my parents are cool with us. It's not my fault you're such a coward. It's not my fault that you can't face the fact that you're not fucking normal!"Brittany screamed at me as she looked at me dead in the eye.
I gasped aloud at what she said. Sure people have said I'm not normal but never did I think Brittany would ever say that to me. I could feel tears start to build up in my eyes and as much as I wanted to cry I didn't want to let her words get to me. I took a few deep breaths and from the corner of my eye I caught my dad looking at Brittany with hatred.
"You are a freak! I don't even know what I saw in you. You're the most selfish bitch I've ever met! Maybe your dad is right maybe we shouldn't be together."Brittany said whilst her eyes flickered to my dad who was looking triumphant like his plan had worked.
"No, he's wrong. Please don't do this to me. I need you, Britt-Britt. I'm sorry that you feel I don't want other people to know about us, but I love you so much. We can't let this silly argument ruin everything we've built over the last couple of months. You mean too much to me. Please, don't break up with me. Please, I love you so much and I know we are stronger than this and we can get past this. I love you, Brittany and that will never change." I grabbed her hand towards the end almost in desperation as I couldn't let her slip out of my grasp.
I couldn't believe she would suggest such a thing. I really thought she loved me. Tears cascaded down my cheeks once I had finished speaking as I waited for her to reply. I overlooked her hateful words because I was too worried about losing one of the most important people in my life. I tried to interlock our fingers but she pulled her hands roughly away from mine and I could feel my hope of us staying together dwindling by the second.
"You really don't get what this is all about do you?"Brittany said in an incredulous voice, I shook my head although it wasn't really needed as she continued speaking. "This isn't all about you, Santana. This about what I need as well and you don't seem to think about what I truly want. I'm always there for you. Every time you were upset because of something your dad says I held you, I said 'I love you' first whilst it took you nearly a week after I said it to say it back. My family let you stay at my house. Everybody was there for you Santana. But you weren't there for me. You have never once asked me how I feel. It's like you don't care about me."Brittany's voice got softer as she finished speaking.
Does she really think I don't care about her? I'll admit she was there for me but I was also there for her but she didn't speak about anything that was on her mind. She didn't tell me she wanted somebody to talk too. Also she knew why I couldn't say 'I love you' back straight away. She knew that I was so heartbroken after having yet another argument with my dad that I wasn't ready to tell her my feelings. How could she throw that in my face? I took her on a romantic date when I told her I loved her, did she completely forget that? I was trying to do something for her, for a change.
"I care about you so much, but you don't obviously care about me. How could you say I'm a freak?"I questioned.
"Have you been cheating on me?"What? Where the hell did she get that idea from? I would never do that to her.
"Of course not! How can you say that? I love you. Not anybody else just you!"I exclaimed slightly annoyed that she thinks I would do that to her. Doesn't she know me at all?
"You're lying! I know it. I know you fancy Kelly. I see the way you look at her. I bet you've gone all the way with her haven't you? That's why you don't want to have sex with me, coz you're fucking her! I mean you slept round hers and you were so happy when you came home. Tell me the truth Santana, have you been fucking her behind my back?!"
I swear Brittany's on something. Where the fuck did she get that from? Kelly's just a friend.
"Kelly's just a friend. I haven't had sex with her. I would never cheat on you Brittany."I said with sincerity. I looked at my dad and realised he wasn't sitting on the sofa anymore, he had gone somewhere else. I guess he didn't want to hear about his child's sex life, nonexistent really but that's getting away from the point. I turned back to Brittany. "The only person I want to be intimate with is you."I said softly whilst gazing into her eyes.
"I believe you haven't had sex with her but I know for a fact she fancies you. The other day at school I saw her leering at you whilst you were changing for gym. I don't want you going near her again Santana."Brittany stated.
"You're being stupid. Kelly likes Grace. She doesn't fancy me. You can't tell me what to do, you don't own me. Kelly's my friend and I won't stop speaking to her because you've made up some crazy idea that she fancies me. Jealousy is not a good colour on you."I said firmly. She couldn't tell me who my friends were, I mean I only have a few to begin with, I don't want lose any.
"I'm not jealous. I could have anybody at school that I want. I've had numerous propositions from guys on the football team to have some 'fun' with but I turned them down because I'm with you. I haven't had sex in three months because of you. But it was all worth it because I really fell for you. I loved all the coupley things we did together and we didn't need to have sex to show how much we love each other. But now I just don't think I can be with you anymore. You've just made my life too complicated. You're too high maintenance and I can't do this serious relationship thing. I just want to have some fun and lately you've been no fun. Fucking is so much easier than dating and you're just not what I need right now."
My heart was nearly completely broken from hearing her words. She really doesn't want to be together anymore. I let a fresh set of tears roll down my face as I let what this meant sink in.
"I'll have sex with you just please don't leave me. Please Brittany, I love you so much." I said holding her shoulders, shaking them.
"I don't want to force you into something you're not ready for Santana. I'd never do that. I know you want to wait and I respect that about you. But I think we should take a break for a little while. Just so we can sort out our heads."Brittany said in a gentle voice.
"I don't want to break up with you. I can't survive without you Brittany."I said between sobs that racked my body. Brittany took me in her arms and held me tight. I cried even more as she rubbed soothing circles on my back.
It took about ten minutes for me to calm down. My face was probably a blotchy mess but I didn't care. An awkward silence settled over Britt and I as we both stared into space daring the other to say something.
"You don't need me Santana. I'll end up hurting you in the end. Hell I'm already hurting you. You're a strong independent young woman and I don't deserve somebody as gorgeous, smart, funny and amazing as you. You should be with someone who can treat you properly. I love you so much and that's why I'm letting you go."Brittany said as a new batch of tears started to race down my face.
"You're all I need Brittany. You're my soul mate."I said honestly wishing this wasn't happening right now.
"I'm so sorry Santana. But this is the best thing for both of us to do. There will always be a special place in my heart for you Santana. I will always love you the most."Brittany pressed a bitter sweet kiss to lips and I tried to deepen the kiss and keep her close but she pulled away and stood up. She started to make her way to the door and my body finally reacted and stopped her from opening the door.
"Please don't leave me."I said my voice cracking from all the emotions I was feeling right then.
"I can't date you anymore. You can't be my girlfriend anymore. If we really are soul mates then we'll find each other in the end. But right now we need to break up. I can't cope with hurting you and although I can see you're hurting right now you're heart will mend in time. I'm not special enough for you Santana. Goodbye Santana."I was frozen in shock and didn't bother to stop her as she opened the front door and sprinted next door.
"I hate my life!" I screamed as tears violently streamed down my face and I slid to the floor. I felt strong arms wrap around me and clung onto them feeling safe. My dad held me as I sobbed and sobbed.
"It's okay sweetheart. You're going to be okay."My dad said which made me sob harder.
"Brittany broke up with me. She left me. It hurts so much. I love her dad. I love her so much and now I feel like I'm only half a person. I want Brittany back. I love Brittany. Please dad help me."I said between crying.
"That's what I'm gonna do sweetheart, get you help."My dad told me. I was too consumed in the fact that I had just lost Brittany to realise he wasn't going to help me get Brittany back. He was going to try to make me straight.
I just felt so heartbroken that I had lost the love of my life and that is the worst feeling in the world.
Please don't shout at me in reviews. Every relationship has its ups and downs. Just remember Brittana is Endgame! I have lot more to write about these two and there will be happiness ahead for both of them. Next chapter; some Faberry.
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