A Million More Mistakes- Chapter 35

Blow the candles out.

Looks like a solo tonight.

I'm beginning to see the light.

Blow the candles out.

Looks like a solo tonight.

But I think I'll be alright.

-Candles, Hey Monday

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Bella POV

"Bella, you have to eat more then a few crisps and half an egg and cress sandwich," Edward said, running a hand through his bronze hair. Now that his words had brought me back to my senses, I looked at him properly for the first time in the last… it must have been almost twenty-four hours. His face was drawn and his eyes were full of worry and panic; a ghost of what they had been before. Of course, he was still the most beautiful thing I had ever laid eyes on, a living breathing version of Adonis, but for the first time since I had met him, he wasn't quite in top form. And I had accused him of not caring. I felt a huge wave of guilt threaten to drown me as I realised what I'd have put him through.

"Okay," I sighed, reaching out and grabbing one of the slightly-squishy chocolate bars. I unwrapped it and took a reluctant mouthful, though I was as far from hungry as anyone had ever been despite my lack of food in the last… actually, I had no idea what the time was. I looked out of the window to see that it was dark. Not like late-night dark, but like really early-morning dark; there was a slight pink tint in the sky from where the sun was rising somewhere beyond eyesight. How had I not noticed this when Edward had commented on the weather? I must have been really out of it.

Edward smiled slightly and took the other chocolate bar. He did as I had and then made a face.

"Doesn't taste very nice," he noted.

"No," I said in agreement, but, to be honest, I couldn't taste anything. I could have been eating rubber and I wouldn't have noticed. Maybe that's how I managed to get through half a packet of crisps before realising that they were the only flavour that I didn't like.

I finished off the chocolate bar and took a gulp of the apple juice without prompting to please Edward.

"Can we go now?" I asked, sounding like a bit like a child.

Edward smiled sadly, but nodded and squeezed my hand over the table. "Together no matter what?"

I felt my eyes burn when he spoke as though losing Natty was a possibility, but nodded, biting back my tears. "Forever," I agreed quietly.

As we made our way out of the cafeteria and towards where Natty was, I thought of everything that Edward and I had been through together, and still come out of the other side, alive and kicking. We had managed to live through a lot of drama, but life just decided that it hadn't thrown enough at us. And, as if almost losing Natty once when she ran away wasn't enough, we had to come this close to the blade again? Would we be able to stay together forever through this? Was my 'happily ever after' coming to an end already? Some people say that life deals you the hand you get for a reason. Well, I say that life hates me. And, unless it lets Natty live, then I no longer want any acquaintance with it.

We reached the emergency ward and Dr Hewitt came out to meet us. "My team are just administrating more medicines now. So far, Natalie is responding well, but it's really too early to predict whether her body will reject the medication or not. You were correct about the severity of the hypothermia though, Edward. It's a lot worse."

"Can we see her?" I asked.

"She will be moved back to her ward in a moment, where we will be monitoring her closely, so you can see her then. You can go and wait in the room if you would like to."

"We'll wait here," Edward said, beating me to the punch.

Dr Hewitt nodded in understanding and then went back into the emergency ward. I yawned and as soon as my eyes were shut my body swayed dizzily. Edward's arm rested on my hand, steadying me. I found it astounding that, despite everything we had been - and were going - through, I still felt that electric current pass through my skin when we touched.

"I'm fine," I mumbled before he could ask if I was okay.

Edward sighed, clearly not believing me. "Promise me that you'll go to sleep when we're back in Natty's room with her."

"I don't want to sleep." I pouted, probably looking like a sulky child.

"Please, Bella. I don't want to spend forever with a zombie," he joked, but neither of us smiled.

I sighed and gave in. "Fine. But do you promise to wake me up if anything, anything, happens."

"I will," he replied immediately.

"Big or small. Do you promise?"

"I swear."

I nodded, and let him lead me over to the chairs by the door to the emergency ward. They were padded and in twos, which meant that Edward and I could sit together. I rested my head on his shoulder, revelling in the warmth of his arm around me, and that was a big mistake. The last thing that passed through my mind was 'why are my eyelids so heavy? Don't close your eyes, Bella! God damn it, stay awake!'. But twenty-four hours of stress, panic and worry took its toll on me and nothing could have prevented me from slipping into a welcoming unconsciousness that was full of happy dreams and a world where everything was fine.

I returned to the real world a few hours later. I was back in Natty's room, Natty's hand stuck inside mine again, curled up on Edward's lap. A quick glance at Edward told me that he was asleep and, when I looked at Natty, I noticed that she looked so much worse than she had earlier, though I suspected that that was because of the heart monitor connected to her so that the doctors could monitor her.

Sun poured through the windows from the East, which meant that it was mid-morning, and I realised that I was slowly getting my days and nights reversed, but I didn't really care. My body had been so thankful for the momentary shut down and release from the panic of real life that it wanted more. And I didn't want to sit here worrying, so I put my head back on Edward's chest and let sleep consume me.

This time, I slept deeply. Bizarre dreams plagued me. They didn't mean anything; they were just colours, faces and random patterns flickering past at inhumane speeds. I was halfway through one of these insane dreams when I was suddenly, and rudely, awoken by slamming doors, shouting voices and a loud, rapid beeping.

"Quick! Check her breathing!" someone's urgent voice woke me. Something told me that I should be worried about the voice and that I should wake up, but I felt like a teenager- just one more minute.

But then my bed moved and I heard a velvet voice. "What's wrong? What's happened?"

Suddenly I remembered why the voices should panic me, and I instantly wished that I could have stayed in my dream world. Because here, in reality, those voices meant that there was something seriously wrong with my daughter.

My eyes shot open to see a bunch of doctors crowding round Natty's body. Her hand had fallen out of mine and as I stared, horror waking me up, I realised what the loud rapid beeping was. The heart monitor's little portable screen was going crazy, the red lines jolting up and down at a ridiculously fast pace. It felt as though I was watching one of those hospital programs, but I wasn't. This wasn't scripted, this was real. And there was something seriously wrong with my daughter.

I was too scared to speak.

"What's wrong? What's happened?" Edward repeated, standing up and setting me down by myself. I didn't like watching him stood there, wanting to do something but being unable to. Nobody paid any attention to us, their concentration professionally on Natty and Natty alone. But I could see the agony that ripped through Edward's face and I knew how badly that he wanted to do something. I knew what he could do.

I reached out and took his hand, pulling him back to me. Silent sobs shook my body as panic began to set in, and lots of it. Edward seemed to realise what I wanted and tried to soothe me by stroking my hair, rubbing my back, touching my face… but nothing worked.

"Natty," I whispered. I wanted so badly to feel her hand in mine again, to be able to tell her truthfully that everything was alright. But it wasn't… and it never would be again unless Natty recovered. And even I wasn't stupid enough to see that this wasn't going to happen any time soon.

I stared at the doctors' backs, willing them to part just a little so that I could see what was happening to my baby, but they didn't. My arms seemed to reach out of their own accord, but Edward held them back. I could hear someone screaming my daughter's name and it took me longer than it should have to realise that it was me.

In my mind's eye, I could see my tear-stained, devastated face, my deep, haunted brown eyes, my lank unwashed hair… it was like I was watching this happening. I could feel that I was so close to slipping away, but I held on desperately. I clutched at consciousness with my fingertips, though I don't know why I tortured myself like that.

Then, the two doctors in front of me moved slightly apart, allowing me to see my little girl's body shaking again. But these weren't shivers. They were spasms, violently shaking her body, tearing through her. I watched in horror as a doctor pulled her eyelid back and shone a torch in her eye, and then say something to the doctor next to him. The second doctor passed the first something and he pulled the top off to reveal a long sharp needle. The first one took Natty's skinny little wrist in his hand and jabbed the needle into her vein.

I gagged helplessly and fought my way out of Edward's arms so that I could run outside where I promptly emptied my stomach into the bin by the door. I felt Edward's hands rubbing my back and I could feel them shaking against me. When I finished throwing up, I slid to the floor, crying. I couldn't deal with this. There were supposed to be two choices in life: fight or flight, but now I could do neither. There was nothing I could do to help my daughter and there was nothing I could do to save her. I was helpless. I was worthless. I was a terrible mother. This would never have happened if I had just paid more attention to Natty.

"Bella…" Edward's voice was close to me as his arms encircled me again.

I couldn't speak.

He didn't say anything else for a moment either.

I could hear doctors' raised voices through the door, and the beep of Natty's heart and it just made me feel worse. How could I go back and face that?

We sat there silently. I could feel that I was slowly going insane. I couldn't do this. I just couldn't. But I had to be here for Natty. What else could I do?

"Shall we go back in?" Edward murmured.

I nodded, though I wasn't sure. I knew I should be there for Natty, but I didn't want to watch the doctors fight for her. I didn't want to watch Edward fight for her. I didn't want to watch Natty fight for herself. I didn't want to see people helping her when I couldn't.

But when we got back into the room, things had changed. The doctors weren't as tense, Natty's body was still and, the biggest difference, Natty's pulse had stopped rocketing. For a moment, the pulse was so slow that I thought that the worst had happened. It was only for a millisecond that I believed this, but it was the slowest and very worst millisecond of my life.

Five of the six doctors wheeled Natty's bed past us and I stared after them, the worry worsening.

"Miss Swan? Dr Cullen?" the sixth doctor removed his little green mask and looked directly at Edward and I. Only then did I realise that it was Dr Ridgely.

"Yes?" Edward spoke for us, which was just as well.

"We're moving Natty to the…" He hesitated. "The ninth ward."

"No," Edward gasped in quiet denial. Dr Ridgely's words obviously meant something bad.

"What?" I squeaked, tears pooling up again.

"I'm afraid that Natalie has just suffered from a fit. In her sleep she picked up a mild bout of flu which destroyed her immune system completely and her body didn't respond well. It started to shut down – trying to defend itself – and the trauma turned into a fit. We had to inject medicine into her bloodstream to stop the fit, but the medicine just stopped the fit."

"What are you saying?" I whispered.

Dr Ridgely paused, looking at Edward. I didn't want to look at him, fearing that if Edward looked upset then I wouldn't have any hope to hold on to.

Then, Dr Ridgely looked back at me. "Miss Swan, I'm sorry, but your daughter is in a coma."

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Once again, I am so sorry for not updating. I have honestly actually been so busy. If you want a big explanation of everything I've been doing, then say so and I will send you one, but I'm not going to write a huge big speech that will just bore everyone. I feel really bad for not updating when I promised, but I will try really hard to update when I say I will now. I WILL get back on track- only one week left of school now so I'll have more time on my hands though, be warned, I will be on holiday for two weeks pretty soon so updates will be far and few in between.

Onto another subject… WOW. I was shocked with the reaction the awards site got. Thank you so much guys for the nominations. Not all of them are posted on the site yet because, as I said, I've been busy, but they will be in the next two days. I think I got more than 60 emails saying that people had nominated so thanks so much. I was really worried that the site wouldn't get anywhere! Nominations are open until 29th July so feel free to nominate until then and voting begins on 1st August and ends on the 25th August. I'll keep you posted on these things though.

If you haven't checked it out yet and you do want to, the link is on my profile.

And back to the story… I'm sorry. Natty is in a coma. I am really very sorry. I hope I don't get hatemail :S I can, however, say that Bella and Edward will get a happily ever after of some sort because I cannot end stories on a sad note (except for this one I wrote when I was eleven where the protagonist got hit by a double-decker bus and died…) so it will not end sadly.

Actually, a few people have been saying that the story would be better if Natty DID die. The large majority have been leaving death-threats, but a few people have said things like 'the story would have more depth if she died' and stuff, which surprised me a bit, but thanks all the same :D

Oh and I know that this chapter seems shorter than usual but that's because there isn't much dialogue. It's about the same as I usually aim for on MS Word (six pages) but it doesn't seem as much on here.

I have no homework this week end other than two remaining questions for French (bleurgh) so I will knuckle down and try to get the next few chapters written, both of this and of The Hard Way To Learn A Lesson. I will try as hard as I can to update both that and this tomorrow, but I won't promise anything because that will only give myself a deadline and I don't work well under pressure, especially not when I'm supposed to be writing for fun. So I refuse to give myself deadlines from now on and I will just try as hard as I can to get the next chapter up, but I will only promise updates when I have them written.

Thanks for your understanding (hopefully)

PLEASE REVIEW!!!

Thanks

Steph