Dreamers Awake

by AnsuzWhispers

A shocking encounter of Ami causes an avalanche of incidents that leave all the Senshi entangled in a traitorous net of lies, half- truths and hidden secrets. Skeletons in the closet never stay hidden forever, especially if you have two lifetimes worth of them. Now they come back full force to destroy one of them once and for all and everything that dares to stand in their way.

34. Below the Ice Cap Part 2

AN: Sigh, again no appropriate point to cut, so this chapter is going to be extra-long. Enjoy.

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They barely heard Mercury's parting whisper, before the scenery started to blur.

Michiru staggered briefly when her surroundings swam in colorful smoke-like vapor.

We reached the end of the memory. Her fuzzy mind concluded. And what a memory it was. Its true magnitude only weighed down on her gradually, as if someone put more and more weight on a barbell she kept lifted.

Ami conversed with Mercury even before she was awakened as a Senshi and kept doing so without any of them knowing.

Mercury saved her life when she was bitten by that poisonous snake.

The very same injury resulting from this snakebite was healed upon her first transformation using the powers of Mercury.

Ami had been anything but happy before meeting Usagi.

However, the chaos of her thoughts spiraled back to the one monumental fact, that all of the previous revelations had in common.

She has never told anyone about it.

She had kept quiet about all of it, Mercury, the snake incident, her hurt arm and the clonazepam.

She turned right, she turned left, and could see almost the same astonished expression on everyone's face. The Inners, Usagi, Setsuna and Hotaru. They all were perplexed with other nuances of feelings bleeding through she could not even begin to define. And they only knew half of the story. Michiru herself never had the chance to share her knowledge of the snake incidence she has obtained from Ami's father.

They only know what they heard in the previous minutes and those were bits and pieces mentioned as a side note.

However, they did not know the details of the accident.

The reason why Ami and her father were estranged.

They did not know about the snakebite, Ami's arm and the clonazepam.

They have been completely clueless so far. Even more so than she was.

She had kept that knowledge from them in order to not shock them further.

Great job. Now they got to know in an even worse setting.

Michiru saw it in their faces and she knew even if it was possible to speak right now, none of them would take the chance. They just did not know what to say, as if they were doused in ice water. Ami's secrets did shock her as well when she first heard about them and it turned out she did not even get to know the whole story, but she had more time to think about it. A luxury none of the others had.

Ami always was so shy, she was easily the most timid out of all of them, their steadfast voice of reason and their source of knowledge.

It was unimaginable that her of all people…

No one expected her to keep such fundamental things from them. It was just not possible. And still this was exactly what happened.

Still waters run deep. Wasn't that the saying? Well, this time it rang true. It felt wrong. It did not sit well with her. It was as if she heard those things about a stranger. How well do I really know her, besides the obvious facts? She was the quiet one in the group, who was always overlooked if not directly needed, the one that always offered wisdom, but rarely shared her own problems, the one that preferred to be never in the spotlight, but rather used her keen observational skills from a position in the background. It wasn't that they put her in that place. It was where Ami preferred to be.

They had accepted it as part of who Ami was, but maybe they had been too compliant.

I fought by her side on the battlefield, but at the end I know nothing about who she truly is. About either of them. The teamwork between Outers and Inners had always been rocky. Nehelenia was the prime example that revealed their obvious weakness all too clearly. We failed back then in protecting Usagi, because we did not know how to work together properly. We only work in definite constellations but as soon as you rip one out of her respective tag team things fall apart. When I fight alongside Haruka, we don't need words to know when the other will evade, attack or stall. We just know. We devise strategies without the need to talk, just as we did against Galaxia. It's because I know her in and out, our teamwork is splendid.

It isn't with the Inners. I don't know the Inners.

I never have.

So, this should not surprise me that much. However, it still does.

And if I feel that way, then how do they feel?

The ones who are supposed to know Ami in and out and now realize they don't.

I don't know how I would react when I learned such things about Haruka. I know it's not really comparable, since we are also a couple, but anyway…

It must hit them especially hard.

They were a close nit team for several years, now. They studied together, fought together and laughed together. They spend almost every free minute of their spare time with each other. After everything they went through, Michiru could imagine, how they questioned themselves, what went wrong. Whether Ami did not trust them enough.

She looked to Usagi, but it wasn't utter disappointment or betrayal she saw in her teary eyes. It was deep sadness and … guilt. At first, Michiru did not understand. Why should she feel guilty? Usagi did nothing wrong.

But then her expression changed slightly and this time she could clearly interpret the display of emotions that screamed: I should have known. Why didn't I know? Why did I never ask? I could have helped.

Michiru felt a deep surge of genuine affection and appreciation for her princess well up in her chest. She never blamed, she forgave so easily and the first thing coming to her mind has been genuine concern and sympathy for Ami.

You trust her unconditionally. You worry about those parts that dealt with Ami's loneliness and seclusion more than you do about her keeping secrets from you. You are more bothered about Ami almost dying as a kid and rather blame yourself for not meeting her earlier and preventing the whole ordeal from happening.

You had no influence on the things that happened and still you desperately wish you could have been there for her.

Your faith in her is unshakable.

Just the way it has always been for all of us.

I still remember the way you stood in front of us after we relinquished our talismans to Galaxia, after we attacked Pluto and Saturn to steal theirs. You still did not think we turned traitor. You refused to raise a hand against us. You defended us in front of the Starlights. Most of those memories are diffuse, sketchy at best, but those snippets are clearer than the rest.

You never gave up on any of us.

You never will.

I always felt unworthy of this kind of trust. After everything I did, how couldn't I?

I always wanted to be better, to improve myself so that maybe at some point I can feel as if I deserve those gifts you offer so generously. To give something back in return to what happened due to you.

You stopped the silence. You prevented us from being murderes. You saved Hotaru. You gave Haruka and I a future.

You might never expect something in return, but nevertheless I always wanted to offer you something.

I guess I disappointed you again. I am sorry.

She wanted to tell them what she knew, wanted to offer at least some explanations, she wanted to fill the holes in Ami's story. She regretted not to have shared her knowledge as soon as she obtained it. She desperately wanted to apologize for keeping secrets herself, for making this whole situation worse for them.

It was never my intention to hurt anyone. I did it because I wanted to spare everyone involved the heartache.

I had no right to do that and it turned out all wrong.

Too many secrets. Secrets and promises that weighed on her heavily.

She did not tell Kuro about Ami's condition and now Ami was dead. They never got the chance to reconcile; she so desperately wanted them to have. Kuro had trusted her judgement and it all backfired. How was she supposed to face Ami's father telling him that his daughter was gone? Just like that… He still waited for her call, optimistic that he was finally able to solve his issues with Ami… because I encouraged him to do so.

He won't. Because of me. Can I look him into the eye to see that spark of hope extinguished only to be replaced by utter anguish?

She also wasn't honest towards Ami's mother. She played down the danger Ami was in, concealed Mercury's intentions, although they already had their fair suspicions. She assured her that Ami was safe in their care. She did not tell her what could happen. She assured her they would protect Ami, that they had everything under control, and look, where they ended up, now.

We have nothing under control.

We could not protect her.

We could not even protect ourselves.

What if her mother took her away as she wanted to? Would things be different, now? Would Ami still be alive?

I talked her out of it, believing our plan was the best path to tread. Only it turned out it wasn't.

I was wrong. I screwed up. I took those decisions and now I have to face the consequences. She was used to facing the consequences of her actions. But now others would suffer because of her decisions. They caused heartache for everyone, she held dear, not just for her.

The sting in her heart got worse, when another thought crossed her mind.

We berate Mercury for keeping all her secrets, for not being honest with us, for acting on her own, but didn't I do the same with Ami's parents? I am not better than her. I lied as well and my only justification is doing it with good intentions in mind.

She barely kept in a dark chuckle.

Who am I kidding? She probably had the same excuse. Don't we all use the subterfuge of having good intentions when we vacate the path of what is right? And from there it gets easier to stray even further… From there every additional committed sin looks smaller, until you convince yourself that next to everything else you already did, this additional small misconduct is not a big deal.

Until you convince yourself that every single misconduct, you already committed would be for naught, if you got cold feet now.

Until there is no distinct border left between right and wrong and all you see is murky gray.

Until these words do not matter anymore in the grand scheme of things.

Until you scorn everyone else, who was not forced to toss their ideals into the wind, for their naivety.

I should know how this macabre game works all too well. I already went through it with the talismans… with Hotaru… Galaxia.

And I do not seem to learn from those experiences.

I just keep doing what I always did, although I swore to myself to change.

Instead, I can just add my newest misconducts to the list.

The incident with the police… erasing the memories of those thugs… lying to both of Ami's parents… lying to the others about Ami's past.

All those actions were huge steps in the wrong direction. Borderline at best. This is only the beginning of a path that can only spiral down. A path I am all too familiar with. And still I followed it willingly. I thought I changed. That I can be like the Inners who stay true to their ways of justice and love. Fighting for what is right instead of a win at all cost.

I liked that dream.

If only it was more than that.

Maybe I cannot change. I only pull down everyone to my level. Maybe I am destined to be the one who remains in the shadows, so others can bask in the light. Maybe I should learn to be satisfied with that status quo. Maybe I should learn to let the light strife on its own without weakening its shine.

What did I tell Makoto? We are a team? We are equal? Senshi that are supposed to stand united?

Maybe that was wrong.

Maybe we are supposed to stand apart. Maybe each of us has a predestined role to fulfill and for some of us that might mean the others could not have a part in it.

Maybe they belong on the pedestal and we belong somewhere… lower.

Isn't that what our actions proved?

Again and again.

At the end it was always the same. Haruka and I are forced to make the tough decisions. I hated it but at least I had one consolation. I always believed that all my actions were at least for the right reasons. With a goal in mind that was just. The path there might have been rocky, but it was the only path. The one I had to go, because there was no other choice. And I believed that everyone who dared to tell me otherwise had no clue, what he was talking about.

That someone who never experienced such a tight situation could never understand.

And that's the problem. The Inners have experienced such situations and still they decided differently.

They did not convince themselves that it was acceptable to sacrifice lives in exchange for saving this world. I did. The same as Mercury sacrificed Ami to save this world from Kato. I am not different from the Mercurian Senshi. Not at all, although I wish I was.

The only difference between us was that I had people to stop me.

We were not able to stop her.

It weighed heavily on her.I am able to bear it. After all, it has been like this from the moment I turned to be a Senshi. I always carry burdens with me. Back then I desperately wanted to see myself as a savior, knowing deep down that I was just a remote-controlled soldier sent out to kill. It's fine. I have come to terms with it.

Have you? With all this new information you got… did you truly come to terms with it?

With everything reminding you of a part of your life you rather would forget?

I thought I made my peace with it. Now, I am not so sure anymore.

And this was just the tip of the iceberg or rather the bottom.

Right now I have new things to feel guilty for. Even if I take Ami's parents out of the equation I still withheld information.

I wasn't honest with the others. To Haruka of all people. Will she be even angrier at me when she gets to know that I knew about the snakebite and its aftermath? We barely sorted out that last conflict only minutes ago. I don't want her to look at me again the way she looked during the incident with Makoto. As if I betrayed her. I just want her to trust me, but will she be able to, when she gets to know about this?

And what about the others?

She suddenly felt … tainted, ashamed of her actions and despaired to make it up again. To correct all those things that went so horribly wrong. When did all of this spiral out of our control? When did we commit the first mistake that lead to this disaster we have, now?

I don't know, but we have to set things right.

Somehow, I must.

And I need to start with being honest with everyone. I need to tell them everything I know.

She made a vow to herself to get at least this matter sorted out. As soon as she was able to talk again, she would do so. She would spill her heart's content and hope for their understanding and forgiveness. She would do anything in her power to correct this mess, to find a way for things being right again. All of them.

Impatiently, she expected to be back at Mercury's hospital bed.

I need to tell them. Come on…

However, her burning desire to ease her guilt-ridden conscience was not fulfilled.

The colors around her turned to solid shapes, but it wasn't the grayish monotony of the hospital room she expected. It was distinct shades of blue: aquamarine, cerulean, navy blue and lapis lazuli. It was the morning sun playing with those colors morphing one into another and into entirely new nuances.

And then she spotted the same postcards…

They were still in Ami's room.

Michiru was confused. She didn't ask another question. Then why were they still here? Actually, now that she thought about it, her first question to the mirror had nothing to do with what they have seen in that first memory. She had asked about Mercury's connection to princess Serenity. What they got to see did not even remotely touch that subject. Aside from that, she did never intent to drag all of them into the memory and it still happened. What was the mirror doing?

Certainly not, what I demanded it to do.

Maybe it was a mistake to use it.

Another one I committed to add up to the long list.

It was too late to lament about spilled milk. She insisted on the idea to use the mirror and dragged all of them into it. Now, she needed to find a way to reverse its effects. To go back to their reality.

A difficult task, if you do not even understand how the mirror truly works.

Then you better get started. You chose to play with fire. Now find a way to douse it. You can deal later on with your unresolved issues. Now, there is no time for it.

As if to point that out even further, Michiru was distracted from her dark musings from an elbow in her lower ribs. It belonged to Hotaru and she pointed to the other side of the room, a corner she did not see previously since it was in her back.

Michiru turned around. As expected there was Ami, a bag right in front of her. Our Ami. She immediately recognized those eyes. She was older now and from the way she looked, a tad bit taller, her hair a bit shorter and her face less chubby, this memory wasn't so distant but probably quite recent.

She appeared thoughtful and the next moment she stopped moving altogether and leant heavily on the desk. She stayed like that for a couple of seconds before she just lifted her chin and turned around, only to exhale loudly.

"Methys?" She called out hesitantly.

It took a moment until there was any form of response and Ami seemed slightly nervous… and kind of troubled while waiting.

"At your beck and call." Was the smug reply, when her shimmering form finally appeared right in front of Ami, who was slightly puzzled by her choice of words.

She just raised a skeptical brow. "Since when?"

Her grin was bashful. "Since you asked for me so nicely."

"I said your name." Ami's dry reply was as much of a statement as it was a disbelieving question.

"Exactly, you do not call for me that often. So, what can I do for you? Mathematical equations? Sound advice? Some fruitful scientific discussions… I am open for everything."

Ami looked even more skeptical. "You bored or what?"

"A little." The admission was blunt.

"Well, I don't have time for that right now. I need to attend my cram course." There was a small notion of genuine regret, barely audible in her words, but it was there. As if she would have seriously liked to do just that.

Methys shrugged. "I anyway think those are a waste of time."

"I like going there." Ami responded stubbornly, but she appeared slightly amused by her antics.

"A fact that still eludes me, but if you have no time to chat then why did you call for me?"

There was a small pause and Ami's eyes seemed to lose some of their previous playful spark, as if she only remembered just now that there was an ulterior motif for Methys being here. "Don't you know already?" She finally asked back carefully.

Methys seemed to notice her change of mood and tampered her response to a more serious tone. However, it was spiked with mild curiosity. "I might have insight into your thoughts and feelings, but that doesn't mean I stalk you all the time. It takes effort and I am not monitoring everything you do constantly, you know? Despite of that, you have gotten better in shielding your mind."

Ami made a face. "Out of necessity. It's not exactly easy to deal with someone, who knows everything I feel and think."

"You complain often enough about it." Methys deadpanned.

"And rightly so."

Methys waved dismissively. "Yeah, yeah, I know…. A private person like you does not like to share everything in her mind and heart. It's not as if I can just turn it off completely. I am suffering under your moods as well, so you are not the only victim here. I still remember the headache you gave me, just because little Miss Perfect didn't get 115% in her biology exam…" Her eyes twinkled in mischief.

Ami folded her arms categorically, slightly miffed. "You are one to talk. Besides, the answer to that one question was correct. The question was just ambiguous, which was not my fault."

Methys raised her hands defensively as if to clarify her neutrality. "Sure, whatever you say…"

Ami's eyes narrowed briefly, displeased that she did not immediately agree whole heartedly with her judgement, but chose to give her an ambiguous response instead.

"I am trying to keep out of your head whenever I can, ok? I at least try to respect your privacy…"

Ami lifted a skeptical eyebrow and Methys added with a resigned sigh. "…I said I try… That doesn't mean I am always successful…"

The eyebrow rose even higher. "Try 'Never'. You are probably the nosiest Senshi out of…"

Now, it was Methys' turn to be miffed. "I assure you, I am not. Besides, you could for once surprise me and start talking on your own about what is ailing you. Then it wouldn't be necessary to rile you up every time to coerce you out of your protective snail shell."

Ami scowled defiantly furrowing her brows even more. "It wouldn't be as much of a problem, if you decided to share something about yourself for once. The principle of opening up goes both ways, a miniscule fact, you are always so eager to ignore."

Methys sighed in resignation. "Is that why you got a twist in your panty? Again? I do not know how many times we discussed that already. You know I have rules to follow as well, rules I have already broken once to save your life back in the woods. There will be a time when all my secrets will be unveiled, to all of you, but it's not now. This bond between us the way it is now, is only tolerated, if I stick to those rules and that means no interference in Senshi business and no stories about the Silver Millennium."

"That's what you always say, but who defines those rules? Who commands the Senshi of Mercury?"

Her response was immediate. "Time."

Ami was astonished. "I am surprised. For once that wasn't an answer soaked in cryptic riddles. So, Pluto has a hand in it?"

Methys hesitated before she admitted. "Not directly, Pluto has a higher instance to account for, too."

Ami was intrigued, but Methys just shook her head to halt her avalanche of oncoming questions. "Don't even try. That's all I am gonna say about it. However, I don't think you called me here to have a chat about Pluto. What is it that got you so… moody?"

Ami dropped her gaze. "I … I require an explanation to something I found. However, after what you said just now, I am not sure how forthcoming you will be with offering said information."

Methys appeared to be more careful now, clearly intrigued to find out what this was all about without making any concessions. "That depends on what you want to know. You can give it a try…"

Ami did not seem to expect anything different. "That's all I have been doing for the last years. Trying. My questions must be really awful, considering you always refuse to answer them."

Methys just folded her arms. "Quite the opposite. Rather they are straight to the point and that's why I always shoot you down. I have my principles and you know that. It should not be necessary for me to repeat it again and again. You are Sailor Mercury, now. I might know about the past, but I am no prophet looking into the future. All I could speculate about, you can do on your own. You don't need me. And for those reasons you should not depend on me. Aside from that it is part of the deal why I am allowed to interact with you. I told you countless times…" Those justifications almost sounded too choreographed, excuses that have become unmovable walls that were not supposed to budge one bit. Something that did neither escape Ami's notice nor that of everyone else.

"Yeah, I know… I think it's safe to say I know those justifications by heart. I pestered you often enough for help on Senshi matters to know you won't budge on that topic."

"At the end you always managed fine on your own."

"Yeah, if you leave out the one or two times I died…" It was a mean comment and they could immediately see a spark of regret in Ami's eyes for letting it slip.

Methys flinched, averting her gaze. Clearly, it was a topic she had rather stayed clear off.

Ami's expression softened upon seeing her reaction, before she voiced a gentle "Sorry. That… that was entirely uncalled for… and not meant the way it sounded."

Methys' gaze was downcast. "No, I deserved that one. Do not think, I have taken these death experiences lightly. But after everything that happened, you are still here and believe me I know this is not my doing. I can't help with these matters, but not because I don't want to. That's just the way it is. I thought you already accepted that, so why do you come up with it again, now?"

"Actually, I did not want to come up with it. It just happened. It always just happens." Ami admitted clearly frustrated. "It is part of a deeper problem we were never able to solve and as soon as there are certain triggers it just pops up again... I am not angry with you about those deaths. It was my decision to go where I went and to fight who I fought. I know there was no sudden miracle occurring to save me and to ask you to always come to my rescue would have been asked too much."

Methys looked as if she wanted to deny it, as if the words were already on her tongue, but then she stopped herself.

"You help in other ways. However, I am not sure anymore why that is. You say you take no part in the Senshi matters anymore. You say you do not want me to depend on you too much. But, in the end, if I did not need you, you could have already left, but you are still here."

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe, I do not want to leave?" There was a gentle smile on her face clearly meant to compliment her.

However, Ami's features only darkened. "Today, it did."

Methys' face turned confused clearly not getting why she reacted in such a negative way. "Ok, what did I say, now?"

"Something that puts what I wanted to ask you into perspective." From the tone she used clearly in a negative perspective.

"It would be helpful if you … give me some context." There was some concern in her words, now.

However, Ami wasn't eager to be so forthcoming. In fact, she appeared reluctant to cut right through the chase. It felt more as if she was stalling for time and her next comment proofed that assessment. "I was under the impression that you appreciate dubious riddles."

"I normally do, when I am not on the receiving end. I am serious, Ami, you called me here for a reason. Apparently, there is a problem between us. I cannot rectify the situation, if you don't tell me what it is about."

Ami sighed and there was a sad note to it. "It's not so much about telling you, but about showing you." With these words she lifted a book that was previously hidden by her form, simply holding it for her to see.

Michiru gasped and she knew the others did, too. Even Methys did. In fact, her face turned blank and she averted her gaze, clearly bothered by the mere sight, as if she suddenly realized what all of this was about and didn't like it one bit.

Ami could not miss her somewhat guilty reaction. "Good, at least you do not even try to pretend that you have no idea what this book is. That would not have worked anyway and saves us both some hassle. I guess you also know where I got it from?" The question was phrased in a forced neutral tone, but there was a hint of doubt and vulnerability leaking through her artificial strong front.

Michiru gulped. Just like the others she had recognized the book right away. It was the encoded book with the strange graphs about the Silver Crystal, the police had found in Ami's bag. So, it had something to do with Mercury? She had a feeling whatever it was, they would get to know, now.

The Senshi confirmed it with her next response, inhaling deeply before the resigned words left her mouth. "I guess you found it beneath your bed under a loose plank of the flooring…"

Ami focused on her intently gauging her every move closely. "I did and what puzzles me is that I am neither the one, who put it there nor did I create or assemble any of these graphs. However, I can clearly recognize figures that were generated with the Mercury computer and when I concentrate really hard I think I can even understand some of these strange symbols and glyphs in there. I do not think you need to read my thoughts to guess what I am thinking…" The barely veiled accusation hung in the air and Methys did not even try to defend herself.

Instead, she admitted with a frown. "It's Mercurian. The language is Mercurian and you can read part of it, because I can read it."

"Was that your way of admitting that this is your doing? That you wrote this?" She lifted the book clutching it tighter than she had to. It was crystal clear that she expected a response, she did not want to hear. That she had previously clung to the mere hope that this wasn't, what she thought it to be, only to get the confirmation that it indeed was.

"It is." Methys' confession sounded way too unspectacular. Just two simple words that changed everything.

Not just for Ami but for all of them.

Ami just exhaled shakily and shook her head in frustrated resignation. "You know I am used to some of your antics by now, but that…" She trailed off shaken to the core, fidgeting in an uneasy manner, before it just burst out of her. "Do you even know what it implicates?! I don't know anything about this book, about analyzing these graphs. I do not remember any of it! So, did you just decide it would be nice to take over my body to do some research?! Without telling me?! Is that what you meant when you said you do not really want to leave? How can you even do that? And what else did you do, impersonating me that I don't know about?" Ami's brows were furrowed in frustration and she abruptly turned around to face the desk again, her shoulders heaving in a carefully controlled manner. She fought against losing her poise, but to be fair her tone was more composed than Michiru would have been in her stead.

What the hell did Methys do?

Did she really take over Ami's body without her knowledge?

Without any form of preamble, Ami's tensed frame deflated with a huff. "I have to ask. I wasn't sure whether I truly should, but it's making me crazy to think about it and you would have noticed sooner or later anyway. That's why I am just going to put it bluntly and get it over with: Is that what you want? Your long-term plan? Taking over for me on the long run? Being Sailor Mercury and alive again?" Ami's voice wavered at the end; her shoulders were hunched as if she feared the answers to these questions like a stab in the back with a poisonous dagger.

Methys winced, but then she made a cautious step forward, approaching Ami's back.

Then, she whispered sadly, almost hurt. "You should know me better than that by now."

"Do I?" The whisper was almost inaudible and still Methys' whole form seemed to tense even more.

For a moment there was no response. Methys sighed and her voice turned grave. "Turn around, Ami. Look me in the eyes. I want you to see the truth in there."

Ami did not react. She just leaned heavily on her desk now, her form tense, her refusal to look at her apparent.

Methys' tone softened. "You displayed so much bravery to confront me. Don't decide to run, now and don't decide to hide either. I will give you the answers you seek. Please. Let me explain."

Reluctantly, she turned around, trying to straighten her posture only to fail miserably. She looked, as if all her strength had been sapped from her. Like wounded prey that has been driven into a corner and expected the deadly blow, hoping it wouldn't be too painful, while knowing all the same it would.

Methys made another cautious step forward and put a gentle hand underneath her chin to lift it up. As soon as they made eye contact, she stated serenely. "The answer is 'No. I am not planning to take over your body.' What happened was a one-time occurrence. It wasn't planned and it won't be repeated. I swear it to everything I hold dear. This.. this isn't what you think it is."

Ami stared at her for some time longer, searching for something in eyes that were so similar to her own in color, but so different in everything else. Whereas her own only mirrored doubt, hurt and disappointment, those in front of her pleaded for a chance to explain, for forgiveness, for understanding. They were unguarded for once and granted a glimpse into a plethora of feelings that were normally hidden behind heavy walls. Their gazes were locked and Methys let her search for whatever she was looking for as long as she wanted, until Ami finally uttered one single breathy word. "Explain…"

"I…"

"I don't wanna hear any excuses. Just … explain…" The demand was weak and she desperately tried to ban all emotions from those words and almost succeeded in sounding composed. Almost. If there wasn't the slight tremble of her hands betraying her.

Methys eyed her critically and started in a soft voice. "I am sure you already checked the date…"

"I did. The beginning of august three years ago. And I remember perfectly well what happened right before then. The battle against Metallia. A battle I did not survive, if I recall it correctly." Her words were stoic, way too detached for a topic like that. Her mask was finally in place, already sporting dents and holes, but still standing as a shield meant to protect her, if things took a turn for the worst. And she clearly expected them to take a turn for the worst.

Methys lowered her head. "You died. All of you died at the North Pole in that fight and the Silver Crystal revived you because your princess wished for all of you to start over." Methys continued in a reminiscent tone.

"Yes, and afterwards I miss my memories for the following month. I never knew why, but I guess you will tell me now." She sounded as if she wasn't sure, whether she truly wanted to hear it. Hesitant. Fearful. Bracing for a devastating blow.

Methys seemed to ponder a moment about what to say, before she continued in a forced neutral tone. "You lack memories of that time, because after the defeat of Metallia, it wasn't you that lived, but me."

For a moment there was silence and Michiru almost choked on her breath. Holy crap. The conversation led them there but to have her admit it that bluntly, stroke a chord.

Ami looked equally taken aback. The blow had hit home, making her stare back at her look alike wide-eyed, a myriad of emotions on her face ranging from shock, disbelief, and surprise to anger.

Then. "You are kidding, right? You walked around in my body for over a month?"

Methys nodded apologetically. "I did, but I didn't do it for fun or to sate my scientific curiosity nor did I desire to be alive again. This kind of revival you went through is no small feat even for the Silver Crystal. Death means that body and soul disjoin, typically followed by the body's decay while the soul enters the cycle of rebirth. Reviving the body wasn't the most severe problem for the Crystal, but finding the accurate soul and stitching both parts back together to form the unit they once were, was way more difficult. And for the lot of you the whole deed was even more delicate. It took over a month to do this. For that time being, your bodies would have been in a comatose state resembling death, if it weren't for the old Senshi souls. Our presence made it more difficult to put everything back together to regain the status quo, but it turned to be a huge benefit as well."

Ami just gaped at her overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of what she got to know. Michiru shared the sentiment.

Methys just sighed. "To put it simple, we took your place."

It took a moment for the sentence to truly register in Michiru's mind, although on second thought it ought to be apparent. Ami was a tad bit quicker.

"We?! You mean this goes for all of us? Usagi, Rei, Makoto, Minako and I?"

They all stiffened upon her bewildered question and eagerly awaited Methys' response.

"Yes, all of you have no memory of the time after Metallia, because in principle you were dead during that time."

"So, it's not just you…" Ami was so astonished that she sagged heavily against her desk.

"No. One reason why we decided to do this was so you wouldn't appear dead towards your families and loved ones. It would have been hard to explain when you then suddenly would be raised from the dead. The second was, your bodies needed to be moved. Lying around for that long time without any form of exercise, they would have wasted away. I don't need to tell you that… muscle atrophy… circulatory disturbances… it would have been worse than a coma. You know what happens in those cases and at that time we didn't even know how long it would take for the Silver Crystal to do its job. Actually, we did not even know whether a body without a soul could have lasted long enough to finish the process, after all it's just an empty shell. We saw no other choice, but to take over or we might have lost all of you again."

"And you…" Ami was so baffled that she apparently forgot how she wanted to finish that question. Michiru couldn't fault her for it.

Methys seemed to understand though. "We acted as if we were you; we went to school, did daily chores and followed your daily routines. Believe me; it wasn't always easy to pass as you."

"So, you fooled everyone, our parents and families, our classmates? Luna and Artemis as well?" She sounded as if she did not believe that possible.

"We tried, yes. However, as I said it wasn't so easy. Some of them caught on."

"What? Who?"

Methys sighed. "Luna was first. She noticed some differences between Serenity and Usagi. There was one time when Serenity didn't manage to appear completely clueless about everything. After all, you were supposed to not remember a thing about ever being a Senshi. Luna got suspicious and followed her around. Needless to say she caught us red-handed in the middle of a talk the lot of you would have never had. We explained everything to her and she swore secrecy. However, Artemis discovered soon after on his own and I can tell you Rei's grandfather is more perceptive then he gets credit for."

Ami listened intently, a crease in her eyebrows. "But if Luna and Artemis knew, why didn't they tell us afterwards. They always said they don't know why we lacked those memories."

Methys seemed to have expected that question. "That's because they don't know. At least not anymore. I supervised the progress of the Silver Crystal, which was constantly activated during that time and when it was clear that the process of reviving you would be finished soon, we… we erased their memory of these events. Before you ask, it was decided by all of us and done with their consent. Serenity herself did it."

"What about my mother?" The question was loaded and Michiru noticed Methys' slight flinch.

"She didn't notice." She finally admitted and it sounded almost angry. Ami barely reacted and Michiru realized she must have expected that answer. However, she clearly preferred not to linger on that topic for too long, although she brought it up herself. Her next words were proof for it.

"And, that book…"

"That book contains the collected data about the detailed workings of the Silver Crystal during your … resurrection, if you want to call it that way." Methys completed her unfinished sentence. "I asked Serenity to supervise and monitor everything and she approved, since the results might be used for … future dealings. As you figured out, I used the Mercury computer for it, but erased all data from the hard drive right before you took over again. I didn't want you to find it, so I created this notebook with the most important charts and my personal notes, and stored the rest of the data on an external hard drive, you will find hidden in the spine of the book. Then, I hid it underneath your bed under some loose floor tiles, a place where I didn't expect you to find it by accident, but easy enough to reach, should you ever need those records."

Ami pinched her nose in frustration, as if all of this was more than she ever wanted to hear or suspected. "I still do not understand why it was necessary to keep all of this a secret. I thought we were done with these kinds of things." The accusatory undertone in her voice was apparent.

"It made things easier. We share this bond, but the others do not. We wanted it to keep that way."

"Why?"

Methys sighed wearily. "Your lives are not about us. This was just an emergency where we stepped in to get things back in line. The Silver Millennium is history and history is supposed to be in the past. This is your era, your life and your future. We are not supposed to meddle."

"If you haven't noticed, you do nothing but meddle."

Methys made a face. "So, I have been told. I crossed the line often enough when I deemed it necessary and I am not able to uncross it, but that does not go for the others. Knowing would have done you no good. It only makes you ask questions, the same way you do now. Questions, which are rather not asked…"

Ami's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "All questions are supposed to be asked. They only have meaning when they are accompanied with the appropriate answers. It's the questions without answers that are the torture for the mind."

Methys looked at her with barely concealed pride. "Spoken like a true scientist, but that view is a bit too simplistic to be accurate. You should also consider that most answers you get just lead to more questions. Sometimes it's better not to ask that very first question at all. Sometimes the worth of truth and knowledge is outranked by that of ignorance."

Ami snorted weakly. "Aren't those words unworthy of the Senshi of knowledge and wisdom?"

"If I was only the Senshi of knowledge, then they would be for sure, but wisdom implies that you do know, when too much knowledge becomes dangerous. One always requires the other."

Ami huffed. "You always bend words the way you see fit and this is not even a scientific debate. I won't play these games with you. I can never win."

A small smile appeared on her lips. "No, maybe not yet, but you are getting closer. One day you will win."

"No, I won't."

Methys frowned. "You know… I hate it, when you do that. When you are so sure to fail, that you give up before even trying ... You usually do not shy away from a challenge, but sometimes you are just so..."

Ami rolled her eyes. "This is not about me. So, don't turn this into another sermon…"

"Ami, you can do way more than…"

"…and not into a pep talk either." Ami interrupted her, closing her eyes in frustration.

Methys gauged her carefully apparently not willing to drop the subject. However, you could clearly see the moment when she relented, although it was accompanied with resignation and a frustration rivaling that of Ami. "If that is what you wish…"

Ami just shook her head. "Just drop it. I don't want to hear it. I am not in the mood for your lectures. Not today. Not after…" She paused pinching her nose as if fighting a headache. "I have already enough on my platter with processing that I was dead for a month with you being my replacement. It's enough as it is. I don't want to argue about our usual subjects in addition to that. We anyway only argue in circles. It doesn't lead to anything."

"And that's exactly why I didn't tell you about what happened after Metallia. I knew it would lead to this. To arguing in circles… to causing more headache for you. Ignorance is bliss and you only get to appreciate it when it's truly gone." Ami just sent her an incredulous stare, before shaking her head slowly.

"You are not serious, are you? You expect me to be grateful for being treated like an ignorant fool?"

The Mercurian did not budge. "I do. I am your Senshi guardian, Ami. I am supposed to protect you. From any kind of harm. Knowledge can be harm as well."

"Why do you refuse to understand? It's not 'knowing' that harms me, but 'not knowing' for so long, when I should. I have had enough of all these secrets. Yours. Mine. All of them. I won't accept ignorance any longer and I won't expect it from the others either. I am going to tell them. All of it. I won't do this anymore. They have a right to know. I am tired of keeping things from them. They should have known about you in the first place, but this matter is just the last straw."

"Ami, don't…"

"No." She refused to back down this time. "I kept quiet about you all this time, because you asked me to do so, but I won't keep quiet any longer. They deserve to know. I will tell them about you. And you will explain this to them." She lifted the book, steadfast determination edged into her face.

Methys was anything but thrilled by her intentions and it showed. "Ami, what happened after Metallia is not important anymore. It already happened, it can't be changed, and no one will benefit from knowing. Why can't you leave the past where it belongs?"

"Do you really have to ask? I tell you why I can't… why I need to know: Because you go to such lengths to keep that past from us. Can't you see? We are exactly where we have already been four years ago, when I unveiled you being a Senshi. Now, I discovered another of your secrets and I just know there are probably many more, where that came from. What do you expect me to think about it? It's always the same with you. You only come out with the truth, when I corner you and there is no way out, but to tell me. And even then… just like now… I am not sure you are telling me all there is to know." Ami just shook her head in frustration. "Don't get me wrong. I understand. I understand it can't have been easy to die and witness the end of the Silver Millennium. I understand if you refuse to share that experience. I truly do. I have been at that point as well. I died as well. And it would be ok, if it's only that… but I just know it's not. I am not blind. There is more … About… I don't know what. This is not just about Metallia, but about something with even more impact. Something about… yourself…"

Methys did not respond, but there was clearly a hard edge to her face now.

Ami continued, softer now. "I still don't know you and you don't want me to. And that's the problem between us right from the start. For some time, I thought it's just you playing the protective mother hen, but lately I got the impression that you are hiding much more for different reasons. You are afraid of something, that much I figured out, but I never knew what exactly it was. I still don't know. But I think your fear is not entirely for protective reasons towards me. You are afraid of me getting to know the whole truth… of what I might think about the things you are not telling me. I have seen it again in your eyes this time. You are afraid I might condemn you, if I knew the things you keep from me."

A short uneasy silence followed, until she finally spoke.

Methys' belayed response was solemn and sad. "It's something we have in common. It's the same with you worrying about what your friends might think about your secrets, isn't it?"

Ami blanched for a second, before she almost stumbled over her words. "That is not what…"

"Don't try to deny it." Methys insisted staring her down.

Ami averted her gaze. "That is not the same and it's is rather cheap that you come up with it now."

"It is very much the same. You say you did not tell your friends about me, because I asked you to. Fair enough, although we both know that's not the whole truth. You welcomed my request to keep my presence a secret and I just provided you with the perfect excuse. You did not even fight it in earnest. But that isn't so much the crux of this. It is the second thing you keep to yourself. You could have told them about your arm, the whole story about the snakebite, your father and the painting trip to Mount Iwaki. That wouldn't have violated your promise to me nor would it have required my name mentioned in the story. Still, you chose not to tell them that story either. Why is that? Why do you choose to keep it from them, if not because you are afraid of their reactions?"

She paused before her tone took on a sympathetic hue. "That is what I could ask. However, it's not that simple, is it? That fear is only one aspect of the dilemma and there are a whole bunch of variables influencing that decision." Her voice got reasonably softer. "I am not bringing that up to torture you, Ami, I just want you to understand, to see it from my point of view, to understand that those things are never as easy as we would like them to be. We are not so different after all."

Ami scoffed clearly unhappy about the comparison. "We are not talking about me. I asked you why you are afraid of telling me about your past. Don't throw it back at me just to avoid giving me a straight answer."

"Ditto." Methys' response was smug and Ami's chin took on a stubborn expression. She knew she had been caught. She knew she could not expect complete honesty from the Mercurian Senshi, when she acted in the very same manner towards her friends. It was a double standard, she had refused to face up so far, one that was biting her in the butt now. At the end they were in the same position, a position they apparently both loathed, but chose to dwell on for reasons neither of them wanted to discuss. It was a stalemate.

A stalemate none of them apparently was satisfied with.

A dead end they were both stuck in.

There was tense silence and both of them stared at each other, expecting the other to back down.

Finally, it was Ami who relented. The world-weary sigh sounded resigned. "I don't tell them about my past, because it is not relevant anymore. It's going to cause more heartache than the truth is worth." It was a petty response and she knew it, the same as Mercury.

The Mercurian did not hesitate to make that known, but there was no bite in her words. "So, you are allowed to use that excuse, but I am not? Even if you want to deny it, that very same past is what made you who you are, today."

Ami's frown only deepened. "Whatever happened back then, it's over. My arm is fine now and I came to terms with the divorce and everything. I got over it, so why should I bother them with something they can't change anyway? Something that happened before we even met. I don't want their pity or their sympathy. All I want is to laugh with them and those laughs should not be stifled with something like this coming to mind. We all have our dark pasts and sob stories. Do you think Makoto likes to talk about her dead parents? Or Rei about her estranged father? The same as Minako never talks about her time in the UK. And I don't even want to talk about the Outers. I basically know nothing about Michiru's and Haruka's past. I know there are stories behind it, but I never pried about it, because I know for them it's the same as for me. We all had a rough past, but that changed when we met Usagi. With her all started anew for us. We do not fight for her out of a sense of duty. I couldn't care less, whether it's my divine job as Sailor Mercury to guard her. I do it because I want to. She saved me without truly noticing, when I hit my personal rock bottom. I can never repay that dept. However, I would spend my lifetime giving everything in my power to return that favor thousand-fold. Usagi isn't even aware of what she has done, that it's not just our enemies she has guided to the light. She saved us all from being swallowed by our own personal darkness. The truth is, she could ask anything of me. I would do it without a second thought… And do you know what's the funny thing about it: she might have all the power to do so, but she will never ask."

Michiru slowly turned sideward and saw the tears glistening in Usagi's eyes, her hand in front of her mouth to stifle her approaching sobs. She could also see the silent confirmation exuded by the Inners, by Haruka and by Hotaru. Ami was right: Usagi never noticed, but she saved all of them from darkness. For each of them that darkness might have differed slightly, but at the end she managed to chase it away.

Ami smiled weakly. "You once told me about special people. Back then I couldn't even imagine what you meant. I did not understand. Now, I do. I finally found my special people. Usagi was just the first."

"I do not doubt your dedication towards her… towards all of them." Methys clarified.

"Yes, you did. I did not lie about my father or my arm; I just never mentioned it and they did not ask, just the same as with their backstories. We accept each other, the way we are now. That is enough. It doesn't matter, who we once were. Not anymore."

"You cannot just write off your past. You might not like it, but it will always be a part of you. Accept that, only then you make peace with it, only then you can move forward. Attempts to bury it will always be the beginning of your end."

Ami snorted, but it wasn't accompanied with any hostility. "Funny, when that comes from you. Those words would definitely hold more meaning, if you followed your own advice. Instead, you bury your past deeper than anyone. This way you just come across as a hypocrite."

"A hypocrite who knows what she is talking about… You are not supposed to repeat my mistakes, but to learn from them. What a guide and mentor would I be, if I did not try to steer you away from the very dangerous waters, I almost drowned in myself? For all that it's worth, you have to understand that I cannot reveal the underlying details. You just have to rely in my counsel. Can't you just do that, Ami? Have I ever let you astray for you to doubt me that much?"

A stubborn but slightly resigned expression appeared on her face. "No. I have always relied in your counsel, but you also taught me to use my own mind. It's telling me that in this case your counsel is a double standard. You expect of me to tell them about my past but leave you completely out of the picture? At best, this is just another half-truth. I can't do that."

"It would be a beginning… And if it was the other way around you wouldn't object."

"But it isn't. You are just promoting the scenario that is in your best interest. That way you have nothing to lose, but I am supposed to reveal everything about me…?!"

"I am not their friend, Ami. They don't even know me. I for sure won't tell them my whole life story. That doesn't mean you shouldn't."

Ami at least had the decency to flinch. "I ask again: What for? Why am I supposed to be the only one revealing everything? As long as they don't ask, this is not a lie. I am not obliged to tell them. It is just a matter of privacy. If I chose not to tell them of my arm, then this is my decision, the same way they keep their own past to themselves."

"You are only deluding yourself. They are your friends. You are supposed to tell them certain things on your own… even the things you normally do not want to talk about. That's just how friendship works. You do so with me so how are they any different?"

"With you I have no choice. You always pry and with you in my head I cannot hide no matter how much I want to."

Methys' face fell. "That's all there is to it? I force you?! Am I truly that much of a bother? You make it sound as if all you want is me to go away. My intent has been never to be a burden to you… If that's truly the case and you loathe my interferences that much, then… then I will leave you alone and keep to myself." She hesitated. "You.. just have to say the word."

Ami backpedaled immediately, sheer frustration mirrored in her words. "No… don't… You misunderstood. That came out wrong. I don't want you ... gone. It's just complicated, sometimes with our bond that virtually goes one way but not both. All I want is to understand you a bit better. And it just frustrates me that you are so unwilling to share. You preach about friendship and honesty… but at the end you want me to do things in that name, when you do the opposite. That hardly makes sense."

"Believe me from my point of view it makes a lot of sense."

"That's the point. I don't know your point of view. I don't want to sound egoistic. But… What about me? Am I not your friend? Are you not supposed to tell me those certain things about yourself as well? I want to know who you are."

Methys sighed, aware that she shot herself in the foot. "I may sound hypocritical again, but I can't help it. It's better for you not to know certain things about me."

"That's not only hypocritical but alarming, but most of all that's for me to decide. You cannot always decide in my stead, what is in my best interest. In fact, you once told me that you never wanted to be such a person patronizing me. I have had enough of those people in my life, who think they know best. People, who think they know which school and college are suited best for me, which school club I should join and which career I should choose. These are my decisions. I know you want to protect me, I know you doubt I can handle whatever knowledge you hide, but I am not a child anymore. I have grown and your old excuses are hardly valid anymore. I do not want to hear only the sugar-coated versions and I hate to be told that your secrets are for my own good. You always preach I should be more confident in myself, but at the end you don't trust in me enough to confide your secrets to me. Your trust in me and my abilities never goes that far… does it?"

Methys was silent for a moment. "I assure you it's not a matter of trust and I do not doubt you. It's just…I do not want you to carry burdens that are not yours but mine."

Ami's voice softened. "Why not? You always carried mine for me. Isn't the least I can do help you with yours?"

Methys gnashed her teeth. "You can't."

"I ask again: why not?"

"I don't want you to! There are certain things I don't want you involved. Besides, it's … it's not something you can help me with anyway. No one can." Heavy sadness crept into her words, although she immediately tried to smother it. "I had ages to come to terms with it… and I did. I am fine. So don't worry your intelligent little head off on my behalf. I get along. After all, I am supposed to be the guardian with you as my protégé. Where would that get us, if we suddenly switch roles?" Those words were accompanied with a ghost of a smile that did not truly reach her eyes.

It did little to convince Ami, though. "That's what you claim, but although I cannot read your thoughts and feelings, I know there are certain things bothering you way more than you let on. Don't you think I did not notice your sporadic episodes of depression?"

Ami turned sheepish. "You always console me, even when I almost rip off your head for your interference, even when I do everything in my power to drive you away ... You might be able to drive me up a wall… but you mostly do that for a reason. Don't think I haven't noticed and don't think I would not appreciate the effort. Sometimes…" She paused lowering her head.

"… I tend to get carried away and you are the one to set me straight again. Typically, I realize it only after our talks… that it helped… and I don't thank you enough for putting up with me, when I am in that mood …"

Methys' eyes took on an affectionate hue. "You can be quite a handful, when you are in that state of mind. Who would have guessed?"

Ami blushed. "I know. I am normally not towards everyone else. I don't know what comes over me when it's you…" It sounded like an apology, but Methys only smirked.

"I do. Typically, you always tread carefully, you bottle things up, you seek out diplomacy instead of conflict and you always prefer flight instead of a confrontation. With me your typical self-defense tactics fail, because you think I anyway know what you feel and think and you can't even run. It makes voicing it out loud easier, does it not? It makes you counter bluntness with bluntness."

Ami appeared genuinely astonished. "I guess I do…"

"You should learn to do that more often. Believe me; to certain people you are way too kind. It's ok to disagree, you know. You don't have to put up with everything just for the sake of politeness. I sometimes overstep boundaries, I know that and I am glad you are confident enough to let me know, when I do. I am human, too. I make mistakes, the same as everyone else. And… maybe I have failed to notice how much you have grown already…"

"You and doing mistakes? Say that again. I think I need an audio record in case you ever forget, you said that."

"Very funny."

"You know I have never seen you as anything else but human. You have way too many faults to being considered a god-like Senshi." Ami jested good-heartedly.

"Well, I would say thank you, however I am not sure, whether this was a compliment or an insult."

"I guess you really corrupted me… And it was the former. I am still serious, Methys in pointing out that our connection goes both ways. I might have not been much of a help when I was younger, but that could be different, now. Share your feelings for once and let me return the favor of being the consolation to you, the same way you have been to me all those years. I know there is something that bothers you… please just let me in… let me help you."

There was another fake smile, but this one was more affectionate than they had ever seen with her. "Still trying to weasel behind my defenses?"

Ami shrugged, a tad bit hopeful. "Depends. Does it work?"

"No." Methys deadpanned. "But keep trying… If you lace in some more flattery, switch on that injured puppy eye look and some fake tears, I might turn all mushy and cave in…"

Ami raised a brow. "You know, if I thought even for one second that might work, I would try for sure…"

Methys sighed. "You already do console me. I told you a long time ago that our conversations mean to me as much as they do to you. That is the truth. Maybe the reason I don't want to leave is that I need you and not the other way around."

Ami's face suddenly turned guarded, before she shook her head disbelievingly. "You really give it your best shot. I almost fell for it. First a sarcastic attempt of distraction and now luring bait spiked with compliments to divert the topic away from sharing the feelings you do not want to share."

There was a small pause.

Then Methys cocked her head sideways. "Guess, I have been caught. I am losing my touch. You know… it was easier to lead you astray when you were younger."

"I know by now, when you try to avoid giving a straight answer. I have learned to read your mood and your cryptic riddles are not as cryptic anymore as they might have been at the beginning. Years of practice pay off."

"If you are so good at reading me, then why do you need to know my thoughts and feelings?" Was the simple reply.

Ami groaned upon walking right into her trap.

"Ha, you did not see that one coming. I am still able to do the trick, although I need to come up with some more inventive strategies for the future. Well, I was always in for a challenge."

Ami just shook her head showing a mixture of resignation and amusement. "You always need to have the last word. This whole debate is leading nowhere. We are just going in circles and nothing will change. As per usual. You won't budge no matter what I do or say, will you?"

Methys just smiled at her and that was answer enough. "At the end we both have our reasons for not telling certain things. Still, sometimes circumstances change. They did today. I just relented and told you about what happened after you were killed by Metallia. That does not mean, I will budge with everything else, and I certainly will keep my feelings to myself. So, you are right, we can argue all we want; that situation won't change. I just want that we have an understanding. I want to agree that we disagree. And I want you to believe me that I don't keep things from you out of ill will. I want you to accept that this is the way it is supposed to be for now. We cannot always start the same debate again and yet again. I don't want to argue with you Ami. Not like this."

"I still want to share what you told me with the others." Ami replied stubbornly.

Methys groaned when she opened that can of worms again. "You truly stick to your guns, don't you?"

"Don't ask me to keep that to myself! This concerns them directly. They fought against Metallia the same way I did. Even if I tried, I don't think I could keep this from then. Please, don't make me…" She trailed off pleadingly.

Methys gauged her for a moment, clearly not thrilled about the idea, but apparently affected by how much Ami wanted this. Finally, she sighed in defeat. "So, now you unpack the puppy dog eyes. Well, I shouldn't be complaining. After all I suggested to you using the mean weapons, didn't I?"

The corner of Ami's mouth twitched. "Yeah, you kinda dug yourself this grave."

Methys grimaced. "I guess I did. Ok … then let's try it your way. If that is what you decided then I will comply. Tell them about me, about the one month gap. However, I have one condition."

"What condition?" Ami's eyes narrowed in suspicion, as if she already dreaded the response to come.

Methys did not disappoint. "In exchange you tell them about your arm as well."

Instantly, Ami groaned and went stiff like a board, her face a picture of quizzical worry.

Methys did not expect anything less. "They won't react as badly as you think they will. And it doesn't have to be right away. This is the offer. Equal exchange of knowledge. Think about it and tell me your decision whenever you are ready."

"Some might also call this blackmail." Ami whispered but there was no malice in her words.

"If you start with the truth, now, it should be the whole truth. God knows how often you are angry with me for only telling part of it, now being a prime example. You said so yourself."

"I am not sure I can do this. It might be just … too much. They might…" Ami gnawed anxiously on her bottom lip trailing off in uneasy silence, clearly imagining the dispute about to come in all its ugly facets.

Methys shrugged. "What? You think they will act favorably about me, but scorn you for not telling them about your arm? I hate to shatter your delusions, but both things will have an equal impact. Do it in one go and come clean! This is what you truly want, isn't it? I know you are afraid of how they will react, but the longer you wait the harder it gets. You usually tend to overthink things. I can only imagine how many scenarios already ghosted through your head, one worse than the last. However, you also said you despise all those secrets. So here is your chance. If truth is what you want, then don't delay or talk yourself out of it again."

"I thought you do not want me to tell them about you? Why are you encouraging it now?"

"I don't want to talk about me, no, that fact still stands. But the story about your arm is long overdue. If I only get it across together in a bundled package, then I will play along. That way both of us get what we want and both of us have to make concessions. That's fair, isn't it?"

Ami was still skeptical. "What about your rules?"

"Let me worry about that. It's now your decision alone. I will comply with whatever you decide. So you cannot use me as an excuse anymore." There was a knowing glance in the Mercurian's eyes.

Ami's eyes widened in shock, turning insecure the next second, as if she didn't know what to make of it. She got her own way but now the ball was in her court and she didn't like it. No more than she liked the condition of their pact. Maybe she never expected Methys to relent and now that she did, wasn't so sure what to do now. It was plainly written on her face. Talking about needing to do something inevitable was always easier than doing it for real.

Methys just waited patiently.

Ami looked thoughtfully at the coded book about the Silver Crystal in her hand. "I am going to read this." The comment came across as avoiding a straight answer to Methys' ultimatum and the Mercurian knew it. However, she didn't press.

She rather played along, apparently not bothered by the intentional change of topic. "Intrigued how the Crystal works?"

"You can say so. It might come in handy. And I … If I tell them, I also want to know what I am talking about." The last part was spoken softly. Methys sported a small smile when Ami opened the book and skimmed through the pages, as a means to avoid eye contact. She was still using the 'if' and not the 'when' and Methys clearly noticed, but it was still progress and she appeared pleased by it.

Suddenly, there was some noise outside of Ami's room and a female voice questioned while knocking on the door. "Ami, you there?"

Ami flinched and hastily put the coded book behind her back. "Ahem…yes." She stuttered when the door opened and Kaya Mizuno entered, clad in a light coat with purse and keys already in hand, which made it clear that she just wanted to leave.

Methys looked her way with a small frown, muttering. "Typical, just when we had a moment…"

Ami sent her a warning glance, before she focused again on her mother, who was oblivious to the Mercurian's presence.

"I was just about to leave for my morning shift. Good that I still got a hold of you. I wasn't sure whether your cram course already started. That was today, wasn't it?"

„Yeah, I was just about to leave as well." Ami stuttered, keeping her hands behind her back. Michiru saw how the encoded book, containing the secrets of the Silver Crystal, slowly slid into her bag, out of sight of her mother's prying eyes."

"Ok, I don't want to keep you for much longer. I just wanted to give you the new bottle Clonazepam I purchased yesterday. There was no time to tell you last evening."

"Ahem, ok." She handed her the bottle and Ami took it reluctantly a shadow casting her face in somberness.

"Remember to always carry it with you. You need…" Ami's mother lectured already in doctor's mode, while looking once at her wristwatch anxiously.

"I know, Mom. You already told me a thousand times." Ami cut her short, albeit not in an unfriendly tone.

Kaya Mizuno gave her a quick smile. "You had no fit for so long. Let's hope it stays that way."

"Yeah, considering she is healed for four years, it's remarkable there were no more fits… but hey… how is a seasoned doctor supposed to notice?" Methys quipped in sarcastically. Ami sent her a subtle warning glare. Methys sighed. "Yeah, I got it. Biting my tongue… it is."

Ami ignored her and answered her mother. "It's ok, Mom. I will switch it with the old bottle right away. Don't worry, I am careful." It was as if Ami knew exactly what she wanted to hear and acted accordingly.

Kaya Mizuno smiled reassuringly. „I know you are. Oh… I also made an appointment for you at Doctor Saguri's practice for the annual checkup of your arm. It's on Monday in two weeks."

Michiru could see Ami's face darken for a second, a telltale expression her mother clearly missed, since she fumbled with the buttons of her coat, trying to close the front clearly eager to get on her way.

Ami did not respond right away, Methys, however couldn't rein herself in. "Great, just the thing to look forward to. Thank you very much." Her voice was dripping with sarcasm. Of course, Doctor Mizuno did not hear her, but Ami did and she was far from pleased about her acrid remarks.

Methys shrugged apologetically. "Sorry, but biting my tongue isn't really my thing. Those damn doctor's appointments always end in lots of effort to fake the test results …"

Ami did not even look at her, when she gave her soft response. "I will be there, Mom."

"Great, then have a nice day. I try to be back for dinner. I really need to go, now or I am going to be late. Bye sweetheart." With these parting words and a fleeting smile, she rushed out of the door.

Ami visibly relaxed when she was gone, but a frown had appeared on her face.

Methys scoffed. "Gee, below one minute. That was a quickie for getting information across, even for her standards. Might be a new record."

Ami pinched her nose in resignation. "You cannot stay out of this, can you? Even when I specifically asked…"

Methys just folded her arms defiantly. "I am afraid I can't."

Ami groaned. "Then do me at least the favor and disappear next time she is present. Your gratuitous comments are distracting. As far as I remember, we anyway agreed that I am only talking to you when I am alone."

"It was her who barged in with the drugs." Methys defended herself.

Ami just sent her a look, pleading with her just to do as she said without arguing.

Methys avoided it on purpose, but did not voice more comments on the topic.

Meanwhile, Ami's expression has turned even more troubled. She turned the glass bottle anxiously in her hand, before she approached a drawer and put it quickly inside, as if she couldn't get it out of her hands fast enough. Her expression was thoughtful; her eyes remained glued to the drawer, unseeing. What was she thinking about? Was it about her mother? Maybe she was lost in old pain relieving the snakebite and its aftermath. Maybe she brooded about what further lies this bottle stood for. Or maybe she already planned her next steps according to the doctor's appointment.

Whatever was going around in her head, Methys watched her silently.

"You gonna exchange the content again?" She asked finally.

A weary sigh escaped Ami's lips and her eyes returned reluctantly to the present. "Yeah, later, for now the old bottle will do. After all, it's not officially expired, yet. Carrying the frauds around is anyway only for caution's sake. Although I fortunately did not need them until now, I might be forced to feign a fit in front of her at some point and I am for sure not swallowing that stuff again." She nodded towards the drawer with a slightly disgusted frown. The whole matter was clearly bothering her. The frown had never left her face, it only deepened, and whatever she had been pondering about, hung still over her like a dark shadow.

"She does not question your missing fits for four years. I doubt she will start, now. It won't be necessary." Methys reassured her.

Ami looked to the floor. "I hope not. I don't want to deceive her that way. It's bad enough as it is already. Those fake drugs are only meant as a last resort. However, for the miniscule chance the need arises, I will be prepared. One day she might realize that I should have more symptoms, no matter how careful I claim to be."

"Might take another decade… or two…" Ami did not dignify the ironic comment with a response. She only rolled her eyes in resigned annoyance, before reverting back to her somber thoughtful self. Then out of the blue, she blurted out justifications.

"It's not as if I want to do this. I hardly have a choice. There is no way explaining to her why I got healed without revealing that I am a Senshi. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond grateful for you saving my life and healing my arm and everything, but it caused quite a load of problems. I need to fake my illness and these annual medical checkups are a pain in the ass. If somebody catches me hacking their computer system to change the test results, I am done for."

"You made sure they won't." The comment sounded hollow as if she knew it made no difference.

"It's still a crime. I am not supposed to do this." Ami remarked darkly.

"You hacked other institutions with the computer at the Crown Parlor before."

Ami had started pacing now. "And I never liked it. Besides, this was for Senshi business and not for my own personal gain."

"I would hardly call it personal gain. You always only manipulate your own medical file."

Ami sighed wearily. "Tell that my conscience. I should not manipulate anything and now I am pulling at more strings than I can count. It's just like one thing led to the next." She hesitated a tortured expression on her face. "As if … as if control slipped from me a long time ago … and now I am just forced to react to the arising circumstances to limit further damage and with every slight adjustment I make, it only gets worse. I don't know when it started to get out of hand that much. I only know that with all this stuff that's weighing on me, it feels like it's only a matter of time until everything caves in and I am gonna be crushed beneath my own construct of lies, secrets and cover stories. I know at some point it is bound to happen, but right now I can still define the where, when and how. If I just continue the way everything is now, even that semblance of control will be ripped from me. This was never how I wanted things to be. You ask why I am so adamant to tell the others about you and the Post-Metallia incident, now? It should be obvious. I can't shoulder any more secrets. I might have reached my breaking point. I finally need to do what I should have done a long time ago…"

Methys looked at her with something akin to pity on her face.

"I am sorry for contributing to this whole mess the way I do. I never wanted to force you into this position and look where we are now. Our secrets eat away at us." Ami appeared astonished about the admission, since she spoke for the both of them.

Methys noticed her surprise.

"Do not be mistaken. I do not like my own secrets either, just the same as you do, and I always knew the time would come when the need to reveal the truth to the other Senshi would be stronger than your own fears. Your wish to tell them is no surprise to me. I might not like it, but I had plenty of time to get accustomed to the idea. Otherwise I wouldn't have relented so quickly. However, I also understand how hard this is for you." She paused shortly. "If that helps, you can blame me. I have anyway the feeling they won't like me very much." A sly smile had appeared on her face giving the impression that she did not care one bit.

"Why? Because of your charming character? I can assure you they get used to it. Besides, it won't hurt you, if you at least for once try to be perfectly well behaved in their presence. That can't be that hard or do you want to muck it up the first chance you get?"

Methys raised a mocking eyebrow. "You are aware I was a princess when I was alive? I know perfectly well how to behave and every miniscule detail about manners has been infused into me since I was a mere child."

"So, you only suck in the practical aspect or did you listen to you instructors the same way you listen to everyone else?" Ami deadpanned.

"Ouch, I am starting to regret that you adapted my kind of humor..." She made a face, however her expression of barely concealed amusement revealed that she wasn't the least bit offended. "If you have to know, I don't think much of manners. Especially if I meet somebody for the first time and need to gauge his character, those superficial rules of etiquette and society are only in the way."

Ami furrowed her brows in sincere confusion. "How so? I don't get that."

"Manners conceal what you think and feel; they camouflage your true character and give you the possibility to avoid straight answers and stall for time to come up with whatever response your counterpart prefers to hear. If I want to know somebody for real, I prefer the direct way."

"You rile people up." Ami asserted dryly.

"Yes, I like to do that… on purpose." She admitted freely. "If people are angry they don't think about how to respond politely or properly. They just respond. If you ignore the insults, it is the best way to truly know what they feel and think as well as to gauge their priorities. If people are angry they are honest. Their immediate and uncontrolled responses, verbal and nonverbal, will give you all insights into their character and opinion you need to know."

"I guess I will keep that in mind. I have a feeling it will help for our future dealings."

Methys shrugged. "It might. Although sometimes it's just fun to ruffle some feathers… and if people are impolite to me, I do see no reason not to return that favor just for appearance's sake."

Ami's eyebrows vanished into her hairline, before she responded with a resigned: "Figures that your second agenda is something that trivial." Her tone got more serious then. "I still don't get why you think the others will not react well to you. I am sure as soon as I explained everything…"

Methys sighed upon her well-meant naivety. "Ami, you think they will rip your head off, but accept me on the spot? That won't happen. They have a right to distrust me. You have to see it from their perspective. Most about what you are going to tell them are more my secrets than yours and you are their friend. From the way they will see it, I corrupted their cherished genius… and they will soon realize I am nothing like you. I will be the one who influenced you, the one who demanded your silence… to put the blame on… and as soon as they notice, I have more intel that I am not willing to share… well, I am sure they won't be as understanding as you are. They don't know me the way you do."

Ami frowned. "That won't happen. There are two to blame for this. I will tell them. I won't put everything on you…"

Methys shrugged nonchalantly. "I told you that because I want you to be prepared for the things to come, not because I care. You should not worry too much about me. I am used to people seeing what they want to see. It's fine."

Ami gauged her for a moment clearly curios what she meant by that. She was on the verge of asking, when Methys mused in resignation sparked with her typical sarcasm.

"Although, … on second thought, I presume it's going to be a tough first meeting. In principle I have then not only you peppering me with questions I cannot answer, but a whole bunch of other nosy teenagers. Quite something to look forward to. Well, at least for you there is an advantage: With me getting the brunt of the shitstorm, they are more likely to go easy on you. Considering that,… I think you got the better end of our bargain. You can pat yourself on the shoulder for besting me in terms of negotiating for once, no?" Methys wiggled her eyebrows at her.

Ami just frowned. "Is that supposed to be a pep talk or what?"

"It ought to be. You don't like it?" The question sounded almost childish.

"No." It appeared the more playful Methys got the less amused Ami was about it. "Besides, I highly doubt that this is what's going to happen and… it's not how I want it to be..."

"It's ok. I am your guardian, remember? So, I am pleased to be of service, … for once. And if they are brave enough to pack mean punches, they are in for some surprises. Believe me I have heard far worse than whatever they will come up with. Let them try, I can take it. As for you… just consider me acting as your shield as a payback for all the times, I got on your nerves."

Ami frowned. "Stop joking for once. This is no joke. I won't let them pick on you. It's not … fair and if I can help it, that's not how it is going to be."

An affectionate smile appeared on Methys' face. "I have to admit your wish to protect me is really cute. Truly, I am honored and I appreciate the gesture, but that won't be necessary. I can defend myself, Ami and a great deal of this whole mess is my fault, so I wouldn't hold it against you, if you let me take the blame. As I already said, it's fine." Those words were accompanied with a lenient smile, one that portrayed that she was in fact serious with her offer.

"I would hold it against me. Don't think me so much of a coward to use you as a scapegoat just to save my own hide." Ami stated categorically, a miffed pout in her voice.

Methys chuckled weakly, clearly amused by her bravado. "Oh, I know you are no coward..."

"Then don't suggest such nonsense. We are in this together." Her eyes were fierce and Methys appeared almost proud facing their sparkle.

"That we are." The admission sounded kind of appreciative.

"That means, if necessary, I will defend you." Ami stated resolutely.

Methys gauged her thoroughly, before a weary sigh escaped her lips. "If you insist… Expect the gesture returned, though. I know you are afraid of what might happen, but… try to remember, that I am there to back you as well. You are not alone… You never are."

Her last words seemed to have hit a chord. There was a brief pause before Ami gulped audibly. The ghost of a half-smile appeared on her lips followed by a weak attempt of humor. "As long as you don't plan to rile them up… we might get out of this relatively unscathed."

Methys' facial expression must have given something away, because Ami immediately switched to high alert, all sentimentality forgotten in an instant.

"Oh no, you won't!" She threatened. "I swear if you do that, you are on your own."

"Gee, your sworn steadfast support died quite a premature death…" She responded dryly, but with a certain amusement in her voice.

"Methys… For once please use those manners you claim to have learned." Ami warned her.

"Ah, I don't know. Honestly… there is a certain appeal to it… Just try to use your imagination. I can see it in front of my inner eye: The Martian will probably burn me to cinders with her fiery temper, the Lunarian will try to appeal to my conscience with her teary doe eyes, the Venusian will torture me with her weird jokes nobody gets and the Jovian will try to murder me for putting the slightest frown on your adorable face…"

Ami blanched. "Makoto would never…"

A sly smile appeared on her face. "Interesting. Out of all of them you instantly defended the Jovian. Did I miss something?"

Ami immediately blushed to the roots, trying to cover up her blunder in a feeble attempt of explanation. "I was just … She was just the last one you mentioned. It's just … a coincidence."

Methys grinned lasciviously. "Sure it is."

Ami was completely flustered, now. "No, it's… I was just..." She paused and a certain fact seemed to register on her face. "Oh no, you won't, don't try to distract me…"

The grin never left the Senshi's face. "I don't know… it's working quite well."

Ami just glared at her, face still flushed in embarrassment. "You are driving me crazy… Methys, please promise to me that you won't make this difficult..."

"If they don't make it difficult, I won't have to." The Senshi replied stubbornly, but more seriously.

"Promise…"

Methys snorted. "You are for sure insistent. Well, if it makes you happy, I promise to… how did you put it? … to 'behave'. However, if it goes too far, I will interfere."

"That isn't even a promise. It's just your typical: 'I anyway do whatever I want, but since that is what you want to hear...I just tell you something.'" Ami complained.

Methys just shrugged. "In essence… but with reason."

"Reason?!… maybe whatever reason you see fit."

Methys made a gesture that could only mean 'exactly' and it was apparent that there would be no more concessions on her part.

"Please, just let it be. I don't want you to cause a ruckus. If they are angry at me then that's what I deserve. At least we are at peace now and it won't ruin our teamwork in the middle of a Senshi crisis. Now is the best time I ever get to tell them. Whatever may come to pass, I will accept it and do my best to make it up to them."

"Good, then let me ask directly. Is that still a very long-ass hypothetical scenario we are talking about or did you decide for real? You are going to tell them about me and the post Metallia incident as well as about your arm just as we agreed?"

Ami's voice turned more subdued and her unseeing gaze fixed again on the drawer with the Clonazepam inside. "It's for real. I will tell them … but not today."

"Why not getting it over with? You all meet today, don't you?"

Ami vehemently shook her head. "I am not going to tell them something like that in passing. It must be prepared. I have to think about… about what to say… to make them understand. Besides, we all might be together this evening, but this is Michiru's day. She has worked hard for the exhibition. I won't spoil it for her. I think I will organize a get-together for next weekend. Maybe at Rei's place. That way I can just leave afterwards and they have the opportunity to discuss everything for themselves."

"You really think they will condemn you…" It was a statement not a question.

"Why shouldn't they? We are a team; we are supposed to trust each other and I kept two fundamental things from them… well three now. You … you were right with one thing. They are my friends: I should have told them certain things on my own accord. I should have told them way earlier. It just… it just got harder and harder with every passing day. I think in my head I played out every possible reaction from each of them for a thousand times and each time they get worse. I don't want our dynamics to change. I don't want them to feel betrayed. I… I never wanted to hurt them, but I know telling them will. I imagine their faces, their thoughts, their reactions…" She stopped abruptly, her head hung low and her next words sounded scratchy. "They are the first friends, I ever had. I don't think I can bear it, if I were to lose them. I can't go back to the way … things have been before." She was close to tears, now and her posture was slumped over in defeat.

"You won't lose them. It will work out, you will see… Your bonds are strong. Even if they are angry, it will pass."

"I hope so." Ami hesitated. "I don't think the anger will be the worst… I… I don't want to disappoint them. I don't want them to lose their trust in me… and for some reason experiencing the same thing with you as the one keeping the secrets and me on the receiving end, makes everything only worse. I know what they will feel, even if they refrain from saying it aloud."

Methys' face darkened briefly.

"You did not break faith with me, although I should probably add a 'yet'. They won't do either. I won't deny that the experience will be unpleasant, but it also puts the both of us on the same line of thinking. Maybe you will understand me better because of this, because this one time you will be in my shoes."

"It was never understanding your reasons that was the problem but accepting them. For someone like me it's hard to know there is something you don't know, although you should, with no way to change that."

"At some point you will get to know everything and I sincerely hope that when that day comes you will be reminded of today and decide not to be too hard on me."

Ami scoffed. "You should know by now that I am going to forgive you whatever may come to pass. We already played this game twice now and I never even bolted out of the room."

"You were pretty close today." There was a splinter of doubt in those words.

"No, I wasn't. I am here. You have already pulled plenty of stunts on me and I am still talking to you. You always make up for it one way or another. I have come to accept that this is just who you are. I told you earlier that it was Usagi, who saved me, when I hit my personal rock bottom. That wasn't entirely true. You have been there even before her and you did as much… if not more. You helped me with the problems, I couldn't reveal to them. I will never forget that and… it takes way more than what you told me today to shatter my trust in you. Even though I maybe should point out, that you don't exactly make it easy to trust you." Her sincere expression changed to a small pout. "That does not mean I won't be angry with you when you deserve it, though. So, don't take this as a free pass to overdo it…"

Genuine surprise was mirrored on the Senshi's face. Then a bright but gentle smile adorned her features. "As always you are way too generous, Ami… but in this case I am grateful for it. I really can't see how anyone could ever consider you as arrogant in the past with such a selfless and kind heart you possess."

Ami blushed sheepishly, pinching her nose in a vain attempt to hide it.

"Ah, sorry, I forgot, praise is not something you deal well with…" Her expression clearly showed that she did not forget.

Ami turned even more flustered. "Anyway… I… I have plenty things to thank you for. I might not say it often enough, but I appreciate everything you have done for me. You might be complicated and eccentric sometimes, but you have been always there, when I needed you… in your own way. You can't help who you are. The same way I can't. So… can we just leave it like that?"

"To be fair, I had 150 years to refine my attitude not counting the ones I waited to be reborn. Looking at you, I don't want to know where that puts you with that life experience in terms of attitude."

"The Senshi get that old?" Ami asked curiously, eager to soak up any knowledge she was willing to offer.

And for once Methys relented. "Older. Remember… I was killed when the Silver Millennium crumbled to pieces."

"How old would that be in… you know…a normal human life span?"

"For me… I was about 28… roughly."

"So… you could have been way older, if …" Ami sounded sad now.

"Don't make it sound so pitiful. The amount of years does not truly count, but what you do with them. My life was anything but boring." Methys reassured her.

"I hope one day you will tell me about it."

Methys did not respond. She just smiled… and it was bittersweet. It was worried. It was a myriad of other things ranging from sadness over pain to longing. Ami did not see it, since she had wisely averted her gaze.

However, Michiru saw it and it unsettled her greatly.

She had a feeling this talk between them was not finished, but in the next moment it was for her, for all of the other Senshi, when her surroundings dissolved again into colorful dust.

---

AN: These last two chapters really took me ages. I hope Ami is not too much out of character and you enjoy the interaction between these two. I certainly do, even if writing their exchanges is taxing. With this chapter more open questions are answered (the memory loss was first mentioned in chapter 4, I know almost a lifetime ago, but I hope you still remember). I don't know whether you saw it coming (I hope not ;-) As always let me know what you think.