Soon after Leonardo left his room, Splinter's broken tail rested onto the floor and his ears flattened. "Leo..." He sighed, turning around to face an empty room. "I'm sorry, my son."
Splinter was not a fool but he had been blind to just how severe the trauma has rooted itself amongst his sons. He had only seen what his sons allowed him to see; Raphael's uncontrollable anger, Donatello's distance, Michelangelo's denial, Leonardo's repression...those problems in themselves were enough to break Splinter's heart but now he's learned of a deeper trauma.
He walked to the center of his room and sat down.
However, Splinter knew one thing about how to help his son's deal with this new problem. It was up to his sons to decide for themselves if this is what they really wanted. Splinter could not make that choice for them. That was part of the reason why he didn't give his blessing to Leonardo. With his blessing, they might continue on without thinking of the consequences. He hoped that, by refusing his blessing, his sons would be able to discover for themselves if this is what they wanted through meditation and deep soul searching.
Splinter knew the day would come when his sons would want to find mates but only a small part of himself—a part that he tried to not pay attention to—told him that they would find mates among themselves. When Donnie was just a young turtle, he had opened Splinter's eyes to that possible outcome by having a crush on Raphael. But he never assumed they would be content with sharing each other in the way Leo described.
Splinter's ear twitched at the thought of such a thing. Being a father was hard. There were things he had to know that he did not want to know. Did any of this change how he felt about his sons? No. Never. He loved them with his life.
It was hard to deny Leonardo his blessing but he had to stick by it. However, the decision to have his son's leave was not related to the mating topic even if he had it appear to be so. Leonardo was right about it being too dangerous to stay but Splinter wasn't going anywhere. By denying Leo his blessing and giving him the option to leave if he must continue, then Leo and his other sons would leave this dangerous place...hopefully just until things cleared up around here.
And maybe one day Leo would forgive him for his deceit...He loved his son's very much and would always be proud of them. He prayed that Leo understood this.
He took in a deep relaxing breath and was able to clear his mind with one though; this is the best I can do for my sons given the situation. They may hate him for it now but he liked to think that other parents out there would make a similar choice to protect their offspring.
All he could do now was wait and hope that he did not make a mistake.
Leo walked with Donnie down the tunnels. Donnie held onto Leo's arm with a peaceful smile that Leo exchanged only when Donnie was looking at him. His hands were shaking but whenever Donnie asked about it he told him that his nerves were still jumpy from his conversation with Splinter.
"Well, it was incredibly brave of you to talk with him. I don't think I'd be able to say anything at all." Donnie praised, resting his head against Leo's shoulder.
They soon walked into Leo's room and Leo paused, looking down at the floor. "Donnie...Now that you have his blessing," Leo paused and suffered an internal battle with himself. He struggled with telling Donnie the truth but he was stubborn with his plan. "you can decide for yourself if this is what you truly want. With no fear of being rejected by anyone...what do you want, Donatello?"
"You, obviously." Donnie was still smitten from the release of his troubles and he smiled carefree up to Leo before letting go of his brother's arm and setting his clothing off to the side.
"No, Don. Really think about it, please. Think about it all." Leo shut his door behind him as he said this. He didn't want to play with Donnie's emotions but he had to lie to him about the blessing in order to really find out what Donnie wanted.
"I have, Leo." Donnie's smile was faltering and he walked away from Leo to the center of his brother's room.
"You want to give yourself to us." Leo stated.
"Well, yeah. I want to be apart of what you all are doing." Donnie touched his face—then his arm—then held his hands in front of him, constantly shifting foot to foot in a nervous way. "Should we...do it now?" He asked.
Leo looked over his own hands then rubbed them together thoughtfully as he walked over toward the wall away from Donnie. "You're not just saying it because you have permission from Splinter, right? You'd still want us if he said no?"
Donnie nodded, watching Leo. "Yeah, I would still want this even if he had said no—"
Leo smiled and took in a breath of relief.
"—I just wouldn't do it because I respect our father and his choices."
Leo breath of relief was barely lived. He now let out a deep sigh of regret. "What?"
"If Splinter had said no." Donnie said offhandedly. "I would still love you guys but I don't think it would be a good idea to go against him. He's our dad so it wouldn't feel right. But he said yes and I say yes." Donnie walked over to Leo. "So stop doubting how I feel and...let's start." He rubbed his arm nervously and looked expectantly at Leo.
"Start what?"
"Come on, Man...Don't make me say it out loud, it's still embarrassing." Donnie chuckled but then cocked his head when he saw the confusion all over Leo's face. He sighed and rolled his eyes, blushing. "Sex." He said in a soft voice, looking away.
"Now?"
"Why not? Mikey and Raph are...doing it right now. Maybe we can join them...all of us together?" Donnie took a small step back and Leo could practically see the waves of anxiety coming from Donnie's aura.
"I don't think you're ready..."
"I took a shower." Donnie mumbled, offended. "I want this, Leo."
Leo wanted this, too. He wanted it so bad but...Splinter didn't want this and that meant something to Donatello. "...I'm just tired, Don." He answered, feeling like a coward.
"Well,...then we could lay together." Donnie suggested. "You can grab your winter blankets and we can cuddle." He added meekly.
Leo nodded and walked over to his boxes, pulling out one of the blankets he used for winter. He came over and they sat down together.
Donnie began to lay on his side, awkwardly. "I'm not really sure what to do." He admitted.
"You're doing fine...we're just laying together. Don't be so nervous." Leo draped the blanket over Donnie before laying down with him.
Donnie then pulled the blanket up to cover Leo as well and he hesitantly scooted closer until Leo wrapped his arms around him and embraced him. "Can we kiss at least?" Donnie asked, turning his head up to look at Leo.
Leo leaned forward, touching their foreheads. "Do you trust me...?"
Donnie nodded without hesitation.
Leo kissed Donnie softly and felt Donnie return the kiss. He could tell him that Splinter did not give his blessing...but what would happen? Donnie would pull away, he would reject their love...he wouldn't trust him anymore and, by consequence, he wouldn't leave with them. They had to get out of this place not just because Splinter didn't accept their love but because they were sitting ducks here while that monster was still out there. Leo felt that it would be more difficult to get Donnie out of here if he told him that he lied to him.
Then there was the flip side of the coin. If he didn't tell Donnie the truth and kept him believing that Splinter gave them the blessing then Donnie wouldn't be afraid to share his love with them. He'd come with them without being forced...He'd still see Splinter as their loving and caring father who didn't just kick them out for loving each other.
And that's what really sold Leo on his decision. He couldn't bare telling Donnie that their father would rather kick them out than accept their love. Donnie respected Splinter so much. He didn't want their relationship to be damaged. They were leaving Splinter behind and he wanted Donnie and Mikey and Raph to leave Splinter on a good note. Leo would carry their burdens for them. They don't have to know.
"I love you." Leo said in between their kisses.
Donnie smiled. "I love you, too, Leo. Why don't you kiss me with your tongue?" He asked.
"I didn't want to go too fast."
Donnie grinned. "It's okay, I don't mind going fast. I want to see what it's like."
Leo nudged Donnie onto his shell and hovered over him, smiling gently.
"Why aren't you nervous?" Donnie asked, hugging his arms around Leo's neck.
Leo gave Donnie a quick peck on the lips. "I'm nervous...I just don't show it much."
"I know. You hide a lot of things in here." Donnie's hand lowered to Leo's chest, touching where his heart was. "Tell me what's in here." He mused, smiling a little.
"Lots and lots of love." Leo smirked.
Donnie laughed at the cheesiness. "No, tell me a secret, Leo. You're the biggest secret keeper around. Mikey's an open book. It doesn't take much to get Raphael talking. But you keep everything to yourself. That's not fair, Leo, I want to know a secret."
Donnie was right. Leo had a lot of secrets. The question was, which secret could he disclose to Donnie and still keep their relationship intact? Obviously, Splinter's blessing was out of the question.
"I don't have any good secrets." Leo admitted.
"...Then tell me something you've been hiding from us. We already know that you hold a lot of pain inside, Leo." Donnie turned his eyes down to focus on Leo's chest, rubbing the spot right above his heart. "Tell me a secret like that...I trust you, Leo. I want you to trust me, too."
Leo was quiet for a long moment. He searched his mind for something to give to Donnie then closed his eyes and bowed his head, nuzzling his brother.
Donnie thought that maybe Leo wouldn't say anything at all and he would have accepted it for now. But then Leo kissed his cheek and began to talk to him in a low whisper.
"When I was holding onto April in the back of Vern's van..."
Donnie's eyes widened and he moved his arms up to wrap around Leo's neck, afraid of this secret already.
"I kept telling her that she was going to be alright. She wouldn't look at me until Vern pulled up to the hospital and she actually spoke to me."
"Leo." Donnie whimpered, feeling tears burn his eyes. He didn't want to talk about April. It was too soon and too painful. But he listened.
"She was asking me if Mikey was around but...obviously he wasn't. She said it was a pity because she could really use a laugh." Leo's breathing wavered but he managed a sort of chuckle from that. "I told her that I'm not good with jokes and that I'd bring Mikey over to see her soon...Vern opened the back of the van and took her from me after that and that's when she started crying."
Donnie could feel his brother's tears hitting his shoulder as Leo bowed his head.
"She was dying and I couldn't make her smile." Leo pulled back and wiped his eyes.
Donnie sat up a little and he pulled Leo close again. He didn't know what to say at all. He was close to crying himself. "Leo, you made her smile all the time." He said, giving Leo's cheek feathery kisses.
Leo bit his lip to keep from sobbing and he managed to control his crying. He pulled Donnie close to him and buried his face against his neck. "...yeah...yeah, you're right." He said in a stuffy voice then pulled back slowly and stared ahead.
Donnie watched as Leo pushed that secret back where it couldn't come out again and he brushed his fingers against Leo's face. "You don't have to stop...It's okay to cry."
"I know." Leo looked more tired now and sighed, blinking slowly. "I'm just not ready to." He whispered, leaning back into Donnie's hold and nuzzling him lovingly. "The trick with kissing with tongue—" Leo began softly. "—is to not shove it down the other guy's throat."
Even though the heavy mood still lingered, Leo's quick change in subject and added humor made Donnie smile again and relax with his brother's touches. "I bet you learned that the hard way, huh?"
Leo smiled. "Not really. I just cant imagine it feeling good." He chuckled. "I'm not really experienced at this sort of thing either, you know."
"Sometimes I kissed my pillows to see what it would be like."
"Then you clearly have more practice than I do." Leo gave Donnie another kiss then felt Donnie's lips part. He accepted the invitation and slipped his tongue in, feeling it run alongside Donnie's tongue.
Donnie moaned, eliciting a churr from Leo, then playfully darted his own tongue into Leo's mouth. It was a strange sensation but the foreplay itself outdid all of the solo foreplay Donnie experimented with on himself. It was hard to talk at all during the kiss but there was nothing to say. Moans were exchanged and churrs filled the room.
The heavy mood left them for now...
So this chapter had two different views xD Splinter's and Leo's.
Who do you think did the right thing? Or are they both in the wrong?
Splinter refusing to give his blessing in order for his son's to find their own way?
Or Leo refusing to tell Donnie so that he could find out if it was what Donnie really wanted or not? lol
I hope that I explained it a lot better in the story than in this summed up question xD But I'd really like to know your thoughts ;D