AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thank you all so much for your comments. Please do keep them coming, as they really help give me the encouragement I need to produce chapters so quickly. Your words mean so much to me, which is why I always personally thank those of you who take the time to leave me such wonderful and supporting reviews!
Personal thank you to Heiwako for being my lovely and patient editor, and also ShadowFanged, Bishieluver01 and MightyMerlin for always being such amazing supporters of the story!
KaNack gently led his mare over the long stretch of land, trying to get over everything that had just taken place. He was probably never going to see his dearest friend again. Without a Keeper, the Night Mother's future was uncertain, and it plagued the back of his mind. Everything that could possibly have gone wrong did, and now he had to make the long trek back to Falkreath and hopefully convince Astrid that a manhunt for Cicero would be unnecessary.
He kept a steady pace trying to make the journey easy for Atronach. Despite his best attempts to heal her wounds, the damage was deep and great. Her flight with Cicero most certainly would have been the last time she would ever be able to bare a rider. The werewolf's attack had left her crippled, and she would no longer be able to serve KaNack as she once did.
Her left hindquarter was slightly stiff as she walked and she traveled with an obvious limp. Pain ran through her body, but she walked alongside KaNack faithfully because that was what he expected of her.
Atronach nickered softly as her owner ran a hand lovingly over her neck. He could sense that she was aching, but he tried to convince himself that it would go away in time.
"Never fear, dearest mare," he whispered into her ear. "You never gave up on me no matter how hard things got. You took care of me, and I shall take care of you. Look forward to an easy life of retirement."
Lucien observed the two as he followed close behind, Shadowmere's reigns gripped gently in his hands.
It had been centuries since he had last been the sole rider on the black horse, but as soon as he pulled himself up onto the saddle, a flow of memories had come back, and it was as though he were back in Cyrodiil.
For years he and Shadowmere had been an almost inseparable team. Through thick and thin they had been there for one another, and giving her up to the future generation of the Dark Brotherhood had been a difficult and painful decision.
Lachance could not help but feel a slight hint of heartache as this was possibly be the last time he would ever get to ride Shadowmere. A twinge of jealousy rushed through him, but then just as suddenly passed.
The great ebony steed was destined to belong to the Leader of the Dark Brotherhood, he couldn't allow something as petty as past memories stray him from that realization. He also was aware that the Listener's mare was in poor condition, and the humane thing would most likely have been to put her out of her misery back at the Dawnstar Sanctuary.
Lucien gave the horse a gentle nudge, and Shadowmere hastily cantered forward so that she was riding alongside the Argonian and Atronach.
"It's quite interesting," the spirit mused as he looked down at the Listener. The mage looked up at the ghost, wondering what the Spectral Assassin was thinking about.
"One can feel that he can trust a man with his life, but treachery always lingers in the heart." He gently patted Shadowmere on her neck making the horse snort loudly. "You always can rely on your loyal steed though. No promise of money, power or fame could ever sway its devotion to its rider."
KaNack shook his head sadly as he turned away from Lucien and continued to guide his mare forward.
"You truly love that animal, don't you?" he asked in a low but velvety voice. "Even when she is battered and cannot bear your weight, you would never abandon her."
"Never," KaNack hissed as he wrapped an arm around Atronach's neck. "She never let me down once in all of my travels with her."
Atronach let out a quiet yet painful whinny, making KaNack stop so that she could rest. "She's a member of our family as well, Buddy. No one gets left behind."
"You don't need to remind me of that," the ghost answered as he nodded his head. "Horses have been just as much a part of the Dark Brotherhood as you or myself. " He let out an audible breath as he thought back to his days as a Speaker.
"Shadowmere and I go back farther than you can imagine." The Spectral Assassin smiled as leaned forward to look into the dark horse's crimson eyes. "She is an old and dear friend, and she served me faithfully until it came time for her to be passed down to another." He chuckled lightly as he thought about his Silencer from so long ago. "I gave her to my apprentice who soon was to become the Listener, just as Astrid has given her to you. She will prove to be just as capable a companion as your mare."
"No steed could possibly replace her!" the Argonian hissed angrily at the spirit. "I don't care if that black creature is the greatest animal on four legs, I...!"
"She is," Lucien insisted patiently, cutting the mage off. "Do not misinterpret my insistence for callousness. Atronach has been a wonderful companion, and the fact that she is still standing now means that her will is strong and she refuses to die. She has worn out her usefulness to you, however."
"Don't speak of her as though she is dead," the mage growled as he kept his head turned away from the ghost, so he could not see his pained expression.
KaNack tried to ignore the spirit as he once again began to lead Atronach forward. He didn't want to think about replacing his devoted friend, even though he knew it was inevitable.
"Hmmph," the spirit uttered in disappointment. Lachance had hoped that he would have managed to get the Listener interested in the notion of owning Shadowmere by now. It would make it easier for everyone in the end. The dark mare snorted and stomped her hoof in frustration as she sensed that the horse ahead of her was in pain.
"He's still mourning, my dear," he whispered into the horse's ear. "The mare is dead; he just doesn't want to accept it yet. Let us try again, shall we?" The black steed gave a shake of her head, and started forward again slowly.
"You will be leading the Dark Brotherhood, my Listener," the Spectral Assassin persisted. "You cannot walk the rest of your life."
When the Argonian continued to ignore him, Lucien let out a soft whistle. Shadowmere, knowing the command, trotted ahead quickly and placed herself in front of KaNack and Atronach, forcing them to come to a stop. Lucien decided that it was time for him to be painfully honest with the young assassin.
"She is in pain," the ghost uttered darkly. "Can you not see that? Why are you allowing her to suffer like this? Why are you making her walk, when every step she takes is agony?"
Narrowing his eyes, KaNack gently clicked his tongue at Atronach, guiding her around the black horse.
"You may have closed the wound, but the pain is still there," he growled. "I don't know how the Dark Brotherhood handles their steeds these days. In my time, however, we knew when we needed to say goodbye."
"Shut up!" KaNack snarled furiously as he spun around to glare at the spirit. Tears of despair crawled down his face as he refused to listen to what the ghost was trying to tell him. "You want me to kill her? How can you even ask such a thing of me?!" He hugged Atronach tightly around the neck as he squeezed his eyes shut. "I know she's hurting now! She'll get better though! I may not be able to ride her, but she can still live!"
Shadowmere, almost as though she appeared from thin air, was once again standing before KaNack and rose to her hind legs, whinnying furiously as her hooves waved dangerously in the air. The mage fell backwards to the ground as he dodged a deadly clip from one of the horse's forelegs.
Atronach pushed herself so that she was between the other mare and her owner and neighed angrily back at the black steed before her. Shadowmere lowered to the ground and snorted gently towards the wounded mount. The mare was not the one she was upset with. Lachance patted Shadowmere on the neck as he shushed his companion, trying to calm the animal's fury.
"I know you're angry with the boy," the ghost hissed in her ear. "This is not the way to get through to him."
The stress of trying to protect her owner from Shadowmere got to the mare, and she slowly lowered herself so that she was now laying on the ground much like she had in Dawnstar.
"Atronach!" KaNack rested his hands over her side and a golden wave shimmered across her body as he once again tried his healing spell on her. He was not ready to give up just yet. The mare nickered softly, but remained settled on the grass.
Lachance lowered his head sadly as he knew that now that there was no possibility for the mare to continue. She had tried desperately to make the trip and had gotten further than the spirit had expected, but the anguish was just too much for her to bear.
"Dearest mare," KaNack pleaded to her as he gently pulled at her reigns, "you can make it. It's just another day until we reach Falkreath." The Argonian could not stop the tears at this point. He didn't want to believe that his Atronach had given up. He refused to accept this bitter truth. He didn't want to say goodbye.
"Look at her!" Lucien shouted frantically, unable to hold back his emotions any longer. "Can't you see that this is not being kind, but being selfish?!" He dismounted Shadowmere and started towards the two as he pulled out his spectral blade. "I can't stand seeing her like this! By Sithis, if you can't bring yourself to end her suffering, let me do it!"
KaNack turned back to Lachance and his eyes widened in horror as he realized what the ghost was planning. He rose to his feet, got into a casting position and a ball of ice formed in his hands. "STOP!"
The spirit froze in place and shielded himself with an arm as a ball of frost erupted before him. Shadowmere whinnied furiously and charged forward ready to assault KaNack for attacking the Spectral Assassin.
Lucien caught sight of the horse speeding by and managed to grab a hold of the mare's reigns before she passed him. The black steed snorted angrily and fought to break loose from Lachance's grip, but the spirit refused to release his hold. The ghost growled as he tried to wrestle the enraged horse into submission.
"Be still," he commanded fiercely into the horse's ear.
Shadowmere let out one last snort of frustration before she finally settled down. The horse lowered her head and pawed gently at the earth as she followed the orders of her former owner.
Lucien gently patted Shadowmere on the neck before returning his gaze once more to the Listener. KaNack appeared broken and desperate. He was trembling beyond control and his white eyes now stained red from tears.
"Why?" he asked in a shaky voice to his spiritual companion. "Why do you want her dead so badly?"
"Why would you want to force her to live in misery?" Lachance responded gruffly. "Look into her eyes and see for yourself. Look into her soul, and tell me that she is a creature that can continue living like this."
The ghost forced himself to calm down as he saw that the young assassin was on the brink of sobbing. "It may sound cruel, but believe me when I say that you would be doing her a kindness."
The Argonian shook his head, refusing to accept Lachance's explanation. He returned to the mare and fell to the ground once again wrapping his arms around her.
"Please," KaNack begged as he rested his head against Atronach's neck. "Please stop doing this. She is right here, and she can understand what you are saying." He lovingly nuzzled her dark brown velvet fur. "Let her at least feel like she has some worth."
Lachance let out a hard sigh as he sheathed his blade and approached the distraught Dark Brotherhood assassin. "I know this is hard," the Spectral Assassin sympathized. "It's never easy to let a friend go; but eventually you shall learn to love and trust Shadowmere just as you do her." The Spectral Assassin gave the Argonian a small but sad smile. "One of the grand things about Shadowmere, my Listener," he stated in a gentle but deep voice, "is that she shall never fall and stay down. She is eternally part of the Dark Brotherhood, just as I am."
"Did you ever kill something and claim it was for the greater good?" the mage asked bitterly to the spirit, not even bothering to look at the ghost.
"Yes, I have," Lucien answered darkly as he narrowed his eyes, "and I can tell you now that they were not the lives of mere animals. It's not something I'm proud of, but I felt it needed to be done."
The Argonian trembled as he forced himself to look into the dark eyes of his mare. She had tried so hard to appear strong, but he could see that she was in pain. Unbearable pain. The anguish was so much that she could not even bring herself to stand any longer.
"Buddy?" KaNack asked in a shaky but quiet voice.
"Yes, my Listener?"
"All Dark Brotherhood members go to the Void, right?"
The Spectral Assassin once again approached the Argonian and took a knee next to him. He tried to look at the mage's face, but it was hidden in the mane of the fallen mare.
"Yes. The Void is not just a place for our victims. It is a haven for those who are loyal followers of the Dread Father. There is no pain and no suffering. There is no happiness and no despair. There is only existence."
"All the loyal followers? Even our horses?"
Lachance shut his eyes as he realized that he had finally gotten through to the stubborn but distraught assassin.
"All who are loyal followers of the Dark Brotherhood and Sithis enter the Void," he whispered gently into the mage's ear. "Just as I had been chosen to be the Spectral Assassin for my undying loyalty, Shadowmere too was granted such a blessing from the Dread Father." He rested a ghostly hand on KaNack's shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze. "She will be waiting for you, I promise."
He held out a hand expectantly, and KaNack turned to look at it. He knew what the spirit wanted. Reaching into his satchel, he pulled out the ghost's scroll and handed it over to him so he would be able to leave.
Lucien got up from the Listener, slowly returned to Shadowmere and stroked the mare's velvet nose. "Come, old friend, let them be alone." The Spectral Assassin started to walk over to an apple tree in the distance, and the black horse followed behind him loyally. This was something that KaNack had to do by himself.
The Argonian lovingly stroked the mare's neck as he remained by her side. "Atronach, you served me loyally and never once surrendered. You rode me to Oblivion and back. In my darkest hours you were always there and never judged me for what I was."
The Argonian released a shaky breath as he tried to remain strong for what he was about to do. If he succumbed to weakness, he would have no choice but to ask his Spectral Assassin to complete the deed. His beloved mare deserved better than that. "Despite the attempts of that monster, you managed to get my friend to safety." He nuzzled into her mane, and the horse nickered softly. "Cicero would have been killed if not for you. Even in your dying breath, you are a loyal follower of the Dark Brotherhood."
Atronach turned her head slightly to look over at KaNack and gently nipped at his robes. "I know you are in pain, and it was selfish of me to make you have to walk so far. You deserved better than that, much better."
He gentle took her head in his hands as he stared into her brown eyes. They were so understanding and so forgiving. Even after he put her through all that suffering, she still adored and loved him. KaNack could not help but sob as he rested his forehead against hers. "There is no pain in the Void, Atronach. You're going to be fine, you'll see. You're going to be healthy and strong. You will be able to jump over mountains and run across rivers." He kissed her on her head and leaned back slightly, his vision slightly blurry from tears. "I love you, my dearest mare."
With that, he rested his hand on the horse's chest where her heart was. One charge of chain lightning. It was over. Atronach was gone.