Disclaimer: I do not own Magic Kaito. If I did then there would be more robots.

Oneshot Thirty-Six

A Most Unexcellent Heist

Police were scurrying to-and-fro about the mansion foyer, Inspector Nakamori's incessant shouting making it difficult to actually make out what he was saying as he ordered his men to their duties. An unnoticed interloper took opportunity of the confusion to slip in under the guise of a nondescript policeman.

A hush came over the mansion as the frenzy died down with the last few stragglers falling into place. It was an uncomfortable silence, emphasized by the grand scale and opulence of their surroundings, and the countdown towards show time was charging the air with nervous energy as the inspector along with high school detective Hakuba Saguru consulted their time pieces with increasing anticipation. The latter shot a sideways frown at the elderly woman—and owner of Kaitou KID's latest target—who stood at his side, disapproving of but reluctant to object her presence after discovering firsthand how opinionated she could be.

An antiquated grandfather clock situated at the end of the hallway boomed as both hands struck twelve, the sound seeming to resonate through bones of mansion and persons alike.

It was when the ponderous sound was fading into a mere ghost of itself that green smoke seemingly without origin point, or perhaps too rapid to discern one, flooded the area and raised a fit of coughing from those individuals unprepared for their quarry's antics. It cleared quickly and, with its passing, a white-clad man was perched upon the clock for all to observe.

"Good evening, gentlemen and ladies," the thief spoke, grinning all the while, and bowed in the direction of the mansion's owner. She instead grimaced at her unwelcome guest, and before anyone else could take action she quickly hobbled forward to better address KID.

"You!"

"Yes, me?"

"That clock is an antique, brought here from my homeland! You get down from there at once!"

Wincing at the crotchety tone, Kaitou KID meekly acquiesced and hopped down from the furniture. He stood awkwardly in front of it, looking very much as if the wind had been taken from his sails.

"Ahem, as I was saying, I—"

"What do you think you're doing, expecting a woman of my age to be able to hear you from way over there? Get over here now and talk to me like a civilized man!"

Poker face cracking as a tic developed in his uncovered eye, the magician strode her way and, as he did so, mumbled under his breath, "No wonder why; for such a shriveled prune, she probably made herself deaf with how loud she can shout."

"I heard that!"

KID forfeited all pretense of sophistication, coming to stand before her and slouch in a way that made him look much more like a recalcitrant teen. But the geriatric was not finished yet.

"Straighten up, young man! You're going to develop scoliosis if you keep that up! And wipe that rebellious expression off your face! Be thankful that as it is I am not giving you a caning." She hefted up her cane threateningly as she continued to scrutinize the chastised thief.

"Inspector Nakamori, shouldn't we arrest him already?" one of the taskforce asked, only to be promptly hushed by his superior.

"And miss out on this? Not in the world," said Ginzo.

"Can I return to my heist now?" KID whined.

"No, and stop it with that tone. Haven't your parents taught you any manners? You're not supposed to wear a hat indoors!"

"But it's part of my signature look!"

"I wouldn't care if you were the prime minister, no hats!"

Hoping that maybe this would finally appease the lady, KID snatched the hat from his head and practically shoved it at her. She took it in her wizened hands but remained in front of the thief.

"Now what?" KID heaved a sigh of resignation.

"Jacket also."

"But it's a suit jacket!"

"It's a jacket and I will not have you wearing it within the walls of my home, and as it is my residence and not yours, I suggest you do as I say and hand it over!"

"But—"

"No 'but's, now."

Biting his lower lip, he slowly shed the article—his mantle being removed with it—with great reluctance and passed it onto the old woman. She took the cape with disdain and walked over to a coatrack, hanging up everything she had acquired from the thief before returning to stand before him, carefully inspecting his person. While her eyes landed with disapproval on his tousled hair, she made no comment about it.

"May I continue what I came here for? We're already like, ten whole minutes past the starting time, and I have to sleep sometime."

"Actually, it has been exactly eight minutes and thirty-two seconds." Was a helpful interjection courtesy of Hakuba, who was quietly gloating over the indignity his rival was going through after all the things Kaito had done to him. His only 'thank you' was a glare.

"Very well, goodness knows you young ones don't get nearly enough sleep these days."

While feeling very underdressed for the occasion of one his heists—most uncomfortably so, since he had effectively been stripped of the debonair mystique of a phantom thief—Kaitou KID smiled in relief and started to reach for his pockets. He would just create another diversion, quick-change back into his complete outfit, and—

"Oh, wait, let me help you with this."

Before he even realized what was going on, the old woman had reached up and plucked the monocle from his face.

"Really, a monocle? These are at least two centuries out of fashion."

Kaito, the last and weakest component of his disguise utterly compromised, could only gape.

"Ha, I knew you were KID!" Hakuba broke the silence that followed, and then proceeded to break down into hysterical laughter.

A/N: Uh, yeah. I have no clue where this came from, but I'm glad I had enough energy to write today instead of just lying down. I bet the old lady has magical powers capable of humbling even the haughtiest of folks (I feel like she knew what she was doing the entire time).