This chapter is gonna be confusing. Sorry about that...
Nightmare Chapter 35: Fight
January 3, 2010
I got to my room in the basement, and slammed the door behind me. I quickly changed into my pajamas (even though it was only three in the afternoon) and collapsed onto the bed. My PJ's were nothing special, just one of Adam's Wicked shirts that I stole from him and baggy back sweatpants. I didn't know why I said to Drake what I did. I guess that I just freaked out or something. Okay. I guess that I did know why I said that to him. Drake will never love me back in the way that I love him.
I have never had these feelings for someone before, and I didn't know what to do. I couldn't talk to Adam because Drake is his boyfriend and I couldn't talk to Drake for the obvious reasons. Tears ran down my face. I hated being all emotional like this. No one knew that I got like this, not even Adam. I wasn't just crying because of my feelings for Drake. I was crying about everything else, to. It was such a difficult time for me right now. I start to think about my feelings for Drake and I will end up crying about the bullying that goes on at school. Mostly because Adam is gay. Long story. I knew that everything would just get worse when school got back in. Any one thing can and will tick me off.
There was a knock on my door. I knew who it would be. Drake. "Go away!" I yelled, pulling my blanket over my head. I was able to hold myself together during the holidays, thank god. But when I was back in a home and all the relatives were gone, I had a weeks worth of crying to catch up on. From the outside, people didn't see who I really am. I just put on an act for them most of the time.
The door opened and I wiped my eyes and made myself stop crying. I had that ability. All these years of practice. If someone was around, I could immediately make myself stop crying. "Allie?" Crap. It was Drake. Why couldn't he just leave me alone?
"For the love of god, Drake. Just leave me alone. I don't need you in here. I don't need you to comfort me. I'm fine. Absolutely fine. I don't need you to care about me." I said.
I regretted those words as soon as I said them. I did want someone to care about me and comfort me and lay here with me and tell me that everything would be all right. But I couldn't tell him that. I couldn't tell him any of that. It just wasn't the personality that I showed in the family. And if Tyler ever found out, I would never hear the end of it.
Yes, never in a million years would you think that I was like this.
"Fine. If you don't want me to be in your life, you could have just said that," Drake said, walking out of my room, shutting the door behind him. I broke down more and started crying even more. Drake would never forgive me now. And that hurt. A lot.
***
I stayed down in the basement for the next three and a half hours until Adam called me down for dinner at 6:30. I didn't want to go down there, but I was starving. I hadn't eaten anything all day long.
But I went down there anyway, even though my eyes were tear-stained. I stormed into the dining room, grumpy. Tyler was already eating. Drake was down there also, causing more tears to flow down my face. I grabbed my plate and walked outside.
I walked out of the house and into the backyard. There was a hill past the pool. I climbed up it. On the right side near the top, there were some bushes. I moved them to the side, and walked into the secret part of the backyard.
There was a small basketball court that Josh and I made years ago. The baskets were already there, we just used paint to make the court. But that wasn't the reason why I was there. I walked past the court and found the water tower. Josh and Catlyin knew about it before, but they forgot all about it.
So it was just my spot now. It was one of my favorite places in the entire world. I climbed up the water tower with my dinner and sat on the side of it. I looked down past everything in the distance and saw the ocean. When you look up, you can see the moon and a bunch of stars. I out my dinner to the side and looked out into the distance at the ocean.
I picked up my dinner and picked at in. Maybe one of these days I would eventually open up to Drake and tell him everything. Everything that no one knows about or would even expect from me.
***
All right. More confusing chapters. It will all work out though eventually. If you need any clarification, just ask and I'll try to clear it all up for you.